This Tear
by SydGillyKC
Summary: Syd finds out that something's wrong with her and it changes everything... and SD-6 doesn't like it. SV and some actionsuspense stuff. Please RR it's my first Alias fic! COMPLETE!
1. Results

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Disclaimer: I wish Alias was mine, but unfortunately it isn't, so don't sue me.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at an Alias fanfiction. I've written dozens of X-Files ones, but have been brainstorming this one for a while, ever since I discovered that Alias was the only show on TV that was actually as good as X-Files. And I'm warning you now, I intend on this story being fairly long. That said, please review! I'm a very insecure person when it comes to my writing and I crave feedback. Criticism's fine as long as it's constructive. Thanks everyone!  
  
Chapter 1: Results  
  
The last mission had *not* gone well. This surprised Sydney only because it had seemed relatively simple at the SD-6 briefing. She had to pose as an employee at a law-firm in Switzerland. Marshall had made her a special pair of reading glasses that, when tapped in the right place, emitted a special gas that knocked someone out in what Marshall called "record time." She'd used it on the lawyer whose office she had to break into. Then all she had to do was break into a safe in the office and steal a videotape that had some sort of material on it to blackmail Cuvee for everything he was worth. Of course, she'd found out most of that from Vaughn when he gave her the counter-mission. Sloane had made up some story having to do with their "patriotic duty." So she'd gotten the tape out of the safe and easily walked out of the office. When she got into the elevator, though, a security guard had been waiting. She had no idea how he'd known, but she didn't have much time to consider it as he pulled her onto the elevator and held a gun to her side as the doors closed. Once they'd moved down for a few seconds, the guard pressed the emergency stop button and proceeded to turn around and deliver a blow to her stomach that left her winded. She barely had time to recover when he came at her again, but she did manage to grab his arm and effectively throw him slightly off balance before she kicked his shin, causing him to double over. She'd assumed that was her opportunity to deliver a blow to his head that would leave him unconscious, but he had recovered quicker than expected. He'd come straight at her, catching her off-guard, and thrown her against the elevator wall. She'd hit her head and lost consciousness immediately.  
  
When she woke up, she was alone in the elevator. Her head hurt like hell and she stood up feeling quite dizzy. She knew she probably had a concussion. She made her way outside the building as quickly as possible, trying not to let on to anyone that the room was spinning and she was starting to see double. When she made it outside, she immediately rounded the side of the building and threw up into some bushes. She took a few shaky breaths before making her way to the van Dixon was in around the back of the building. He immediately noticed something was wrong and she'd told him about the security guard, but insisted that she could hold out until they got back home. Then she'd see a doctor. Reluctantly, he'd agreed.  
  
Sydney recalled all this while sitting on an uncomfortable plastic chair at Angel of Mercy Hospital. She had just undergone a battery of tests to determine the extent of her head injury. Ever since she'd gotten back from Switzerland she was in a constant state of dizziness and had a dull throb in her head that didn't seem to stop. Occasionally, it had turned into blinding, searing pain. That's what convinced her she'd better keep her promise to Dixon and actually go to the hospital to get checked out. She'd only avoided it because she knew going to the hospital meant going to an SD- 6 hospital, Angel of Mercy. The hospital already brought back bad memories from Dixon's shooting. The thought of placing her own health in the hands of SD-6 made her sick to her stomach, but what choice did she have?  
  
So she went.  
  
And now she waited.  
  
The ringing of her cell phone snapped her out of her thoughts. She quickly fumbled through her purse and dug out her phone. The caller ID said it was Vaughn. She smiled, but then remembered while they could usually talk freely on her cell phone, she was in an SD-6 hospital, which she was sure was heavily surveilled.  
  
"Hello?" She answered.  
  
"Syd, hey. I tried your house, but no one picked up. How'd the mission go?" He asked, sounding concerned, which made her smile.  
  
"Hey Francie, I'm still at Angel of Mercy. Hopefully it won't be too much longer," Sydney replied, hoping Vaughn got the hint.  
  
"Angel of Mercy? Syd, are you okay?" Vaughn asked, his voice full of concern.  
  
"No, I haven't gotten the results yet, but I'm feeling okay," she replied, answering Vaughn's question as best she could.  
  
"Okay, look, just call me when you're done there and we'll meet at the warehouse, alright?"  
  
"Will do. See you later, Francie," Sydney said cheerfully, hanging up the phone. She hated that she had to leave him guessing about what had happened on her mission and why she was at an SD-6 hospital, but she knew it was for both of their safety. Hopefully, the results would be ready soon and she could leave. She wondered why they were taking so long. It wasn't as if it were hard to tell if she had a concussion or not. She was already fairly certain she did. Had this been a normal hospital, she knew she probably wouldn't be so anxious. But this was anything but a normal hospital. This was a hospital full of doctors and nurses who answered to a man she personally considered to be the devil: Arvin Sloane. And all she could do was sit back and wait.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Two hours later, she found herself driving towards the warehouse in a daze. But a different sort of daze than the one she'd been in the last several days. They had thankfully given her medication to relieve the side effects of her minor concussion. Yes, they had concluded that she had a concussion. For that, they had simply prescribed some medication and told her to rest. No, this daze was much different now. This time driving was automatic simply because she couldn't bring herself to focus on it while so many things ran through her mind. She sat in her car almost a full minute before realizing she had reached her destination. She turned off the car and walked inside to find Vaughn pacing. He immediately spun around to face her when he heard her approach.  
  
"Hi," he said, his forehead creasing in concern. Any other day his concern would have made her smile. But today was hardly any other day.  
  
"Hi," she replied, forcing a weak smile. She walked over and sat on the edge of a crate. "I didn't get the videotape," she told him before he had a chance to say anything.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"An unlucky run-in with a guard. I fought him, but I guess I just hadn't been expecting anything to go wrong. He caught me so off-guard I ended up unconscious in the elevator. I got away from the building easily, but he must've taken the tape while I was out," she explained.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"The doctor says I have a minor concussion," she said dismissively.  
  
"That's why you were at Our Lady Mercy?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah," she said, looking down at the floor. Vaughn immediately sensed that something else was bothering her. She seemed a little out of it and there was something in her eyes that disturbed him. Not to mention how completely exhausted and pale she looked. Although that could easily be due to her long day at the hospital, he suspected there was something she wasn't telling him. He walked over and sat beside her on the crate. He looked over at her, but she still kept her gaze trained on the floor.  
  
"There's something else, isn't there?" She didn't reply, but he saw her tense slightly at his words. "What's going on, Syd?" he prodded gently, leaning in so his face was close to hers. She finally looked up at him and he was surprised to see tears shimmering in her eyes. One solitary tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. He didn't hesitate, just simply leaned in and took her into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her as she did the same. She cried softly, not the kind of crying where you're heaving with sobs, just lightly, as if she didn't have the energy for anything more. Once her crying had quieted to a few sniffles he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Please, Sydney. Tell me what's wrong."  
  
She pulled away slowly, wiping away her tears and clearing her throat before finally looking at him. He looked so afraid at what she might say that she almost smiled. Then she realized what she had to tell him was probably every bit as horrible as what he was thinking and the urge to smile abruptly left her. She took a deep breath, knowing that telling him this would be the most difficult thing she'd had to do in a while.  
  
"When they ran the tests on me, to determine if I had a concussion, they found something else." she trailed off, unsure of exactly how to say it.  
  
"What? What did they find?" He asked anxiously, bringing his face closer to her so that she'd have to look at him. She straightened up in a way that said she was determined to do gather the strength she needed to do this and looked straight into his eyes.  
  
"A brain tumor. They found a brain tumor."  
  
And time suddenly stood still.  
  
To be continued..  
  
A/N: I didn't want to say this in the beginning, because some of you may have figured out what was going to happen, but if any of you have read Jennifer's "With My Dying Breath," I totally don't mean to steal her thunder in this story, it's somewhat the same idea, but it's headed in a very different direction. I got this idea because when I wrote X-Files stories 90% of them were about Scully's cancer, because that's what I loved writing about the most because of all it allowed me to do with the characters. So I thought, why not do the same with Alias? But Jennifer's story is awesome, and definitely an inspiration, I just wanted to say I'm not trying to copy her idea in any way. I only hope mine can be half as good as hers.  
  
Now please go review. Please!!! I'll love you forever! 


	2. A Coin Toss

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Ok, well this is the second chapter. I'm trying to get the first few chapters up as quickly as possible so people can maybe get interested in the story. That's my hope (. But it's a challenge to write quickly and still try to make it the best quality I can, so bear with me. I have a general idea of where I want this to go and a few major plot points I know, but I'm also writing a lot of this as I go along. Again, I'm really insecure, I've written more fanfics than I can count (though this is the only Alias one so far) and never posted them because I was too scared. So your reviews really help, even if they're constructive criticism. Thanks to those of you who did review and everyone else who reads this, PLEASE review! Please please please!  
  
Dedication: I kind of forgot to put this in the first chapter, but oh well. Now I have two groups of people to dedicate to. First of all, this is for Whit and Em who got me into Alias, even when I was so opposed to loving another show after X-Files. Thank you so much! And this is for those few who reviewed this and the one XF fic I posted. You guys rock! And to Agent- Greenleaf, I hope your arm feels better! * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"When they ran the tests on me, to determine if I had a concussion, they found something else." she trailed off, unsure of exactly how to say it.  
  
"What? What did they find?" He asked anxiously, bringing his face closer to her so that she'd have to look at him. She straightened up in a way that said she was determined to do gather the strength she needed to do this and looked straight into his eyes.  
  
"A brain tumor. They found a brain tumor."  
  
And time suddenly stood still.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * CHAPTER 2: A Coin Toss  
  
"A brain tumor?! You can't be serious," he replied, completely blown away. But one look into Sydney's eyes told him that she was. Dead serious. "Syd. I. I. I don't know what to say," he said, sounding completely lost.  
  
"It's okay. I reacted pretty much the same way when they told me," she said softly, looking down at the ground again. And she *had* reacted that way. When they told her about the tumor, it had been the last thing on her mind. The last thing she ever expected them to tell her. She thought, worse case scenario, the concussion was worse than she thought. How wrong she was.  
  
"Well, I mean, do they know anything? Do they. Do they know how to treat it? Did they tell much about it?" He said, stumbling over his words slightly.  
  
"No. They didn't tell me much. I didn't really know what to ask." She said, suddenly wishing she *had* asked more questions.  
  
"Is it operable?"  
  
"They don't know."  
  
"Cancerous?" She shook her head and shrugged, unable to answer his questions.  
  
"I'm checking in tomorrow to have a round of tests. I should know more soon."  
  
"Checking in to Angel of Mercy?" Vaughn asked, obviously afraid of the same thing she was. How much could an SD-6 hospital really be trusted?  
  
"Yeah," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. His fear only made her own come back full force. She didn't want him to see her completely break down, though. Not again.  
  
He sighed. "Well, listen, I want you to let me know the second you know anything. Even if you can't call, just get word to me, ok?" He asked gently. She only nodded, unable to bring herself to look into his eyes, afraid she'd lose control of her emotions. She had known telling Vaughn would be difficult, she just didn't know it would be *this* difficult. Though she was managing to keep her emotions in check, it didn't stop Vaughn from noticing her struggle to do so.  
  
"Oh Syd," he said softly, once again taking her into his arms. This time the embrace wasn't filled with tears. Sydney simply closed her eyes and relaxed into his embrace, wishing for the millionth time that everything could be different. Little did she know that Vaughn was wishing the same thing. He held Sydney close, realizing the only way he could comfort her now was physically. He couldn't tell her that it would be okay, that she would be fine. The truth was, she may never be fine again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Telling Francie and Will had been almost as difficult as telling Vaughn. They had both been quite shocked. Will had a moment of denial, ranting about how the doctors had to be wrong, before he finally realized he was being ridiculous. Francie cried. A lot. She hugged Sydney and cried for what seemed like hours. And when she'd gone to wash her face, she swore Will looked as if he were about to break down too. He paced the room like a caged animal, refusing to meet her eyes.  
  
"Will. please. say something," she begged, unable to take his silence any longer.  
  
"Have you told Vaughn yet?" He asked suddenly, and quietly, making sure Francie couldn't hear them from the bathroom. The question took Sydney a little by surprise, but she nodded in reply. The memory of him not knowing how to react, of being in his embrace, only brought fresh tears to her eyes. Will sighed, stepped forward, and placed his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry, Syd. That's not what I meant to say. I just wanted to make sure he knew. so he could be there for you. I know that's more important to you than you're willing to say," he said, causing Sydney to look up surprise. She didn't know how to respond. Luckily, Francie chose that moment to re- enter the room. Her eyes were still pretty bloodshot from crying, but washing up had done her a lot of good. And she looked determined.  
  
"Okay, I've decided something. Syd, you are the strongest person I know. So you are going to kick this tumor's ass and get done with it and get back to your lousy bank job and your sad life that you love so much before you know it, capiche?" Francie said, hands on her hips.  
  
Sydney couldn't help but smile. Her friend's determination and good-humored jabs at her life immediately helped to lift her spirits. "Can't argue with that," Sydney agreed.  
  
"Good," Francie said, smiling. She wiped her eyes once more to banish any remaining tears and walked over to where Sydney and Will were standing. "In the meantime, do you want me to go with you to your tests tomorrow? I can someone to cover for me at the restaurant, no problem."  
  
"No way, Francie. I know that critic's coming tomorrow. You're going to the restaurant. You'd just be bored all day at the hospital anyway. I'll be fine by myself," Sydney assured her. The last thing she wanted to do was burden Francie with her complicated life.  
  
"You sure?" Francie asked.  
  
"Absolutely. But I'll tell you what. Why don't you stop by and see me when you get off of work? I should be done with all the tests by then. You can keep me company for a little while," Sydney suggested.  
  
"Sounds great. In the meantime, I think we've definitely earned a movie night," Francie stated. Sydney smiled and nodded. Will groaned, knowing what he was in for. Since it was for Sydney, though, he bit his tongue and didn't argue.  
  
"I think that's the best idea I've heard all day," Sydney agreed. "Who are we in the mood for? Oh, I know! How about Hugh?"  
  
"Excellent choice. I'm in the mood for a guy with an accent. So, let's see. "Notting Hill," definitely. Ummm, "Four Weddings and a Funeral". "About a Boy." We need one more," Francie said, trying to think of another movie.  
  
"Ummm. Oh, I got it! 'Nine Months,'" Sydney suggested.  
  
"Oh, good one. That's a funny movie. Okay, I'm going to make some dinner and Will, you're going to go to the video store to pick up those movies. Syd, why don't you write them down for him?"  
  
"I can go get them, it's no problem," Sydney argued.  
  
"No way. Will's going to get the movie's and you are going to sit your ass down on that couch and relax," Francie ordered. Sydney looked helplessly at Will.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Syd. I don't mind," Will assured her, grabbing his keys. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes."  
  
Sydney sighed. She was glad to have Will and Francie at a time like this. They were so supportive. And they really knew how to make her feel better. She watched Francie chopping up vegetables for a salad for a moment before she followed her friend's orders, walking over to the couch and collapsing on top of it.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney was exhausted. Absolutely and completely exhausted. She felt like she'd just has the longest day of her entire life. She'd been put through so many tests she couldn't even remember some of the things they were testing for. She'd had X-rays, an MRI, blood tests, a CT scan. The list went on and on. Finally, the endless testing had finished and she'd been left in her private room to wait. It was only now that she realized the waiting was more torturous than the tests. She wanted to sleep, but couldn't. She was much too anxious. She wished she could call Vaughn and talk, but she knew that was impossible. Even if she wanted to pretend that he was someone else so they could talk, she was sure whoever was watching would be a little suspicious if she pretended to talk to Francie on the phone when Francie appeared in the room. She would be there any minute. So instead, Sydney just sat and stared out the window.  
  
There was a park across the street from the hospital. She saw dozens of kids playing. Some were on the swings, others on the seesaw, others throwing a ball back and forth. She smiled at their innocence. She thought of herself at that age, not knowing how full of deceit the world around her really was. All that mattered back then was that she had a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, and parents that loved her, or at least appeared to love her. She longed for the world to be that simple again.  
  
"Hey sweetie!" Francie said, walking over to her bed. Sydney realized she hadn't even come through the door. So much for her spy-training in being alert. She smiled at Francie, trying to appear more upbeat than she felt.  
  
"Hi," she said as her friend leaned over to give her a quick hug.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like a lab rat," Sydney replied, smiling.  
  
"Cute. Any word yet?" Francie asked, concern clouding her features.  
  
"Nope, not yet. They said most of the results would be in this afternoon, though." An uncomfortable silence filled the room, neither of them really knowing what to say.  
  
"So what were you staring at?" Francie asked suddenly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"When I came in, you were staring out the window at something."  
  
"Oh. Just the park across the street," Sydney replied, quickly glancing back out the window.  
  
"Figures," Francie mumbled.  
  
"Why does that figure?" Sydney asked, confused.  
  
"You and kids. I mean, come on, you have to love kids a lot to want to become a teacher. Not to mention what a great mother you're going to be someday." Her friend's statement touched Sydney.  
  
"You think I'll be a mother someday?"  
  
"Of course you'll be a mother someday! Why wouldn't you?"  
  
"Well, there's the small matter of finding a father," Sydney said, laughing at how Francie managed to skip the most important step.  
  
"You'll find him," Francie assured her. Sydney smiled, wishing she had as much confidence in her future as Francie did. Little did her friend know she had the take-down of SD-6 to deal with before she could really commit to anyone. She wouldn't make that mistake again. And now, there was her health to worry about. Another obstacle she had to find a way through. The truth was she may never actually welcome another life into this world. If the test results were bad news, she may not even live long enough to try.  
  
Ironically, the doctor chose this moment to enter the room, interrupting Sydney's bleak thoughts about her future. He held a manila folder in his hands which Sydney instinctively knew held her test results. She took a deep breath and smiled at the doctor.  
  
"Hello, doctor," she said as cheerfully as she could manage. "Oh, Francie, this is Dr. Hazen," Sydney introduced them. They exchanged quick hellos before he turned his attention back to Sydney.  
  
"I have your test results. I'd like to go over them with you," the doctor said, the look his in eyes speaking volumes. Sydney could tell that he needed to do it in private so that he could discuss things Francie simply couldn't hear. Not if she didn't want to end up like Danny. She just hated asking her to leave.  
  
Luckily, Francie saved her the trouble. "Do you want me to leave, Syd?"  
  
"Um, yeah, can you just give us a minute, Francie? Do you mind?"  
  
"Not at all. I'll be right outside," Francie said, gathering her purse and giving Sydney a quick kiss on the forehead before exiting the room.  
  
"I'm sorry. I normally encourage my patients to have family or friends with them for support, but-"  
  
"I understand, doctor. It's no problem," Sydney assured Dr. Hazen, cutting him off. He nodded.  
  
"Alright then. I have most of your results back. I wanted to discuss them with you right away." He took an X-ray from the folder and put it up on the board, switching the light on. She immediately saw the X-ray of her head. And she saw a light area, which she assumed to be the tumor. "Here is your tumor," the doctor said, surely enough pointing to the light area on the X- ray. "The MRI shows that it does unfortunately appear to be malignant. The good news is that it's treatable. First, we're going to attempt some chemotherapy and radiation. We're hoping that the treatments will be effective enough to shrink the tumor. If all goes well and the tumor becomes small enough, we can perform gamma knife surgery and remove it. Right now, though, our main concern is to make sure it hasn't spread and prevent it from doing so. I've already called Sloane and briefed him on your condition. He sends his best wishes and wanted me to tell you he's putting you on medical leave."  
  
Sydney paused for a moment, trying to take in everything the doctor had just said. There was a lot of it that she couldn't quite grasp, so she simply tried to pick out the important parts of what he was saying.  
  
She had cancer.  
  
She needed to be treated immediately.  
  
"So, doctor, what exactly are my chances?" Sydney asked, knowing that this was the one thing she simply needed to know.  
  
"Well, it's a little early to tell. Your odds mainly depend on how well you respond to treatments," the doctor said, not quite making eye contact with her as he took down the X-ray and put it back in the folder.  
  
"I know you must have some idea. Please," Sydney pleaded. He looked at her, the look in his eyes very grim. Sydney suddenly felt her heart speed up a little and her breath seemed to be caught in her throat as she waited for the doctor's reply.  
  
"Generally, given your type of tumor, the rate of survival is around 50%."  
  
For the second time in as many days, Sydney felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. Her life had suddenly been turned into a game of chance and luck. Almost like a coin toss.  
  
Heads: she lived.  
  
Tails: she didn't. 


	3. It Begins

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Ok, well, thanks again for all the reviews. Assuming you all saw "Phase One" on Sunday, you know what a difficult position I'm now in. My story no longer makes any sense with the show whatsoever. So you know what? Oh well! In this world, "Phase One" never happened, although in the real Alias world, THANK GOD it did!!! Oh my God, that was the most amazing episode ever! Every bit of it had me screaming and gripping the arms of my friend's couch. It was unbelievable. And that kiss. I don't even have to go into that, you guys know how amazing that was. And for any of you who were wondering. 41 seconds. I timed it hehehe. Such a good first kiss!  
  
Dedication: This is for whoever wrote in that kiss in "Phase One." THANK YOU! * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"So, doctor, what exactly are my chances?" Sydney asked, knowing that this was the one thing she simply needed to know.  
  
"Well, it's a little early to tell. Your odds mainly depend on how well you respond to treatments," the doctor said, not quite making eye contact with her as he took down the X-ray and put it back in the folder.  
  
"I know you must have some idea. Please," Sydney pleaded. He looked at her, the look in his eyes very grim. Sydney suddenly felt her heart speed up a little and her breath seemed to be caught in her throat as she waited for the doctor's reply.  
  
"Generally, given your type of tumor, the rate of survival is around 50%."  
  
For the second time in as many days, Sydney felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. Her life had suddenly been turned into a game of chance and luck. Almost like a coin toss.  
  
Heads: she lived.  
  
Tails: she didn't. * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 3: It Begins  
  
It was probably a full minute before Sydney could tune back in to what the doctor was saying.  
  
"We're going to want to keep you here for a little while in order to start treatment. We'll probably have to try a few different kinds of chemotherapy, different combinations, before we settle on the right one. And yes, they will make you pretty sick. Once we get you settled on a treatment that works without making you too sick, you'll be able to go home and continue treatment as an outpatient. Do you have any questions?" Unable to speak, Sydney merely shook her head. "Ok, well I've scheduled your first treatment for later this afternoon. A nurse will come and take you down to the treatment room. I'll check in on you again later today."  
  
"Thank you, doctor," Sydney managed to get out before the doctor left the room. She took a deep breath to compose herself, knowing it was important she maintain a positive attitude, at least for Francie's sake.  
  
It was mere seconds before Francie re-entered the room, but Sydney was surprised to see Will come in behind her.  
  
"Look who just dropped by," Francie said, gesturing to Will.  
  
"Hey, Syd," Will said, walking over and giving Sydney a quick hug. When he pulled back, he looked at her very seriously. "So what's the word?"  
  
Sydney took a minute to look at both of them, considering exactly how much to tell them before it hit her. She'd had to lie to them about so much in her life. Even now that she could tell Will certain things about her secret life as a spy, she was still forced to withhold so much. But this. She didn't have to hide this from them. If anyone would be there for her through this whole ordeal, it was going to be the two of them. This was one thing, no matter how hard it would be for them to hear, that she needed to be honest about. No lying this time. So she told them everything.  
  
When she'd finished, there was a long silence. Both looked as if they were frantically wracking their brains for the right thing to say. It almost made Sydney want to laugh. Had the situation not been so serious, she probably would've.  
  
"Syd, I am so sorry," Will finally said, his voice painfully sad. "Is there anything we can do?"  
  
"You guys have already done so much. Thanks for being here," she said to both of them, her gaze landing on Francie, waiting for her to say something.  
  
"What time's your first treatment?" She finally asked.  
  
"Later this afternoon," Sydney told her.  
  
"Okay, well, I'm staying," she stated, setting down her stuff on a chair near Sydney's bed as if to emphasize what she was saying.  
  
"No, Francie, absolutely not. You have so many things you could be doing that would be a much better use of your time than sitting here with me while I'm sick. I won't even be good company," Sydney argued.  
  
"Forget it, Syd. You're not arguing me out of this one. I already let you come in for testing by yourself. I'm not your best friend to abandon you during difficult times, you know. I'm staying. That's final," she said, the look in her eyes all but daring Sydney to argue with her.  
  
Sydney sighed. "Fine, you win. But you are absolutely not staying overnight. I don't care how long I'm sick for, you are going home and sleeping in your own bed."  
  
Francie looked as if she was about to argue for a moment, but instead, she simply nodded. "Deal," she said. "In the meantime, I'm going to go get some of your things from home and check in real quick at the restaurant. I'll be back soon, ok?"  
  
"Great. Thanks, Francie." Francie walked over and hugged Sydney tightly. When she pulled back, they both smiled at each other. She then walked over to Will and gave him a quick hug.  
  
"See ya, Will."  
  
"Bye," Will replied, watching Francie leave and then going over and sitting next to Sydney's bed. "So."  
  
"So." Sydney repeated.  
  
"What are you going to do about work?" Will asked.  
  
"The bank already knows. I'm on medical leave," Sydney told him, putting the slightest emphasis on the word "bank." Will, nodded, understanding her meaning. They weren't safe to talk here.  
  
"So, how do you feel? I mean, how are you taking. everything?" Will asked cautiously.  
  
"I don't think it's really all sunk in yet. I guess I'm still kind of in shock," she replied.  
  
"Understandable."  
  
"Let's talk about something else. How's work?" She asked him.  
  
"Good. it's good. It's nice to be doing something real again, you know? Not waiting tables at the restaurant. I finally feel like I have a purpose again," he replied.  
  
"Will, that's fantastic. I'm so glad they gave you that job. I think you're perfect for it. The travel magazine is lucky to have you," Sydney said, wishing she could fully express how glad she was that Will was now with the CIA also, but she knew that was impossible given where she was.  
  
"Speaking of which, I actually have to get back there. I came on my lunch break, I'm supposed to be back in about fifteen minutes. I'm sorry," Will said, obviously wishing he could stay with her.  
  
"That's fine. That'll actually give me some time to get some work done for school."  
  
"You're going to try to keep up with your classes?" Will asked, slightly surprised.  
  
"I've been able to so far while working at the bank. This can't be too much harder," she said, smiling at him.  
  
"Very true," Will said, getting up. "Ok, well, I'll stop by sometime tomorrow and see how you're doing."  
  
"Okay," she said as they embraced. Will smiled at her and then turned to walk away. "Will, wait," she said, stopping him. "Um, let me write down the phone number here so you can call me and let me know when you're coming tomorrow, ok?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," he said, walking back over to her bed. She reached over to the table next to her bed and got out a notepad that was sitting there. She tore off a piece of paper and started writing. When she was finished, she folded it once and handed it to him. Will took the piece of paper and looked down at it quickly and read it.  
  
Please tell Vaughn everything.  
  
Will looked up at her, quickly hiding his surprise. He nodded at her. They said their goodbyes and he left, leaving Sydney alone with her thoughts. She suddenly remembered that she hadn't yet told her father anything. How in the world was she supposed to tell him something like this? Having absolutely no idea, she simply picked up the phone and dialed his cell phone number, deciding she'd just say whatever came to mind. She never got the chance, though. The phone rang and rang, but she only got voice mail. She knew she couldn't tell her father that she had a brain tumor over his voice mail, so she hung up. * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Half an hour later, Sydney had books and notebooks open on her lap. She trying to get as much school work as she could done before Francie came back. She was still writing something down when she heard the door open. She didn't bother looking up, already knowing it was Francie coming back with some of her stuff from home.  
  
"Hey Francie," she said, finishing her sentence in her notebook.  
  
"Hello, Sydney." Sydney quickly looked up, surprised at the male voice.  
  
"Dad! What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" She waited for him to answer, but instead found herself watching as he took something out of his pocket. She quickly recognized it as a bug killer. He clicked it on and walked over to her bed.  
  
"What's going on, Dad? I just tried calling you a little while ago."  
  
"I know, but I was already on my way here. I'd rather discuss this in person," Jack said, his voice very serious.  
  
"Dad, what's going on?" Sydney asked, incredibly confused.  
  
"If you're asking how I found out, Sloane told me. He was under the impression I already knew," Jack explained, obviously angry with her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Dad. I just found out yesterday. I didn't want to tell you until I knew everything. Sloane certainly didn't give me much of a chance," Sydney told him, her voice full of disgust.  
  
"We have to talk quickly. We only have another 90 seconds. We are going to have to be very careful about this. I know you've probably questioned how much you can trust the doctors here. I have, too. There's a doctor, he's CIA, and I trust him. I'm having him go over all of your test results. He's going to verify that the doctors here are giving you the right treatments-" Jack was cut off when the bug killer beeped, signaling the end of their time to talk freely. "So, Sydney. how are you feeling?" He asked her, his features softening.  
  
"I'm feeling fine," Sydney said, realizing the conversation was quickly growing awkward.  
  
"When do you start treatment?"  
  
"My first session of chemo is this afternoon," she responded, looking into his eyes. They looked so sad all of a sudden.  
  
"Do you, um, do you need somebody to stay with you?" He asked, surprising her.  
  
"Oh, um, Francie offered to stay. She should be back here any minute," she replied, thankful now that she had agreed to let Francie stay. Though her and Jack had been growing closer lately, she certainly wasn't ready to let him see her in the state she knew she'd be in after chemo.  
  
"Oh, well, just so long as you have someone with you. That's good. Well, I should get going. It was good to see you," he said, leaning over somewhat awkwardly and giving her a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"You too," she said as he started towards the door. "Dad?" She called, catching him just as he was about to walk out. He turned around and looked at her. "Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome, honey." And with that, he left. * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey. Thanks for coming," Will said as Vaughn entered the back room of the post office.  
  
"No problem," Vaughn said, walking over to Will and shaking his hand. "What's up?"  
  
"It's Sydney."  
  
Instantly Vaughn's face changed. His forehead wrinkled and his eyes took on a look of pure terror. "What about her? Is she okay?"  
  
"Oh, no, she's fine. I mean, at least for the time being she is. She just had all that testing today, you know, and she asked me to tell you the results," Will explained. There was an awkward silence.  
  
"They weren't good, were they?" Vaughn asked, easily reading the look on Will's face.  
  
"No, not really. Um, they told her that the tumor was cancerous and that they couldn't operate on it until they'd treated and shrunk it. She has to stay in the hospital for her first few sessions of chemo. After she adjusts, they're going to send her home and have her continue treatment as an outpatient."  
  
Vaughn bit his lip and looked down at the ground. Will could see that he was obviously stricken by the news. "How's she taking it?"  
  
"You know Syd. She's pissed that she can't work, but she won't cry about it. Honestly, I think it hit her pretty hard, but she'll be okay. She's strong like that," Will said.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Vaughn said sincerely. Will nodded in understanding. "So, um, did the doctors say anything about the success rate of the treatments? I mean, do they have any idea of her chances?"  
  
Will closed his eyes for a second, knowing that this news would be particularly hard to deliver. "Yeah, they did actually. They said the survival rate was around 50%."  
  
Vaughn felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of him. He suddenly found himself backing up and lowering himself in a nearby chair, because he felt as if his legs could no longer hold him up. He leaned over and buried his face in his hands. Will watched him sadly, understanding completely what Vaughn was feeling. They both cared for Sydney very deeply.  
  
It was a few minutes before Vaughn looked back up at Will. While he wasn't crying, his eyes clearly reflected the pain he was feeling. "Can you just tell her. tell her I hope everything goes well. I know you can't actually tell her it's me, because of the security. Just um. Tell her it's from a friend at school, Joey. Say that you ran into me at a pizza place. She'll understand."  
  
"I'll tell her," Will assured him.  
  
"Can you keep me informed? You know, on how she's doing?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Thank you." * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, Sydney had just finished her first chemotherapy session. When she'd arrived back in her bed, she'd slept for about an hour. She woke up feeling horrible. Immediately, she'd grabbed for the basin that the nurse had left for her and thrown up repeatedly. Francie sat with her, holding her hair back and getting her water. The nurse checked in frequently, assuring her that her symptoms were perfectly normal. Sydney wasn't sure if that was meant to be assuring, but it certainly wasn't when she was heaving into a basin.  
  
When there was nothing left in her stomach, she was finally able to fall back against her pillows, her energy completely spent. Francie fussed over her, asking her if she wanted more water or another blanket or a washcloth. Sydney shook her head.  
  
"Syd, is there *anything* I can do? I just feel so helpless. I hate seeing you so sick," Francie said, obviously upset.  
  
"It's okay, Francie. You're being here helps more than you know. Just- just talk to me about the restaurant or something. Take my mind off all this," Sydney suggested.  
  
"Okay, um- oh! I didn't tell you about the asshole that came in the other day, did I? Oh Syd, you wouldn't *believe* this guy!" Sydney closed her eyes and listened as Francie told her very animated story. She tried to focus on Francie's voice instead of the nausea that seemed to consume her entire being. Finally, she succeeded and started to drift off. The last thing she thought before sleep overcame her was:  
  
*Why* did this have to happen to me?  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please please please review!!! I've been sick all week and reviews would make me feel soooo much better hehehe. Ok, so I know there hasn't been much S/V yet in the story, but trust me there will be. There's going to be a major plot thing soon that I'm sure most of you will like, I just have to work my way there. So don't fear, they will see each other again soon. And I promise I'll try to have the next part up this weekend. Of course, if I get some reviews to fuel me, I might even have it up tomorrow sometime. Hint hint lol. 


	4. Blood Work

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Thanks everyone who reviewed, and please keep it up! I live for reviews. Well, I promised I'd have this next part up soon, so here it is. This part is really off the top of my head. I still have to figure out exactly when to put in that major plot thing I mentioned before, so bear with me.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Syd, is there *anything* I can do? I just feel so helpless. I hate seeing you so sick," Francie said, obviously upset.  
  
"It's okay, Francie. You're being here helps more than you know. Just- just talk to me about the restaurant or something. Take my mind off all this," Sydney suggested.  
  
"Okay, um- oh! I didn't tell you about the asshole that came in the other day, did I? Oh Syd, you wouldn't *believe* this guy!" Sydney closed her eyes and listened as Francie told her very animated story. She tried to focus on Francie's voice instead of the nausea that seemed to consume her entire being. Finally, she succeeded and started to drift off. The last thing she thought before sleep overcame her was:  
  
*Why* did this have to happen to me?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter Four: Blood-Work  
  
It was a week of treatment after treatment before the doctors told Sydney she could finally go home. She'd have to come back three times a week for chemotherapy, but, barring any complications, she wouldn't have to stay in the hospital anymore. For that, she was thankful.  
  
The day she was to be released, Sydney waited anxiously for Francie to come get her. She wanted nothing more than to go home and be able to sleep in her own bed. Thankfully, she was feeling good that day. She hadn't had chemotherapy since two days before. The doctors decided that she'd finally settled on the right combination of drugs. They still made her so sick that she sometimes wished she were dead, but the horrible nausea and exhaustion didn't last as long as it had with the other combinations. The day after the chemo she usually felt fine.  
  
Francie finally arrived and they gathered her things to leave. She checked out quickly and headed towards Francie's car. They were silent and Francie pulled out of the hospital and started to drive home. Sydney was still pretty exhausted from everything she'd been through the previous week. She looked out the window and smiled, though, happy to finally see the outside world again. The ringing of her cell phone snapped her out of her thoughts. She quickly reached down to her purse at her feet and took her cell phone out to answer it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Syd, it's me," came Vaughn's voice. "I know Francie's taking you home and you can't talk. Just tell her this is a wrong number or something. I just wanted to tell you to call me when you get home. I mean, as soon as you feel up to talking. It's pretty important, ok?"  
  
Sydney turned away from Francie and smiled, glad to hear his voice again.  
  
"Sorry, wrong number."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As soon as they got home, Francie insisted on helping Sydney unpacked. They spent half an hour putting Sydney's things away and joking around before Francie left Sydney alone to "rest," saying she was going to stop by the restaurant and to call if Sydney needed anything. As soon as Sydney heard the front door open and close, she went to her purse and once again dug out her cell phone. She immediately dialed Vaughn's number.  
  
"Hello?" She heard Vaughn answer.  
  
"Hey," she said, smiling.  
  
"Hi," he said in a way that she knew he was smiling too. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm good."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm glad to be home."  
  
"Good. I heard the treatments were pretty bad," he asked, his voice sad.  
  
"Oh did you? What are you, a spy or something?" She said with a smile.  
  
"Ha ha," he replied to her bad joke. "I'm glad you're doing okay."  
  
"Thanks. So what did you want to talk to me about that was so important?" She asked, changing the topic.  
  
"Oh, um, that doctor your dad has checking over all your results, he wants to do some more blood-work on you," Vaughn said, his voice serious.  
  
"Why? Is something wrong?" Sydney questioned, his tone worrying her.  
  
"No, no. I mean, it's probably just a precaution," he quickly said, though his voice wasn't as convincing as his words.  
  
"Ok, well, what's the plan then?" She asked, deciding she probably wouldn't get him to say whatever he was worried about.  
  
"The warehouse tonight. If you're feeling up to it, come around eleven. I'll keep my cell phone on, though," he said. She instantly knew he was trying to tell her in his own way that should she feel sick, she should stay home and rest.  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney lucked out when Francie had come home at ten, completely exhausted, having gotten caught up at the restaurant that afternoon. She checked on Sydney to make sure she was feeling okay and then went straight to her room. At 10:30, Sydney quietly left her room and grabbed her keys, heading for the warehouse.  
  
When she arrived, she saw Vaughn's car already there next to another car that she assumed was to be the doctor's. She entered the warehouse to see Vaughn standing across from another man. The man was saying something and she saw Vaughn nodding occasionally. When they realized she was there, the conversation ended abruptly. She immediately knew they had been discussing her.  
  
"Hey, Syd. This is Dr. Madison," Vaughn introduced them. Sydney walked over and shook the man's hand. He was maybe an inch or two taller than her and had gray hair. His brown eyes were friendly behind his thick-rimmed glasses. He smiled at her as they shook hands and she found herself weakly smiling back.  
  
"So Vaughn tells me you want to do some blood-work. Is there anything in particular you're looking for?" Sydney asked, noting immediately how the doctor looked to Vaughn before giving his answer.  
  
"We just want to make sure that SD-6 hasn't doctored your tests. We want to make sure we can trust them to treat you," the doctor responded in an assuring voice. One that didn't convince Sydney at all, but she knew better than to argue with the doctor. It was Vaughn she wanted to talk to.  
  
"Alright then. Do you have the equipment here?"  
  
"Yes. All we need is two tubes. A red top and a purple top. It should be quick and painless," the doctor said with a smile. He walked over to a kit that sat on a crate. He opened it and removed the necessary equipment. Sydney sat in a chair in the center of their little area and held out her arm for the doctor. He tied a tourniquet around her upper arm and inserted the needle. She looked up at Vaughn as the doctor took her blood to see that he was already looking at her. They shared a sad look before the doctor removed the needle, announcing that he was finished.  
  
"I'll get these off to the lab right away. I'll let you know immediately if we find anything out of the ordinary," the doctor said, looking first at Vaughn and then at Sydney. They both nodded at him as he walked past them and out of the warehouse, leaving just the two of them. Vaughn watched as Sydney stood up from the chair and moved to lean against one of the crates. He immediately crossed the few feet the separated them and leaned next to her on the same crate. She looked up at him and for a moment, they just held each other's gaze before she looked away and to the ground.  
  
"Something's up, isn't it?" She asked finally.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"He's looking for something in particular, isn't he? I mean, he practically looked to you for permission every time he spoke," she said, walking over to the chair and sitting back down, suddenly not wanting to be so close to him while she accused him of lying to her.  
  
"I don't know what he's looking for, Syd. As far as I know, he was just being careful about what he was saying because he doesn't know how much your father's told you. You know how intimidating your dad can be," he said jokingly. When she neither laughed nor looked at him, the smile quickly faded from his face and he walked over to where she was sitting. He took a deep breath and bent down so that he was eye level with her. She looked at him and for a moment, neither of them spoke. "Syd, listen. If he finds *anything*, if I hear about anything, I swear to you I'll tell you. You know that, right?"  
  
She didn't say anything, just looked into his eyes. Without looking away, she reached out and took his hand. He quickly looked down at their joined hands as he twined his fingers through hers. He brushed his thumb back and forth over her knuckles and looked back up at her. He was surprised to see the faintest shimmer of tears in her eyes.  
  
"I do know."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney had her first outpatient session of chemo the next day. This time, since Francie was working, Will insisted on being with her. Sydney was actually glad for that fact, though, but only because she didn't know how she would otherwise get back from the hospital with how sick she knew she'd be after the treatment. She had to sit for an hour at the hospital while the IV line dripped the chemicals into her body, and then she was able to go home. She slept the whole car ride back to the house, but the nausea hit as soon as they arrived.  
  
"Sydney? Syd? Are you okay in there?" Will called to her through the closed bathroom door. The only response he got was the sound of her retching. "Syd, I'm coming in." He took a deep breath and opened the door. The site that greeted him was to be expected, he knew, but it still threw him a bit. Sydney was on the ground, leaned over the toilet bowl. Will immediately kneeled down next to her. She backed away slightly from the toilet and began taking a series of deep breaths.  
  
"I'm okay," she said breathlessly.  
  
"Yeah right," Will said with a sad smile. As if to confirm what he said, Sydney suddenly grabbed for the toilet bowl again and started throwing up. "Oh, Syd," Will said, his voice full of the pain he was feeling for her. He rubbed her back softly until she was finished. He got up and grabbed a paper cup by the sink and filled it with water.  
  
"Thanks," she said as he handed it to her.  
  
"You think you're done?" She nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I don't think there's anything left in me," she said as she reached over and flushed the toilet.  
  
"Why don't you come sit on the couch for a minute? I'll get you some flat soda, that's supposed to help settle your stomach," Will told her. Sydney gave him an amused look. "Hey, I lived with my mother once upon a time, you know," he said as he helped her to her feet and led her out to the couch. As soon as they got into the living room, the phone rang. Will ran over to the kitchen to get it as Sydney sat down on the couch.  
  
"Hello?" Will said into the phone.  
  
"Hey, it's me," came Francie's reply.  
  
"Hey. How are things at the restaurant?"  
  
"Busy, but okay. How's Sydney?" Francie asked, causing Will to look over at her. She was stretched across the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV.  
  
"She was pretty sick, but she seems a bit better now," he told her as he heard the TV turn off. Sydney stood up and looked at him. "Hang on, Francie," Will said into the phone. "What's up?" He asked Sydney.  
  
"I think I'm just going to go lie down for a little while. Don't worry about the flat soda," she said with a small smile.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I just have a little bit of a headache," she said before turning around and starting to walk down the hall to her room.  
  
"Call me if you need me," Will called out.  
  
"Okay!" She called back before he heard her door shut.  
  
"Sorry, Francie, I'm back," Will said into the phone.  
  
"That's okay. Actually I have to go, it seems I'm needed in the kitchen. Just keep a close eye on her, okay?" Francie said.  
  
"I will," he assured her. They said their goodbyes and hung up. Will went to the fridge to see what they had to eat. He was searching one of the shelves when he suddenly heard a noise like a small thump coming from down the hall. He shut the fridge quickly. "Syd?" He called out, but didn't get a reply. He quickly walked down the hall and to her room. Her door was shut. He knocked a few times.  
  
"Syd? You okay?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Okay, thanks, Dr. Madison. Yeah, I'll give her a call right now. Alright, bye," Vaughn said into his cell phone before hanging it up. His mind was racing. He took a deep breath to try to calm himself and checked his watch. It was already past midnight. She'd definitely be asleep. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her, especially since he knew she'd probably still be sick from her treatment that day, but he didn't see that he had a choice on this one. Sighing, he picked up the phone and dialed her number.  
  
"Hello?" Came a male voice that he recognized as Will's.  
  
"Will? It's Vaughn. Can I talk to Sydney?"  
  
"She's not here." Something about Will's voice instantly put Vaughn in panic-mode.  
  
"What's going on, Will? Where's Sydney?" He asked, his voice frantic.  
  
"She collapsed this afternoon. She's in the hospital."  
  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Okay, so I finally got a general idea of exactly what to do when with this story lol. That big plot thing I keep mentioning will probably be in the next part, which I will try to get posted ASAP. And for those of you who are wondering, I do know whether she's going to live or not. Right now I'm just deciding whether to mislead you or not lol. So I'll just say in advance, no matter what you think as you read this story, you might be totally wrong lol. We'll see. Oh and just so you know, all the medical terms, like when the doctor was taking her blood, those are researched. The colored tubes are real. My dad is a doctor and my mom used to take people's blood. So, as far as I know, the terms I use are accurate. Ok, so now it's your turn. Review review review!!! 


	5. Three or Four Days

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Woohoo, keep those reviews coming! Thanks guys! And OMG "Double Agent" was so unbelievably amazing. Definitely loved that episode, and the one tonight looks awesome too. Also, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. It doesn't normally take me this long but I had a really brutal week at school and then I had literally 6 of my friends here this weekend (three from out of state) so I couldn't even get to my computer. I promise to try to have the next part out a lot faster. I had a really interesting idea for this story the other day, so now I'm really excited about getting to the part where I'm going to write about it, so that plus reviews (hint hint) should keep me motivated to update quickly (.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hello?" Came a male voice that he recognized as Will's.  
  
"Will? It's Vaughn. Can I talk to Sydney?"  
  
"She's not here." Something about Will's voice instantly put Vaughn in panic-mode.  
  
"What's going on, Will? Where's Sydney?" He asked, his voice frantic.  
  
"She collapsed this afternoon. She's in the hospital."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 5: Three or Four Days  
  
Vaughn swore that, in that moment, his heart nearly stopped beating. He took a deep breath and tried to find his voice again so he could find out what the *hell* was going on.  
  
"What happened?" He said, his voice still anything but calm  
  
"When I brought her home from her treatment today, she said she felt dizzy. When she went to her room, she just collapsed. I called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. The doctors said something about the tumor putting pressure on her brain, but they haven't run any tests yet," Will explained, obviously distraught also.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Angel of Mercy's ER was closed for a while this afternoon because they were overloaded with people from a major car accident. They had to take her to another hospital. The doctors said that, since she was stable, they would wait and let her regular doctors run tests when she's transferred to Angel of Mercy tomorrow."  
  
"Wait a minute. She's *not* at Angel of Mercy?" Vaughn said, suddenly feeling as if something in this nightmare had gone right.  
  
"No, she's at St. Vincent's," Will told him.  
  
"What room is she in?" Vaughn asked, already laying out a plan in his mind.  
  
"She's on the oncology floor. Room 921."  
  
"Thanks, Will," Vaughn said, quickly hanging up the phone. He knew he had no time to waste. He rubbed a hand over his face and tried to pull himself slightly back together before turning his phone back on and dialing.  
  
"Jack, it's Vaughn. I need your help."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn stood in the hallway, his hand hovering over the handle of the door. He took a deep breath before forcing himself to open the door. He did so as quietly as possible and entered the room, shutting the door behind him. The room was dark, but he could see easily due to the illumination of the glowing heart monitor and the moonlight, which streamed in through the window. He instantly saw her on the bed, which was elevated almost to a sitting position, but slightly more reclined. She was facing away from him, but surprised him by turning her head and looking at him, obviously wide awake. A look of shock spread over her face as she lifted herself off the pillows a bit. Her eyes followed him as he walked over and dropped into the chair next to her bed.  
  
"Vaughn, you shouldn't be here. You could be killed if anyone saw you-" she said frantically before Vaughn shook his head, cutting her off.  
  
"Syd, it's okay. Your dad set this up. We've got agents controlling all security devices. We're fine," he said quietly. She didn't look convinced, but he noticed her relax a bit and lean back against the pillows on her bed. She sighed and looked away from him, her eyes glued to her hands, which rested in her lap. An awkward silence settled over them, neither sure of what to say. The situations were now reversed from that time she'd seen him in the hospital, sick from what he'd been exposed to in Taipei. This was a whole new territory for them now. He'd never seen her in anything less than perfect health. He'd never even seen her seriously injured. He had prayed that he'd never have to. Just another prayer that had not been answered.  
  
Vaughn looked up at her then. She was still beautiful, he doubted that could ever change, but she did look sick. Her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. And in looking at her eyes, he noticed that the life they usually held was somehow absent, replaced by a dull look. A sad look. He couldn't help himself. He reached his hand out and laid it over hers. She looked at down at his hand and then turned her own hand in his and laced their fingers together. She then looked back up at him and held his gaze, neither speaking for what seemed like hours. Finally, the silence became too much.  
  
"How are you?" He asked gently, not sure if she was angry that he'd come. He was relieved when she gave him a small smile.  
  
"I'm okay. I mean, they drugged me up pretty good, but." she trailed off. He nodded.  
  
"What happened?" He asked, referring to earlier that day.  
  
"Honestly. I don't really remember much. When I got home, I felt pretty sick, but I knew that was normal. When the room started spinning, I decided to go lie down. I barely made it to my room when everything just went black. I woke up here," she told him, shrugging. "I'm being transferred tomorrow. They'll run tests then."  
  
"Do they have *any* idea what caused this? I mean, just based on your symptoms?" He asked, not really sure he wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"A few," she said, nodding. He realized she probably hated giving the answers as much as he hated hearing them. but he simply had to know.  
  
"Such as?" He pressed. She looked at him for a moment without saying anything, as if deciding whether he was worthy of knowing the information. He was surprised when he could actually see in her eyes when her decision was made. He knew she'd tell him.  
  
"The two most probable guesses they have are that the tumor shifted its position to where it's putting a slight pressure on part of my brain or. that it's growing more rapidly than they anticipated," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. Though the words felt as harsh as physical blows, he had been prepared to hear them. Since he had spoken to Will, he spent every second fearing the worst for her condition. He thought maybe he could prepare himself. It was only when he heard the words straight from her lips that he realized nothing could prepare him for a moment like this.  
  
"Vaughn." She said, forcing his attention back to her and away from his dark thoughts. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why did you come?"  
  
"I can't just want to see you?" Vaughn asked jokingly, needing to lighten the mood a little bit before he delivered the next blow of the evening.  
  
"Not if it means pulling agents from various other jobs and risking your own life," she responded, a ghost of a smile crossing her face. Their conversation was so typical of them, it was almost like she wasn't sick. Had she not been laying in a hospital bed, connected to a heart monitor and an IV, it would've been easy to pretend she wasn't.  
  
"Okay, you win. I came here to prepare you for something that we might have to do," he said, wanting to tell her as little as possible until he knew more about the situation.  
  
"And that something would be."  
  
"Well, Dr. Madison noticed some irregularities in your blood work. That's why he needed to run additional tests. He's not sure exactly what it means yet, but it's possible that there's something in your system that shouldn't be. We should know very soon. Until then, we're going to keep a close eye on every move your doctors make. If we find out they've done anything unusual, we have a plan to get you out of here. To take you somewhere where they'll never find you," he explained.  
  
"Into hiding," she said, clearly hating the very thought.  
  
"Syd, listen," Vaughn said firmly. "In all likelihood Dr. Madison won't turn up anything. There's a very strong chance that you'll complete your treatment at Angel of Mercy without incident. I just needed to warn you in case something does go wrong. Don't take any sedatives they may give you and try to cut down the pain medication you may need as much as possible. We just need you to be alert at all times. As soon as I know anything, you'll know. I won't keep you in the dark, Syd, I promise."  
  
She looked at him, her eyes sparkling with the faintest hint of unshed tears. She squeezed his hand and nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was two days later that Sydney finally got some answers. After being tested endlessly for the last day and a half, all she wanted to do was go home and forget any of this had ever happened. She wanted to forget that it was *still* happening. But when the doctor finally stepped in her room to give her the results, she knew it would probably be a long time before that would happen.  
  
"That's a pretty grim face, doctor," Sydney said, noting the extremely serious expression the doctor held.  
  
"I'm afraid the news isn't good, Sydney," he replied, instantly causing her to wince. She hated that he called her Sydney. It was a constant reminder of how much the doctor must know about her. As an employee of SD-6, the doctor most-likely had access to every file on her she could ever imagine. "Well, all of them except for the ones that CIA had," she thought.  
  
"The tumor does appear to be growing rapidly despite the treatments you've received so far. The chemotherapy doesn't seem to be having the desired effect. The fact is that if it keeps growing at the rate it is now, it could kill you in a matter of weeks. The good news is that there's a specialist flying in, a brain surgeon whose reviewed your case. He strongly believes that he can operate and remove the tumor without leaving any permanent damage to your brain. I've spoken with a number of other oncologists and neurosurgeons in the hospital. We all believe this is your best shot."  
  
The first and only thing that filled Sydney's mind was: Will this ever end? Will I be able to fight this?  
  
Or will I die trying?  
  
"If I agreed, when would the operation take place?" She asked, her mind reeling. She needed to tell Vaughn and her father. They needed to consult Dr. Hazen. She needed to tell Francie and Will. She needed to prepare herself for the possibility that she may not even make it out of surgery alive. There was so much that needed to be done, whether she made it out of surgery or not.  
  
"If you agree to the surgery, which I'd strongly advise, it would need to be done as soon as possible. It's only a matter of time before the tumor grows too large for anything to be done. Depending on the surgeon's schedule, I'd like to schedule the surgery within the next three or four days," the doctor stated very seriously.  
  
Three or four days. In the span of three or four days, Sydney Bristow would have to try to tie up every single loose end in her life.  
  
It couldn't be done.  
  
No, it *had* to be done.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Sorry, this chapter is a little shorter than I usually write them, but Alias is on in forty minutes and I still have to finish up some homework, so I figured that would be a good place to leave it. I essentially have the next part pretty planned out so it shouldn't take me too long to get posted (I hope). But as always, reviews make me work a lot faster lol! I hope everyone enjoys the episode tonight! 


	6. Comfort

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long, guys. Actually, I spent the week planning a trip to NYC to try to see Jennifer Garner outside of SNL. My friend and I went over the weekend and we waited for over an hour outside and it was -5 degrees! We saw a whole bunch of people from SNL (we took a picture with Jimmy Fallon), but Jennifer Garner decided to go out through the underground garage instead of the front way. So that really sucked. But that's my excuse for not having this up sooner. I hope you enjoy this part! Reviews might help lessen my huuuuge disappointment at not meeting Jennifer Garner lol. Oh, and in response to someone's review, there will be more interaction with other characters, but that's coming a little later in the story.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"If you agree to the surgery, which I'd strongly advise, it would need to be done as soon as possible. It's only a matter of time before the tumor grows too large for anything to be done. Depending on the surgeon's schedule, I'd like to schedule the surgery within the next three or four days," the doctor stated very seriously.  
  
Three or four days. In the span of three or four days, Sydney Bristow would have to try to tie up every single loose end in her life.  
  
It couldn't be done.  
  
No, it *had* to be done.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 6: Comfort  
  
"She has to have surgery," Will said suddenly, causing Vaughn's eyes to go wide.  
  
"Surgery?! I thought they didn't want to operate until they shrunk it! How can they operate if it's growing?!" Vaughn asked frantically.  
  
"They've got a specialist flying in. He thinks he can do it without damaging her brain," Will said, not meeting Vaughn's eyes.  
  
"He *thinks* he can? If he's going to perform brain surgery on her, he'd better be damn sure!"  
  
"She knows it's a risk. She knows she may not make it out of surgery. But she also knows it's her only chance at getting better. Obviously, the conventional treatments aren't working. She decided to go through with it. The surgery's been scheduled for Friday," Will explained.  
  
"That's in two days!"  
  
"She has to check back in tomorrow night."  
  
"She's home?" Vaughn asked, surprised.  
  
"Yeah she insisted on going home before the surgery. She signed out AMA with orders to come straight back if anything happened," Will replied. Vaughn suddenly noticed how exhausted Will looked. Vaughn completely understood, having spent many sleepless nights worrying about Sydney himself. He instantly felt a pang of sympathy for Will, though they both cared for the same woman.  
  
"How's she doing?" Vaughn asked, the anger and confusion gone from his voice.  
  
"She's been sleeping a lot, but she seems to be taking everything well. When she talks about it, it's like she's completely detached from the whole thing," Will admitted.  
  
"She's compartmentalizing. We're taught to do that," Vaughn explained. Will nodded.  
  
"She wanted to meet with you, but she's not supposed to drive-"  
  
"I wouldn't let her. She needs to rest," Vaughn said, cutting Will off.  
  
"That's what I told her," Will agreed. "I just wanted you to know that she really wanted to see you, to tell you herself."  
  
Vaughn nodded, allowing his thoughts to wander for a moment. Suddenly he was struck by a vivid memory. He was watching her walk into Dinatti Park, possibly into a trap that would lead to her death. He had felt so helpless, unable to warn her or even to tell her he was there, watching her. Had she died, he never even would have gotten the chance to say goodbye. This felt like Dinatti Park all over again.  
  
"Will. There's something I really have to do. And I'm going to need your help."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney's head was *pounding.* She groaned as she forced herself out of bed and stumbled towards the kitchen. She fumbled through the drawers until she found the bottle of painkillers the doctor had given her for her concussion. She'd just wrapped her hand around the bottle when she heard the lock on the door click. Knowing that Will was gone and Francie was asleep, she immediately froze and listened for any indication of who it was. When only the sound of the turning doorknob came, she rushed to stand next to the door, pressing herself up against the wall. The door opened and she prepared herself to fight whoever was coming inside.  
  
A dark figure entered, facing forward. She held her breath as he walked in and stopped a few inches in front of her, the door only partially hiding her in the shadows. Just as she was about to kick the figure in the back to force him to the ground, he turned sideways and she saw his face.  
  
"Vaughn?!" She said in a loud whisper.  
  
Vaughn whirled around at the sound of her voice, obviously caught off- guard. "Syd?! What are you doing?!"  
  
"I thought someone was breaking into my house! What are *you* doing?" She asked before wincing slightly as the pain in her head flared. She knew Vaughn saw her, but thankfully, he didn't say anything about it.  
  
"Will helped me set this up. I told him not to tell you, because I knew you'd object, but. I needed to see you before your surgery," he said, his eyes studying her.  
  
"Jesus, Vaughn, I could've hurt you!" She said, not yet ready to let go of her anger.  
  
"Hey, I could've handled myself. I trained in combat too, you know," he said, trying to lighten her mood. When he saw the anger melt form her features as she gave him a small smile, he knew he'd been right to come. "Besides, I didn't expect you to be awake. It's 2:30 in the morning! What are you doing up? You should be resting."  
  
Her irritation at him instantly found its way back to her at his attempt to coddle her once again. She knew her limits. In fact, she knew that she *would* be resting if her head hadn't been causing her blinding pain. Of course, if she wanted the coddling to stop, there was no way she could explain that to him.  
  
"I was getting a glass of water," she told him, her voice cold. It was a half-truth. He had been about to get a glass of water to take her pills with. As if her head wanted to remind her of this fact, a particularly bad wave of pain hit between her eyes. Involuntarily, she sucked in a breath and squeezed her hands into fists, causing the pills to rattle. Vaughn's spy-training instantly kicked in and his eyes shot down to her hand. His forehead wrinkled as he gently touched her hand and lifted it so he could see what she was holding. She sighed as he took it from her and read the label. When he finished, he looked up at her. Though he didn't utter a word, his stare held many accusations.  
  
"I have a headache," she admitted softly, unable to meet his eyes. She brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, partially due to the pain and partially because it was an excuse for her to avoid his gaze. She heard him sigh and walk over to the kitchen area. She stayed where she was, trying to concentrate on anything but the pain in her head. She didn't know how much time had passed when she felt his hand wrap around her own, bringing it away from her head. She opened her eyes as she felt something cool being pressed into her hand. Looking down, she saw he held a glass of water. She took it gratefully as he reached for the pills she held in her other hand. He took them from her and opened the top.  
  
"How many?" He asked softly, his voice emotionless.  
  
"Two," she replied. She watched him shake two pills into his hand before closing the bottle again and setting it down onto the counter. He handed her the pills and she quickly swallowed them, washing them down with a few gulps of water. For a moment, they stood there in completely silence. She kept her eyes closed as she waited for the pain to subside and he took the time to study her carefully.  
  
"Are you okay?" She heard him ask suddenly.  
  
She nodded. "It just takes them a few minutes to work," she explained. She heard him sigh and then felt him take the glass of water from her. He set it down on the counter next to the pills. She opened her eyes to look at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. Instead, she felt his hand on her arm as he led her over to the couch. She complied, walking with him and sitting down. She felt him sit down next to her as she dropped her head into her hands, once again pinching the bridge of her nose in a weak attempt to lessen the pain.  
  
Vaughn was ready to be angry with her, to question why she felt the need to hide things from him. When he saw her head in her hands, though, he felt his anger leave him, replaced by instead by an overwhelming concern for her. She was obviously in a great deal of pain. He didn't know what to do. He hated seeing her like this. He desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were. when she was healthy and he didn't have to worry that this may be the last time he ever saw her.  
  
She suddenly felt his hand, warm on her back, as if to remind her he was still there. He began rubbing soothing circles on her back, helping her to relax a bit and to concentrate on feeling something beside the pain. Without even thinking about it, she felt herself lean over and rest her head on his shoulder. He instantly rested his head gently on top of hers and stretched out his arm so that his hand wrapped around her shoulder. Her hair felt soft against his cheek and he pressed a soft kiss onto the top of her head.  
  
Neither spoke or moved for quite a while, just sat there against each other. He felt her gradually relax and her breathing evened out. He wasn't sure if the pain had simply stopped or if she'd fallen asleep, but it didn't matter much. As long as it was dark, he was safe being there and he wasn't in any rush to leave. So he let her rest on his shoulder, content to live in this moment as long as he could.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said so softly, he almost didn't hear it.  
  
"For what?" He asked, his voice equally as soft.  
  
"For lying to you. I just didn't want you to worry, to think that. I don't know," she said, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say.  
  
"Syd. First of all, it's my *job* to worry about you. And second. needing help is okay. It doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself. It doesn't mean you're weak. I just wish you'd ask for it when you needed it instead of avoiding it," he said softly.  
  
She suddenly lifted her head from his shoulder and adjusted her body slightly so that she was facing him. Vaughn started to worry that he'd said something wrong. He was about to ask her when she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Automatically, his arms went around her waist, holding her back.  
  
"Vaughn," she whispered into his ear. "Since yesterday, I've been thinking constantly about what I need to do and say in case. Well, in case the surgery doesn't go well. When it came to you, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted you to know. But considering that our lives our in danger every time we're so much as within a few feet of each other, I knew I wouldn't be able to tell you all those things. There's one thing, though, that I have to tell you. One thing I *need* you to know-"  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Ok, I know that's mean. The truth is that I didn't intend on ending it here, but I knew that there was no way I could write the rest of what I intended on being this chapter before tomorrow (at the earliest) and I really wanted to have this up tonight, because I know I haven't updated in a while. So there's a fluffy, somewhat pointless chapter for you. The next two parts will be big in terms of the plot, and I promise I'll try to have that out soon, since I'm on vacation from school (though I have so much homework and I'm going to Boston lol). But for now, please review! 


	7. Surgery

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Sorry guys, this took me a little longer than expected. My trip to Boston plus going back to school after a hectic vacation (and having an AP bio test the day I got back, yuck) threw off my plans for getting this finished up sooner. But it's finally here! Enjoy!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Vaughn," she whispered into his ear. "Since yesterday, I've been thinking constantly about what I need to do and say in case. Well, in case the surgery doesn't go well. When it came to you, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted you to know. But considering that our lives our in danger every time we're so much as within a few feet of each other, I knew I wouldn't be able to tell you all those things. There's one thing, though, that I have to tell you. One thing I *need* you to know-"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 7: Surgery  
  
"Syd-" Vaughn said, cutting her off as he gently pulled back from their embrace. "Whatever you're about to say. don't." He looked at her a moment, his expression incredibly pained and sad. "I won't let you say goodbye to me. You are going to be okay," he said slowly, emphasizing each word as he took her hands in his own.  
  
"Vaughn-"  
  
"You are going to be okay," he said more firmly this time. Sydney looked at him, her expression unreadable. She silently debated with herself whether to argue with him, to make him see the truth, but the look in his eyes quickly convinced her otherwise. He needed her assurance. He wasn't a stupid man, he knew that she may not come out of the surgery "okay," but he needed to hear her believe that she would. If she needed to lie to give that to him, she would.  
  
She nodded. For him, that was enough.  
  
It took them only moments to realize that the sun would soon come up. They looked at each other, both realizing that it was time for Vaughn to leave. It was time for them to say goodbye. Without speaking, they both got up from the couch and walked toward the door. Reaching it, they simply turned and looked at each other. Vaughn's eyes drank in the sight of her, as if they knew what his heart would not admit: that this may be the last time he ever laid eyes on Sydney Bristow.  
  
Knowing any words he could say would be hollow and inadequate, he simply reached his hand out and laid it softly on the side of her face, his thumb slowly stroking her cheek. She closed her eyes at the initial touch, only to open them a few seconds later, filled with unshed tears. She brought her hand up to his, removing it from her face and holding it in her own.  
  
"I'll see you soon," he said softly, with much more certainty than he felt. She looked at him a moment and then slowly nodded, unable to speak. He stepped forward, eliminating the space between them and lowered his lips to her forehead, kissing it gently. He pulled back to see her eyes closed, one single tear having escaped and trailed down her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked at him again, their eyes communicating so much more than their words ever could. Slowly, painfully, Vaughn turned and walked out the door. Sydney shut it behind him, sagging immediately against it.  
  
And for the first time in years, she prayed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The next morning, Sydney had crossed off everything on her "to do" list except for one item. She still had one more thing she needed to do to in preparation for the worst. Many of things on her list had been legal matters or work-related. This last thing was personal. It was something she simply had to do, no matter how painful.  
  
She heard the buzzer go off as the bars lifted. As she walked through one set, the next opened, and so on until she finally saw the large glass window ahead of her. Walking up to it, she immediately saw her mother inside, slowly rising from her sitting position on the edge of her bed. She walked up to the glass and stood right in front of Sydney. Sydney noted how her mother studied her. She also noted the degree of sadness in her mother's eyes. She quickly deduced that her mother already knew everything.  
  
"Sydney. how are you feeling?" She asked finally.  
  
"I'm okay. I'm assuming you already know about my condition," Sydney said, deliberately being vague about her illness. She knew all of her meetings with her mother were monitored. Whoever was watching would not get the satisfaction of knowing about her illness. The last thing she needed was to become the topic of conversation around the CIA.  
  
"Your father's kept me updated." Sydney nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you. I'm sorry I couldn't have told you myself. Things have been. overwhelming," Sydney said, knowing her mother would understand that she was referring to the treatments. Irina Derevko was anything but a stupid woman.  
  
"Understandable. I'm glad you're doing alright," She said, causing Sydney to look down at the ground.  
  
"Actually, I came because tomorrow-"  
  
"Is your operation," her mother finished for her.  
  
"Yes." They both paused, letting the silence momentarily hang in the air.  
  
"Are you afraid, Sydney?" The question surprised Sydney, though she didn't let it show on her face. She took a moment to really think about it. After so many years of being a spy, the concept of death didn't bother her so much. No, she wasn't afraid of dying. The fear she felt was only for who and what she was leaving behind. Unable to convey this to her mother given their location, she simply looked at her, hoping her eyes reflected her thoughts well enough for her mother to understand.  
  
"Do you know," her mother began softly, "that you were never sick for more than a day or two at a time when you were a child? Whatever it was, you never stayed sick. You refused to let it keep you down. Everyone used to ask me what kind of medicines I used. They were amazed by you." Sydney looked at her mother, surprised by the story. Her father had never mentioned that to her. Silently thinking back, she found she really didn't have any memories of being sick as a child. She took a deep breath before gathering her strength to say what she had come to say to her mother.  
  
"I know I haven't said it before, but. thank you, Mom. For everything. I'm glad you came back," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She saw her mother's eyes change, barely shimmering with tears.  
  
"You'll be okay, Sydney. I can feel it," her mother replied, pressing her hand up against the glass. Without looking away from her mother's eyes, Sydney pressed her hand up against the same spot. Her mother smiled, her eyes still filled with tears. Sydney couldn't help but smile back. They looked at each other for another moment, the connection between them the strongest it had been since she was a young child.  
  
When she knew it was time, Sydney turned and walked away, through the bars, never looking back.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney checked into the hospital that night, Will and Francie there with her for support. She could tell they were trying a little too hard to act positive about the whole thing. One look in their eyes easily revealed to her how truly terrified they were. And though she'd never admit it to a soul, she a stirring felt fear deep inside her as well. She still had so much to do in her life. She hadn't even taken down SD-6 yet. If there were such a thing as dying in peace, she didn't think it possible for her while her biggest goal had yet to be accomplished. There were so many truths she still had to tell to so many people.  
  
Sydney had been in her room with Will and Francie for two hours before they finally decided to leave to get some sleep, promising to be back early the next morning so they could see her right before her surgery. After a few hugs and forced smiles, her two friends left. Laying back on her pillow, she contemplated turning off the light and trying to go to sleep, but knew it would be pointless. There was no way she could fall asleep with her mind racing the way it was.  
  
She didn't have long to get lost in her thoughts, though, because it was only minutes before she heard the door open and someone walk inside. She quickly turned and sat up, and was surprised to see her father closing the door behind him.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"I, um, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I wanted to wait until you were alone," he said to her, walking over to the side of her bed and sitting down in a chair positioned there from when Will and Francie had been visiting.  
  
"That's fine. I honestly wasn't expecting you. but I'm glad you came," she admitted.  
  
"I wanted to see you before your surgery," Jack said, his face very serious. Sydney's heart started to beat a little faster, as she wondered if there was some other reason her father had come. She wondered if he'd heard something from Dr. Madison.  
  
"Is everything okay, Dad?" She asked, knowing Jack would understand the deeper meaning of her words.  
  
"Everything's fine. I just wanted to say, well, good luck, I guess. I'm sure everything will go just fine," he said, forcing himself to meet Sydney's eyes. In them, she saw the same look of denial she'd seen in Vaughn's eyes. She knew he was still trying to convince himself of his own words even as he said them to her. She didn't blame him. Had she been speaking to her child, she knew she'd probably say the same thing.  
  
"Thanks, Dad," she said with a smile. She reached down and gripped his hand, trying to give him the assurance he was having trouble with. He squeezed her hand and looked up at her.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Sydney," he said so softly, she almost didn't hear it. She knew that in that one statement, her father was saying so much more. He was expressing thing she'd longed to hear from him since she was a little girl. She immediately felt a lump in the back of her throat. Unable to reply to his confession, she merely nodded. She knew he understood what that meant to her. The words weren't needed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn yawned for what felt like the thousandth time as he walked in the door. He'd spent the night at the office, needing to work in order to take his mind of Sydney's surgery. He checked his watch. It read 5:09 AM. Sydney's surgery was scheduled for 7:00 AM. There was definitely no chance of him getting any sleep until Will called and told him that Sydney had made it out of surgery okay. He *would* get that call, he reminded himself. She *had* to be okay.  
  
Suddenly, he noticed that his answering machine was flashing. He walked slowly over to it, hitting the "play" button and then positioning his finger over the "erase" one, ready to delete what he was sure would be sales calls and hang-ups. He had three messages. The first one was, indeed, a hang-up. Then the second one started playing.  
  
"Agent Vaughn," he heard the urgent voice and was suddenly wide awake. "It's Dr. Madison. I know I told you that the preliminary tests showed nothing out of the ordinary, but I ran some more extensive tests in order to be certain. I've found something. Please call me right away."  
  
Vaughn never heard the third message.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
In his car, he frantically dialed and redialed the doctor. Again and again, he got no answer. Finally, he swore loudly and threw his phone onto the passenger seat. He pressed harder on the gas pedal, willing the car not to lose control as it sped up. He hurriedly drove toward the doctor's address, which he'd obtained after he'd frantically called Weiss and asked him to look it up at headquarters.  
  
Finally, he pulled into the driveway so fast that the tires squealed, and he was sure they left dark marks on the street, but he didn't care. He threw open the car door without even turning off the car and ran to the front door of the house. He pounded on the door as soon as he reached it. He was only able to contain himself for a few seconds before he reached for the handle. He was surprised to find that it was loose enough for him to turn it all the way around. He quickly reached to his holster and pulled out his gun. He pushed open the door and walked in cautiously, gun held in front of him. He searched through the downstairs quickly, finding the kitchen, dining room, and living room all empty. Climbing the stairs as quickly as possible, he walked down the sparsely furnished hallway and kicked open the first door. It ended up being the bedroom. Vaughn quickly noted that it was empty, but that there was another door to which he assumed was a bathroom, which was closed. He crossed the room and tried the knob. Locked.  
  
"Dr. Madison?" He called out, but got no response. Vaughn took a deep breath and brought his leg up to the door and kicked it with as much force as he could. The door swung open to quickly reveal blood. Right as his feet. And only a few feet away lay Dr. Madison, lying in the middle of the bathroom floor with a bullet hole in the middle of his head. Vaughn drew in a shuddery breath, and only took a few seconds to look over the body before he pulled out his cell phone and dialed quickly.  
  
"Jack! It's Vaughn. We have a problem. We've been made, and I think Sydney's in serious trouble."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney saw Will and Francie smiling encouragingly at her as the elevator doors closed to take them up to the surgical floor. She smiled back at them, praying that it wouldn't be for the last time. Once the doors were completely closed, she allowed the smile to slip from her face as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for the duration of the ride. Once she heard the ding of the elevator, she felt herself being pushed off the elevator and onto the surgical floor. She opened her eyes and allowed them to focus on the lights that passed above her. She heard all kinds of sounds in the background, but couldn't seem to focus on any of them. She focused only on her breathing, willing her mind not to dwell on the hours ahead. She snapped out of her daze only when she felt herself being pushed into the operating room. They pushed her bed up next to the table and asked her to move herself onto it. She complied and lied back. She suddenly saw the surgeon, who'd gone over the surgery with her the previous night, leaning over her.  
  
"Are you ready, Sydney?" He asked. Gathering every ounce of strength in her, Sydney nodded. The surgeon nodded back in response. He turned to one of the nurses and said something to her. She handed him a mask, which he quickly put over Sydney's mouth and nose.  
  
"Why don't you count backwards from ten?" He asked. Sydney nodded, already feeling drowsy.  
  
"Ten. nine. eight. seven. six. five. four. three."  
  
Before she could reach two, Sydney drifted away into the darkness.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Well there's chapter seven for you! Honestly, I had planned that part without Sydney going to see her mother, but I realized if I wanted to stay true to the characters, I had to add it. I knew that's what she would do if she were actually in the situation. The only problem is that her mother is incredibly difficult to write, and I struggled over that part for a while. I hope it stays pretty true to her character. I'm sorry if it doesn't. I tried lol. Please please please review! Enough reviews might actually motivate me to get another part out before the end of the weekend. You guys should know that I've had a problem forever with keeping myself motivated enough to finish a story. I never knew how to get that motivation until I posted this story. Your reviews are what keep me writing. Otherwise, I never would've gotten this far. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, keep it up! And those of you who haven't yet, what better a time to start than now? Lol! Go review! 


	8. Up in the Mountains

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's notes: Thanks for all the reviews guys! They really made my weekend. It was nice to see some new people add reviews too. Unfortunately, I'm sick right now with this horrible cough and I spent all day sleeping, so I'm just able to start this tonight, but I hope I didn't keep you in agony for too long with that cliffhanger. I'm sorry lol. This is the part where basically the whole story changes (except for S/V). I kept promising it was coming. Finally, here it is (. Enjoy!  
  
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"Are you ready, Sydney?" He asked. Gathering every ounce of strength in her, Sydney nodded. The surgeon nodded back in response. He turned to one of the nurses and said something to her. She handed him a mask, which he quickly put over Sydney's mouth and nose.  
  
"Why don't you count backwards from ten?" He asked. Sydney nodded, already feeling drowsy.  
  
"Ten. nine. eight. seven. six. five. four. three."  
  
Before she could reach two, Sydney drifted away into the darkness.  
  
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Chapter 8: Up in the Mountains  
  
She felt herself drifting slowly, almost as if she were floating. She didn't know where she was or what was happening. Suddenly, she felt her eyes flutter and open slightly. The light caused them to snap back shut tightly. Slowly, she felt herself becoming aware of her surroundings. She was in a bed, lying down. She heard something, papers, like pages turning in a book. She still felt hazy as she contemplated opening her eyes again to get a better look at where she was. Before she had the chance, though, another awareness came to her.  
  
She was going to be sick.  
  
Her eyes immediately shot open, ignoring the stinging that came from the light in the room. Her hand came up to clamp over her mouth as her body clambered to get to a sitting position. Before she had time to wonder where she was and how to get to the bathroom, she saw a basin being pushed onto her lap, and not a second too soon. She immediately leaned over it and emptied her stomach of its contents. again and again.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of it, she felt a warm hand come across her neck. The hand gathered here hair and held it away from her face. Only seconds later, she felt another hand rest on her back, rubbing soothing circles as her whole body continued to heave and shake. When she was finally done, she felt the hand release her hair as the one on her back moved to rest on her arm. She took a few deep breaths before sitting back and looking to her side.  
  
The first thing that registered in her hazy mind was green eyes.  
  
"Done?" He asked simply. She nodded, still trying to catch her breath. His hand left her arm as he reached over to take the basin from her lap. She closed her eyes as she heard him walk off. She was surprised to see him return only seconds later. He sat back down in a chair that was next to her bed, where she assumed he must've been sitting before. He reached to the nightstand and picked up a glass of water. He handed it to her, helping her shaky hand support it as she drank.  
  
"It's the anesthesia. Most people have this sort of reaction to it when it starts to wear off," he explained to her as she sipped the water, careful to drink slowly so she wouldn't make herself sick again. When she was done, he took the glass and returned it to the nightstand. And that's when his words really registered in her head and she remembered what he meant. The surgery.  
  
"Vaughn. what's going on? Where am I? What happened with the surgery?" She asked frantically, her mind reeling.  
  
"Syd, it's okay. Calm down. You're going to make yourself sick again," he said worriedly, as he reached behind her to position the pillows so that she could sit up leaning against them. Once he was finished, he put his hand on her shoulder and gently guided her to lie back. She complied, but her eyes stayed on his, silently begging him for answers.  
  
"Vaughn, I need to know what's going on," she said firmly. He looked at her for a moment before nodding.  
  
"I know you do. I'll explain, I just. I need you to stay calm. This is going to seem like a lot," he warned her. She nodded her agreement.  
  
"Okay. Well, obviously, you're not at Angel of Mercy anymore. You never had surgery, Syd," he told her as her eyes went wide. "Less than two hours before your surgery I got a message from Dr. Madison. He said he'd found something in your test results and needed to talk to me right away. He wasn't picking up his phone, so I drove over there. I found him, shot to death in his bathroom. I called your father, and explained the situation. We set up a plan to get you out of surgery immediately. We set up a small team, myself included, to get into Angel of Mercy. Your father led the team that searched Dr. Madison's residence to try to find those results. We got into the operating room unnoticed and stopped the surgery right as they were about to begin. We held them at gunpoint and Weiss and I got you out of there.  
  
"The rest of the team was specially trained in memory reconstruction. Almost like what SD-6 did to the man who killed your fiancé. Since the doctors would've had to keep you in surgery for at least four hours for it to be convincing, our agents had plenty of time to do their jobs. As far as the doctors know, everything went as planned and your. your body was already in the morgue. We placed a body double in the morgue. looked enough like you to fool someone who wasn't looking too closely. They can't perform an autopsy, because as far as they know, it would show that they hadn't even actually attempted surgery.  
  
"Your father and his team found information that confirmed the doctors at Angel of Mercy were putting drugs into your chemotherapy to make you sick. Your tumor never actually grew, at least not like they said it did. We're still not sure why they were plotting to kill you, but our best guess is that they discovered you were a double agent. Since that was the most likely possibility, we took all the necessary precautions. You and I have both been ordered into hiding. Your father is in protective custody back at headquarters... I requested that we be put into hiding together. They agreed and assigned Weiss to come with us. He's out right now going to get a CIA doctor also assigned to say with us and be in charge of your care.  
  
"We've assigned some agents to keep an eye on Will and Francie just in case. Will's been made aware of the situation. We told him to use his own discretion on how much to tell Francie. We suspect that he'll make sure she knows you're still alive. Unfortunately, Dixon and everyone at SD-6 are going to believe you're dead. Only your father and four other CIA agents know where we are right now. This is an unregistered CIA safe-house in Vermont, up in the mountains. It's very secluded, and according to the CIA, the safest place possible. The other agents that know all have different positions in different offices. They've been specifically ordered not to make any high-level officers or directors aware of this location, because they'd be the most likely to be captured for the information. So for now, everyone's safe," he finished finally. He noticed she was no longer looking at him. Her focus was now on her hands, which rested in her lap. She was obviously overwhelmed by the information.  
  
"Oh my God," she whispered. "How long have we been here?"  
  
"Only a few hours. Everything happened pretty fast, really. We were lucky we were able to pull it all off so quickly," he said, in a weak attempt to lighten her mood a little. She nodded absently, obviously not quite hearing what he was saying anymore.  
  
"Why did you request to come with me? I mean, we don't even know that you've been discovered. Had you gone separately, it would have been safer for you, and maybe not as long. Why would you do that to yourself?" She asked, her eyes once again finding his. He sighed and was content to just look at her for a moment before he answered.  
  
"Because I wanted to be with you. I didn't want you to have to go through this alone. We've been together on this the whole way. I wasn't about to bail out on you now," he said with a small smile. His words truly touched her, and she quickly felt her eyes fill up with tears. Blinking them back, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Sorry it's so short guys! I wanted to get it up quickly, so that you'd know what happened. Plus, you guys were awesome about reviewing so I wanted to keep my promise to have it up before the end of the weekend. And I also know that's one of the first chapters to end without a cliffhanger, but don't worry, the story's not about to die down now. I've still got some great plot twists coming up, and some of our favorite characters will make their first appearance soon. Just keep reading (. And review! The more you review, the faster the chapters come. Thanks! 


	9. Life in Hiding

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Ok well I really had it all planned out up until this chapter. I definitely know certain major plot points and a few little things, plus the ending (pretty much) but there's a lot that I'm kind of making up off the top of my head. So please keep reading and keep giving me feedback. It's a lot more important now, since I'm writing this part more as I go along and not from a plan. Thanks! And enjoy!  
  
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"Because I wanted to be with you. I didn't want you to have to go through this alone. We've been together on this the whole way. I wasn't about to bail out on you now," he said with a small smile. His words truly touched her, and she quickly felt her eyes fill up with tears. Blinking them back, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
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Chapter 9: Life in Hiding  
  
"So, I think it's about time for me to get out of this damn bed before my legs forget how to walk," Sydney said suddenly, completely changing the mood of their conversation. Vaughn smiled at her. That was his Sydney, always wanting to push herself.  
  
"You sure?" He asked, though he already knew her answer.  
  
"I'm going to have a permanent pillow-imprint on my face if I stay here one second longer. Yes, I'm definitely sure," she replied, already throwing the covers off of her legs and swinging them over the side of the bed.  
  
"Okay, but let me help you, at least at first. It may not seem as long to you because you've been out for most of the time, but you've been in bed for about 48 hours straight. Your legs are going to be a little shaky," he said, his hand on her shoulder to halt her efforts while he spoke. She looked at him a moment before she gave in and nodded. She scooted her body until she was sitting at the edge of the bed, her feet touching the floor. He bent down and brought her arm around his shoulders, while his went around her waist. Their efforts combined, she was quickly in a standing position. He looked unsurely at her for a moment until she nodded at him that she was ready to walk. Slowly, with his support, she took small steps until she reached the door of the room, which was thankfully left open. Once they reached it, she stopped.  
  
"I think I'm ready to try by myself," she insisted. He didn't let go right away, but looked at her instead, his eyes silently questioning her. Her determined brown eyes gave him the reassurance he needed and he gently let go. She brought her arm down from around his shoulders and grasped the side of the door for a moment before letting go and taking a step. Her legs were shaky, but she was able to hold herself up as long as she walked slowly and carefully. She didn't bother to turn back to look at him. She knew he was watching her and saw for himself. She slowly made her way down the unfamiliar hall and out into what appeared to be the living room. The house, she saw, was almost cabin-like. It was a typical house for being in the mountains. The living room was a very open room with a nice carpet, two chairs, a couch with a coffee table in front of it, and a television. She noticed that the set-up was similar to her house in the way that the living room was connected to the kitchen with a counter and stools in between the two rooms.  
  
Opting for the closest spot, she made her way over to the couch so she could sit before she overdid it on her legs. Vaughn, who'd been a few steps behind her the whole way, made sure she was seated before making his way into the kitchen. She heard him opening and closing drawers for a few minutes.  
  
"They've got this place pretty well stocked. Do you want anything to eat? There's some crackers here. They should be easy on your stomach. How about those?" He called while still fumbling through drawers and cupboards. She smiled at how considerate he was when it came to her.  
  
"Sure, that'd be fine," she called back as she reached out to the coffee table and grabbed the remote. She turned on the television to find the CIA had not only sprung for cable, but also for satellite. Not bad. She channel surfed until she found a channel that was playing "Notting Hill." Just as she started to get lost in her own thoughts, she saw Vaughn walk over with a box of saltines and a glass of water. He handed her the box and put the glass of water on the coffee table in front of her. She smiled her thanks to him as he sat down next to her and looked at the TV.  
  
"'Notting Hill,' huh? Such a chick flick," he joked with a smile that completely lightened his features. Unfortunately, his comment unknowingly made hers darken.  
  
"You're right. Francie and I rented this the night I was diagnosed. She wanted to have a movie marathon to take my mind off things," she said sadly. Vaughn mentally slapped himself.  
  
"Syd, I'm sorry-"  
  
"No, it's okay," she said, cutting him off. Vaughn watched her for a moment, as she looked beyond the television and out the window, her eyes sad.  
  
"She's safe, you know. We're making sure of that. She'll be fine, and Will too," he assured her softly.  
  
"I know. I do, it's just." she trailed off as her focus shifted from the window to studying the carpet at her feet. He watched her a moment before reaching out and resting his hand on her back to comfort her.  
  
"Yeah. I know," he said softly. She raised her head so that she was looking at him. She gave him a sad smile, which he returned. They continued to look at each other until they heard the front door open, and their attention quickly turned to see who was entering. They both smiled when they heard Weiss's voice muttering something about how cold it was as he entered with an older man in tow. Vaughn rose from the couch, but rested a hand on Sydney's shoulder before she was able to. She knew he was trying to tell her to stay put, but he walked away before she could argue.  
  
"Everything go okay?" Vaughn asked Weiss.  
  
"As planned," he replied. "This is Dr. Anderson," Weiss said, gesturing to the older man behind him, who was in the process of removing his coat and hanging it beside the door.  
  
"Hi," Vaughn said, shaking hands with the doctor. "Michael Vaughn."  
  
"Hey, Syd, you're up!" Weiss said, looking past Vaughn. Vaughn turned and was surprised to see Sydney walking up behind him. He sighed inwardly, knowing he should have known better than expect her to listen to him.  
  
"Hey Weiss," she said, smiling.  
  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Good. Oh, this is Dr. Anderson. He'll be in charge of your treatment for as long as we're here," Weiss explained. "Dr. Anderson, this is Sydney Bristow."  
  
"Hi," Sydney said sweetly as she shook hands with the doctor.  
  
"Hello Agent Bristow," the doctor greeted.  
  
"Sydney's fine," she told him.  
  
Dr. Anderson nodded. "I've met your father before," he told her. Sydney only nodded, the mention of her father causing her to wonder when she'd ever see him again.  
  
"Well," Vaughn said suddenly, snapping her out of her thoughts. "You guys probably want to get settled in. We have a lot to go over later." Everyone agreed before Weiss and Dr. Anderson gathered their luggage and disappeared down the hallway.  
  
Vaughn and Sydney both turned to look at each other, the silence in the room growing somewhat awkward.  
  
"I, um, I think I'm going to go lay down for a little while," she told him, hating to use the excuse because she knew Vaughn would worry, but knowing it would easily give her a while by herself.  
  
"Okay," he said, nodding. "Call if you need anything."  
  
"I will. Thanks," she said before turning quickly and making her way back to her room, thankful that her legs were able to support her the whole way there. She reached her room and shut the door behind her. She walked over and sat on her bed, staring at the ground. A million thoughts raced through her head. She wondered if she'd ever get her old life back, if she'd ever be able to see the people she loved again. The tears came hard and fast.  
  
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Everyone reconvened in the kitchen a few hours later when dinner was ready. The mood was tense, but Weiss soon broke it by teasing Vaughn good- naturedly about how he'd hidden his cooking skills for all these years. Sydney couldn't help but laugh when Vaughn blushed. They then took a few moments to learn a little more about Dr. Anderson. He informed them that he actually wouldn't be staying with them the entire time. He lived nearby and therefore, would stay when needed, be on call 24 hours a day for them, and check in frequently when he wasn't staying. He was, however, staying for a while in order to start Sydney's treatment.  
  
"So, Dr. Anderson, how exactly do you plan on treating Sydney from here? I mean, we only have access to basic medical equipment. I'm assuming she'll need to have MRI's and X-rays and such to evaluate her progress. How do you plan on treating her without that?" Vaughn asked the doctor, surprising Sydney with how much thought he'd put into all of this.  
  
"Well, actually, that's mainly why I was selected for this assignment. For the last decade, I've mainly just been doing work for the CIA, but I've been working out of one of the local hospitals. I worked there as an oncologist before I joined the agency and I've continued to do some work from there over the years, so I can take her in for testing periodically and no one at the hospital will really question it," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"Are we permanently assigned here, or are we moving around periodically?" Sydney asked.  
  
"For now, we've been ordered to stay here unless there's any indication that we've been discovered. So I guess it all depends," Weiss replied. "Aside from going to the hospital for testing, though, you and Vaughn should try not to leave the house." Sydney and Vaughn looked at each other. They both knew that of the four people in the house, they were the two that were truly in danger.  
  
Dinner finished without much more in the way of conversation. When they were finished, Dr. Anderson quickly excused himself, saying that he wanted to bring Sydney into the hospital for testing tomorrow and he needed to go over her medical files before then. Vaughn and Weiss started to clear the table. Sydney tried to help, but neither man would let her, both of them ordering her over to the couch. Rolling her eyes and muttering that she wasn't an invalid, she walked over to the couch and sat down.  
  
Moments later, Vaughn and Weiss both joined her in the living room. Vaughn sat on the opposite end of the couch and Weiss took one of the chairs. None of the three reached for the remote, not really in the mood to watch television.  
  
"You'd think if they assigned us to stay in this house for an undetermined amount of time, they'd at least leave us all they could to keep us occupied," Weiss joked.  
  
"Besides a closet full of old board games," Vaughn commented.  
  
"A closet full of board games?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Yeah, in the hallway. I found it when I was putting some of my stuff away," Vaughn said, pointing towards the hallway. Sydney smiled mischievously and got up, making her way towards the hall. Vaughn and Weiss both looked at each other, puzzled. They heard her open the closet door and rummage through it for a few minutes before she came back to the living room, a box in her hands. She sat down on the couch and put the box down on the coffee table, still smiling.  
  
"Trivial Pursuit?" Vaughn asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Unless you'd rather play Candyland," Sydney joked.  
  
"It's not like we have anything better to do," Weiss said, taking the cover off the box.  
  
"I haven't played Trivial Pursuit since I was about twelve years old," Vaughn stated.  
  
"Well, if you have any better suggestions, I'm anxious to hear them," Sydney said, looking at him expectantly. Vaughn rolled his eyes and sighed.  
  
"I call blue!" Weiss declared.  
  
An hour later, Sydney added another colored wedge to her pie while Vaughn and Weiss groaned. She'd completely dominated the global, news, innovations, and literature categories. She was a little shaky on the entertainment category and not so great on the sports category, but she was still winning by a lot. When a sports question came up that started with "name the Los Angeles hockey team that." Sydney grinned at Vaughn and answered, "The Kings." He gaped at her as she added the orange wedge to her pie.  
  
"I win!"  
  
"Man, that was the most pathetic game of trivial pursuit I've ever played," Weiss commented as he started to put away all the pieces.  
  
"Agreed," Vaughn said, while Sydney smiled smugly at them. Vaughn shook his head at her and they both helped Weiss clean up and put away the game.  
  
"Okay kids, I'm going to sleep," Weiss said, getting up from the chair.  
  
"Goodnight," Sydney said.  
  
"See you tomorrow," Vaughn said, as Weiss began heading down the hallway.  
  
"Don't make too much noise! 'Night!" He called to them. Sydney shook her head and laughed. Vaughn got up and stretched.  
  
"How about you? You must be tired," he said, as he stretched his arms above his head.  
  
"Actually I'm not. I think my sleep schedule's kind of messed up from being out for so long. I think I'm just going to stay out here for a while and watch some TV," she told him, already reaching for the remote.  
  
"Want company?" He asked. She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Sure, if you're not too tired."  
  
"Just so long as we don't watch some cooking or decorating show. If we do, I'm making no promises about not falling asleep," he said. She laughed.  
  
"Okay, we'll find a movie to watch."  
  
"Good." He rejoined her on the couch, this time sitting right next to her in the middle instead of on the other end. She flipped through the channels, passing over a few news channels and late night talk shows. Finally, she found HBO and stopped flipping for a moment to see what they were playing.  
  
"Oh! 'Practical Magic!' I love this movie!" She said, excitedly. "Think you can bear another chick flick?"  
  
"I think I'll live," he replied, smiling. She smiled back and set down the remote. They watched the movie for about ten minutes in complete silence. Sydney suddenly noticed that the room had gotten progressively colder and she could hear the wind rattling the windows. She felt a shiver run up her spine. Of course, Vaughn noticed right away.  
  
"You cold?" He asked.  
  
"A little," she admitted.  
  
"Yeah, it did get kind of cool in here," he said as he got up off the couch and walked over the chair. He reached over and grabbed a blanket that was draped over the back of it. He walked back over and draped it over her shoulders before sitting back down next to her. She laughed and shook her head at him.  
  
"Aren't you cold?" She asked.  
  
"Not really," he said. She reached out and picked up his arm, which was clearly covered in goose-bumps. He smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Liar," she said with a smile. "Vaughn, the blanket's big enough, have some." She took the blanket and reached out to put it over his shoulder. He smiled at her, taking the blanket and wrapping it around himself as well as they both moved a little closer to each other. They both continued to watch the movie, acutely aware of each other's presence. After a while, Vaughn felt Sydney lay her head on his shoulder. He looked at her, surprised, but her focus was only on the movie. He smiled and rested his head on top of hers. Still looking at the TV, Sydney smiled and let her eyes drift close. Twenty minutes later, they were both fast asleep.  
  
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Sydney awoke coughing. *hard*. She covered her mouth to try to muffle her coughs and got up off the couch as quietly as possible so as not to wake Vaughn. She made her way quickly to the bathroom. Once there, she braced herself against the sink and let the coughs rack her entire body. She didn't remember ever coughing this hard in her entire life. She gasped for breath as the fit continued. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Syd, are you okay?" She heard Vaughn asked. She tried to nod, but only kept coughing. He moved his hand so that it was rubbing her back. It was another minute or two before, finally, her coughing fit subsided. She brought her hand away from her mouth and was surprised at what she saw.  
  
Blood.  
  
"Oh my God. Syd."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, this part took me forever. I spent all week writing this. I swear, I had writer's block after writer's block after writer's block. It was quite frustrating. I wrote and rewrote so many parts, so please please please give me some feedback and let me know what you thought. Reviews are so important to me at this point, so please just click that little button and write a few words lol. It'll make my day, really! I'll try to get the next part out ASAP as usual. I have to work on an English paper for the next few days, but hopefully, I can work on this in between (I really hate that class lol). Thanks for reading! Now go review!!! 


	10. Unnatural Silence

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Here's chapter ten guys! Keep up the reviews! I'm having such an anxious time lately, waiting for all my college decisions that should start coming soon, so these reviews definitely help cheer me up during my time of anxiety lol. So thank to everyone who's reviewed so far, keep it up! And to those of you who are reading but not reviewing, now's a great time to start lol (. Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
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"Syd, are you okay?" She heard Vaughn asked. She tried to nod, but only kept coughing. He moved his hand so that it was rubbing her back. It was another minute or two before, finally, her coughing fit subsided. She brought her hand away from her mouth and was surprised at what she saw.  
  
Blood.  
  
"Oh my God. Syd."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 10: Unnatural Silence  
  
Sydney was speechless. She felt frozen. She didn't know what to say. It took her a moment to snap out of her shock and do something. Without looking back at Vaughn, she reached out and turned the water on in the sink. She washed her hands off before taking a paper cup from the stack next to the sink and filling it with water. She washed out her mouth before taking a few sips and letting the cool liquid soothe her throat.  
  
"I'm going to go get Dr. Anderson," Vaughn said, turning to the door.  
  
"Vaughn, wait!" She said urgently, reaching out and grabbing his arm to stop him. He turned to face her. "It's what, 3 in the morning?"  
  
"Closer to four, actually," he said, checking his watch.  
  
"He'll be up early to take me for testing anyway. I feel okay right now. There's no use waking him up. We can just as easily tell him in a few hours. There's nothing he can do until I'm tested anyway," she reasoned with him.  
  
"I don't know Syd. what if it gets worse?" He asked her, his voice full of concern.  
  
"Okay, look, if it happens again, we'll wake him up. But I promise you, beside a soar throat, I feel fine right now. There's no use waking him," she insisted. Vaughn sighed.  
  
"Fine. but you should at least go lie down in your bed until then. And if you start coughing again, blood or not, I want you to come get me immediately, okay?"  
  
"Okay," she replied. He continued to look at her, his eyes holding so many emotions. She forced herself to look away. She paused for a moment before walking out of the bathroom and heading to her bedroom to lie back down. Vaughn watched her retreating form, praying with everything in him that she would be okay.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke slowly, her senses coming to awareness one by one. She was aware before she opened her eyes that her chest felt heavy, making it slightly more difficult than normal to breathe. Then she remembered. the blood. She had to go in for testing today. She groaned, dreading spending an entire day at the hospital. Even more, she dreaded what the tests would tell them. Normal, healthy people didn't cough up blood. And though her brain tumor ruled her out of that category, she didn't quite understand how the two could be connected. A brain tumor shouldn't be effecting her chest and lungs.  
  
Sighing, she threw off the covers and sat up. She took a deep breath, trying to eliminate the feeling of heaviness on her chest before standing up. She went over to her closet and found her suitcase inside. She silently wondered who'd packed it for her. It had a number of her clothes and personal belongings. Whoever had packed it, she was grateful to them. She pulled out some clothes and a bag of toiletries and headed into her bathroom. When she emerged, she instantly felt better, having showered, dressed, and even put on a bit of make-up. She finally felt human again. A day of testing should end that fairly quickly, she though to herself.  
  
She left her room and headed towards the kitchen, instantly hearing the voices of all three men living in the house with her. They were all seated at the table. Even from across the room, she could see the serious expressions on their faces. She knew they were most likely discussing her. She debated silently whether to do what came naturally and listen to what they were saying before they noticed her or whether to announce her presence and not hear what she was sure she didn't really want to hear. She opted for the latter. She walked up to the table. Vaughn, as usual, noticed her first.  
  
"Hey, Syd, you're up. How'd you sleep?" He asked her, as the conversation the three were having instantly came to a halt. She smiled at their obviousness and sat down in the empty chair across from Vaughn.  
  
"I slept fine," she replied, wondering how much Vaughn had already told the doctor about the incident earlier that morning.  
  
"I told Dr. Anderson about the blood you coughed up earlier," Vaughn told her, as if reading her mind. She nodded, turning to Dr. Anderson.  
  
"I'm guessing that's not normal," she said to him.  
  
"Not quite. At this point, I could only guess as to why that happened, but we'll make sure to do some specific tests to find out," Dr. Anderson assured her. "How do you feel now?"  
  
"Fine. When did you want to leave for the hospital?" She asked.  
  
"Whenever you're ready," Dr. Anderson replied.  
  
"I'm ready as I'll ever be."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn silently stared at the door Sydney had just gone through. He hated so much that she had to go through this. He hated even more that he couldn't at least be there with her. Being seen in public together was too much of a risk. Her going to the hospital was quite risky in itself, but that risk was unavoidable.  
  
"She just went for testing, you know. She'll be back in a few hours," Weiss said suddenly, causing Vaughn to snap out of his daze and realize he must've been staring at the door for a little too long.  
  
"I know, it's just." Vaughn trailed off, unsure of how to express how he felt.  
  
"Yeah, I get it. You're worried about her," Weiss said sympathetically. Vaughn just looked at his friend, knowing there was no need for him to confirm that he was worried about Sydney. That pretty much went unsaid.  
  
"It just scared me when she coughed up all that blood. It was pretty bad," Vaughn admitted, not meeting Weiss's eyes.  
  
"I'd imagine it was if it woke you up all the way down the hall," Weiss commented. Vaughn immediately bit his lip and looked at the ground, reminding Weiss a child who'd been caught sneaking into the cookie jar. "Mike. I know that look. Did I miss something?" Weiss asked, eyeing Vaughn suspiciously.  
  
"I wasn't exactly in my room," Vaughn admitted, still not meeting Weiss's eyes.  
  
"Don't even tell me you were-"  
  
"No!" Vaughn said hastily, cutting Weiss off. "No, it's nothing like that. We were just watching some movie on TV and we both fell asleep on the couch. It was nothing."  
  
"Uh-huh," Weiss said sarcastically.  
  
"Don't even start. She's sick and she just had to abandon her entire life. She needs a friend right now, that's all," Vaughn argued.  
  
"Okay, Mike. You just keep telling yourself that."  
  
Vaughn shook his head at Weiss, muttering something about how impossible his friend was before he walked out of the room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney removed her coat and shut the door behind her. It had been an incredibly long day of testing. After four hours of sitting around waiting for the next vial of blood to be drawn or the next X-ray to be taken, she was finally done with the testing. Dr. Anderson told her that he had to go over the tests himself and get a radiologist to go over the MRI images with him. Since he knew that would take several more hours, he told Sydney to take the car and drive home. He said when he had all the results, he'd get his friend, also a doctor at the hospital, to drop him off at his house so he could get his own car.  
  
She suddenly saw Vaughn walk down the hallway and into the room. She smiled at him. "I thought I heard someone come in," he said. "How'd the tests go?"  
  
"Okay," she replied.  
  
"Any results yet?"  
  
"Not yet. Dr. Anderson's at the hospital still to get them, though. He said it would take a few hours." Vaughn nodded. "Where's Weiss?" She asked.  
  
"Grocery shopping," Vaughn replied.  
  
"As if we don't have enough food here already," Sydney said sarcastically.  
  
"Apparently not enough for him," Vaughn joked. Sydney giggled. Then, suddenly, her face grew serious. "What is it?" Vaughn asked her, concerned.  
  
"Oh, no, it's just. I realized that, even with everything that's going on right now, this is probably the most normal I've lived in a long time," she explained.  
  
"Funny how it works out like that, huh?"  
  
"Yeah," she said, looking at him for a moment before walking over to the couch and sitting down. He followed her almost immediately, sitting down next to her. He looked over at her, waiting for her to say something. She didn't meet his gaze, though, but looked down at the ground instead. "Do you think we'll ever see them again?" She asked suddenly. There was no need to ask who she was talking about.  
  
"Eventually. SD-6 won't be around forever," Vaughn assured her.  
  
"But without me or my dad working as double agents to take them down, there's nothing significant working against them anymore," she said, her voice low.  
  
"The CIA is working on that. They're not going to halt their efforts against SD-6 just because they're onto us. They've still got your dad and all that he knows. I'm sure he'll figure out a way."  
  
"What did they tell your family?" Sydney asked suddenly, surprising Vaughn.  
  
"Um. Well, they didn't have to fake my death like they did yours. My mother knows the truth. She knows that I work for the CIA. I don't know much else, but I think she's telling the rest of my family that I'm on a long-term assignment in some foreign country. I don't know the specifics," he explained.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Vaughn," she said softly.  
  
"This is *not* your fault, Sydney. Don't you dare apologize to me," he said firmly, his voice rising a bit.  
  
"How can you say that, Vaughn? Had you never been assigned to me, had I not made them replace Lambert with you-" He cut her off before she could finish by reaching over and laying a hand on her arm. She stopped and looked at him.  
  
"You know as well as I do that there were a million times I could've chosen to be reassigned. I could've declined being your hander in the first place. This was as much my choice as it was yours, if not more. I don't regret a day of it. I don't doubt that I'm right where I should be."  
  
His speech had caused tears to rise in her eyes. Blinking them back, she focused on his face. He smiled at her tentatively. She didn't try to speak, the combination of the lump in her throat and the tightening that was starting to return in her chest making it too difficult. She smiled back and slowly leaned towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt his arms come around her waist instantaneously. She tightened her grip on him and closed her eyes, trying to forget about the tightening in her chest and focus simply on how it felt to be in his arms. She almost succeeded.  
  
"Syd, are you okay? You're wheezing a little," Vaughn said softly into her ear. Sydney immediately opened her eyes. She hadn't even realized. She pulled away slowly.  
  
"It's nothing," she said, hoping she sounded more certain than she felt.  
  
"It's not nothing," he argued. She sighed and shut her eyes.  
  
"If it is something, there's nothing we can do until we know. Let's just leave it alone until then," she requested, opening her eyes again. He looked at her skeptically a moment, but finally nodded.  
  
Whatever was wrong with her didn't want to let her forget it, though. At that exact moment, she started coughing again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dr. Anderson returned two hours later, a manila folder in his hands. Vaughn was seated at the table and Weiss was in the kitchen, putting a few things away. Both men immediately stopped what they were doing and looked up at the doctor.  
  
"Those the results?" Vaughn asked, gesturing to the folder. Dr. Anderson nodded.  
  
"Where's Agent Bristow?" Dr. Anderson asked.  
  
"She started coughing again. I made her go lie down," Vaughn replied.  
  
"More blood?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn nodded. "Well, we should get her up. She needs to hear these."  
  
"I'll get her," Vaughn told the doctor as he got up from his seat. He headed down the hallway and stopped at the door to her bedroom. He knocked softly, entering after he heard her muffled reply. He found her sitting up in her bed, reading. She looked at him intently.  
  
"What's up?" She asked.  
  
"Dr. Anderson's back. He has the results," Vaughn told her. She looked at him, her expression almost frightened. After a moment, she took a deep breath and closed her book. Without looking at him, she got up and walked over to him, pausing slightly before she walked past him, through the door. He followed her down the hallway and into the main room. They both sat at the table where Weiss and Dr. Anderson already sat.  
  
"Did you find something?" Sydney asked, wasting no time.  
  
"I did. I think I know why you've been coughing up blood lately. It was pretty much as I suspected. You have a tumor in your lung, Agent Bristow." Sydney was too busy trying to take in the information to remind him to call her by her first name.  
  
"What exactly does that mean, doctor?" Vaughn asked before Sydney even had the chance. All three of the agents turned to the doctor and waited intently for his answer. Vaughn stole a quick glance at Sydney's pale face before looking to the doctor for his answer.  
  
"Though I luckily didn't find any other tumors, that suggests that the cancer's spread to her blood-stream. We're going to have to start some more aggressive treatment. It also means she's going to need surgery as soon as possible," the doctor explained to them.  
  
All eyes turned on Sydney. She simply stared down at the table, refusing to look up. No one spoke. The room went unnaturally silent.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Yaaaay, this part is done. I swear, I worked on this every spare second when I wasn't working on the two English papers I had to write this week. It took me a long time, but it's here, thank God. I hope you liked it, please review! I've been stressed out all week and I'm really looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend, reading lots of reviews, and working non-stop on the next part. Enough reviews could definitely motivate me to get it up tomorrow or Saturday. So hit that little button and review! Thanks guys (. 


	11. Schedules

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! And thanks for understanding about school frequently getting in the way. I'm happy to be able to say that I just qualified for National Honors Society, so thankfully I'm still doing well (despite a major case of senioritis lol). But I love writing this story so much, it's what gets me through my schoolwork every day. Thanks for making this so fun! And without any further ado, here's chapter eleven!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Though I luckily didn't find any other tumors, that suggests that the cancer's spread to her blood-stream. We're going to have to start some more aggressive treatment. It also means she's going to need surgery as soon as possible," the doctor explained to them.  
  
All eyes turned on Sydney. She simply stared down at the table, refusing to look up. No one spoke. The room went unnaturally silent.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 11: Schedules  
  
Sydney lay completely still, hearing the machine that surrounded her come to life. A circular extension from overhead lowered, pointing at her head. She knew it was emitting radiation directly at her tumor, trying to eliminate as many of the cancer cells as possible. Slowly, she took a deep breath and let out a sigh, being careful not to move her head even the slightest bit.  
  
This was her fifth session of radiation. When the doctor had told them about her downturn, he'd planned a new, more aggressive course of treatment. She was now having chemotherapy three times a week and radiation treatments on both the tumor in her brain and the one in her chest. The plan was shrink the tumor in her lung as much as possible before removing it. That way, there would be no permanent damage to her lung. The goal for the surgery was two weeks. For them to be able to remove it that quickly, though, she had to start coming to the hospital five days a week. The weekends were the only days she had without treatment. With chemo Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and radiation every week day, she often spent the rest of each day sick or sleeping. The two days when she only had radiation weren't so bad usually. Unless she was still recovering from a rough session of chemo, she usually only felt slightly tired after the treatments. The radiation thankfully didn't cause many side-effects. Her hair was thinning slightly from where the radiation was aimed at, but it wasn't noticeable. She was fortunate enough not to have lost all her hair from the chemo. That was probably the only way she'd lucked out in the last month, she thought gloomily.  
  
The good news was that it was a Friday and she had a treatment-free weekend ahead of her. The bad news was she had one more chemo session ahead of her when she returned home. Dr. Anderson was moving back home after her session, though. With her new treatments started and having no unusual side- affects, he was no longer needed to stay with them 24 hours a day. Weiss would drive her to her radiation treatments and Dr. Anderson would stop by the cabin those three times a week to administer her chemo. Her life had become perfectly scheduled, something it hadn't been in a long time. With all the missions and all-hours meetings she'd had at SD-6 and the CIA, she'd never been able to follow any sort of schedule with her life. Now that she finally could, she hated the reason for it. I just can't win, she thought to herself.  
  
Her thoughts suddenly shifted to Vaughn. She hadn't really had much of a conversation with him since that night Dr. Anderson had told them about her new tumor. She'd either been at the hospital or sleeping from the treatments or in the bathroom getting sick. Much to his despair, she'd refused any help when she was sick. She read while the chemo dripped into her arm from the IV. By the time it finished, she was usually asleep. She normally slept for less than two hours before she was awoken by horrible nausea. Then she'd simply lock herself in her bathroom and stay there until she'd emptied her stomach completely. Then she'd go back to bed, a basin sitting on her nightstand all the time just in case. So far, she'd been able to make it to the bathroom every single time, but she knew even if she'd have to use the basin, she wouldn't let him help. This was something she simply had to do by herself, whether he understood it or not.  
  
Suddenly, the extension from the machine retracted and the door to the room opened. Sydney snapped back to her surroundings and saw the technician coming in to rearrange the machine to now emit radiation at the tumor in her chest. She stretched out her arms, preparing for the next period of stillness.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"We'll see you on Monday!" Weiss called to Dr. Anderson as he climbed into his car. Weiss then re-entered the house and shut the door. He turned to Vaughn, who was sitting at the table. He walked over and dropped into the chair across from him. "What a week," he said, sighing.  
  
"Tell me about it," Vaughn agreed, leaning back and rubbing his eyes. They were both silent for a moment, when a noise came from down the hall. Through Sydney's open door, they both heard her coughing. Seconds later, they heard a door close, most likely the one that led to her bathroom. Both Vaughn and Weiss looked at each other, their expressions serious.  
  
"Maybe you should go check on her," Weiss said. Vaughn shook his head.  
  
"She won't let me. She refuses any help when she's sick," Vaughn told him.  
  
"Why does that not surprise me?" Vaughn was about to reply when they suddenly heard footsteps coming from the hall. They both turned and saw Sydney coming out from the hall and into the main room. She looked up when she was about ten feet from the table and stopped when she saw them both looking at her.  
  
"Hey," she said to both of them.  
  
"Hey. How are you?" Vaughn asked. He noticed how pale and drawn her face looked. He could tell she'd just been sick. Her eyes looked slightly red.  
  
"I'm okay. I just came to get a glass of water. The paper cups in my bathroom ran out," she replied.  
  
"Here, sit. I'll get it for you," Vaughn said, getting up and holding out his vacated chair for her. To his surprise, she didn't argue and went over and sat down. He walked into the kitchen.  
  
"I'll get you some more of those cups when I go out later," Weiss told her as he picked up the newspaper that lay on the table in front of him.  
  
"Thanks. anything interesting?" She asked, nodding her head at the paper.  
  
"Not unless you consider the birth of local quadruplets interesting," Weiss replied. She smiled a little. Vaughn walked back in and set the glass of water down in front of her before sitting down in the chair next to her.  
  
"Thanks," she told him as she took a few sips. After a moment of silence among the three of them, she slowly got up from her chair, still holding the glass of water. "I think I'm going to go back and lie down for a while," she said.  
  
"Okay. If you need anything-"  
  
"I know," she said, cutting Vaughn off. She smiled at both of them before turning and walking back to her room, shutting the door behind her.  
  
"She doesn't look so great," Weiss said, putting down his paper.  
  
"No she doesn't," Vaughn agreed, getting up suddenly and walking down the hall to his room in order to end the conversation he knew was headed in a direction he certainly did not want to go in.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney felt much better after she'd slept a few hours, and was even able to join Vaughn and Weiss for dinner. She usually didn't have much of an appetite after chemo, but she managed to eat a bit, mostly to avoid the worried looks Vaughn kept giving her. She was relieved, though, when the food didn't make her feel nauseous and gladly ate as much as she was able.  
  
They stayed at the table after they were finished, just talking. Weiss started to go into some story about going to a bar with Vaughn and Vaughn having a little too much to drink. Vaughn was blushing, but Sydney was doubled over with laughter. It was like hearing about this whole other side of him. Weiss finally finished his story and both his and Sydney's laughter gradually died down.  
  
"I don't know why you guys find that so funny," Vaughn said, shaking his head. Weiss opened his mouth to explain when the phone suddenly rang. They all looked at each other in confusion. They hadn't received a single phone call the entire time they'd been out there. There was really no one to call. The phone was simply there in case of an emergency. Weiss shrugged and went over to pick up the phone.  
  
Sydney and Vaughn watched the one-sided conversation intently. Weiss's replies were short and didn't reveal much, but at one point he brought his hand up to rub his forehead, the gesture clearly indication that the call was bad news. After less than five minutes, he hung up the phone and turned to them.  
  
"What was that about?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"That was CIA. Apparently, your father," he began, turning to Sydney "was contacted by Sloane through e-mail." The color immediately drained from Sydney's face as she felt her stomach drop.  
  
"What about?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Let's just say we have confirmation that both of your covers have been blown. He knows. And he knows about you too," Weiss finished, turning to Vaughn. Vaughn closed his eyes and took a deep breath, absorbing the information. Of course, they'd all prepared for this, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. "So it looks like we'll be here for a while," Weiss said, looking at both of them. Vaughn and Sydney both stared blankly at the ground. Silence hung in the air, much like it had the night they'd found out about the tumor in Sydney's chest. Finally, Sydney couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Excuse me," she said softly, quickly getting up and walking down the hall to her room. Vaughn and Weiss both looked at each other.  
  
"Did they say if Sloane was on to Jack's location?" Vaughn asked Weiss.  
  
"They don't think so, but they're taking extra measures to protect him just in case," Weiss replied. Vaughn nodded absently. "You should go talk to her."  
  
"You think?" Vaughn asked, unsure.  
  
"Yeah," Weiss replied. Vaughn nodded again and made his way to Sydney's room. The door was closed and he debated whether or not to knock. Afraid she might not let him in if he did, he opted to just go in. As quietly as possible, he opened the door and walked inside. The room was dark, illuminated only by the moonlight. Once his eyes adjusted, he saw her sitting in the window-seat, staring out the window. She looked at him when he closed the door behind him. He paused where he was, waiting for some kind of response from her. She simply turned and looked back out the window. He took that as the permission he needed to go over to the window seat and sit next to her, facing away from the window. He turned his head sideways to look at her.  
  
"I was just thinking. I'll never have to set foot in that office again. Or sit through one of his briefings and fantasize about killing him. Or worry about hiding my counter-mission from Dixon on a mission," she told him. Though these things would normally be something to celebrate, her face held only sadness.  
  
"At least everyone's alive and safe for the time being," Vaughn reminded her.  
  
"You're very optimistic, Vaughn. Has anyone ever told you that?" She asked him, finally turning to look at him.  
  
"My mother used to tell me that," he told her. A ghost of a smile crossed her face.  
  
"I guess we're both in this for the long run now," she said, her voice almost a whisper. She turned and looked back out the window.  
  
"We weren't before?" Vaughn questioned her, confused.  
  
"You may not have been. There was much less a chance that you were exposed than me."  
  
"I would've stayed no matter what. Syd, I told you already. I won't let you go through this alone," he said softly. She looked back at him, clearly affected by what he'd said. Without thinking, he reached out and laid a hand on her cheek. She leaned into his touch, not taking her eyes off his. His eyes held so many emotions, as she was sure hers did. Suddenly, his eyes changed. They no longer looked sad. She now saw something else in them. She felt her heartbeat accelerate when he leaned forward, slowly coming closer and closer to her face. When he was only inches away, he looked back into her eyes, as if asking for permission. She looked back at him. Apparently, it was enough. He closed the last distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I know you guys have waiting for that for a while, and I figured if I wanted to have some parts play out the way I want them to and not have them be out of character, I'd finally make it happen. Oh, and a few notes about the beginning part. As I'm sure you all figured out, she was in the radiation machine. That's the best I could describe it based on observing the machinery for a research paper I once wrote on brain tumors (go figure) and from getting some information from my dad, who's a doctor. So I didn't just make that all up lol. Okay, well I think I'm actually going to start the next part right now, because there are a few plot points I'm anxious to get to and my weekdays get so insanely busy. So keep reviewing and I may have it up within a day or two. Reviews make me go faster, hint hint lol. 


	12. Complications

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: I'm glad you guys all liked the kiss lol. All your reviews really made my day! And since this is the first Sunday since the middle of February where I don't have to do homework all day, I'm able to get a start on this chapter extra early like I promised. So here it is!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I would've stayed no matter what. Syd, I told you already. I won't let you go through this alone," he said softly. She looked back at him, clearly affected by what he'd said. Without thinking, he reached out and laid a hand on her cheek. She leaned into his touch, not taking her eyes off his. His eyes held so many emotions, as she was sure hers did. Suddenly, his eyes changed. They no longer looked sad. She now saw something else in them. She felt her heartbeat accelerate when he leaned forward, slowly coming closer and closer to her face. When he was only inches away, he looked back into her eyes, as if asking for permission. She looked back at him. Apparently, it was enough. He closed the last distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 12: Complications  
  
The kiss started out soft, her lips barely moving under his. Gradually, it grew in intensity until they both pulled back to catch their breath. Vaughn stayed close to her face and leaned his forehead against hers.  
  
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he told her.  
  
"Actually, I think I do," she said with a smile. "I guess we technically don't have to worry about protocol now, do we?"  
  
Vaughn laughed. "I guess not."  
  
Sydney pulled back a little. "What about Weiss?" She asked.  
  
"He doesn't need to know. At least not yet," Vaughn replied. Sydney nodded her agreement. Suddenly, she pulled back a little more and looked away from him.  
  
"Syd, what is it?" Vaughn asked, concerned.  
  
"It's just. Vaughn, how on earth can this work? I mean, look at us. We're in hiding for God knows how long, I'm still sick. I mean-"  
  
"Syd," he said suddenly, cutting her off. "It was always going to be complicated, no matter when this happened. But this way, we're already together until this whole thing blows over. Until SD-6 is gone. And by then, you'll be better," he said, running his thumb back and forth over her cheek.  
  
"There's that optimism again," she said, causing Vaughn to chuckle. Suddenly, their faces both grew serious once again as he recaptured her lips with his.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney woke up early on Saturday morning, unable to go back to sleep. She suspected it was because she'd slept so much during the week. The treatments always managed to knock her out for hours at a time. Sighing, she threw off the covers and headed into the living room. Weiss found her there an hour later, reading a book with the TV softly playing in the background.  
  
"Now that's multi-tasking for you. Watching the TV *and* reading a book," Weiss joked, walking over to the living room. Sydney smiled at him, as he sat in the chair next to the couch that she was stretched out on.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," she told him. "I didn't expect anyone else to be up so early."  
  
"Old habits die hard," he said. "I still feel like I have to get up at six to go to work."  
  
"I know what you mean. It still feels odd to wake up here every morning, doesn't it?" She asked.  
  
"I'm slowly getting used to it," he replied. She looked at him for a moment.  
  
"How did you manage to get stuck here with us?" She asked him, suddenly curious.  
  
"Well, I heard that they were assigning an agent to stay with you both for protection, and I volunteered to go. I don't really have any family to leave behind and I hated the idea of you guys being stuck here with some stranger. It wasn't exactly a hard decision," he told her.  
  
"You *volunteered*? Are you crazy?" She asked him, surprised.  
  
"Hey, it's not so bad. The house isn't bad, it's free, I don't have to work, I don't have to worry about bills," he joked.  
  
"True, but still. I don't know if I could ever volunteer for something like this. I always dreaded the idea of going into hiding. Admittedly, it's not as bad as I sometimes imagined it to be, but I don't know if I could ever willingly put myself in this position. That said, though, I'm glad you volunteered. You're right. I wouldn't want to be stuck here with some stranger. But I won't blame you if you ever want to switch off with another agent," she assured him.  
  
"Sorry, Bristow, you're stuck with me for a while," he said, smiling. She laughed. "So how are things between you and Mike?" He asked suddenly. She looked up at him, surprised.  
  
"What do you mean?" She asked, trying to sound confused. She hoped the blush she felt in her cheeks didn't betray her act.  
  
"Oh, okay, you're gonna be like that," he said, nodding.  
  
"Seriously, Weiss, I have no clue what you're talking about."  
  
"Whatever, Syd," he said, smiling. He got up and headed into the kitchen. She picked her book back up and pretending to read, knowing her attempt to actually concentrate would be futile.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn walked out into the main room around an hour later, having slept in a little more than normal. He immediately saw Sydney stretched across the couch, reading. She didn't see him yet, and he decided to take advantage of that fact. He looked around to see if Weiss was there, but didn't see him. Vaughn started walking towards the couch. When he was a few feet away, Sydney looked up and smiled at him.  
  
"Good morning," she said, lowering her book a little. He walked to the back of the couch and leaned over it, giving her a soft kiss on the lips.  
  
"Good morning," he replied when he pulled away.  
  
"How did you know Weiss wasn't in the kitchen or something?" she asked him, still smiling.  
  
"I looked. Give me a little credit. I do work for the CIA, you know," he said, defending himself. She laughed. He walked around the couch and brought her legs in towards her body so that he could sit next to her.  
  
"Sleep well?" she asked.  
  
"I don't think I've slept in this late in a few years, so yeah," he replied. "You?"  
  
"I'll never take the feeling of waking up without nausea for granted again."  
  
"Does that mean you're feeling okay?" He asked.  
  
"For the most part," she replied, focusing her attention back on her reading. Vaughn took that as a sign not to press for more.  
  
"What are you reading?" He asked. She titled the book upwards so he could see the title.  
  
"The Speed of Light," he read off the book. "Is it any good?"  
  
"I'm starting to get into it," she replied. She looked at him again. "It's been a while since I've gotten a chance to read for fun. Whoever packed my bag was nice enough to put in a whole bunch of my unread books."  
  
"Will packed your stuff," he told her.  
  
"Really?" She asked, surprised.  
  
"Yeah. While we were extracting you, your dad called him and told him to pack a few bags for you with everything you'd need to go into hiding for a while," he explained.  
  
"Wow. I just figured they'd sent some agent to my house when no one was home," she told him.  
  
"Nope. Will was a lot of help." She smiled at that, remembering how sweet Will always was towards her. Her smile suddenly faded when she felt her chest suddenly tighten and she brought her hand to her mouth and braced herself for the coughing she knew was coming. Sure enough, coughs racked her entire body only a second later. She got up off the couch quickly.  
  
"Syd? Are you okay?" Vaughn asked, his voice sounding frightened. She managed to nod as she quickly made her way to her bathroom, still coughing. Vaughn got up off the couch, but didn't move further than that. He stood there for a moment, debating on whether or not to go after her. He knew she normally wouldn't let him, but things had changed between him since then.  
  
Meanwhile, Syd leaned over the sink, still coughing. She started to notice that it was getting more difficult to catch her breath between coughs. Her vision started to swim suddenly and she couldn't seem to get enough air. She gasped for breath, wanting to call out to Vaughn, but unable to do so. She hunched over the sink, desperately trying to get more air.  
  
Back in the living room, Vaughn finally decided he had nothing to lose in going after her. The worst that could happen would be her telling him that she could take care of herself. At least this way he would know if she needed any help. He quickly walked down the hall and into her room. He was surprised to find her bathroom door open. He walked towards it. Once he was in the doorway, he saw her bent over the sink, gasping for breath. He immediately rushed to her side, putting his hand on the small of her back.  
  
"Syd! Oh my god, are you okay?" He asked frantically. She couldn't answer him or bring her head up to look at him. All she could manage to do was grab his arm with one of her hands and grip it tightly. He immediately got the message. He bolted out of the bathroom, out of the bedroom, and down the hall to Weiss's room. He burst through the door without knocking and saw Weiss sitting at the desk in his room, working on the laptop. He instantly turned around when he heard Vaughn come in.  
  
"Call Dr. Anderson! Something's wrong with Syd!"  
  
"What's wrong?" Weiss asked, his eyes going wide.  
  
"I don't think she can breathe."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
By the time Dr. Anderson arrived, Sydney was breathing a little easier, but was still having trouble. The doctor instantly went to Sydney's room, where she was sitting in her bed with Vaughn at her side. Dr. Anderson started checking her over and Vaughn moved out of his way, standing now in the doorway. The doctor had brought along a large bag of equipment, almost the size of a suitcase. He listened to her heart and breathing with a stethoscope before pulling out an oxygen tank and mask. He slipped the mask over her mouth and nose. Vaughn noted the relief that instantly registered on her face. The doctor continued to check her over for about ten minutes, and then told her to lie back. She did so as Dr. Anderson made his way over to talk to Vaughn.  
  
"Is she okay?" Vaughn asked instantly.  
  
"Yes, she'll be fine. As far as I can tell, this is simply the tumor giving her problems. It doesn't seem to be shrinking the way we'd hoped. It's not a huge deal, though. We just wanted to shrink it so that the operation could be as simple as possible to allow her a quicker recovery time. I'll simply move the surgery up to this week. I'll leave the oxygen mask here. She can use it whenever she has trouble breathing. She shouldn't have any further complications," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"So this is normal?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"For her condition, yes. It's really nothing to worry about. Once we remove the tumor in her lung, she won't have any of these respiratory problems anymore," Dr. Anderson assured him.  
  
"Okay. Thanks for coming," Vaughn said, shaking the doctor's hand.  
  
"No problem. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know when the surgery can be scheduled. Don't hesitate to call if anything else happens, though I don't expect her to have any more problems."  
  
"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow then," Vaughn said. The doctor nodded and turned to leave. Vaughn walked down the hall into the main room and found Weiss sitting at the table.  
  
"Is she okay?" Weiss asked, getting up from the table and walking over to Vaughn. Vaughn explained what the doctor had told him.  
  
"Well, thank god it's nothing too serious," Weiss said afterwards. "You should go tell her."  
  
"You're right," Vaughn agreed, turning and walking back to Sydney's room. The door was open and he walked in and over to her bed. She was awake, on her bed in a half-sitting position with pillows stacked up behind her. She still had the oxygen mask on, but looked at him questioningly when he came in. He smiled at her and walked over and sat on the edge of her bed, facing her.  
  
"Feeling better?" He asked her, reaching out and taking her hand. She nodded at him. "Good. Well, Dr. Anderson says this is nothing to worry about. He says it's a normal symptom from the tumor in your chest. He wants to move up the surgery to this week so that you don't have to deal with this for too long," Vaughn explained to her. She closed her eyes and sighed audibly through the mask. "Hey," he said, causing her to open her eyes again. He reached out and brushed a piece of hair from her face. "At least you're okay." She nodded again. Vaughn leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, silently praying that her seemingly constant downturn would soon end.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, I got this chapter up pretty quick, didn't I? See, if you guys keep reviewing, I really do get them up quicker. Here's your proof lol. Well I hope you liked it. I know I'm torturing Sydney an insane amount, but I wanted to make it realistic. I've done a lot of research about cancer (specifically brain tumors, I once wanted to be an oncologist) and it's been in my family before, so I know that it's often one downturn after another after another. And I know this is one of the few chapters that isn't a cliffhanger, but please review anyway and keep reading because some interesting plot twists are coming up. And a new character will soon make an appearance! Oh, and those of you who are X-Files fans also may have caught my "Speed of Light" reference. Yes, that is the book Gillian's making into a movie and directing just to clear that up lol. Ok, now please go review! I got this out quickly for you, so please review for me lol. Thanks! 


	13. Time to Rest

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: I know I sound like a broken record, but thanks to everyone who reviewed! There were some particularly nice reviews for the last chapter that really made my week. Thanks! I just downloaded and watched Jennifer Garner interviews for two hours and felt so inspired, I practiced my monologues for like ten times as much time as I usually do (lol if you can't tell, I want to be an actress) and them came to the computer and started writing immediately. Looking up to that woman does amazing things for me lol! I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Feeling better?" He asked her, reaching out and taking her hand. She nodded at him. "Good. Well, Dr. Anderson says this is nothing to worry about. He says it's a normal symptom from the tumor in your chest. He wants to move up the surgery to this week so that you don't have to deal with this for too long," Vaughn explained to her. She closed her eyes and sighed audibly through the mask. "Hey," he said, causing her to open her eyes again. He reached out and brushed a piece of hair from her face. "At least you're okay." She nodded again. Vaughn leaned down and gently kissed her forehead, silently praying that her seemingly constant downturn would soon end.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 13: Time to Rest  
  
Vaughn emerged an hour later and walked out to the main room. He joined Weiss at the table. Weiss looked up at him and immediately closed his laptop, focusing his attention on Vaughn.  
  
"How is she?" He asked.  
  
"Sleeping. She's exhausted," Vaughn replied, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Maybe you ought to think about doing the same. You look like crap," Weiss commened. Vaughn let out a mirthless laugh.  
  
"Thanks," he said sarcastically. "My nerves are still on edge, that's all. I just. You should've seen her, Eric. She couldn't even call out for help. I don't even want to think about what would've happened if I hadn't gone after her when she started coughing," he continued, his voice pained and serious.  
  
"But you did go after her. And after this incident, I have no doubt you'll continue to do so. You know, if Dr. Anderson ever think she's really in trouble, he'll start monitoring her," Weiss reminded him.  
  
"I know. I guess I'm not used to her actually needing help," Vaughn admitted.  
  
"I know what you mean. Though she could probably still kick your ass, even sick," Weiss joked. Vaughn laughed.  
  
"You're right," he agreed.  
  
"Go get some sleep. She'll be up later and I know you won't want to be falling asleep then," Weiss urged. Vaughn relented, patting his friend on the shoulder before making his way to his room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn only managed to sleep for two hours, but he felt better as soon as he woke up. He got out of bed and found Weiss, still sitting at the table and working on his computer.  
  
"Are you like attached to that thing?" Vaughn teased, causing Weiss to look up at him. After a moment, a smile spread across his face.  
  
"Oh, you're one to lecture about getting attached," Weiss teased, laughing at the shocked expression that appeared on Vaughn's face. "Besides, it's not like there's much else to do around here."  
  
"There's a television," Vaughn reminded him, pointing towards the living room area.  
  
"Already tried. There's nothing on," Weiss told him. Vaughn shook his head at him. Suddenly, the phone rang and they both looked at each other, surprised. Weiss shrugged and Vaughn got up and went over to answer the call.  
  
"Hello?" Vaughn said into the phone.  
  
"Agent Vaughn?" Came the questioning response of Jack Bristow.  
  
"Jack?" Vaughn asked, surprised to hear his voice on the other end.  
  
"Yes. They finally allowed me a secure line to contact you. How's Sydney?" Jacked asked, wasting no time with pleasantries. Vaughn sighed.  
  
"She has a tumor in her lung. It's been giving her some problems. Dr. Anderson had to put in her on an oxygen mask this morning. He scheduled her for surgery on Tuesday to remove the tumor," Vaughn explained to him. He listened to Jack's breathing, and could almost imagine his stony expression.  
  
"Can I speak to her?" Jack asked a moment later, his voice considerably softer than before.  
  
"She's sleeping right now. Want me to wake her?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"No. No, let her rest. I'll call back after the surgery's done," Jack replied.  
  
"Will you still have access to a secure line then?"  
  
"I'll make sure I do." Vaughn had no doubt he would.  
  
"Any advances in getting back inside SD-6?" Vaughn asked, changing the subject. He knew Sydney would want to know.  
  
"We have some ideas. Nothing concrete yet, but we will," Jack replied. There was a short pause. "My time's almost up," he said suddenly.  
  
"I'll tell Sydney you called," Vaughn said.  
  
"Thank you," Jack replied before hanging up.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. Sydney mostly slept, already tethered to the bed by the oxygen mask she found she needed constantly. Vaughn checked on her every few hours. She joked and told him he needed a life. He joked back and told her she was one to talk. Their conversation was limited due to the oxygen mask, but it was enough. Before they knew it, it was the day before the surgery. A little while before Dr. Anderson was supposed to come get Sydney to check her in to the hospital, Vaughn went to talk to Sydney. He entered her room and found her sitting on her bed, propped up by a stack of pillows. She was dressed in a comfortable track- suit, having picked out her most comfortable outfit that could pass as regular clothes. She wore the oxygen mask still, but now seemed to be wide awake. He walked over and sat down in a chair permanently positioned next to her bed. He smiled at her. She pulled off the oxygen mask.  
  
"Syd-" He said before she cut him off with a wave of her hand.  
  
"It's okay. I'm fine without it for a little while," she told him. His forehead was still creased in concern, but he nodded. "When's Dr. Anderson coming?"  
  
"Within the next hour I think," Vaughn replied. "How do you feel?"  
  
"Like I want to get this over with," she told him. He smiled. "Did the doctor mention how long I'll have to stay in the hospital?"  
  
"He said it depended. They have to see how the surgery goes and how quickly you recover, but he said he'd try to get you back as soon as possible to lessen the chances of anyone recognizing you," Vaughn explained. Sydney nodded before she reached out and took his hand.  
  
"Don't get too bored without me," she said with a smile. He smiled back, but his face quickly grew serious again.  
  
"I wish I could be there," he told her.  
  
"I'll be okay," she said, squeezing his hand.  
  
"I know. But I still wish I could be there," he repeated.  
  
"Me too," she admitted. They both looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity before the door suddenly opened, causing them both to jump. They both looked over to see Weiss leaning into the room.  
  
"Hey guys, Dr. Anderson's here to take Syd," he said, opening the door a bit more to let Dr. Anderson enter the room. The older man walked over to Sydney's bed and stood beside where Vaughn was sitting.  
  
"How are you?" He asked, resting his bag on her bed and pulling out his stethoscope.  
  
"Fine. No more complications," she replied. He put the stethoscope on and she leaned forward as he pressed it to her back. He asked her to breathe in and out a few times as he listened.  
  
"Sounds pretty much the same. Okay then, are you ready to go?" He asked. She nodded. "Okay, I'll go start the car," the doctor said, putting the stethoscope back in his bag and exiting the room.  
  
"I'll get the tank, you help Syd out," Weiss said, walking around the bed. He easily lifted the tank and mask and carried it out of the room. Vaughn turned back to Sydney, only then realizing that, in all the commotion, he'd never let go of her hand. He looked down at their joined hands before looking back up at her face. She smiled sadly. He leaned forward and kissed her softly.  
  
"You ready?" he asked once he pulled back. She nodded and moved so that she was sitting next to him on the bed. He stood up and brought his arm around her waist, helping her up and out to the car.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn and Weiss both sat at the table, neither speaking. Weiss stared down at the ground, while Vaughn stared down at his clasped hands, which rested on the table top. The room was entirely silent. Suddenly the phone rang, and Vaughn jumped out of his seat, catching it before it reached the second ring.  
  
"Hello?" He asked anxiously into the phone.  
  
"It's Dr. Anderson. She just got out of surgery. Everything went fine." Vaughn's whole body sagged in relief. He looked towards Weiss, who was looking at him anxiously. Vaughn nodded at him and he let out a deep breath.  
  
"Thanks, doctor. That's good to hear. Any word on when she'll be home?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I'll have her transferred soon, probably a few days," the doctor said, putting the slightest emphasis on the word "transferred" so that Vaughn understood what he really meant.  
  
"Okay. Thanks again," Vaughn said, before hanging up the phone. He sighed, relieved to finally hear some good news.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Four days later, Dr. Anderson brought Sydney home bearing more good news. They had performed an MRI on her and found no new tumors. The one in her brain hadn't seemed to have grown either. Though it hadn't shrunk yet, they considered this to be good news. It was certainly a contrast to all the bad news they'd been hearing lately.  
  
Sydney was sedated when Dr. Anderson brought her home. He explained that he hadn't wanted her to be in pain by being jostled around in the car. He'd gotten her out of the hospital at least a week before she would've been released, probably more. He'd requested she be transferred to a different hospital, one that happened to be a CIA hospital. Some of the doctors at EMTs working out of that hospital had been given orders. They came in an ambulance and drove her to a secret location where Dr. Anderson retrieved her.  
  
Vaughn carried Sydney out of the car and into the house, carefully depositing her on her bed. She didn't even stir as he laid a blanket over her. He walked back out into the main room where Dr. Anderson was telling Weiss everything they needed to know about Sydney's condition. By the time he reached them, though, Dr. Anderson seemed to have said what he needed to. He said his goodbyes and told them to call him if they needed anything.  
  
"What's the word?" Vaughn asked once Dr. Anderson was out the door.  
  
"He said that she'll spend most of the next few days sleeping, and that she should try to stay in bed for the next week until she fully recovers. He left some pain medication in case she needs it. He says she might have some pain where they operated. He scheduled her next chemo session for ten days from now. He says he'll wait to schedule her radiation, because it depends on how well she recovers," Weiss explained. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out," Vaughn told Weiss.  
  
"Maybe it won't this time," Weiss suggested, his voice hopeful.  
  
"I hope not."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn couldn't sleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined Sydney being in pain or unable to breathe. Finally, he gave up and got out of bed. He quietly made his way to Sydney's room. He opened the door as quietly as possible and softly stepped into the room. He wasn't surprised to find her asleep, lying on her side, facing him. He shut the door behind him and walked over to her bed. He looked down at her a moment before lowering himself into the chair next to the bed. He sat there and studied her. The covers were only pulled up to her waist, and he could see the front of her shirt bulge from the bandages underneath. Her face looked peaceful, though slightly pale. Her hair was loose, fanning out on the pillow. He reached out and softly touched her face, silently cursing himself when the movement made her stir. She moved her head slightly before her eyes fluttered open. He smiled at her.  
  
"Hi," she whispered to him.  
  
"Hey," he said back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She only smiled and he suddenly felt her hand in his.  
  
"I'm glad you did," she said.  
  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.  
  
"Really sick of being asked that. but I'm okay."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Did Dr. Anderson tell you anything when he brought me here?" She asked. He told her everything that Weiss had reported to him earlier.  
  
"Ten days without treatment. That'll be nice," she said with a smile.  
  
"Yeah, well he also said you'd spend most of it sleeping," Vaughn reminded her.  
  
"He's probably right. I don't think I've ever felt so exhausted in my life," she told him, closing her eyes briefly.  
  
"I think that's common after surgery," he said, recalling hearing about that before.  
  
"It's good to be back," she said after a brief silence, squeezing his hand. He smiled at her before leaning forward and gently kissing her on the forehead.  
  
"Get some sleep," he whispered to her. She smiled at him.  
  
"You're the one who wandered in here in the middle of the night. I think you should try following your own advice," she said to him. He laughed softly.  
  
"Point taken. Why don't I stay until you fall asleep and then I'll go back and try to get some myself," he offered.  
  
"Okay. but I better not wake up and find you still sitting here," she warned.  
  
"Yes ma'am," Vaughn joked. She smiled at him before shifting slightly and closing her eyes. Just as he promised, Vaughn sat there and held her hand until her breathing evened out and he knew she was asleep. He spent a few moments watching her before finally going back to his own room and sleeping soundly for the rest of the night.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Has she woken up yet?" Weiss asked Vaughn when they were eating breakfast the next morning.  
  
"Yeah, she was awake last night," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Last night, huh? And do I want to know how you know that?" Weiss joked.  
  
"I was just checking on her and she woke up," Vaughn defended.  
  
"Checking on her?"  
  
"I was worried. I couldn't sleep," Vaughn admitted.  
  
"I swear, you should just tell her how you feel and get it over with," Weiss said, shaking his head.  
  
"She knows," Vaughn said without thinking.  
  
"She *knows*? Did I miss something?" Weiss asked, wide-eyed.  
  
"I told her. The night we found out that Sloane new about her double agent status, we talked and I um. I kissed her," Vaughn admitted finally.  
  
"About time! And? Did she feel the same way?" Weiss asked. Vaughn couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.  
  
"Yeah. She did," he replied.  
  
"Thanks for telling me, man," Weiss said sarcastically.  
  
"Sorry. It just didn't feel right, with the surgery coming up and all. We haven't even had much time to talk about it ourselves. Plus, I wasn't quite sure how you'd react."  
  
"Are you kidding? Mike, take a look around you. We're in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with virtually no contact to the outside world. Not to mention you've wanted her since practically the last ice age. So I say congratulations," Weiss said eccentrically.  
  
"Thanks. I'm glad you're okay with it," Vaughn said.  
  
"Of course I'm okay with it. Now go check on your girlfriend. If I'm correct, she hasn't had anything to eat or drink in a while. You should at least bring her some water," Weiss suggested.  
  
"You're right," Vaughn said as he got up from his seat. He went into the kitchen and got a glass of water before walking down the hall and to Sydney's room. He opened the door and was surprised when she turned and looked at him. He smiled at her and walked over to her bed.  
  
"Good timing," she said, yawning. "I just woke up."  
  
"I thought you might want some water," Vaughn said, setting the glass down on the table right next to her.  
  
"I am thirsty, now that you mention it," she said. She started to push herself up into a sitting position, but stopped abruptly before she was completely sitting up. She gasped and clamped her eyes shut. Her hand flew up and grabbed her chest. Vaughn recognized instantly that she was in pain. He was caught off-guard for a second, but recovered quickly and rushed out of the room and into the main room.  
  
"Where are those pills that Dr. Anderson left for Syd?" He quickly asked Weiss, who was still at the table.  
  
"They're in the kitchen, on the counter," he said, though Vaughn was already in the kitchen before he could finish. "Why? Is she okay?"  
  
"Just some pain," Vaughn replied, heading back to Sydney's room with the bottle of pills in hand. When he re-entered, he saw that she was relatively in the same position as before, except that her eyes were open and her hand was running over the bandaged area of her chest. He unscrewed the cap to the bottle and shook out a pill as he walked back to her side.  
  
"Here," he said, handing her the pill. "Dr. Anderson left these in case you had any pain."  
  
She placed the pill carefully in her mouth before taking the glass of water and swallowing a few gulps before placing the glass back on the table.  
  
"I'm okay," she assured him, sounding somewhat out of breath. "It just hurts to move in certain ways."  
  
"Well, lay back down," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder and gently helping her lay back. "And wait a few days before you try that again." She gave him a weak smile.  
  
"That pill's probably going to knock me out in a matter of minutes," she told him.  
  
"Then sleep. You could use the rest." She laughed softly, before wincing a little at the pain it caused.  
  
"You mean more than the 16 to 18 hours I get a day?" she joked.  
  
"Just think of it as catching up for all those sleepless nights when you were on missions," he said, smiling at her. She smiled back before letting her eyes slip shut.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, another non-cliffhanger ending. I haven't done too many of those, but I wanted to make this chapter a little less torturous for Sydney lol. But please review anyway! I'm a little swamped at school right now and my tennis season starts this week, but reviews will definitely get me writing as much as possible and get the next chapter up ASAP! Thanks! 


	14. Phone Calls

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Wow it feels like forever since I posted the last chapter. Sorry this took me so long! Like I mentioned, tennis season started this week. We had try-outs to make the team (we had to cut it down to 20 girls, ten varsity and ten junior varsity, and over 40 girls tried out) and I made the team so I've had challenge matches the last few days. But yay, I got offered a varsity singles spot! Only the top four players on the team get to play varsity singles. I turned it down to play doubles with my friend, but it was still cool. And I got into a college this week! My first one! I was excited. But after this weekend, I get my 10 page English term paper out of the way and I should have a pretty light work load from then on, so hopefully I'll be able to put out updates more frequently.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Then sleep. You could use the rest." She laughed softly, before wincing a little at the pain it caused.  
  
"You mean more than the 16 to 18 hours I get a day?" she joked.  
  
"Just think of it as catching up for all those sleepless nights when you were on missions," he said, smiling at her. She smiled back before letting her eyes slip shut.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 14: Phone Calls  
  
"I'm going to put her on a new treatment," Dr. Anderson announced to Vaughn and Weiss two days before Sydney was to restart treatment. "It's an experimental type of chemotherapy, but there's been some success with it recently, especially for brain tumor patients. The conventional chemo doesn't seem to be doing the trick. I think this might."  
  
Vaughn and Weiss both looked at each other. It had been a relatively uneventful week. As the doctor predicted, Sydney had spent most of her time sleeping. She had slept up to twenty hours a day. Lately, her sleep patterns had been getting closer to normal, though. She'd been up and around the last few days with only minimal amounts of pain. Dr. Anderson, noting her quick recovery, wanted to get her started on treatments right away.  
  
"How will this be different than her usual chemo?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Well, the good news is that she probably won't be as sick as she has been with the conventional type. It'll still sap her of a lot of her energy, but she may actually be able to keep her food down with this new type. The bad news is that the drug will leave her susceptible to infections. She'll have to wear a special mask, like the ones surgeons wear, to keep out any germs," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"I'll talk to Syd about it when she wakes up," Vaughn said, nodding to the doctor.  
  
"No need," they all suddenly heard. Their heads all whipped around to see Sydney standing across the room, where the hallway opened up into the main room. She smiled at the surprised looks on their faces and crossed the room to join them at the table. "I'll do it."  
  
"You sure? You can have some time to think about it if you want," Dr. Anderson told her.  
  
"I'll do it," she repeated, her voice firm. "I don't need any time."  
  
"Okay then, I'll start you on it in two days."  
  
"Three days a week?" She asked. Dr. Anderson nodded. She looked at them all before returning her focus to the doctor. "Let's do it."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
At around ten that night, Vaughn knocked softly on Sydney's door. She called to him that he could come in. He entered her room to find her sitting Indian-style on her bed. She was writing in a notepad resting on her lap. He walked over to her bed and stood over her, watching her write. He sat down in the chair next to her bed. Once she'd finished her sentence, she looked up at him.  
  
"What's up?" She asked.  
  
"Nothing. I just wanted to see you," he confessed. She smiled at him. "What's that?" He asked, gesturing to the notebook.  
  
"A letter I've been working on the last few days. It's for Francie, just to explain. well, everything. I just hope I can give it to her someday. And I hope she understands," she told him sadly.  
  
"She will. No one in their right mind could ever hold it against you. You had no choice in this," Vaughn assured her. She smiled again at him and he returned it. She put her pen inside her notebook and closed it, placing it on the nightstand next to her bed. She then moved over towards the side of the bed. He understood immediately and moved from chair to sit next to her on the bed, his arm automatically going around her back, his hand rubbing up and down her arm soothingly. She laid her head on his shoulder and he pressed a kiss into her hair, hearing her sigh.  
  
"Do you think this new treatment will work?" She asked so quietly he almost didn't hear it. He thought for a moment.  
  
"I hope so," he said honestly. "And if it doesn't, then the next one will."  
  
"And if that doesn't?" She asked.  
  
"Then the next one," he replied. He heard her mumble something about his optimism, but didn't quite catch it. "Maybe you're just pessimistic."  
  
"No. I just don't want to get my hopes up. I want to be realistic," she corrected him.  
  
"Well the realistic way I see it is that you're going to be fine. You're going to beat this, live to see the takedown of SD-6, grow old, have a family. And when this all ends, we'll go somewhere. Anywhere. Just because we can. Because no one will be after us anymore."  
  
"I can't wait," she whispered.  
  
"Neither can I," he agreed. She sighed again and readjusted her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "You tired?" He asked.  
  
"No," she said, trying to mask a yawn that immediately followed her response. He chuckled.  
  
"Liar," he accused.  
  
"Okay, maybe a little," she admitted.  
  
"You should get some rest," he said, kissing her again on the top of her head. Before he could move, though, he felt her hand lock around his arm. He looked over at her.  
  
"Stay tonight," was all she said. He looked into her eyes, almost as if he could read her mind just by doing so. He didn't need any further encouragement. Silently thanking himself for having the presence of mind to have changed before he came in, he nodded at her and reached for the quilt. He lifted it from under them, covering their bodies up to their wastes. He reached over and turned off the light on the nightstand before turning back to her and taking her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes at the feeling of pure safety and warmth that came over her. One arm still holding her to him, he brought the other up so that his fingers could run through her hair. Relaxing into his touch, she drifted easily into sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke the next morning to find herself alone in the bed. When she saw the time read 10:03 AM, though, she wasn't too surprised he was already awake. She stretched her body out before grabbing a hair-band from the nightstand and pulling her hair away from her face and into a ponytail. She rubbed her eyes and got up, heading out and into the main room. Vaughn and Weiss were sitting at the table, both with serious expressions on their face.  
  
"What's wrong?" Sydney asked immediately. They both looked at her, then back at each other. Vaughn sighed.  
  
"You better come sit," he said. She complied, sitting in the chair across from him.  
  
"What's going on?" She pressed.  
  
"We got a call from one of the five agents aware of our location this morning. The one that happens to be in the LA office. He said there's an important mission that's being set up. He wouldn't give me any details, but he says they need intel from your mother," Vaughn explained.  
  
"Well, have they talked to her?" She asked.  
  
"She won't talk," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, she reminded them that her agreement is that she only speaks with you or your father."  
  
"That's ridiculous. She knows neither of us can even be there, let alone be involved in a mission," Sydney said, confused.  
  
"I know. So she's bargaining now. She says she'll give them the intel if they get a secure line so that she can talk to you," Vaughn told her. "They've consulted your father on the situation. He's not sure she's to be trusted. I mean, if she has something planned, if she still has ties to Sloane-"  
  
"She could give away our location," Sydney finished for him. She was silent for a moment, pondering the situation. "What do you think?"  
  
"It's your decision," Vaughn replied.  
  
"What do you *think*?" She asked again. Vaughn was quiet for a moment, just looking at her.  
  
"I don't think she'd sell you out," he replied finally.  
  
"Then I'll do it."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The phone call was set up for noon. Sydney barely had time to shower and get dressed before she was back in the main room, sitting again at the table with Vaughn and Weiss. They waited silently, no one really paying any attention to the other. They were each caught up in their own thoughts. The ringing phone made them all jump slightly. They all looked at it, sitting in the middle of the table. Sydney looked up at Vaughn. He nodded at her, and she reached over and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Agent Bristow?" A male voice asked.  
  
"Yes," she confirmed.  
  
"Okay, let me patch your mother through," said the voice. Sydney didn't reply, just waited.  
  
"Sydney?" She heard her mother's voice ask suddenly.  
  
"Mom."  
  
"Are you all right?" She asked.  
  
"Fine. I'm sorry I never got to see you again before I left," Sydney said softly.  
  
"You had no choice. how's your health?"  
  
"The same. I'm still being treated," Sydney replied.  
  
"Chemotherapy?" Irina asked.  
  
"And radiation," Sydney added.  
  
"How's it going?"  
  
"I start a new type of chemo tomorrow. It's experimental, but the doctor says it's been successful," Sydney told her mother.  
  
"Good."  
  
"How are you?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Much better now," Irina replied. Sydney couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes, but she blinked them back frantically. "I'm sorry it had to come to this: me threatening to withhold information, but I had to know that you were all right."  
  
"But you'll help them now?" Sydney clarified.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"My time's almost up. Take care of yourself, Sydney. Be strong," Irina advised.  
  
"You too, Mom," she said softly before the line went dead. She hung up the phone and quickly swiped at her eyes to rid them of tears. She looked up at Vaughn and Weiss who were both looking at her, obviously concerned. She smiled at them, as brightly as she could, before excusing herself to go to her room. Once there, she sat on the edge of her bed and just let out a deep breath and bit her bottom lip. Before she even had time to think about her mother, though, she heard the door open and close. She looked up and saw Vaughn. They stared at each other for a moment before she abruptly turned her head and looked towards the window. He didn't say anything, just walked over, sat on the bed, and took her into his arms. No words were needed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn walked into the room quietly, noticing immediately that she was asleep. The paper mask covered her face now, shielding her body from germs. She'd started treatments three days before. Dr. Anderson had been right once again. The treatments made her tired, but prevented her from spending entire afternoons leaning over the toilet bowl. For that, everyone was grateful.  
  
He sat in the chair and watched her for a moment. She looked so peaceful, as if in her sleep, she'd escaped all the things that haunted her in the real world. He hated to wake her up and bring her back to this world, but he knew she'd want to know his news right away. He reluctantly reached out and brushed his hand over her cheek a few times. That's all it took to slowly bring her to consciousness. She blinked a few times, focused on his face, and smiled.  
  
"Hey," he said softly.  
  
"Hi," she responded.  
  
"I'm sorry to wake you, but I have some news I thought you'd want to hear," he told her.  
  
"What?" She asked, immediately waking up a little more.  
  
"Your dad just called," Vaughn said. Her face instantly grew serious and she sat up.  
  
"What'd he say?"  
  
"He said that they finally have a plan to get back into SD-6, and they're going to put it into action as soon as possible."  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Yeah, so that phone call from Irina was totally unplanned for me. I just kind of added it, because the chapter needed something else. I hope you liked it! Please review and fuel me through my ten page English paper I have to write all this weekend lol. It just takes a few minutes, so pleeeeeeeease hit that little button and give me some motivation lol! Thanks! 


	15. A New Plan

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews and thanks to everyone who wished me luck on my paper. It's all finished and turned in, finally. Sorry this chapter took me a while. I started it last weekend, but this week was just not good. I got rejected from my first choice college, so that was not fun. And then we had a lot of problems with the tennis team this week, because everyone's complaining about their placement. It was just a long week. But here it is finally! I'm sorry if the story starts to get a little dark and depressing again. I find that sometimes my feelings come out in my writing, and I'm still trying to get over my rejection. I promise it won't be sad forever!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Your dad just called," Vaughn said. Her face instantly grew serious and she sat up.  
  
"What'd he say?"  
  
"He said that they finally have a plan to get back into SD-6, and they're going to put it into action as soon as possible."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 15: A New Plan  
  
"Thank God! Did he tell you anything about the plan?" Sydney asked excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, he told me a few details. He said that they managed to hack into part of SD-6's computer network. They found out that Dixon was just on a two-week long mission and is being given next week off. So your dad is having agents extract him from his home and take him to your father's safe- house. He's going to try to talk Dixon into being a double agent," Vaughn explained.  
  
"Oh my God. what if Dixon doesn't believe him?"  
  
"Then they'll have to take him into CIA custody, but your father's hoping it won't come to that. They're gathering evidence to show him as we speak," Vaughn told her.  
  
"All those times I wanted to tell Dixon and bring him in, but I didn't so he wouldn't have to put his family at risk. And now he has to do it anyway," Sydney said, sighing.  
  
"Well, you kept him out of danger for as long as you could. You should be relieved. He'll finally know the truth," Vaughn said.  
  
"Yeah, and he'll hate me for it," Sydney predicted.  
  
"He'll probably be angry, yes. But he'll understand. He has to," Vaughn assured her.  
  
"Will they tell him I'm alive?" She asked.  
  
"If he agrees to join, probably," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Good. One less person I have to lie to if we ever go back."  
  
"*When* we go back," Vaughn corrected her. She shook her head in amusement.  
  
"The optimism," she said with a smile.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney's resumption of radiation treatments also meant an entire day of testing. She and Dr. Anderson had left early in the morning and wouldn't return until evening. Weiss spent the entire day on his computer, and Vaughn, having nothing else to do, pulled out his own laptop for once. He tried to think of something somewhat productive to do, but couldn't come up with anything. His thoughts, as usual, wandered to Sydney. He suddenly found himself going to a search engine and entering "brain tumors" out of curiosity. A whole list of sites came up. He scrolled down a bit until he found one about treating brain tumors. He instantly clicked on it.  
  
The first thing he read was that there were two different types of brain tumors: primary and secondary. He determined Sydney's tumor was primary because it started in her brain and wasn't the product of another tumor spreading. He then went on to read that brain tumors were rarely cancerous. He'd had no idea how rare Sydney's condition was. Did that mean effective treatments were rare too? He scrolled through a list of chemotherapies and radiations, but the large medical words only confused and overwhelmed him. He then saw a link titled "clinical trials" and clicked on it, recognizing the name as what Dr. Anderson had mentioned the new chemo as being.  
  
"Some tumors are treatable with specific radiations or chemotherapies, but many are not. Clinical trials are usually attempted when there is no known treatment completely effective for the type of tumor. These are experimental the best way to access the latest technology in treating brain tumors," Vaughn read. Suddenly a million thoughts raced through his head.  
  
No known effective treatment? Did that mean they were suddenly shooting in the dark? But the original doctor, though he'd been an SD-6 doctor, had told her that she had a 50% chance of complete recovery. Had that changed when conventional chemo had failed her? The thought had never really occurred to him before. Or had the doctor lied to them from the beginning? It wasn't like someone working for Sloane could exactly be considered trustworthy. Maybe her chances had always been worse than they thought.  
  
Vaughn abruptly shut his computer, unable to read any further. He didn't care what any website said, Sydney was going to be okay. To him, there was no alternative in this situation. Sighing, he wandered out of his room in search of something else to keep him occupied until Sydney returned from her day of testing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney and Dr. Anderson returned at nine that night. Vaughn was sitting at the table when they walked in. He saw Dr. Anderson say something to Sydney and then he turned and waved at Vaughn. He waved back and the doctor turned and left, leaving Vaughn and Sydney alone in the room. He got up from his chair and she turned and looked at him. He studied her, from her light blue track pants to her long-sleeved white cotton shirt. She almost looked like a normal person coming back from a walk. But the mask over her nose and mouth was a painful reminder of reality: that she was not normal. Her life was being threatened by forces both inside and outside her own body, and she was fighting to stay alive every second.  
  
She suddenly crossed the room and closed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head on his shoulder and did the same. He rested his head against her hair, closing his eyes and relaxing completely into the embrace. His hands rubbed soothing circles on her back and he heard her sigh. His arms automatically tightened around her, holding her as close as physically possible.  
  
"You okay?" He asked softly into her ear. She nodded against his chest. "Long day?" He tried again. She didn't nod this time, but he took the sudden tightening in her hold on him as a yes. He held her for another minute before pulling back slightly, his hands coming up to frame her face. He looked into her eyes before giving her a lingering kiss in the forehead, wishing she could remove the mask so he could kiss her lips, but knowing it was impossible. He pulled back to look in her eyes again.  
  
"You want to go take a nap?" He asked. She immediately shook her head.  
  
"I don't want to sleep," she replied through the mask.  
  
"You should at least lie down for a little while," Vaughn suggested. "You look tired."  
  
"Thank you," she said sarcastically. "I already finished all my books. I have nothing to do."  
  
"You finished all those already?" Vaughn asked, surprised.  
  
"I'm a fast reader," she told him.  
  
"I guess so," he said, laughing a little. "Come on," he said, taking her hand. "Let's see what's on TV." Though he couldn't see her mouth, her eyes told him she was smiling. She gripped his hand and followed him over to the couch.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Almost two hours later, Weiss wandered out into the main room. He saw the television was on, but the volume was low. He came a little closer and saw Vaughn's head resting on the arm of the couch.  
  
"Hey man," he greeted. "Syd home yet?" Vaughn held a finger up to his lips. Weiss gave him a questioning look and walked a little closer. He then saw Sydney laying there, her head pillowed against Vaughn's chest and her eyes closed. Weiss looked at Vaughn, his eyebrows raised. Vaughn rolled his eyes.  
  
"She okay?" Weiss whispered. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"Long day," Vaughn replied, equally quiet.  
  
"Any results?"  
  
"Not yet." Weiss nodded.  
  
"Don't mind me. I just needed some water," he said, walking over to the kitchen. He walked back in Vaughn's direction a minute later, glass of water in hand.  
  
"Any word on Dixon?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"He's being extracted tomorrow. They're supposed to keep us updated," Weiss replied. Vaughn nodded. Weiss suddenly smiled at him.  
  
"What?" Vaughn asked, confused.  
  
"You should move her to her bed soon. And you know, I'd be nothing but supportive if you ended up there too," he said, smiling. Vaughn shook his head, picked up a pillow from the couch, and tossed it at Weiss, careful not to jostle Sydney in the process. Weiss laughed and put up his hands in surrender. "I was just saying."  
  
"Just go to bed," Vaughn told him, still shaking his head.  
  
"I'm going, I'm going," he said, walking down the hall. Vaughn sighed and turned his attention back to Sydney. She hadn't even stirred. Vaughn realized she must have been even more exhausted than he'd thought. Weiss was right, though. As comfortable as she looked laying against him, he needed to get her into her own bed so she could get a decent night's sleep. Making up his mind, he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, gently pulling her out of her slumber. Her eyes fluttered open and focused on him. He smiled at her.  
  
"Hi," she whispered, closing her eyes again and nuzzling her head against his chest.  
  
"I thought you said you weren't tired," Vaughn reminded her.  
  
"I wasn't," she mumbled against his shirt, causing him to chuckle.  
  
"Liar," he said. "Come on, let's get you to bed." She groaned.  
  
"That's a whole forty feet from here," she whined. He laughed.  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day where super-spy Sydney Bristow complained about walking forty feet," he joked.  
  
"Yeah, well you didn't have a huge needle shoved in your back today," she defended. The comment was meant as a joke, but she felt Vaughn's body stiffen when she said it and realized she probably shouldn't have. She lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him.  
  
"Vaughn."  
  
"In your back?" He asked, his voice and expression both pained.  
  
"Just a bone marrow aspiration. I'm okay," she assured him. He wasn't ready to let it go, though.  
  
"Did it hurt?" He asked, needing to know. She looked at him for a long moment before sighing and looking down.  
  
"Honestly? Yes. But it's fine now, just a little sore," she admitted. He nodded slowly. She pushed herself off his chest, stretched, and stood up. "Come on," she said, holding out her hand. He took it, letting her help pull him off the couch.  
  
"Do you want some pain medication?" He asked once he was standing and facing her.  
  
"No. Let's just go to bed," she replied. Needing no further encouragement, he wrapped his arm around her waist and walked with her towards her room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A loud knocking on the door at nine the next morning brought Sydney and Vaughn out of their slumber. It took them a minute to come to their senses and realize someone was knocking on the bedroom door.  
  
"Damn, it's already nine!" Vaughn exclaimed quietly. "It's gotta be Weiss."  
  
"Let me get it. Maybe he won't figure out you're in here," she suggested. Vaughn nodded. The knocking continued on the door. "Hold on!" She got up and opened the door just enough for him to see her but nothing else in the room. Weiss looked anxious. "What's up?" She asked him. He rolled his eyes.  
  
"I already know he's in there, you don't have to hide him," he told her. She sighed in defeat and opened the door the rest of the way, letting Weiss in. Vaughn moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing them.  
  
"What's going on?" Vaughn asked, surprised Weiss hadn't yet made a wise-ass comment on him being there.  
  
"We just got word. They extracted Dixon early this morning. He'd with your dad now. I thought you'd want to know," Weiss told them.  
  
"Did they say how he's taking the news? Does he believe them?" Sydney asked anxiously.  
  
"You're dad is supposed to call us after he's done talking to Dixon. We'll find out then."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Two hours later, they all sat around the table, playing cards in their hands. It had been a full twenty minutes of awkward silence in the beginning when Weiss had suggested they find something to keep them occupied. Sydney had gone and searched the closet they'd found Trivial Pursuit in and came back with cards. They'd been playing for the last hour, each wishing the phone would just ring already so they could be told what was happening.  
  
"Syd, your turn," Vaughn said, nudging her gently. She snapped out of her daze.  
  
"What? Oh, sorry," she said, picking up a card and discarding another one. "Gin rumy," she said, putting down her hand.  
  
"That's the third time in a row she's won!" Weiss said, slamming his cards on the table in frustration.  
  
"Sorry," Sydney said, gathering the cards to shuffle them. The phone suddenly rang and they all looked at each other wide-eyed before Sydney jumped up to answer it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Sydney?" She heard her father ask.  
  
"Dad, hi."  
  
"How are you?" He asked.  
  
"I'm okay, Dad. How are you?"  
  
"Fine. How's your new treatment going?"  
  
"Pretty well, but I'd rather get into details some other time. Did you talk to Dixon?" She finally asked.  
  
"Yes, they just took him to a different safe house. I need to talk to Agent Weiss first, though. Don't worry, I'll have him tell you everything, but can you put him on the phone?" Jack asked.  
  
"Sure, hold on," she said.  
  
"Sydney, wait. Take care of yourself," her father said sincerely. Sydney smiled.  
  
"You too, Dad," she told him before handing the phone to Weiss. "He needs to talk to you," she explained as Weiss took the phone. Vaughn and Sydney both watched Weiss, trying to gain as much information as possible from the one-sided conversation. It was about five more minutes when Weiss finally hung up and turned to them.  
  
"What'd he say?" Sydney asked. "Is Dixon going to join?"  
  
"Well, he was pretty shocked apparently, but that's to be expected. They showed him CIA files, though they can't take him to headquarters until he's agreed to join. Your father said the thing he seemed to have the hardest time believing was the fact that you're still alive," Weiss said to Sydney. "I guess he went to your funeral, and he's pretty convinced that you died. Your dad told him you were in hiding, but he didn't seem to believe it completely. So your dad made a deal with him. They're going to fly him out here, sedated of course, and he said that if you're really alive and can corroborate the whole story, he'll join."  
  
"When's he being flown out?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Hope you liked the chapter! I told you some regulars on the show would make an appearance soon! It took a little longer than I anticipated, but what can I say? There's just so much I wanted to write about lol. So please review and let me know what you think! Like I said, my week has been not so great, so some reviews could really do me a lot of good lol, even if they are constructive criticism. Just let me know what you thought! 


	16. Reunited

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
A/N: Dixon's finally in the story! I hope you guys like his addition and I hope my characterization of him is accurate. If not, just let me know. Like I said, I apologize if the story starts to get dark again. My writing tends to alternate from happy to sad based on my mood lol. Plus I've had most of this story worked out in my head since day one, and now I just have to write it that way. Whatever I write, though, never rule out the possibility for a happy ending. Hope you like the chapter, I think it's my longest one yet!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Well, he was pretty shocked apparently, but that's to be expected. They showed him CIA files, though they can't take him to headquarters until he's agreed to join. Your father said the thing he seemed to have the hardest time believing was the fact that you're still alive," Weiss said to Sydney. "I guess he went to your funeral, and he's pretty convinced that you died. Your dad told him you were in hiding, but he didn't seem to believe it completely. So your dad made a deal with him. They're going to fly him out here, sedated of course, and he said that if you're really alive and can corroborate the whole story, he'll join."  
  
"When's he being flown out?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 16: Reunited  
  
"Tomorrow?!" Sydney asked, surprised. "They can organize it that quickly?"  
  
"Well, he's going to be sedated and put on a plane at 8 AM Pacific time. He'll come to around the end of the flight, be blindfolded, and I'll go to pick him up. They're going to have a windowless van waiting for me and I'll bring him back in that," Weiss explained.  
  
"And he knows all this?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Signed an agreement before he was taken to the safe house," Weiss replied.  
  
"What time will he be here tomorrow?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"We should get back from the airfield at about 5 PM," Weiss told him. Before either Vaughn or Sydney could reply, the phone rang again. Weiss reached over and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" Pause. "Oh hi." Pause. "Oh really? You want to talk to her?" Pause. "Okay, hold on," they heard Weiss say before he handed the phone to Sydney, informing her that it was Dr. Anderson.  
  
"Hello?" She asked into the phone.  
  
"Agent Bristow, hi. I just wanted to let you know that I got your results in. As I told you before, it's too early to know if the new chemo's working or not, but I can tell you that we didn't detect any other tumors, which is a good sign. Your bone marrow aspiration came back negative. My only concern right now is that your blood tests show you're a little anemic," Dr. Anderson informed her.  
  
"Am I?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, which is basically a concern due to the new chemo and the fact that it leaves you susceptible to secondary infections. So I want you to get as much rest as possible and start taking some iron supplements that I'll bring by probably tomorrow. But really, you should try to take it easy as much as you can," Dr. Anderson insisted.  
  
"I will, doctor. Thank you."  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
"Okay. Bye," she said, hanging up the phone and turning to face Vaughn and Weiss, both with expectant looks on their faces.  
  
"What'd he say?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"He said that it's too early to tell if the new chemo is working, but that there are no new tumors right now," Sydney replied.  
  
"And?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"How do you know there's more?" Sydney wondered.  
  
"Because you asked him if you were something, and none of what you said fits with that," Vaughn explained.  
  
"Damn CIA training," she muttered. "He said that I was a little anemic and that he was going to drop off some iron supplements tomorrow."  
  
"And probably that you need to rest because anemia causes you to be quite tired," Vaughn guessed.  
  
"You should consider a profession as a psychic, Vaughn," she joked. "You could fool a lot of people." Both Vaughn and Weiss laughed as Sydney gathered up the cards to put them away.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
That afternoon, Vaughn slipped quietly into Sydney's room. She was curled up on her side, facing away from him and holding a book. He walked over and joined her on the bed. He spooned up behind her, draping his arm over her stomach and kissing her neck.  
  
"What are you reading?" He asked.  
  
"Re-reading actually," she replied, closing the book and reaching over to put it on the nightstand. "I was so bored I figured I'd go through my books again, starting with the first one I read here."  
  
"Well, you won't have to. Weiss went out to get some groceries and I told him to find a bookstore and get you some new stuff," Vaughn said, his face still partially buried in her neck. She suddenly shifted and turned over so that she was facing him. She remained close to him and rested her forehead against his.  
  
"Thanks," she said softly. He brought a hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb rubbing back and forth over her skin. She closed her eyes.  
  
"Are you nervous about seeing Dixon?" He asked quietly. Without opening her eyes, she sighed.  
  
"What if he doesn't understand?" She asked.  
  
"We'll make him understand," Vaughn assured her. She smiled beneath her mask.  
  
"And how do you plan on doing that?"  
  
"I'll think of something," he said, kissing the skin between her eyes.  
  
"I was trying to go over in my head what I'd say to him. Everything I think of just seems inadequate," she told him.  
  
"You shouldn't worry, Syd. Whatever you say, it'll be fine. You always seem to say the right thing," he said.  
  
"Not always," she argued, laughing.  
  
"Well, most of the time at least," he conceded. Both were silent for a moment.  
  
"I heard he eulogized me," she said sadly.  
  
"Yeah, I heard that too. I'm sorry, Syd," he said, moving his hand from her cheek and bringing it down to stroke her arm.  
  
"What for?" She asked, confused.  
  
"That things are, well, the way they are. I know it sucks," he said bluntly.  
  
"It sucks for you too," she reminded him, smiling a little.  
  
"Oh I don't know, it's not so bad. I get to be with you, I get to sleep in whenever I want, Weiss has stopped lecturing me about protocol. It's almost like a vacation," he joked. She laughed.  
  
"Glad you're enjoying it," she said somewhat sarcastically. He lifted his head and kissed her forehead.  
  
"You should rest as much as possible. Tomorrow will probably be a long day," He reminded her. She groaned.  
  
"Don't remind me." Her eyes closed again and she turned back over on her side.  
  
"You want me to go?" He asked. She didn't answer her question verbally, but reached over and grabbed his arm, bringing it down over her stomach. He moved closer to her and buried his face in her neck, closing his eyes as well.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke hours later still feeling groggy. She noticed Vaughn was gone, so she moved herself into the middle of the bed, but her whole body felt heavy. She groaned when the movement caused her head to start hurting. She lay still for a moment, debating on whether she should go back to sleep or get up to get Vaughn to give her an injection he'd been instructed by Dr. Anderson to give her in the event of pain. It didn't take long for her to realize she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep without the injection. She threw back the covers and got off the bed, the action seeming to take twice as much effort as usual. She walked slowly down the hallway and into the main room. Vaughn was sitting at the table and immediately looked up at her. He smiled and got up, walking over to her. When he was a few feet away, though, his smile faded and he rushed up to her.  
  
"Syd, are you okay? You look flushed," Vaughn asked worriedly.  
  
"I have a bit of a headache," she told him. "And I guess I feel a little funny," she admitted. His hand came up to feel her forehead and her cheeks.  
  
"You feel hot. Go back to your room and lie down. I'll be there in a minute," he instructed. Too tired to argue, she merely nodded and headed back to her room.  
  
He came in a few minutes later and found her lying on her back, the covers pulled up to her waist. She saw that he had a needle filled with clear fluid and an ear-thermometer in his hands.  
  
"I called Dr. Anderson. He's on his way, but he told me I could give you an injection." he said, tapping the needle to get rid of any air bubbles. He tied a tourniquet around her upper arm before carefully injecting the needle into her vein. Once all the fluid was gone from the needle, he removed it and the tourniquet from her arm, placing them both on the nightstand. He grabbed the thermometer and she turned her head so that he had easy access to her ear. It took only seconds for the thermometer to beep. He pulled it away and looked at it. She instantly saw his forehead wrinkle and his expression change.  
  
"What is it?" She asked.  
  
"101.5," he told her. They both looked at each other, realizing with horror what that meant.  
  
"I think I may have caught an infection."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When Dr. Anderson arrived, Sydney was completely out, due to the injection Vaughn had given her. Vaughn explained what had happened to the doctor and led him straight to Sydney's room. They turned on the lights and walked over to her bed. Vaughn remained a few feet away from the bed in order to give Dr. Anderson space to do whatever he needed to. He rechecked Sydney's temperature to find it hadn't changed. He put a stethoscope against her chest and listened for a moment, moving it around a few times. He then turned to Vaughn.  
  
"I'm going to need some blood and a throat culture. You may want to wake her up to make sure she keeps her arm still and doesn't hurt herself," Dr. Anderson suggested. Vaughn nodded and walked over to the other side of the bed. He sat down on the edge and put his hand on her shoulder, shaking her a bit. He brought the other hand to her face and touched it softly. It took a minute of shaking her gently and stroking her face to bring her out of her heavy, drug-induced sleep. Finally her lids fluttered and her eyes opened, looking a little glassy. It took a second for her to focus on him, but her face softened when she did. He gave her a small smile and kept his hand on her face, trying to keep her awake.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. "Dr. Anderson's here. He needs to take some blood and a throat culture. He's going to do the blood first, so I need you to stay awake and keep your arm still. Just a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep, okay?" He asked, knowing that the pain medicine really knocked her out.  
  
"Okay," she said quietly. Vaughn nodded at the doctor and he repeated the same procedure with the needle that Vaughn had before, this time taking blood instead of injecting medicine. Once he was done, he nodded at Vaughn and got the swab ready for the culture.  
  
"Okay, done with the blood. Now the culture," Vaughn told Sydney. She nodded and turned her head towards the doctor. Once he had the swab ready, she opened her mouth so that he could reach it in and swab her throat. She coughed once when he removed it and then turned her head back towards Vaughn, who smiled at her encouragingly, a contradiction to the worry in his eyes.  
  
"Agent Bristow," Dr. Anderson said as he put the swab in a plastic tube. "Are you having any trouble breathing?" Sydney shifted her body so that she was once again facing the doctor.  
  
"No," she answered simply.  
  
"Well that's a good sign. Agent Vaughn informed me that you told him you felt funny. Can you tell me how exactly?" He asked.  
  
"My whole body feels heavy and I feel a little dizzy, especially when I get up," she explained.  
  
"It could be the beginnings of an infection, but the most common infection on this type of chemo usually turns out to be pneumonia, and since you're not having any trouble breathing I'm still hopeful that it's just a side- effect. A small amount of people did experience mild fevers. So I'm going to run your blood and culture to the hospital and run some tests tonight. I want you to have Agent Vaughn call me if you experience any other side- effects, anything at all, okay?" Dr. Anderson asked.  
  
"Okay," Sydney responded. Dr. Anderson placed a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Whatever this is, we'll treat it. It's hopefully only a minor setback," he said encouragingly. She nodded at him. The doctor looked at Vaughn, gesturing to the hall almost imperceptibly with his head. Vaughn nodded and the doctor got up. Once he was out the door, Vaughn looked back down at Sydney, whose eyes were already half-closed, but still looking at him.  
  
"I just need to go ask the doctor one thing, okay? You can go back to sleep now if you want," he said to her. She nodded at him and he leaned down and very softly kissed her forehead. When he backed away, her eyes were closed. He brought his hand up to touch her face, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. Finally, he got up and joined the doctor in the hallway, closing the door to Sydney's room behind him. The doctor looked at him, his face serious.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just didn't want her to hear anything too discouraging in her state. It's vital that she keeps a positive attitude regarding her treatment," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"I understand. Let's go to the main room and sit," Vaughn suggested. The doctor nodded and Vaughn led him out to the table in the main room, each man taking a seat across from the other.  
  
"It's honestly very unlikely that this is a side-effect. It's possible but doubtful. Right now, her symptoms almost seem flu-like, which, in this case, is what I hope is true. The flu, though still a setback, can be easily treated with a course of antibiotics. Pneumonia is tricky, because it takes a while to recover from and really shuts down the immune system. I won't lie to you. in her condition, it could end up being fatal depending on how bad it is. Even if it's not, the longer she goes without treatment, the less chance she has for the cancer to go into remission. Though there are technically worse things it could be, I'm still going to hope to rule out pneumonia tonight by finding out if this is the flu or strep-throat or anything of the sort." The doctor was suddenly interrupted by the front door opening. Both men looked in the direction of the door and saw Weiss coming in, several bags in hand. He set them down on the floor before turning and seeing Dr. Anderson and Vaughn at the table.  
  
"Dr. Anderson, what are you doing here?" Weiss asked, walking over to them and stopping right in front of the table.  
  
"Syd's sick. She may have caught an infection after all," Vaughn told him. Weiss's face dropped as he sunk into a chair at the end of the table.  
  
"Even with all the precautions?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Afraid so," Dr. Anderson said.  
  
"What about tomorrow? I'm sure you've been informed about Agent Dixon. Should he still come?" Vaughn asked Dr. Anderson.  
  
"It's hard to say. If I can't find out what it is tonight, I'll need to bring her into the hospital for more testing. how important is this?" Dr. Anderson asked.  
  
"Taking down SD-6 is Sydney's life," Vaughn responded. Dr. Anderson nodded.  
  
"Then let Agent Dixon come, as long as Agent Bristow feels up to it and as long as she stays off her feet and rests as much as possible. Anything she can do to build up her immune system right now is good. I'll leave you some iron supplements for her to take once a day. We'll hope I can confirm what this is tonight and start treating her with antibiotics tomorrow. Otherwise, we'll just have to wait until the next day to do testing. But right now I need to get these samples over to the hospital. You know how to reach me," Dr. Anderson said.  
  
"You'll let us know anything you find out?" Vaughn asked as the doctor gathered his stuff and rose from his seat.  
  
"Of course," Dr. Anderson assured him.  
  
"Thanks," Vaughn said. Dr. Anderson nodded at both men and then left. Weiss immediately turned to Vaughn.  
  
"What happened?" He asked.  
  
"She slept for a while earlier and when she got up, she looked flushed. I gave her an injection for her headache and took her temperature. It was 101.5, so I called Dr. Anderson," Vaughn explained.  
  
"Does she know what's going on? She's usually pretty out of it when she has those injections," Weiss recalled.  
  
"She knows she may have caught something. She doesn't know how serious it is. Dr. Anderson says she has to keep a positive attitude towards her treatment. I'll tell her when we know for sure what it is," Vaughn told him.  
  
"So what now?" Weiss asked, looking around the room. Vaughn thought for a minute.  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney woke up the next day, feeling like she was coming out of a thick fog. She pushed herself up into a sitting position, surprised at the amount of energy the simple task expended. She groaned and rubbed her eyes, trying to bring herself completely out of the fog and back to awareness. The action certainly helped, but left her feeling slightly hazy. She didn't hear the door open, but did manage to catch the sound of it closing. She looked up to see Vaughn entering the room. He smiled brightly at her.  
  
"I was just coming to get you up," he told her, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed, facing her.  
  
"What time is it?" She asked, stifling a yawn with her hand.  
  
"It's almost four-thirty. Dixon should be here in about half an hour," he replied.  
  
"Four-thirty? How did I sleep that much?" She asked, surprised.  
  
"Do you remember getting the injection last night? And getting checked over by Dr. Anderson?" He asked.  
  
"I have cancer, Vaughn, not amnesia."  
  
He smiled at her smart-ass comment. "Anyway, that injection knocked you out pretty quickly plus feeling sick, it's not that abnormal," he said. "How do you feel now?"  
  
"A lot less out of it now that I don't have that drug in my system. No more headache. Otherwise, I feel pretty much the same," she admitted. He nodded and reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the thermometer that still sat there.  
  
"Hold still," he said, bringing it to her ear. When it beeped, he moved it close to his face to read the temperature. She grabbed it and turned it around so that she could see also. It read 102.  
  
"It went up," she observed.  
  
"At least it didn't go up much," Vaughn reasoned. She looked away from him.  
  
"Has Dr. Anderson told you anything yet?" She asked.  
  
"He said he was pulled into a massive trauma last night in the ER, but he was able to get away long enough to rule out strep throat. He's still doing tests for some other things," Vaughn replied.  
  
"So Dixon's still coming?" She asked, though already knowing the answer.  
  
"Dr. Anderson said as long as you felt up to it, it was fine. I figured you wouldn't want to put it off any longer. But he also said you have to stay in bed and off your feet and try to rest as soon as he leaves. He says it's important to build up your immune system," Vaughn explained.  
  
"What, you mean after the chemo destroyed it?" She said sarcastically. He smiled at her. "What?" She asked.  
  
"You're nervous. you always get sarcastic when you're nervous," Vaughn said, still smiling. She couldn't help but smile herself.  
  
"You know me too well," she told him. She looked at him for another minute before suddenly turning and starting to push the comforter down the bed.  
  
"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked, confused at her action.  
  
"Nothing, I'm just a little hot all of a sudden," she told him, still pushing at the comforter.  
  
"That's the fever," Vaughn commented as he rose from the bed and grabbed the edge of the comforter, folding it over itself at the end of the bed so that she was left with only a light blanket covering her. "Be right back," he said, as he walked across the room and entered the bathroom. She heard the water running for a few seconds before he walked back into the room, a wet and folded washcloth in his hand. He sat back on the edge of the bed and brought the washcloth up to her cheek, gently holding it there.  
  
"I can do it," she insisted as she brought her hand up to grab the washcloth. Before she could get a hold of it, though, his other hand came up and grabbed hers. He brought it back down to the bed and held it in his own, lacing his fingers through hers.  
  
"I know you can," he said, moving the cloth to her other cheek. She closed her eyes at the relief of the coolness on her face. He alternated the cloth from one cheek to the other and to her forehead every few seconds, careful not to dampen the mask over her nose and mouth. After a few minutes of this repetitive action, Sydney brought her other hand to Vaughn's, lowering the cloth from her face. She opened her eyes and looked deeply into his.  
  
"Better?" He asked.  
  
"Much. Thanks," she replied, still looking into his eyes. He put the cloth down on the nightstand and brought his hand up to up her cheek.  
  
"You're going to be fine. He'll be so relieved to see you," he told her. She closed her eyes and sighed. Suddenly, they both heard the opening and closing of the front door. She opened her eyes and looked at him nervously.  
  
"I hope you're right."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn walked out into the main room and saw Weiss allowing Dixon to untie his blindfold. Weiss saw Vaughn before Dixon did.  
  
"How is she?" Weiss asked.  
  
"She's okay. Temperature went up a bit," Vaughn replied. He then turned and looked at Dixon, who was looking between the two men with an unreadable expression. "Agent Dixon," Vaughn said, approaching him. "I'm Agent Vaughn. It's nice to meet you." Vaughn held out his hand, unsure if Dixon would take it or not. He was obviously an extremely polite man, though, because he shook Vaughn's hand almost immediately.  
  
"May I ask why you're in hiding, Agent Vaughn?" He asked, his tone somewhat accusatory.  
  
"I was Sydney's case officer at the CIA. When they discovered her status with the CIA, they discovered me as well," Vaughn explained. He noticed that Dixon's expression softened a little at Sydney's name.  
  
"Where is Sydney?" He asked.  
  
"In her room. Her doctor's instructed her to stay off her feet and try to rest, so you'll have to talk to her in there," Vaughn responded.  
  
"She's still sick then?" Dixon asked, his eyes sad.  
  
"How much did Jack tell you?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Almost nothing," Dixon replied.  
  
"Well I guess the leaves me to fill in the blanks then. Yes, she's still sick. Unfortunately, it's not one of her better days. She started a new type of chemotherapy recently that leaves her susceptible to secondary infections. We think she may have caught one recently despite our precautions. She's a little feverish and a little lethargic, but she's eager to see you and talk to you. Before you go, though. I know you're probably angry with her. I understand completely, but I'm going to ask you not to upset her. It's imperative that she focus on getting better right now and nothing else. I don't want anything to get in the way of that," Vaughn said, his words sincere. He wasn't angry at Dixon and he didn't want to come off as rude, but Sydney was his first priority.  
  
"I understand," Dixon replied, nodding.  
  
"Okay then. She's ready to see you whenever you are," Vaughn told him. Dixon nodded again and Vaughn began to lead him out of the main room and down the hall. He stopped at Sydney's door. "This is it. Take as much time as you need," he said, turning and heading back down the hallway to join Weiss in the main room.  
  
Dixon stood at the door for a moment before summoning the courage to open it. Finally, he did. He walked into the room and closed the door behind him before he even looked up from the ground. Hand still on the doorknob, he forced himself to take a deep breath. After a moment, he turned around. The first thought that entered his head was that he was seeing a dead woman. There, on the bed, was Sydney. She was sitting, her legs folded under the covers. The mask covered part of her face, but Dixon could see the worry in her eyes. For the first time, Dixon noticed the chair that sat next to the bed. He walked slowly over to it and sat down, looking at the ground for a minute before forcing himself to look up and into her sad brown eyes.  
  
"Dixon," she said, her voice pained. Her vision suddenly swam with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you *so* many times. You have to know that."  
  
"Sydney. when your father told me, it was the biggest shock I've ever endured. I couldn't bring myself to understand why you would've hidden it from me so long-"  
  
"They wouldn't let me-" Sydney started to say, but was cut off with a wave of Dixon's hand.  
  
"I was ready to be angry at you, to question your loyalty and your character. But walking in here and seeing you- after thinking you were dead- I realize that whatever you may have hidden from me over the last few years, you must have had your reasons. I am so relieved to see you alive, Syd. I thought you were gone," he said, his voice close to cracking. Sydney reached out her hand and Dixon took it and held it without hesitation.  
  
"They were going to kill me. The CIA extracted me just in time. I was under anesthesia through the whole thing and I woke up here. I wanted more than anything for you to know I was still alive. There was just no way," Sydney explained to him.  
  
"Well now I know," he said with a small smile.  
  
"How are Diane and the kids?" She asked, changing the topic.  
  
"They're fine. How are you?" Dixon asked. Sydney sighed and looked down at their joined hands before looking back up at him with a strained smile her mask could only do so much to hide.  
  
"I'm managing," she offered.  
  
"Syd. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I never got the chance to tell you that before. They had me on two separate missions, only a day in between. Without you, I was the only field agent readily available. When I got back from the second mission, they pulled me aside and told me you were dead," Dixon explained.  
  
"Dixon, it's okay. I got your card and flowers. I knew you were working. I didn't expect to have to go into hiding, at least not so quickly. I guess I just figured I'd see you when you got back. It just didn't work out like that," she said regretfully.  
  
"And now the CIA wants to recruit me. The people I thought I was working for all along," Dixon said, shaking his head.  
  
"I know how you feel, Dixon. When they killed Danny, my dad told me the truth. It was the hardest thing in the world to go back there and pretend like everything was normal. But I had to. Just like I had to lie to you. Nothing else mattered to me, Dixon. I just wanted to take them down. But then this happened," she told him. "I'll understand if you don't want to join. If you want to keep your family safe and pretend this never happened."  
  
"Are you kidding me? Working for SD-6 is only putting my family in more danger. Knowing that they could do to Diane what they did to Danny. There's no way I could go back and pretend. No way," Dixon said firmly.  
  
"So you'll join?" Sydney asked hopefully.  
  
"Of course I will. I'm just sorry we couldn't be partners in this," Dixon said, squeezing her hand.  
  
"Me too. but I'll have them keep me updated on your missions. I'll keep in touch with my dad and be as involved as I can be. I promise," she assured him.  
  
"We'll get you home, Syd. I know we will." Dixon saw Sydney's expression cloud for a moment before her smile met her eyes.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was around 8:00 PM when Dixon finally left Sydney's room. He walked down the hall and into the main room in search of Vaughn and Weiss. He found Vaughn at the table, working on his laptop, but Weiss was nowhere in sight. He walked up and sat in the seat across from Vaughn. Vaughn immediately shut his computer.  
  
"Is she okay?" Vaughn asked Dixon.  
  
"She's fine, but that's a question I should really be asking you. She's not doing very well, is she?" Dixon asked, his voice dropping.  
  
"She's fighting as hard as she can," Vaughn argued, feeling the need to defend Sydney.  
  
"But she's pretty sick," Dixon guessed.  
  
"Right now, yes. But she's being treated," Vaughn added quickly.  
  
"Is she," Dixon paused, visibly struggling with his words. "Is she expected to live?" Vaughn sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. There was a long moment before he looked back up at Dixon.  
  
"Just please do this. If things go well, do it so she can come home. If they don't. do it for her memory," Vaughn told Dixon, voicing out loud for the first time the possibility that Sydney may not beat the cancer. He felt sick the second the words had left his mouth, but he knew he needed to convince Dixon to join the CIA, for Sydney's sake.  
  
"I'm in."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was two more hours of working out details and having Dixon sign agreements before he could be driven back to the airfield. Vaughn shook Dixon's hand and wished him luck before he and Weiss left. Vaughn sat down for a moment, trying to take everything in. It had been the longest 24 hours he could remember experiencing in a long time. He looked at his watch to find it almost 10:30 PM. Sighing, he got up and walked down the hall. He intended on going to his own room to change, but in passing Sydney's room, he couldn't resist the urge to go in and tell her the good news: that Dixon was officially a CIA agent. So he opened the door and slipped into the dark room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he made his way over to her bed as soon as they did. She was facing away from him, but he sat on the bed anyway and put his hand on her shoulder. That's when he noticed something was wrong. Her breathing sounded shallow and almost like wheezing. He shook her shoulder a little.  
  
"Syd? Are you okay?" He leaned over her and asked softly. He didn't get a response, though. Instead, he saw that her forehead was beaded with sweat. His heart accelerated as he pulled back and reached over to the nightstand, his hand groping for the thermometer while his eyes never left her face. He quickly took her temperature and pulled the thermometer close to his face so he could see the numbers in the darkness.  
  
104.  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow that was a long one! I just wrote so much before Dixon even came into the story and I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer for that part, so I included it all in this chapter. Hope you all got through it okay. I know the story's getting depressing again, but please don't yell at me lol. Sometimes it just has to be sad. Other times I promise it'll be happy. Just bear with me. Hope you liked the chapter! Please please please review! I got this out pretty quickly and it's pretty long, so some reviews would be such a wonderful reward lol. And it would be great encouragement to make the chapters longer and more frequent (hint hint lol). Ok I'll stop begging now. I'll try to get the next part out soon! Thanks for reading! 


	17. In Her Eyes

Title: This Tear  
  
Chapter: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: You guys are so awesome and so funny. I love how you all beg for Sydney not to die. I guess you'll just have to wait and see hehehe. Yes I do know if she dies or not, and yes I may completely mislead you or I may not, but I'm not giving away *anything* lol because you guys review more when I leave you hanging lol. And yes, I'm afraid I have to torture Sydney some more, but there's still hope for a happy ending. Just please keep reading and reviewing! Thanks!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Syd? Are you okay?" He leaned over her and asked softly. He didn't get a response, though. Instead, he saw that her forehead was beaded with sweat. His heart accelerated as he pulled back and reached over to the nightstand, his hand groping for the thermometer while his eyes never left her face. He quickly took her temperature and pulled the thermometer close to his face so he could see the numbers in the darkness.  
  
104.  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 17: In Her Eyes  
  
"I did manage to rule out the flu and some other common infections today," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn as he removed Sydney's mask to slip an oxygen mask on her instead. "Seeing this, my guess would be pneumonia."  
  
"And that's bad," Vaughn recalled.  
  
"Well it really depends on the type of pneumonia, how early we caught it, and how she responds to antibiotics. I'm going to need to take her to the hospital tonight to run some tests," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"For how long?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Well hopefully I can run some tests and get her back here with some equipment and antibiotics within a day or two, but it all depends on how she does," Dr. Anderson replied. "I know it's much safer for her here, though. I'll do everything I can to get her back here."  
  
"It's just that it's so soon after Dixon was here. If by some chance he was followed." Vaughn trailed off.  
  
"I understand. I'll make sure someone always has an eye on her," Dr. Anderson assured him.  
  
"I'll send Weiss when I can," Vaughn added.  
  
"I'm just going to put her on a portable IV to get some fluids into her body and then we should get her out to the car," Dr. Anderson suggested, already getting ready to insert the IV needle into her hand. He found a vein and inserted it, taping it down as soon as it was in. "I'll give you a minute with her. I'll be out in the car," he said as he got up and left the room. Vaughn moved to the edge of the bed and sat down next to Sydney's sleeping form. He reached up and ran his hand down her face, the burning skin a contrast to his cool fingers. He felt tears sting in his eyes as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. He then reached down and took her hand, bringing up to his lips. He held it there for a moment, closing his eyes and sending a silent prayer that she would be okay. He soon realized he needed to get her out to Dr. Anderson. He reached over and put the bag of IV fluid on her stomach. He then got up from the chair and slipped his arms under her, lifting both her body and the IV bag on top of her. She groaned softly, but didn't wake up. Holding her close to his body, he carried her outside.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Weiss arrived at the house an hour later to find it dark and quiet. He removed his coat and shoes before heading towards the hallway. He checked Vaughn's room, but it was dark and vacated. Sighing, he realized Vaughn must be in Sydney's room. He walked down the hall a bit and found the door slightly ajar. He pushed it open and found the room dark as well. Once his eyes adjusted, though, he saw Vaughn sitting in the chair by the bed, his head in his hands. When he looked at the bed, though, Weiss noticed that there was no one in it.  
  
"Where's Syd?" Weiss asked, causing Vaughn to turn around quickly, realizing for the first time that he wasn't alone in the room. Weiss saw the tortured expression on Vaughn's face and instantly walked closer to him. "What happened?"  
  
"Right after you left, I went to check on her. Her breathing sounded labored and shallow and her temperature had risen to 104. I called Dr. Anderson. he took her to the hospital. Says it's probably pneumonia," Vaughn explained, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"Shit!" He paused. "Sorry, I just."  
  
"I know. That's pretty much how I reacted too. It just never seems to end."  
  
"How'd she take it?" Weiss asked.  
  
"She didn't. She was completely out of it. She probably still has no idea," Vaughn replied.  
  
"You want me to go down there?" Weiss asked. "I can keep an eye on her, explain everything to her if she wakes up."  
  
"Would you?" Vaughn asked, his voice hopeful.  
  
"Of course. I'll call you as soon as I know anything," Weiss assured him, heading toward the door.  
  
"Eric," Vaughn called, causing Weiss to turn around and look at him. "Thanks."  
  
Weiss nodded. "Try not to worry too much. I'll call you soon."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Dr. Anderson!" Weiss called when he saw the doctor in the hallway of the hospital. The doctor turned around and rushed over to him.  
  
"Agent Weiss, I was wondering when you'd arrive."  
  
"Mike explained what happened when I got back and I headed right over. How's Syd?" He asked.  
  
"You came at a good time, actually. We just finished a round of tests. I put her up in the ICU while we check over the results," Dr. Anderson replied.  
  
"Do you know anything yet?"  
  
"The x-rays of her lungs confirmed pneumonia. So far, that's all we know," Dr. Anderson told Weiss.  
  
"Okay. I'm going to go sit with Syd. You'll come and tell me as soon as you know anything?" Weiss asked.  
  
"I will," Dr. Anderson confirmed.  
  
"Good. Which way's the ICU?"  
  
"Third floor. You can't miss it," Dr. Anderson replied. Weiss thanked the doctor and turned to find the elevators. Once he did, he entered one, pressing the button for the third floor. When the doors opened, he found himself in the ICU waiting room. He saw the nurses' station and walked up to it. A young nurse looked up from the chart she was reading.  
  
"Can I help you?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm looking for Sydney Bristow," Weiss requested.  
  
"Are you Mr. Weiss?" The nurse asked.  
  
"Yes," Weiss replied.  
  
"Dr. Anderson told us to expect you. We're normally not supposed to let non- family members see the patients, but he's given us orders to let you through. Just keep it quiet," the nurse said with a smile.  
  
"No problem," Weiss assured her.  
  
"She's down that hall, third cubicle. A nurse in there will give you special scrubs if you want to go in and see her. We can't risk any germs getting in," the nurse told Weiss, pointing down the hall.  
  
"Thanks," he said, already walking down the hall. He found himself in the ICU, standing in front of half cubicles, each with one glass wall for observation. He saw a nurse standing in front of Sydney's cubicle, noting something on her chart. He walked over to her.  
  
"Excuse me. The nurse out there said someone could get me some kind of scrubs so that I could go in and sit with her," Weiss said to the nurse.  
  
"Of course. Follow me," the nurse replied. Weiss complied.  
  
Five minutes later, he re-entered the ICU feeling like a surgeon. He wore a full set of scrubs, including a cap and the same kind of mask Sydney had been wearing for her new chemo. The nurse led him over to Sydney's cubicle and allowed him to enter. He slowly walked up to the bed. Sydney laid on her back, the hospital issue blanket pulled up to her stomach and folded over. Her arms lay at her sides. An oxygen mask covered her face, which looked extremely pale. There was an IV attached to one of her hands and a heart-monitor beeped steadily beside her. Weiss sat down in a chair next to her bed, never taking his eyes off her. Looking at her now, he understood why Vaughn had been so frightened back at the house.  
  
He suddenly heard Sydney's breath hitch as a series of coughs wracked her body. Her forehead wrinkled in pain and he saw that her eyes were squeezed shut. Her face still held an expression of pain when she stopped coughing and he heard her struggling to take deep breaths with the aid of the oxygen mask.  
  
"Syd?" He asked softly, leaning over her a bit. Her head lolled to the side as her eyes fluttered open, though only a crack. "Hey Syd, it's Weiss," he whispered. Without moving her head, he saw her eyes take in her surroundings as her expression grew confused. "You're in the hospital," he explained. "Dr. Anderson's running some tests. Either the doctor or I will be here until we can get you back home, okay?" Sydney struggled to nod before letting her eyes slip shut again.  
  
Weiss sat back in his chair and prepared himself for a long night.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn jumped out of his chair when he heard the car pull up into the driveway. He was across the room and opening the door in seconds, heading outside. He walked out just in time to see Dr. Anderson and Weiss getting out of the car. He immediately walked up to them. Dr. Anderson saw him first.  
  
"Agent Vaughn," he greeted. "Why don't you bring Agent Bristow inside while Agent Weiss and I take care of the equipment," he suggested. Vaughn nodded and opened the door to the back seat of the van. Sydney lay across it in a fetal position, wearing the same gray sweatpants and white t-shirt she'd left in. Vaughn climbed into the van as Weiss opened the door to the other side. Vaughn looked up at him.  
  
"I'll get the oxygen tank," Weiss offered as he gestured toward the tank sitting on the ground next to Sydney. Vaughn nodded and gently removed the mask from Sydney's face. Weiss hoisted the machine out of the van and carried it inside. Vaughn slid his arms underneath Sydney's sleeping form and carefully lifted her into his arms. Her head rested against his neck and he realized her breathing sounded labored without the mask on. He hurried to get her to her room, where he gently laid her on the bed and covered her with a quilt. Weiss stood next to the oxygen tank, which was already set up beside the bed. He held out the mask, which Vaughn took gratefully. He lifted Sydney's head a bit and slipped it over her face. Her breathing sounded better instantly. Vaughn looked up and caught Weiss's gaze. They both looked at each other seriously.  
  
"It's bad, isn't it?" Vaughn asked, his voice soft. Weiss sighed and looked down at the ground. Vaughn closed his eyes, feeling as if he'd been physically punched.  
  
"Hey," Weiss said, causing Vaughn to open his eyes and look at him. "Let's go help Dr. Anderson get the rest of the stuff inside." Vaughn nodded.  
  
"Okay."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
An hour later, all the equipment had been unloaded from the car and brought inside. Some of it had shocked Vaughn when he'd first seen it. He stopped dead when he saw Dr. Anderson unload a crash cart. Dr. Anderson had seen the look on Vaughn's face and assured him it was purely precautionary. Sydney's room now closely resembled a hospital room, and her bed was surrounded by a jungle of medical equipment.  
  
The three men were now seated at the table, a tense silence surrounding them. Dr. Anderson had explained that the pneumonia wasn't of the most serious types, but it was still cause for concern. He said that her immune system was nearly non-existent and that her body would require constant rest in order to fight off the pneumonia. She also needed to be on constant antibiotics and get as many fluids as possible to bring down her fever, which still held at 104.  
  
"Tell me honestly. Is there a chance she may not," Vaughn paused, struggling to finish his question, "survive this?"  
  
"Honestly? Well, there's always a chance. but I believe she will. It'll just take time," Dr. Anderson replied.  
  
"And what then? I mean, you're not going to restart her on the same chemo, are you? What if the same thing happened again?" Vaughn questioned.  
  
"Well, if we were to restart the treatment, we'd take very strict precautions this time. We'll have to re-examine what her body can handle, though, and we may start a new treatment. We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"Will she be in any pain when she wakes up?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Well, it's hard to stay. I'll be staying here, though, until she starts to improve. The symptoms are so varied, I really can't tell you what to expect. But I've brought enough equipment to be prepared for just about anything."  
  
"What about the tumor? I mean, the longer she goes without treatment, the worse it gets right?"  
  
"Not necessarily, but it's possible. Without extensive tests, it's hard to say. Let's just concentrate on getting her well enough to receive treatment again now. When she's better, we'll worry about the treatment," Dr. Anderson suggested.  
  
"How much does she know?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"It's hard to say. She wasn't aware of much the whole time she was at the hospital. She may have picked up a few things, but I doubt she knows the whole situation," the doctor replied.  
  
"Is it all right if I tell her? I know you were concerned about her keeping a positive attitude before," Vaughn recalled.  
  
"Yes, that's still a concern."  
  
"I'm sorry, doctor, but I don't think it would be wise to keep this from her. Sydney's not the kind of person to hear something like this and give up. If she knows her condition, she'll put all of her energy into fighting it and getting better. She needs to know," Vaughn insisted.  
  
"I agree. And I think you should be the one to tell her," Dr. Anderson told him.  
  
"Me? Why?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Because I think she'll take it best if it comes from you."  
  
Vaughn nodded, got up, and headed toward Sydney's room  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn sat down in the chair beside her bed, allowing his eyes to wander over her sleeping form. Her face was pale now, a contrast to how flushed it had been a few days ago. Her temperature remained high, though, and he could see small beads of sweat on her forehead. A piece of hair stuck to the middle of her forehead and he reached over to brush it off her face. He flinched when his hands came in contact with her hot skin. He immediately got up from his seat, walking into the bathroom.  
  
Returning a moment later with a cold washcloth, he sat back down in the chair. He folded the washcloth twice and reached over to dab at her face. She stirred almost immediately and groaned softly. After touching it to her forehead and cheeks a few more times, he saw her eyes flutter open. Once she realized where the cool relief was coming from, she slowly turned her head, her glassy eyes meeting his. He gave her the biggest smile he could manage.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. "Haven't seen you in a few days." She looked confused.  
  
"Days?" He barely heard her ask, her voice hoarse and muffled by the mask.  
  
"You were in the hospital, remember?" He asked. She closed her eyes, recalling waking up briefly in the ICU. She nodded before opening her eyes and looking at him again. Her eyes questioned him, her voice not needed. "You have pneumonia, Syd." Though he knew she was trying to suppress it, he saw the look of pain pass through her face and settle in her eyes.  
  
"How bad?" She asked.  
  
"I don't really know. Dr. Anderson says it could've been worse. He's got you on antibiotics. He says it'll just take some time," Vaughn told her.  
  
"How long?" Vaughn sighed at her question.  
  
"I don't know," he admitted. She squeezed her eyes shut suddenly and Vaughn saw a tear slip out the corner of her eye. "Syd? You okay? Are you in pain?" He asked, confused. She shook her head. "What is it?"  
  
She opened her eyes and looked at him, her expression pained and sad. "I'm so tired, Vaughn," she whispered. Vaughn felt as if his heart would literally break in that moment. He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand.  
  
"I know you are, Syd," he told her, fully aware that she wasn't referring to needing sleep. "But you're going to get through this. You're going to be okay."  
  
He looked into her eyes, searching for assurance. She saw what he was looking for and nodded at him. In her eyes, he saw something that frightened him, though. He saw something he'd rarely seen in her eyes. Something he'd never in his life associated with Sydney Bristow.  
  
He saw fear.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I tried not to leave you guys with a cliffhanger because I'm going to LA for a week and I don't know if I'll be able to work on the next chapter there or not. But if you guys are really really nice and review for me, I'll try to get some writing done on the plane lol. This chapter took a little longer than I intended for it to take, I'm sorry. I've been so sick the last 3 days, it's not been fun (and such great timing, I get sick the day before my vacation from school starts lol). But I hope you liked the chapter and I'll try to work on the next chapter over vacation and get it up ASAP. Please review! Thanks guys! 


	18. Endless Night

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Whew! Here's another long one for you. I know it took a while, but my excuse was that I was in LA for a week. I tried to get it up quickly, I swear. But either way, I hope you guys like the chapter! I forewarn you that it's not the happiest thing in the world, but I worked really really hard on this chapter, so please give it a chance lol. Ok, well I hope you enjoy!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I know you are, Syd," he told her, fully aware that she wasn't referring to needing sleep. "But you're going to get through this. You're going to be okay."  
  
He looked into her eyes, searching for assurance. She saw what he was looking for and nodded at him. In her eyes, he saw something that frightened him, though. He saw something he'd rarely seen in her eyes. Something he'd never in his life associated with Sydney Bristow.  
  
He saw fear.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 18: Endless Night  
  
Vaughn checked his watch for what seemed like the tenth time that minute. He sat by Sydney's bed, having woken up early after a mostly unsuccessful night of trying to sleep. The look he'd seen in Sydney's eyes still haunted him. He knew fear was normal, that it didn't mean she was giving up, but he wasn't quite used to seeing it in Sydney. She had always been so fearless in all her missions. Of course she had every right to be afraid in her situation, but he couldn't help worrying. After all, that seemed to be his favorite past-time since she'd been diagnosed.  
  
Thankfully, the doctor had installed a special device that helped to reassure him, even if only slightly. He'd installed a special buzzer, like the call button patients in the hospital had when they needed a nurse. It sat at her bedside table and all she had to do was hit a button if anything was wrong. He drew some comfort from this, remembering the day he'd gone after her and found her nearly unable to breathe. He'd been enormously grateful to Dr. Anderson for having thought of it.  
  
It had been three days since they'd brought her home from the hospital. She hadn't yet rung the buzzer. This would normally be a comfort, except that Vaughn suspected it was because she hadn't been awake the entire three days. He spent the great majority if his time sitting with her. Since the day she'd come home, when he told her she had pneumonia, he hadn't seen her awake. Dr. Anderson and Weiss had confirmed to him that they hadn't either. Dr. Anderson hadn't seemed too worried. He reminded Vaughn that her body needed an incredibly large amount of rest to be able to fight off the pneumonia. He told Vaughn it was probably a good thing that she'd been sleeping so much. The thing that did concern the doctor, though, was that her fever still had not broken. It remained at 104.  
  
"It's not life-threatening at that temperature, but what concerns me is that, if it hasn't gone down yet, it might still continue to go up. If it goes up to 105, she's in trouble," the doctor had said to Vaughn the day before. Since then, Vaughn had carefully placed a cool cloth on her forehead every time he sat with her, re-soaking it every few minutes so that it stayed cool. Her temperature had yet to drop, but it still at least made Vaughn feel like he was helping in some way.  
  
Vaughn turned abruptly when he heard the door open. He saw Dr. Anderson enter, a medical bag in his hand. He knew what that meant: check-up time. Dr. Anderson had checked her breathing, heart-rate, etc. three times a day since she came home from the hospital. Every day, Vaughn watched intently, hoping for good news. Every day, he couldn't help feeling disappointed when the doctor reported no change in her condition. Vaughn watched now as the doctor rounded the bed so that he stood over her, opposite Vaughn. He rifled through his bag, taking out device after device to check her condition. Last came the thermometer. Vaughn watched the doctor's face as he read the temperature. It was the same subtle look of disappointment he'd seen for the past three days, again and again and again.  
  
"The same?" He asked. The doctor nodded. "And everything else?"  
  
"No change. Has she woken up at all?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn shook his head. "Probably best." Vaughn nodded, but couldn't help silently disagreeing with the doctor. What he wouldn't give to see Sydney open her eyes and smile at him in that moment.  
  
"Shouldn't she be getting better by now?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"It varies with each patient really. But if she doesn't start to improve soon, I'm going to have to consider a new approach. She can't go without treatment forever. And if her tumor's growing, she'll only get worse," the doctor admitted seriously.  
  
"How much longer?"  
  
"If she doesn't show improvement in the next two days, we'll try a different approach. Though the antibiotics I have her on are the most effective kind for her type of pneumonia, so they really should help her improve. Let's just give them a little more time," the doctor suggested.  
  
Vaughn nodded. "Okay."  
  
"By the way, Agent Weiss wanted to see you. He's out at the table," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn as he put away the thermometer. Vaughn sighed and nodded. He leaned forward and kissed the warm skin between Sydney's eyes, below the cloth. He looked at her for a moment, hoping she might react. She didn't, though, and he got up and left the room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What's up?" Vaughn asked as he sat down across from Weiss, who was, as usual, working on his laptop.  
  
"Hey," Weiss said, closing his computer slightly. "How's Syd?"  
  
"No change," Vaughn replied. Weiss shook his head sadly.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said.  
  
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. "Dr. Anderson wants to give the antibiotics a little more time to work. If they don't, he's going to try something else." Weiss nodded.  
  
"They'll work," he insisted.  
  
"They better," Vaughn said. "What did you want to tell me?"  
  
"Oh, I got an e-mail from Jack this morning. He says Dixon's on his first mission for the CIA today. A Rambaldi artifact. Sloane apparently didn't tell them its purpose, just that it was very important. A team's going to make a replica on site, and Dixon will hopefully get the real one to us."  
  
"It's too bad Syd's not awake. She'd be relieved as hell to know we're back on track," Vaughn commented.  
  
"Speaking of which, Jack also asked about Sydney's condition. What do you want me to say?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Tell him the truth. He deserves to know. Just leave out the part about the antibiotics not working as of yet. No need for him to worry unless we're sure they're not working. Just tell them the doctor's watching her closely and waiting for improvement."  
  
"Do you want to write it?" Weiss suggested.  
  
"No, you go ahead. I'm going to go back and sit with her in case she wakes up," Vaughn told him.  
  
"Okay. Let me know if she does," Weiss requested.  
  
"I will."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn sat with Sydney all day as she continued to sleep. Night fell, completely lost on Vaughn. Dr. Anderson came mid-day to check on her, noting, once again, no change. It was now nearing nine-thirty and Vaughn knew he'd probably be in for another mostly sleepless night. He slipped his hand under hers, holding it, hoping that even in her state, she'd realize he was there. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He thought about all the things they'd do when this was all over. He thought about taking her to dinner, showing her his apartment, walking into the CIA building together for the first time. Things he knew he'd taken for granted with every other woman he'd ever dated. But with Sydney, even the smallest things were monumental, a dream come true.  
  
He didn't know how long he'd been caught up in his thoughts when he suddenly heard her groan and felt an almost imperceptible tightening of her hand in his. His eyes snapped open and he leaned forward again, his face close to hers. He saw her eyelids fluttering, as if her eyes were moving wildly underneath, trying to see. He brought his hand to her face to try to calm her, but he was surprised to see her flinch at his touch. He quickly removed his hand, bringing it down to touch her arm instead, trying to draw her into consciousness.  
  
"Syd? Can you open your eyes for me? Just a little, come on, you can do it," he encouraged softly. Her hand squeezed his tightly all of a sudden, surprising him with her strength. Her other one gripped the quilt, squeezing it in her fist. He guessed she was struggling to wake up.  
  
"That's it, Syd. You're almost there, just open your eyes." Her eyes squeezed shut at his words, but only momentarily. Creases appeared on her forehead and her eyes slowly opened, looking straight up at the ceiling. Vaughn released the breath he'd been holding. Relief flooded his whole body as he saw her eyes wildly search the room. "I'm here, Syd," he said, leaning over her a bit more. She shifted her head to look at him, her eyes finally, for the first time in three days, meeting his.  
  
And that's when he knew something wasn't right.  
  
Her eyes shimmered with tears and held a look of immense pain in them. Vaughn felt his chest tighten, fear spreading throughout his entire body. Her eyes pleaded with him, but he couldn't quite understand what she was trying to tell him.  
  
"Syd, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" He asked worriedly. He saw her nod once, as if that was all she could manage, before clamping her eyes shut again. "Is it your head?" She groaned and squeezed his hand tighter. He saw instantly the sheen of sweat on her forehead, mixing with the tears that trailed from the sides of her eyes. He'd never seen her in this much pain before. "Hold on, Syd, I'll go get the doctor, okay? I'll be right back," he assured her, slipping his hand out of her grip and rushing to the door. He threw it open and rushed outside, almost running right into the doctor a few feet down the hall.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, I was just coming to check on Agent Bristow. Is something wrong?" The doctor asked, noticing Vaughn's fearful expression and wild eyes.  
  
"Yes, something's wrong. She's awake, but she seems to be in a lot of pain," Vaughn explained frantically, leading the doctor into Sydney's room and over to her bed. Vaughn rounded the bed and sat on the edge of the bed, taking Sydney's hand back into his.  
  
"It's okay, Syd. Dr. Anderson's here. He's just going to check you over," Vaughn assured her as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. The action caused her eyes to open, finding Vaughn easily. Tears still streamed down her face, but under the pain her eyes, he saw a look that could only be described as thankful. Her eyes closed again quickly, though, her entire face reflecting the pain she felt.  
  
"Agent Bristow, can you tell me what hurts?" Dr. Anderson asked. Vaughn could see her mouth open under the mask, but no sound came out.  
  
"I think it's her head," Vaughn told the doctor. "Is that right, Syd?" He asked softly, leaning in close to her face. Slowly, painfully, she managed to nod. Vaughn looked up at the doctor to confirm he'd seen it too, but the doctor's expression looked troubled. He quickly reached into his bag and pulled out the thermometer. When he read the temperature, his expression went from troubled to stricken. He looked up at Vaughn and gestured to the door. Vaughn nodded and looked back down at Sydney. The look of pain that remained on her face brought tears to his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do at that moment was leave her to suffer by herself, but he knew what the doctor had to say must be important. He leaned down so that his face was only inches from hers.  
  
"I'm going to go outside for one second, Syd. I'll be right back, okay?" He whispered, using the same tone one would use to speak to a frightened child. She made no indication that she'd heard him, but he assumed she had. He brought her hand to his lips again before he set it carefully down at her side and left the room. He found Dr. Anderson pacing in the hallway as soon as he walked out the door. The doctor stopped at Vaughn's appearance and walked up to him.  
  
"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked immediately.  
  
"Her temperature's risen. She's at 104.5 right now, and if it keeps rising to 105, I'll need to get her to the hospital right away," the doctor replied.  
  
"Is there anything else we can do to keep it from rising?" Vaughn asked, hoping it didn't come to that.  
  
"My only suggestion would be soaking her sheets in cold water and wrapping her in them. It's one of the best ways to cool her body, but you'd have to sit with her and re-soak or change the sheets whenever they started to get warm and there's still no guarantee it'll help much," Dr. Anderson explained, shaking his head.  
  
"I'll try it," Vaughn insisted. "But can you at least give her something for the pain? It seems pretty bad."  
  
The doctor's face darkened. "Actually I can't."  
  
"Why not?!" Vaughn asked, surprised. "Can't you see how much pain she's in? You can't just leave her like that!"  
  
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. The pain medication causes fluid to build up in her lungs. Normally, it's so minimal that the effect is insignificant, but it's different with the pneumonia. Her lungs are already in bad shape. Any fluid build-up could leave her unable to breathe. I can't take that risk."  
  
"You can't do anything?" Vaughn asked desperately. "I can't sit and watch her suffer like that. There has to be *something* you can do. Anything."  
  
"Aside from giving her some Tylenol, there's really nothing I can do. And I promise you that not only will that not even touch the pain, but there's no way she'll be able to keep the pills down in her state," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn seriously.  
  
"Oh God," Vaughn whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt completely helpless.  
  
"Try the sheets. If her fever goes down, she may start to feel better," Dr. Anderson said, placing his hand on Vaughn's shoulder. Vaughn looked up at him and nodded, realizing he was doing everything he could for Sydney. "Let me know if you want any help. Otherwise I'll be in to check on her periodically."  
  
Vaughn nodded again and watched Dr. Anderson walk down the hall. He looked back at Sydney's door, dreading what he might see when he went back inside. He hadn't quite realized it until that night, but seeing Sydney in pain was most definitely the most excruciating experience he'd ever endured. He had to take a deep breath and gather himself before he was able re-enter and witness the horrible nightmare he knew awaited him.  
  
He walked back into the room to find that nothing had changed. Sydney still lay on her back, her face reflecting horrible pain, her fists squeezing the sheets so hard that her knuckles were white. All Vaughn could think was that there was no way he was going to be able to sit with her and watch her go through this. His heart already felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. He noticed a single tear slip out from under her closed lids and slowly slide down her cheek. He suddenly flashed back to when he'd been sick with that mysterious disease. She'd traveled all the way to Tokyo to find his cure. And though he could not do the same for her, she still needed his help now. He couldn't let her down.  
  
Feeling himself suddenly snap into gear, he walked up to the bed and leaned down to remove the sheet that rested on top of her feverish body. His attempt failed, though, and he realized she was still clutching the sheet as if it were her lifeline. He very gently laid his hand over her knuckles and leaned in close to her face.  
  
"Syd, it's me. I need you to let go of the sheet so I can take it for one second, okay?" He asked softly, his thumb running back and forth over her knuckles until he felt her fist relax and release the sheet. He quickly removed the sheet from the bed and took it into the bathroom. Temporarily depositing it on the floor, he walked over to the bath and turned on the water. He adjusted the knob to ensure the water was as cold as possible and waited as the tub slowly filled. As soon as it contained a few inches of water, he grabbed the sheet and pushed it into the water, making sure every inch was saturated with the cool liquid. While the sheet soaked, he had a thought and quickly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall a few steps until he reached the linen closet. He pulled out another sheet and brought it back to Sydney's bathroom. Replacing the one already in the tub with the dry one, he partially wrung out the sheet.  
  
He gathered the bedspread, soaking himself and the floor underneath him, but not caring. He carried it back into the bedroom. Sydney now lay on her side, curled up in a fetal position. He brought the sheet to the bed and spread it out over her body, pressing it against her skin and tucking it in underneath her so that it completely surrounded her. She gasped a little at the sudden coolness, but didn't react beyond that. He reached out to her forehead to take the cloth off her forehead and re-soak it in the small container of water on the nightstand. He returned it to her forehead quickly, pressing it against her burning skin. He saw that tears were still steadily streaming out of her closed eyes. He reached underneath the cool sheet to find her hand. His fingers met hers and he gingerly pulled her hand out from under the sheet. He saw that it was still curled in a tight fist. Using as little force as possible, he uncurled her fingers and saw that she'd dug her nails into her palm so hard that she'd drawn blood. Seeing that, he felt as if someone were physically torturing him.  
  
"Syd, God, you're hurting yourself. Here, hold my hand instead, as tight as you want. Don't be afraid of hurting me," he encouraged, placing his hand inside hers. She did hold it, squeezing tightly, but not nearly as tightly as he knew she'd had to squeeze her own in order to draw blood.  
  
"There, good," he said softly. He knew she was probably wondering why the hell she wasn't being given any medication when it was so obvious she was in a great deal of pain. He wanted to explain it to her, but he wasn't sure how much she was actually aware of through the pain. "Syd, I need to know if you can hear me, if you understand me. I want to explain what's going on, but I need to know if you're with me. Can you open your eyes for me? Just for a minute?"  
  
He stared at her for a full twenty seconds before she managed to force her eyes partially open. She found him easily and looked at him through her tears. He quickly felt tears rise in his own eyes, but he swallowed hard and pushed them down. He knew he needed to be strong for her right now.  
  
"Hey," he whispered, trying to smile at her. She took a deep, shuddering breath as she struggled to keep her eyes open and focused on him. "I know it hurts, Syd. I've got a cool sheet around you and a cloth on your forehead so we can bring your fever down. I'm going to change it and keep it cold. The doctor says that you'll probably feel better when your fever goes down. but it could take a little while," he admitted to her. She groaned and closed her eyes. "Syd, I need you to stay with me for one more minute, okay?" He asked, bringing his free hand up to touch her face. Her eyes drifted open again. "I know there's probably nothing more in the world you want now than pain medication, but the doctor says he can't give you any. He says that it could cause fluid-build up that could make your lungs worse and he doesn't want to risk you not being able to breathe at all."  
  
Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.  
  
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what." It was only after the words left him in a rush when he realized what he'd said. As soon it dawned on him, that he'd said those three words, his whole world seemed to freeze. He wasn't even sure if she'd really heard them, but her eyes were still open, gazing painfully into his. She blinked a few times, releasing tears from her full eyes before untangling her hand from his. She slowly, with great effort, brought it to his face and laid it over his cheek. Her thumb stroked back and forth and he brought his hand over hers, holding it there. He smiled weakly at her before turning his face and kissing her palm, closing his watery eyes, careful not to let any tears escape. When he looked back at her moments later, hers were closed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn spent the whole night sitting by Sydney's side, changing the sheets every half-hour and cloth on her head twice as much. Her pain lasted for hours, and he couldn't imagine how she had any tears left to cry after a while. Her grip on his hand weakened over the coarse of the night as her body grew more and more tired. Then, to his extreme relief, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep. He continued to watch her carefully and change the sheets on schedule. The doctor came in twice during the night, checking her over and assuring Vaughn that they were both doing all they could.  
  
It was around eight in the morning when the doctor entered Sydney's room to check her over again. He opened the door quietly and slipped in the room, supplies in hand. He stopped short at the sight before him. Sydney was curled up so close to the far edge of the bed, it looked as if she might roll off the side. Her knees were curled up close to her body and her head was low on the pillow. Vaughn sat in the seat pulled as close as possible to her bed, but his head lay between Sydney's face and knees. Both slept what appeared to be peacefully, but the doctor realized it had probably taken hours for both to even doze off. He regretted waking either of them, but knew it was necessary to check Sydney over and that Vaughn would want to know right away.  
  
He didn't have to think much longer about waking up either, though, because Vaughn shifted and opened his eyes as the doctor approached the bed. He blinked a few times, clearing his mind, before rubbing his eyes and sitting up in the chair. It took him a moment to notice the doctor's presence, but he seemed to become immediately alert once he did.  
  
"What time is it?" He asked.  
  
"A little past eight," the doctor replied.  
  
"Was I awake the last you checked on her?"  
  
"Yes, you were. It was around five and you were both awake," the doctor reminded him. Vaughn nodded. "I just came in to check on her again."  
  
"Am I in your way?" Vaughn asked, already starting to rise from his chair. The doctor put up a hand to stop him.  
  
"You're fine. Stay right there. She'll want to see you next to her if she wakes up, I'm sure. I just need to do a few things," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn, rifling through his bag. Instead of running through his normal series of tests, he reached immediately for the thermometer. He met Vaughn's eyes before he brought it to her ear, both sharing a hopeful look in the silence. The thermometer beeped in seconds, startling both the doctor and Vaughn, but unnoticed to Sydney. The doctor drew it close and read the digital numbers. His entire face changed.  
  
"What is it?" Vaughn asked anxiously.  
  
"102," the doctor replied, his face nearly lighting up. "It's finally broken. The sheets worked. And if she's sleeping now, I'd say it worked on her pain too." He reached back into his bag and pulled out the stethoscope. He quickly donned it and pressed the end to her chest. "Her lungs sound a little better also. The antibiotics must finally be doing the trick," he said, pressing the stethoscope to her chest a few more times before removing it. "Looks like she's going to pull through after all."  
  
Vaughn dropped his head into his hands, finally letting his tears fall.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I am soooooo sorry that took so long! I was staying with my friend in her dorm in LA (I just got back last night) and I worked on it every time she went to class, but chapter was slow-going. I tried hard not to make it repetitive. I know it's depressing, but look at the end, things are already looking up. Anyway, I hope I didn't depress you all too much and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I promise I'll try to get the next one out faster. And for any of you that care, I'll just mention the coolest part of my vacation: driving by Disney Studios three times and seeing the huge Alias poster they have right out front (that's where Alias films if you didn't know). And I found out it's exactly 9 miles away from my college next year and I'll drive by it all the time! I'm excited. Ok I just had to ramble about that a bit lol. Anyway, please please please go review! I feel like I haven't had the pleasure of checking reviews in forever because this chapter took so long, so getting some will be so great! Thanks for reading! 


	19. Recovery

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Whew! My tennis team won three out of three matches this week, including our rivals, so I'm feeling great! Unfortunately I was at a match until late Friday night, because we had to share the courts with the guys team, so I didn't get a chance to finish this chapter up until Saturday and then I finished it up tonight. But since I left you with a somewhat happy ending, I hope the wait wasn't too horrible. So here's chapter 19!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"102," the doctor replied, his face nearly lighting up. "It's finally broken. The sheets worked. And if she's sleeping now, I'd say it worked on her pain too." He reached back into his bag and pulled out the stethoscope. He quickly donned it and pressed the end to her chest. "Her lungs sound a little better also. The antibiotics must finally be doing the trick," he said, pressing the stethoscope to her chest a few more times before removing it. "Looks like she's going to pull through after all."  
  
Vaughn dropped his head into his hands, finally letting his tears fall.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 19: Recovery  
  
Sydney slept all that day and straight through the night, which Dr. Anderson assured them was completely normal. Weiss convinced Vaughn to get some sleep around ten that night. It took a lot of convincing, but Vaughn reluctantly left Sydney's side to get some much-needed sleep. After all, her fever was down to 101 already, her lungs were sounding better, and she was finally resting comfortably. Vaughn figured he'd better take the opportunity to sleep now, because he never knew when another complication could arise in Sydney's condition. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow and was out the whole night.  
  
The next day, he woke up to see that the clock read 11:30. He did a double0- take. He hadn't slept that late in months. He suddenly sat straight up in bed, realizing that Sydney could have already woken up and would've been by herself. What if something was wrong? Then he remembered the buzzer and breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he'd been sleeping pretty deeply, but he was sure the buzzer would've woken up him. He allowed himself to slow down as he got out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. He left his room and walked down the hall, straight to Sydney's door. Opening it slowly so as not to make it creak, he peeked inside. The sight before him drew him into the room immediately and he barely had the presence of mind to close the door behind him.  
  
Weiss sat in the chair beside the bed, the one Vaughn usually took residence in, and he was smiling. Vaughn barely noticed, though, because all he saw was Sydney. She was propped up by a mound of pillows, sitting almost straight up. She was awake and talking. The oxygen mask was gone, replaced by a tube across her nose. There was a healthy amount of color back in her face and though she still looked tired, she finally looked alive again. She turned to look at him and he saw her eyes no longer held that look of fear he'd seen a few nights before. Today, they simply shone. He knew she was back.  
  
"Syd," he whispered, still in shock. She smiled and he swore the room grew brighter.  
  
"Hi," she said in a strong voice he hadn't heard in weeks. Vaughn walked slowly over to the bed and lowered himself to sit on the edge, facing her. He looked at her a moment, taking everything in and then reached out and drew her into his arms. He held her closer and tighter than he'd ever held anyone in his life. She clung to him in the same fashion, neither even noticing when Weiss slipped quietly out of the room to give them some privacy. Vaughn ran his hands up and down her back and brought one up to rest on her head. He buried his face in her hair, wanting to lose himself in her.  
  
"I was so scared, Syd. So scared," he whispered to her, his voice strangled. She closed her eyes and bit her lip.  
  
"Honestly, Vaughn, me too," she whispered back. Vaughn sighed and slowly pulled away, backing up only as much as he needed to fully see her face.  
  
"You feel okay?" He asked softly. She gave him a small smile and nodded.  
  
"I'm still pretty weak, but I feel a lot better," she assured him.  
  
"You sure look it," he said, reaching out and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She laughed.  
  
"I can't imagine how horrible I must've looked before." He reached up to cup her cheek in his hand.  
  
"Never. You never look horrible," he said, his thumb stroking her skin, which now only felt slightly warm to his touch. Her smile faded at his words and she reached out and brought his face closer to hers. He got the message quickly and lowered his lips to kiss her. The kiss started out as soft, tentative. Vaughn's worry for her lack of strength quickly faded, though, when Sydney deepened the kiss. They pulled away a moment later, breathless. Vaughn looked at her and smiled.  
  
"I missed that," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.  
  
"Me too," she agreed. "I guess I was out of it for a while, huh?"  
  
"You could say that."  
  
"Did I miss much?" She asked.  
  
"Dixon's on his first mission for us. Come to think of it, I think we're supposed to hear today whether it's a success or not," he remembered. She nodded before backing away a little and looked at him.  
  
"Thank you, Vaughn," she said softly.  
  
"For what?" He asked.  
  
"I don't remember much from the past few days, but the parts I do remember, you were always there. I know you stayed with me a lot, especially the other night when you brought my fever down with the sheets. I don't think I would be sitting here right now had you not been there with me," she explained, tears creeping into her eyes. He leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss into her forehead. He backed away, framed her face with his hands, and leaned in to kiss her lips again. Only a few seconds into the kiss, though, he heard her stomach growl loudly. They both broke away, laughing.  
  
"Sorry," she said sheepishly.  
  
"That's okay," he said, still laughing. "You must be starving. You haven't eaten actual food in days."  
  
"I guess I'm a little hungry," she admitted. He nodded and rose from the bed.  
  
"I'll be right back," he told her as he exited the room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey, Mike!" Weiss called from the main room.  
  
"What?" Vaughn asked from the kitchen. He walked a few steps closer to the table so neither had to yell.  
  
"I just got word from Jack. Dixon's mission was a success. We got the artifact," Weiss told him.  
  
"Any word on what it is yet?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"A CIA team is analyzing it. No guesses yet, but they'll need some time to run tests," Weiss replied. Vaughn nodded and walked back into the kitchen. He emerged a moment later, carrying a tray with a bowl of soup, some crackers, and a glass of water. He carried it down to Sydney's room and pushed the slightly ajar door fully open with his foot. When Sydney saw him enter with the tray, she sat up against the pillows as much as possible and crossed her legs under her. He walked over and carefully set the tray down on her lap before sitting in the chair next to her bed.  
  
"Thanks," she said, smiling at him.  
  
"No problem. I kept it light because I wasn't sure how much your stomach can handle. If you want something else, though, just let me know," he told her.  
  
"This is fine," she said, reaching down and eating a few spoonfuls of soup.  
  
"So Weiss told me that he heard from your father. Dixon's first mission was a success. They have the artifact and they're working on analyzing it now," Vaughn said after watching her eat for a moment. She nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"Good," she said. "I always knew he'd help if we needed him."  
  
"He seems like a good person. And he sure cares about you," Vaughn said.  
  
"What do you mean?" She asked.  
  
"That day he came to talk to you, before he would sign anything, he wanted to know all about your treatments and how you were doing," Vaughn replied.  
  
"He always looked out for me. Kind of like someone else I know," she added. Vaughn smiled as he continued to watch her eat. She managed to finish most of it before announcing that she was finished. Vaughn took the tray from her lap and set it on the floor. He noticed her whole body sag against the pillows.  
  
"You're tired," he stated. She shook her head.  
  
"I'm okay," she insisted.  
  
"No, it's been a long day for you. You should get some rest," he argued. She looked him for a minute before sighing and nodding, giving in.  
  
"Don't let me sleep more than a few hours, okay?" She asked.  
  
"Okay," he agreed. He leaned over and kissed her forehead again. She closed her eyes. "Sleep well," he whispered before backing away. Her eyes still closed, she smiled at him. He watched her for a minute, silently thanking whoever had given her back to him. Eventually, he rose from his seat and left her to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As soon as Sydney was strong enough, Dr. Anderson brought her to the hospital for another day of testing. They didn't return until early evening. Weiss was in his room when they got back, but Vaughn was in the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. Vaughn walked towards the door when he heard it open and made it there in time to see the doctor pointing Sydney to the couch. She walked over and all but collapsed on top of it. Vaughn gave the doctor a questioning look as he walked up to him.  
  
"We gave her a regular chemo session just to get an early start on starting to fight the cancer cells again. She's not feeling too great," the doctor explained. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"When will you know the results?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Tomorrow. I'm going to stay at home tonight and go in early to start working. I should have everything by tomorrow afternoon or evening. I'll drop by when I know," the doctor replied. "I've already got all my stuff in the car, so I'm going to head home. But keep an eye on her for a while and give me a call if you need anything."  
  
"I will, doctor. Thanks," Vaughn said, shaking the doctor's hand before he turned and walked out the door. Vaughn turned and walked over to the couch to see Sydney sitting there, bending over and resting her head in her hands. He heard her taking slow, deep breaths over and over.  
  
"Syd?" He asked softly as he walked closer to the couch. "Nausea?" He asked. She nodded into her hands. "Want me to help you to the bathroom?" She shook her head.  
  
"I just need to stay still for a moment," she said, sounding breathless. Vaughn snapped into gear, walking into the kitchen and finding a small pot. He brought it out to the main room and walked over to the couch. He set the pot on her lap before sitting at the end of the couch, his back resting against the arm.  
  
"Come here," he whispered as he reached out to draw her close to him. She scooted over so that she sat in between his legs and laid back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling the pot up to her stomach. "In case you need it," he explained. He brought his hands to rub up and down her arms soothingly. She closed her eyes and sighed. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Do you want to sleep for a while?" He asked.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," she said quietly, still taking deep breaths.  
  
"Do you want anything?" He asked, feeling helpless. She shook her head before suddenly shooting forward and grabbing for the pot. She leaned over it, her whole body shuddering. He leaned forward behind her, reaching up to rub her back. She gagged and started to dry-heave.  
  
"Have you eaten at all?" He asked in the middle of it. She shook her head between heaves. Vaughn sighed. He knew her body had nothing to expel, but that didn't stop its attempts to do so anyway. When her body finally relaxed slightly, her breathing shallow and the trembling only slight, he coaxed her to lie back again.  
  
"You're okay," he whispered into her ear. "You're okay." She groaned and shifted to lay on her side, her head still pillowed on his chest. He continued to rub her back. After a few moments, she seemed to relax a little. "Why don't you try to sleep?" He suggested.  
  
"I'll try," she agreed in a soft voice.  
  
"Can I do anything to help?" She was silent for a moment.  
  
"Tell me a story," she replied finally.  
  
"A story? About what?" He asked. Another moment of silence.  
  
"Your childhood. Tell me about your childhood," she requested.  
  
"Okay, let's see," he said as he thought about what to tell her. "Well, I was born in this little village," he started. He went on to tell her about his home and his family, speaking long after her breathing had evened out and she'd fallen into a peaceful sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Wait, you mean your favorite color *isn't* blue? You've got to be kidding," Sydney said to Vaughn. She sat comfortably on her bed, Vaughn sitting across from her.  
  
"No, my favorite color would probably be green," Vaughn told her.  
  
"But you always wear blue," Sydney pointed out.  
  
"Do I?" He asked. She nodded. "Well, it's not intentional." She laughed at him. Suddenly, the door opened and Weiss poked his head in.  
  
"Hey guys," he said. "Dr. Anderson just called to say he's on his way over with the results. He said there's something important he has to discuss with us. Just thought you'd want to know," he told them before stepping out and closing the door. Sydney and Vaughn both turned to look at each other, their expressions nervous.  
  
"Something important," Sydney pondered. "Does that sound good or bad?"  
  
"It could go either way. I guess we'll have to wait and see," Vaughn reasoned. She nodded and looked down. "Hey," he said, bringing his hand under her chin to draw her face up so that he could look into her eyes. "I'm sure everything's okay."  
  
"Vaughn," she said, sighing. "I've been without treatment, and we don't even know if that clinical trial worked. We have to at least be prepared for bad news," she insisted. This time it was him who avoided her eyes by looking down.  
  
"I can't, Syd. I can never prepare myself for the bad news. It's always just as horrible no matter how much I tell myself I should've expected it," Vaughn told her. She leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close.  
  
"Whatever it is, I'm here," he reminded her.  
  
"I know," she said softly into his ear. Suddenly, they both heard the front door open and close. Vaughn felt Sydney's body tense. He held her tighter for a moment before backing away and looking at her. They communicated with their eyes, telling each other what they couldn't say in words. Soon, he got up off the bed and offered her a hand.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Hope you liked it! I juuuust finished it up after "Alias" (oh my god that last scene was soooo cute! And the finale looks amazing!). I have four tennis matches this week and practice on the one day I don't have a match, but hopefully I won't have much homework and will be able to work on chapter 20 as much as possible. It'll be a pretty important chapter I think. So please please please go review and give me something to fuel me through my week! Thanks! 


	20. Decisions

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Before I start, I want to thank everyone who's been wishing me luck in tennis. Our team is currently undefeated. Aaaand to everyone who begged for a happy chapter, um, we'll see how that works out. I don't do happy well lol. But I'll say more about the chapter at the end because I don't want to spoil anything. So for now, I hope you enjoy it!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I know," she said softly into his ear. Suddenly, they both heard the front door open and close. Vaughn felt Sydney's body tense. He held her tighter for a moment before backing away and looking at her. They communicated with their eyes, telling each other what they couldn't say in words. Soon, he got up off the bed and offered her a hand.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 20: Decisions  
  
"Well, the results show that there don't appear to be any further metastases, which is good news. For now, the cancer appears to be contained. So, in that respect, the treatment was effective," the doctor explained to the three agents.  
  
"It grew, didn't it?" Sydney asked knowingly. "The tumor's bigger." The room grew silent for a moment.  
  
"I won't lie to you, Agent Bristow. It's bigger. But it's still treatable. For all the time you went without treatment and all the complications you've faced, things could be a lot worse than this," the doctor reasoned.  
  
"So what are my options now?" Sydney asked, surprising everyone with her calmness.  
  
"Well that's what I needed to discuss with you. There are several options. Obviously, with the tumor bigger, we can't yet attempt to operate. We're going to need to shrink it. So, you could go back to the conventional chemo with radiation. There are some cases where the second cycle is more effective than the first. There are also a number of highly experimental treatments to explore. Another option is a clinical trial somewhat similar to the one you just underwent. Except this one would be a little more complicated. Since the pneumonia has probably left your immune system slightly weakened and this treatment will put you even more at risk than the first for catching something, you'll have to be admitted to the hospital. We'll have to place you in isolation for an unknown amount of time, probably at least a few weeks. And I'll be honest with you, it won't be pleasant. The treatment will make you pretty sick, and you won't be able to leave isolation until you're done with the cycle."  
  
"And those are my options?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Some options," Vaughn said sarcastically, obviously quite angry. Sydney reached out and laid a hand over his, trying to calm him before looking back at the doctor and nodding for him to continue.  
  
"Yes, those are your options," Dr. Anderson confirmed.  
  
"What would you suggest?" She asked.  
  
"I'm afraid I don't have a suggestion for this one, Agent Bristow. Sacrifices will have to be made in either case. Both have their own benefits and down-sides. It just depends on how you want to fight this."  
  
"How often does the conventional chemo prove to be more effective a second time around?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Well, I don't have any exact statistics, but I'd say often enough not to be called rare, but certainly not enough to be called frequent," Dr. Anderson replied. Sydney nodded in understanding. She looked over to Vaughn and Weiss. Weiss met her eyes, his look sympathetic, but Vaughn's focus was trained on the floor. She squeezed his hand, causing him to reluctantly look up at her. His eyes held a mixed look of disappointment and fear. She looked back at the doctor.  
  
"Can I have some time to think about it?" She asked, knowing this was something she needed to talk to Vaughn about before she made a final decision.  
  
"Of course, but I wouldn't take long. The sooner we get started on any treatment, the better," Dr. Anderson reminded her.  
  
"I know. I just need until tomorrow. I'll have a decision for you then," Sydney assured him. He nodded and rose from his chair.  
  
"I'll leave you to think and discuss then. Call me if you have any further questions. Otherwise, I'll call tomorrow," Dr. Anderson told them. Sydney nodded at him and Weiss got up to show him out. Sydney looked back over and Vaughn to find he was still looking at her.  
  
"Let's talk," she suggested. Vaughn nodded. Still holding his hand, she stood up and led him into her room. He shut the door behind them and Sydney led him over to the window seat. She sat, Indian-style, on one end, her back against the wall. He sat across from her, his knees barely touching hers. An awkward silence hung in the air, neither quite knowing where to start.  
  
"Vaughn," Sydney began, but then fell silent. She looked at him helplessly. He reached out and took both of her hands into his.  
  
"Do you know what you want to do?" He asked. She shook her head.  
  
"I want to know what you think," she told him.  
  
"I think," he paused. "I think that this is a decision you should make on your own. Because in the end, whatever you decide is really going to effect at least the next few weeks of your life, probably more. I want you to decide only for you, not for anyone else," he replied finally. She sighed, squeezing his hands.  
  
"Though the doctor didn't exactly say so, I got the impression that the experimental treatment would probably be more effective than the conventional chemo, but a lot more difficult and would require more sacrifices," Sydney said. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"That was about the impression I got too," he agreed.  
  
"Well then I think my decision is fairly simple. I can't not fight this with everything in me, and it's not like the chemo wouldn't make me sick anyway. So I guess it's the experimental treatment then," she decided.  
  
He nodded. "Okay," he said softly before leaning forward and taking her into his arms. She held him back and cried out in surprise when he laid back and pulled her with him. A second later, she was half on top of him, her head resting against his shoulder. She felt his face rubbing against her hair and looked up at him. He leaned down and his lips met hers in a soft kiss. When he pulled back, he reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. His hand stayed against her face.  
  
"You're going to beat this," he whispered, as if telling her a precious secret. She didn't respond with words, just smiled at him and nuzzled into his neck, hoping he was right.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dr. Anderson, as promised, called the next morning. Sydney spoke to him and told him of her decision. He seemed pleased with her determination to fight the disease as aggressively as possible. He scheduled her check-in to the hospital for the next day to give her a little time to get everything together, since her stay there could be quite extensive.  
  
Vaughn and Sydney spent most of that day packing things for Sydney to take with her while Weiss contacted Jack to update him on the situation. They kept the conversation light over dinner and all tried not to think too far ahead. When it was time to sleep, Vaughn led Sydney to her room. His arms securely wrapped around her, Vaughn dozed off quickly. Sydney found herself unable to sleep, though. Her mind was too active, and she couldn't help but wonder what the next few weeks would be like for her. After a half-hour of hopeless attempts at falling asleep, she finally gave up. She carefully slipped out of Vaughn's arms and crawled out of bed. She walked down the hall and into the main room, deciding a glass of water and some television might do her good. She was surprised to see Weiss sitting at the table with his computer, though he didn't really seem to be focusing on whatever was on the screen. He looked as distracted and dazed as she felt.  
  
"What are you doing up?" She asked. He looked up at her, surprised, obviously just noticing that she was standing by the table.  
  
"I couldn't sleep, you?" He asked.  
  
"Same," she replied, sitting in a seat across from him at the table.  
  
"You nervous?"  
  
"I wouldn't call it nervous, just completely dreading it. I feel like I *just* recovered from pneumonia and now I'm just going to end up being sick again," she explained.  
  
"Yeah, it's a raw deal. And unfortunately, it also sounds like your best move," Weiss said. She nodded. "How does Mike feel about the whole thing?"  
  
"Well, he left the decision up to me, but I think he agrees. He doesn't like it, but he understands," Sydney replied.  
  
"He didn't look so hot when the doctor was describing the treatment," Weiss recalled. Sydney couldn't help but smile.  
  
"You know Vaughn. He wishes he could do all the suffering for me," Sydney joked, though only half-kidding. Weiss smiled, but quickly grew serious.  
  
"I know he wouldn't want me saying this, but your pneumonia was hard on him. He hated feeling so helpless. He really cares about you, Syd," Weiss said sincerely. Sydney sighed.  
  
"I know he does. And that's why I'm glad, in a way, that he won't be able to be with me for this. I know it's going to be pretty bad, and I don't want him to have to see that," Sydney admitted. Weiss smiled a little.  
  
"You two," he said, shaking his head.  
  
"What?" Sydney asked, confused.  
  
"Always trying to protect each other," Weiss explained. Sydney laughed. "You're perfect for each other."  
  
Sydney couldn't help herself. "Really?" She asked.  
  
"Syd, I can't even begin to express to you how wrong for him some of the girls he dated were. He really couldn't pick 'em."  
  
"Hey," Sydney said defensively.  
  
"I used the past-tense! That statement didn't include you," he quickly added. Sydney chuckled.  
  
"What about Alice?" Sydney asked, curious.  
  
"Alice was nice, but she always felt more for him than he did for her. His relationship with her was built on lies. She would never understand the life he really leads," Weiss told her. Sydney nodded and smiled.  
  
"Tell me about some of the others," she requested. And he did. For the next hour, Weiss told her stories about the women Vaughn had dated and threw in some priceless stories along the way that had Sydney doubled over with laughter. It was nearly two in the morning when Sydney finally decided it was time for her to go to bed.  
  
"I'm glad we talked," Sydney told him, recovering from her last fit of laughter.  
  
"Me too. I just hope Vaughn doesn't kill me for telling you all that," Weiss joked.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. I can take care of him," Sydney assured him. Weiss laughed.  
  
"I don't doubt it."  
  
She rose from her seat. "You should try to get some sleep," she told him.  
  
"Yeah, I will in a bit," he assured her.  
  
"Okay, well, goodnight," she said.  
  
"Goodnight," he repeated as she turned and walked back down the hall and to her room. Vaughn was still sleeping, so she carefully slipped under the covers and snuggled close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He stirred at the sudden weight and slowly awoke. He looked down at her and she smiled at him. He groaned tiredly.  
  
"Where'd you go?" he asked in a whisper. She paused, deciding she'd rehash his past some other time.  
  
"Just to get some water," she told him. He nodded and closed his eyes again. He wrapped his arm around her once, holding her to him. She draped her arm over his stomach and closed her eyes, finally feeling tired enough to drift slowly into sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
By noon the next afternoon, Sydney was mostly packed. She and Vaughn sat in her room, going over everything she would need as she gathered a few last- minute things.  
  
"What time is Dr. Anderson coming?" Sydney said as she through a few things into her small duffel bag.  
  
"Um," Vaughn said, thinking. "I can't remember. Hold on, I'll go ask Weiss." Sydney nodded and he left the room and walked down the hall. He found Weiss in the kitchen, heating something in the microwave. He turned when he heard Vaughn coming.  
  
"Hey," he said. "She packed yet?"  
  
"Almost," Vaughn replied. "When is Dr. Anderson coming?"  
  
Weiss looked down at his watch. "An hour." Vaughn nodded and was about to say something else when the phone suddenly rang. Vaughn walked over to the counter and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Agent Vaughn," came Jack's reply immediately. "I got your e-mail."  
  
"She's leaving in about an hour to check into the hospital," Vaughn told him.  
  
"And there's no guess as to how long she'll be there?" Jack asked.  
  
"Not yet. Dr. Anderson said it depends on how the treatment goes and how bad the side-affects are."  
  
Jack hesitated. "How's she taking it?" He asked, his voice considerably softer.  
  
"She seems okay. She just wants to fight as hard as she can," Vaughn replied.  
  
"That's Sydney," Jack mumbled, mostly to himself. "Can I speak to her for a minute?"  
  
"Of course. Let me go get her," Vaughn said, putting the phone down on the counter. He went back into Sydney's room where he found her crouching next to her bag.  
  
"Syd," he said, getting her attention. She looked up at him. "Your father's on the phone. He wants to talk to you." He watched the surprise spread over her face before she forced herself off the floor so she could follow him into the kitchen. She picked the phone up off the counter.  
  
"Dad?" She asked into the receiver.  
  
"Sydney. How are you?"  
  
"I'm okay. Just getting packed," she replied. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, Sydney. I just wanted to speak to you before your hospital stay. I wanted to wish you luck."  
  
"Thanks, Dad. It's good to hear from you." She paused. "How's Dixon doing?"  
  
"Good. He's determined and his missions have gone well. He reminds me of you," Jack told her. She smiled as a silence settled over them.  
  
"I miss you, Dad," she blurted out without thinking. He didn't reply immediately and Sydney started to regret what she'd said.  
  
"I miss you too, Sydney," he finally replied in a way that was both awkward and sincere.  
  
"I'll have Weiss keep you updated while I'm in the hospital. I'll talk to you when I'm back," she said, bringing the conversation to a close before she got too emotional.  
  
"Okay. I'll talk to you then. Goodbye Sydney," he said reluctantly.  
  
"Bye Dad," she said softly, keeping the receiver pressed to her ear for a full minute after she was sure he'd hung up. She finally placed it back on the receiver and walked back to her room. She finished packing in the next five minutes and then sat on her bed, worn out. Vaughn walked in a moment later.  
  
"Done packing?" He asked as he closed the door behind him. She nodded. He walked over to the bed and sat next to her.  
  
"How are you feeling?" He asked. She shook her head slowly.  
  
"I honestly don't know," she replied. He wrapped his arm around her.  
  
"You're going to be okay," he assured her, though both knew he couldn't really say so with certainty. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I can't be there," he said softly. She wasn't, but she didn't want to argue with him. She was going to be doing this alone either way, so there was no need for him to know that was how she preferred it.  
  
"You'll keep Dr. Anderson updated on Dixon and SD-6 so that he can tell me, right?" She questioned.  
  
"As long as you make sure Dr. Anderson keeps me updated on you," Vaughn bargained.  
  
"Deal," she agreed. They sat there, leaning against each other, until the doctor came. Vaughn carried Sydney's bag out to the car. Sydney said goodbye to Weiss inside the house and then joined Vaughn outside. Dr. Anderson remained in the driver's seat of the car, allowing them time to say goodbye. Their eyes met for a second, and before she knew it, she was in his arms. He held her fiercely, closing his eyes and breathing her in. He tried not to think about the weeks ahead when he wouldn't be able to hold her like this.  
  
"I'll miss you," he whispered into her ear.  
  
"Me too," she whispered back. He started to back away, but immediately closed the distance between them again when his lips met hers. She kissed him back, no longer caring if Dr. Anderson saw them. When he broke away, his arms stayed around her. He studied her carefully before bringing his hands up to frame her face. He gave her another quick kiss.  
  
"I'll see you soon," he said softly. She nodded, unable to answer. He nodded back, allowing his hands to fall away from her face. She turned around and walked over to the car. She looked back once and gave him a reassuring smile. He smiled back, though barely. She got in the car and told Dr. Anderson she was ready. She only dared to look back once the house was only a small dot in the distance.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Hope you guys liked it! I'm sorry if it was too dark! And I'm sorry I didn't get it up until so late. I swear, it wasn't my fault. I was going to get it finished this afternoon, but I was woken up this morning by a phone call telling me that my friend was in the hospital after being involved in a serious accident. She ended up being okay, just scraped up and shaken up, but my friends and I spent a few hours in the ER with her. And since the girl's parents were out of town, she came back to my house as soon as she was discharged and stayed until around seven when her parents came home. So I swear, it was out of my control. But here it is! I'm sorry if it's not too great, but like I said, I've had a long day. Please let me know what you thought, even if you didn't like it. Reviews are my fuel to keep writing! 


	21. Isolation

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: First of all, let me say DO NOT READ THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE!!! The chapter's safe, but this author's note contains spoilers. That said, oh my God!!!! That finale was *unbelievable*! I've been too shocked over it to write another chapter for the first half of this week. Please please please tell me he did not get married! Vaughn would never ever ever give up searching for Syd and get married all in under two years! No way! It's just not possible! And poor Syd, to have gone missing for two years and have to come back to that! I don't know how I'm going to stand waiting until September to find out! I'm still in shock! And I'm sorry this chapter took, as usual, too long to get written. Shock combined with three tennis matches (all won, both personally and my team), my induction into National Honors Society, and studying for my AP Bio test have kept me busy. And tomorrow I'm going to NYC to get my dress for senior prom, so here's the chapter now. I hope you guys like it despite the shock I'm sure you all feel too! Though this story may not be terribly cheery, at least Vaughn and Syd are together still and Vaughn's not mysteriously wearing a wedding ring (Why JJ? Why?).  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I'll see you soon," he said softly. She nodded, unable to answer. He nodded back, allowing his hands to fall away from her face. She turned around and walked over to the car. She looked back once and gave him a reassuring smile. He smiled back, though barely. She got in the car and told Dr. Anderson she was ready. She only dared to look back once the house was only a small dot in the distance.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 21: Isolation  
  
Sydney prepared herself for the burning sensation she knew would inevitably hit her arm any second. She winced when it came, careful to control her breathing. The burning was one thing that got easier each time. It was one of the few things. The first time she felt the chemicals run into her arm through the IV, it was overwhelming. It was only when her arm went numb that she was able to relax. They told her if they ever needed to increase the dosage, they would put a shunt in her chest so as not to shut down her veins. She almost wished that time would come.  
  
It had been exactly a week since her admittance to the isolation unit of the hospital. The only contact she'd had with the outside world since then had been with the doctors and nurses that came in daily, fully suited in special protective coverings for her benefit. They came every day to monitor her treatment and run tests. She wasn't sure she had any blood left after the several tubes they took almost daily. She missed Vaughn and even Weiss terribly. She missed having them to talk to, to joke with. She missed having Vaughn by her side when she was sick. But, ultimately, she was glad they weren't there. She'd never want either of them to see her like this.  
  
The side-affects were nearly immediate. The nausea and exhaustion she'd expected. The burning, soars in her mouth, numbness, and slight fevers had surprised her. She hadn't eaten solid food in days, instead getting her sustenance intravenously. And she still couldn't seem to keep it down. She could only imagine how awful she looked. Once, five days earlier, Weiss had come to the hospital to she how she was. He wasn't allowed in the room of course, but they let him look through the glass in the middle of her treatment. She barely registered him standing there before the treatment knocked her out, but she requested to speak to Dr. Anderson as soon as she woke up. She asked that no one b e allowed to see her anymore.  
  
"If that's what you want," he'd said.  
  
"That's what I want," she'd confirmed. She hadn't seen Weiss since.  
  
Again, she felt the treatment start to make her woozy. She closed her eyes and settled back against the pillows, allowing the drugs to carry her into sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Has Dr. Anderson called at all?" Vaughn asked as soon as he entered the main room.  
  
"Nope," Weiss replied from the table. Vaughn sighed and sat down.  
  
"It's been three days since his last call. How are we supposed to know how she's ding if he's not giving us any updates?" Vaughn asked, obviously frustrated.  
  
"Maybe there's nothing new to tell us," Weiss offered.  
  
"Well then he should call and tell us that! Anything."  
  
"I'd offer to go and check on her, but they won't met me in," Weiss reminded him. Vaughn shook his head.  
  
"She's so damn stubborn," he mumbled angrily.  
  
"She probably doesn't want us to see her going through that," Weiss reasoned. Vaughn dropped his face into his hands.  
  
"I know- It's just- It's driving me crazy. I mean, I don't even know how she is. She could be sitting there by herself in pain and I'd have no idea."  
  
"When I went, there were always doctors or nurses watching closely. I doubt they'd let her suffer and not do anything to help."  
  
"Well you're the one that said she looked like death," Vaughn reminded him.  
  
"I did *not* say she looked like death," Weiss argued. "I just said she looked sick, and trust me, I'm regretting saying even that. It's all you've talked about for days. I know you're worried about her, Mike, but you're not doing anyone any good by being like this. You know she wouldn't want you to worry this much."  
  
Vaughn sighed in defeat. "I know- but I can't help it. They way the doctor discussed her options, it sounded like this was her last good chance at fighting back. It has to work," Vaughn said firmly, a hint of desperation in his voice.  
  
"It will. And if it doesn't, there are still the other things the doctor mentioned to try," Weiss reminded him.  
  
"They sounded more like last-ditch efforts to me," Vaughn said.  
  
"Well, it's something. And as long as there's something to try, Syd won't give up. And you can't either," Weiss told him. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"I know."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
In the middle of the next afternoon, Vaughn wandered out of his room to find Weiss's laptop. Weiss had gone to get some groceries. He'd told Vaughn his e-mail password a while ago so that he'd be able to check for any updates if Weiss wasn't there. Vaughn decided to take advantage of knowing that password today. He found the computer in Weiss's room and unfolded it, sitting at Weiss's desk. He accessed the e-mail account and typed in the password. Browsing through the e-mail subjects, he was surprised to find one from Jack entitled "Update." He opened it immediately.  
  
Just then, the door opened behind him and Weiss entered the room.  
  
"Don't you have your own computer?" He asked.  
  
"You told me I could check your e-mail for updates if I ever wanted to," Vaughn reminded him.  
  
"Anything interesting?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. I was just about to read an e-mail from Jack," Vaughn replied. Weiss walked over and started to read over his shoulder.  
  
Agent Weiss,  
  
Sloane recently assigned Dixon a long-term op. He'll be flying to Italy later this week. We're not sure of all the details, but Sloane informed Dixon that other representatives from other SD cells will be there as well. I believe they will be combining their resources to search for a significant Rambaldi device. He'd discussed with me before some intel he'd received that there was one located in Italy, but he could never quite figure out where. I think that some of the SD cells have gotten additional intel that will help him locate the device. Many of the representatives from other SD cells will be the directors, possibly a few members of the Alliance. Sloane cannot go himself because neither he nor the Alliance trusts anyone else to run SD-6 so soon after two doubles were discovered there. I think this may be a huge opportunity. I'm sending some CIA agents to Italy also, since we don't know how long Dixon will be there. I'll keep you updated. Please make sure Sydney knows, and keep me updated on her condition.  
  
Jack  
  
"We need to tell Syd," Vaughn said immediately after he was finished reading.  
  
"We will," Weiss assured him. "We just have to wait for Dr. Anderson to call."  
  
"I can't believe this opportunity comes up so soon after Syd had to leave. She would've been so happy had she been the agent assigned to this," Vaughn said sadly.  
  
"Thank God it didn't come any sooner, though. If this had arisen before we recruited Dixon, we would've missed out entirely," Weiss reminded him.  
  
"Maybe something will finally go right."  
  
"Maybe we'll get to go home sooner than we think," Weiss added.  
  
"I hope so- for Syd's sake," Vaughn said softly. As if on cue, the sound of the ringing phone suddenly came from the kitchen. Vaughn looked at Weiss in surprise as both men quickly made their way out of Weiss's room and through the main room. Weiss grabbed the phone off of the counter mid-ring.  
  
"Hello?" Weiss asked into the receiver.  
  
"Agent Weiss, it's Dr. Anderson."  
  
"Hi. We were just wondering when we'd hear from you."  
  
"Yes, I know it's been a few days. I'm afraid there's simply not much to report on this end, but Agent Bristow asked that I call you to check in and see if there was any news there," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"Actually there is. We just got an e-mail from Jack," Weiss informed the doctor. He put his hand over the end of the phone quickly and turned to Vaughn. "Can you print that e-mail for me real quick?" He asked him.  
  
"How's Syd?" Vaughn asked, ignoring Weiss's request.  
  
"I'll get the details, just print the e-mail." Vaughn nodded and left the room. Weiss removed his hand from the receiver.  
  
"Mike's printing the e-mail now. In the meantime, how's Syd doing?" Weiss asked.  
  
"As well as can be expected. No unexpected side-affects or developments. It's not a fun ordeal, but she's handling it well," Dr. Anderson replied.  
  
"Good. Listen, is there any way you can talk to her again about letting me come in to see her just once? Mike's going insane here, worrying about her. He just needs some assurance, anything really."  
  
Dr. Anderson sighed. "I'll talk to her, but she was pretty adamant before. I'm not sure talking to her will do much."  
  
"Either way, I'd appreciate it," Weiss said.  
  
"I'll talk to her today."  
  
"Thanks." Just then, Vaughn re-entered the room with the printed e-mail. He handed it to Weiss and waited as Weiss read the e-mail to the doctor.  
  
"Well, she'll certainly be glad to hear that," Dr. Anderson said as Weiss finished reading.  
  
"I'll make sure to tell her right away."  
  
"Okay. Thanks, doctor," Weiss said.  
  
"I'll call again in a few days unless something comes up," Dr. Anderson told Weiss.  
  
"Sounds good. Bye," Weiss replied, hanging up the phone. He turned around and found Vaughn looking at him expectantly.  
  
"What'd he say?" Vaughn asked anxiously.  
  
"He just said that there wasn't much to report on his end and that Syd was handling the treatment well," Weiss replied.  
  
"Good," Vaughn said, relieved.  
  
"He said he'll tell Syd about the e-mail and call again in a few days barring any significant developments," Weiss told him. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"What do they say? No news is good news?" Vaughn recalled.  
  
"Yeah. That's right."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney reached around the side of the bed, her fingers easily finding the switch. She elevated the bed into a half-sitting position, hoping the position would alleviate some of the pain she was feeling in her back. Whether it was a new side-affect or a cramp from having lain in the same position for so long she didn't know. At that point, she didn't much care either. All that mattered was getting rid of it so she could sleep. It was the end of a long day. Her treatment had been rough, her stomach angrily rebelling for a good portion of the afternoon. All she wanted was to rest. Just as she closed her eyes, she heard the opening of the automatic doors. Reluctantly, she forced her eyes open. It was Dr. Anderson. She'd gotten gradually better at recognizing people under the surgical scrubs, caps, and masks. She found she didn't have much else to do with her time.  
  
"Hello Agent Bristow. How are you feeling?" He asked, walking over to stand next to her bed.  
  
"I'm alright," she replied.  
  
"I hear you had a long day."  
  
She sighed. "Not one of my better ones," she admitted.  
  
"Well, we'll hope tomorrow goes more smoothly. Anyway, I won't beat around the bush. I'm sure you'd like to get some rest. The reason I'm here is that I spoke to Agent Weiss today as you asked. He wanted me to tell you that he received an e-mail from your father. I copied it down for you," he said, handing her a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it quickly and read the contents.  
  
"Oh my God," she said softly as she finished reading. "That's wonderful."  
  
"I thought you'd be pleased...... Agent Weiss also requested that I speak to you about something," Dr. Anderson added.  
  
"What's that?" Sydney asked.  
  
"He says Agent Vaughn's been pretty worried about you. Agent Weiss requested that he be allowed to visit again, just to see you and be able to assure Agent Vaughn that you're doing okay," Dr. Anderson explained to her.  
  
"I don't want him to see me like this," Sydney said firmly, shaking her head.  
  
"I assumed as much, but Agent Weiss requested that I ask anyway," Dr. Anderson said. "Well, I'll let you get some rest." He turned to leave.  
  
"Wait," Sydney called him back. "I think I have an idea."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn glanced at the clock next to his bed, surprised to see that it was already ten. He sighed, folding a page over in the book he was reading. He set it down on the bed and rubbed his eyes. He jumped slightly when he heard the knock at his door.  
  
"Yeah?" he called out. The door opened and Weiss poked his head in.  
  
"Hey, come out here for a second," he said, motioning towards the hall. Vaughn sighed, too tired to argue, and got off the bed. He followed Weiss through the hallway and into the main room.  
  
"Okay, what's going on?" Vaughn asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Weiss didn't answer, though. He walked over to the counter and picked up the phone, which Vaughn noticed was off the hook. He held it out for Vaughn. Vaughn looked at him questioningly, but Weiss just gestured for him to take it. He sighed and took the phone.  
  
"Hello?" He asked.  
  
"Hi," came a familiar voice. He whipped around and looked at Weiss, surprised. Weiss smiled at him before turning and leaving the room.  
  
"Syd," he breathed into the phone.  
  
"I heard you were worried," she said softly, her voice sounding scratchy.  
  
"Maybe a little," he joked. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm okay," she assured him.  
  
"Really?" He asked, skeptical.  
  
"Really."  
  
"I hear the treatments are rough," Vaughn pressed.  
  
"I'm surviving," she replied. Vaughn sighed, slightly frustrated by her reluctance to avoid talking about her treatment.  
  
"I miss you," she said suddenly. Instantly, he felt his frustration melt away.  
  
"I miss you too," Vaughn told her.  
  
"That was great news about Dixon."  
  
"I knew you'd like that," Vaughn said, smiling for the first time in days.  
  
"I don't want to get my hopes up, but it does sound like a huge opportunity."  
  
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I have a good feeling about it, though," Vaughn admitted.  
  
"Do you?" She asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.  
  
"I do," he confirmed.  
  
"So what have you been doing without me?" She asked, changing the subject.  
  
"Not much," he said with a chuckle. "I stole some of your books."  
  
"Yeah? Anything interesting?"  
  
"Some of them aren't so bad."  
  
"Glad to know you approve of my taste," she commented. He could almost see her smile through the phone.  
  
"When you come home, we'll read one together," he told her.  
  
"Sounds like a plan," she agreed. A brief silence fell over them.  
  
"I guess I should let you go. You should probably get some sleep," Vaughn suggested.  
  
"You'll keep me updated on Dixon's mission?" She asked.  
  
"Of course I will," he replied.  
  
"Thanks." They lapsed into another silence, both reluctant to hang up the phone.  
  
"Ok, well," he paused, searching for the right words. "Take care of yourself, Syd."  
  
"You too," she said softly. "Bye."  
  
"Bye," he repeated, hearing the dial tone seconds later. He hung up reluctantly and headed back into his room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back against her pillows. She looked around the darkened room, able to see only by the illumination from the surrounding machines. Vaughn had sounded so worried. She'd wanted to comfort him, to tell him that everything was fine, but couldn't stand lying to him. In reality, he couldn't understand what she was going through now. He wasn't there with her. He was miles away from her world.  
  
She suddenly realized that for the first time in the course of her illness, she was not only alone in experiencing it, but she was also truly alone. There was now no one by her side, holding her hand and offering comfort. She was going through this by herself now, fighting the disease entirely on her own. Though she'd spent more days than she could count countries, even continents away from Vaughn, she never felt further away from him than she did in that moment.  
  
And she suddenly felt the isolation begin to set in.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, I'm surprised that turned out as long as it did. I thought this would be one of the shortest chapters, but I guess not. Well, better longer than I thought than shorter than I thought, right? I hope you guys liked it! I'm sorry the ending is kind of depressing, but what she's feeling there is crucial to the next few parts. You'll see what I mean when you read them. I've had these parts planned out for weeks now, so hopefully they won't be as difficult to write. Ok, well I'd better go to bed now since I have to get up early to get my prom dress (oh jeez am I in for a long day lol). Please please please review and dull the pain I'm feeling from the finale lol. Thanks guys! 


	22. Distance

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Wow, sorry guys. I really did intend to have this out sooner. But life got in the way. Tennis, school, etc. Things have been incredibly stressful, but hopefully that will be over soon. I have a huge presentation on Monday, and then nothing huge schoolwise for a while I hope. And my tennis season ends fairly soon too. Then I just have to worry about graduation. So I hope to be able to get chapters out more frequently soon. We'll see. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She suddenly realized that for the first time in the course of her illness, she was not only alone in experiencing it, but she was also truly alone. There was now no one by her side, holding her hand and offering comfort. She was going through this by herself now, fighting the disease entirely on her own. Though she'd spent more days than she could count countries, even continents away from Vaughn, she never felt further away from him than she did in that moment.  
  
And she suddenly felt the isolation begin to set in.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 22: Distance  
  
"We operated a few days ago. It's a minor procedure, just to put a shunt into her chest. That way, we can administer higher doses of the treatment without shutting down her veins. It should help," Dr. Anderson told Vaughn over the phone.  
  
"Why do you need to give her higher doses?" Vaughn questioned.  
  
"It's just a decision we made based on how she dealt with the original dose. We haven't run any tests yet. We won't be able to run any and get accurate results until after she's done with the cycle," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"Any idea when that will be yet?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"The cycles don't usually last longer than three weeks, and it's been what now? A little over two weeks, I believe. We'll probably give it another week or so."  
  
Vaughn nodded despite knowing the doctor couldn't see him. "Will you tell her that her father e-mailed us the other day. He says that Dixon's making headway on his mission, but we don't know much yet because it's been hard for him to be able to get away long enough to meet with our agents. Hopefully we'll know more soon."  
  
"I'll tell her," the doctor assured him.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"I'd better get back. I have to monitor her treatment today. I'll call again soon," Dr. Anderson told him. Vaughn thanked him again before hanging up the phone. He sighed a and walked over to the table, dropping into one of the seats. It had been a long week. He hadn't talked to Sydney since their phone conversation over a week ago. He felt millions of miles away from her. Every day, the distance seemed to grow. He would occasionally get a message from Dr. Anderson along the lines of "She asked me to tell you that she's doing okay," but even those had slowly dissipated.  
  
He found it ironic really. SD-6 had been the one thing that had kept them apart for so long. Recently, it had been the thing that brought them together. And now that they were seemingly worlds away from SD-6, it was something else that was keeping them apart. He hated feeling so distant from her, though he knew she was only a short drive away. He wasn't even allowed out of the house and she still wouldn't let Weiss come to the hospital. Vaughn was just relieved that it only had to last another week, barring anything unexpected. And though the unexpected did tend to follow them, he hoped this would be one thing that went according to plan.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Exactly a week later, the cycle ended. Two days after that, Sydney was allowed to return home. Dr. Anderson had stopped by the house that morning to drop off some equipment and medication she'd need. Vaughn and Weiss had spent the rest of the morning waiting in the main room for Sydney to arrive. It was just past noon when front door suddenly opened, surprising both of them. Dr. Anderson entered with Sydney, helping to support her as she walked. Vaughn couldn't help but be taken aback a bit at seeing her again for the first time in over three weeks. He was used to the pale color of her skin by now, but it was slightly hidden by the same mask on her face she'd worn before to ward away germs. Above the mask, her eyes looked tired. Though she was wearing a white T-shirt and loose gray sweatpants, he could see how impossibly thin she looked. Her every step, even with the doctor's help, seemed to be a struggle. The last three weeks had obviously taken their toll on her.  
  
She looked up at him suddenly. He smiled at her, relieved to have her back. Her mouth was hidden by the mask, but he read her emotions from her eyes. There was a look in them that he didn't recognize. Before he had much time to think about it, though, he heard Weiss speak up.  
  
"How was the drive back?" He asked.  
  
"It was okay," the doctor replied before looking down at Sydney. "You should lie down, get some rest," he suggested to her. She nodded wordlessly, and Dr. Anderson turned to walk with her toward her room. Vaughn crossed the room in a few strides, walking over to Sydney's side.  
  
"Let me," he requested, wrapping his arm around Sydney's waist. Dr. Anderson nodded and backed away, allowing Sydney to lean against Vaughn instead. Sydney allowed him to help her, but didn't look at him as she used him for support. Once down the hallway and into her room, she let go of him. She walked shakily over to the bed and sat down. Vaughn walked over and looked down at her for a second before kneeling in front of her.  
  
"How are you?" He asked softly.  
  
"I'm okay, just tired," she responded.  
  
"Well get some rest. We can talk later," he assured her. She nodded without meeting his eyes and pushed herself onto the bed and underneath the covers. He leaned over her as she lay back, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. When he backed away, her eyes were closed. He waited a second, wondering if she'd re-open them. When she didn't, he reluctantly made his way out of the room and back into the main room.  
  
He found Weiss and Dr. Anderson still standing near the door, talking. Vaughn walked over to join the conversation and both men turned to look at him.  
  
"How is she?" Weiss asked.  
  
"She says she's tired," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Expectedly so," Dr. Anderson said. "The treatment's taken a lot out of her. She'll need some time to recover. The drugs are still in her system. They won't be completely flushed out for a while, which is partially why this treatment has proven to be effective in some cases. I'm going to give her another week before I bring her in for some testing. If the drugs are working, that'll only give her more time to improve."  
  
"And if they're not?" Vaughn asked the dreaded question.  
  
"Then we'll worry about that then. Right now she just needs some time to rest and recover. You have those pills I dropped off earlier. I want her to take one if she's feeling sick. You still have the pain medication you can give her. I left another oxygen tank should she need the mask for any reason. You should have everything you need. The mask she's wearing can come off tomorrow. It's just an extra precaution for the first 24 hours of being re-exposed to the world. You know where to reach me if there's anything you need. Otherwise I'll stop by tomorrow afternoon," Dr. Anderson told the two agents.  
  
"Thanks, doctor," Weiss said.  
  
"See you tomorrow," Vaughn told him. Dr. Anderson nodded at both of them and left. Vaughn turned and looked at Weiss.  
  
"So what now?" Weiss asked. Vaughn shrugged. Weiss thought a moment. "Lunch?" He suggested after a brief silence.  
  
"Sure," Vaughn agreed, following his friend into the kitchen.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney slept all through that day and night. She awoke early the next morning and grabbed a book, heading out to the main room. She turned the television on, keeping the volume low, and settled on the couch with her book. She managed to read a good fifty pages before hearing someone walk down the hall. She looked up and saw Vaughn walking into the room. He'd obviously just woken up, and she took advantage of the time before he noticed her to study him. Eventually, though, he looked over at her and smiled.  
  
"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" He asked, walking over to her.  
  
"Pretty well," she replied, refocusing on her book. He watched her for a moment.  
  
"How's the book?" He asked.  
  
"Starting to get interesting."  
  
"Well, I'm going to make some breakfast. Want anything?"  
  
"No, that's okay," she responded, not looking up from her book.  
  
"You sure? You must not have eaten in a while."  
  
"Yeah, I haven't really gotten my appetite back yet, but you go ahead."  
  
"Okay," he said, sighing in defeat. He walked into the kitchen and rifled through the fridge to find a bagel. He found one and popped it in the toaster. He turned around and was about to ask Sydney if she was sure she didn't want anything when he saw Weiss enter the room.  
  
"What are you making?" He asked immediately.  
  
"Just a bagel," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Pop another one in for me," Weiss requested.  
  
"Yes sir," Vaughn joked, reopening the toaster to put another bagel in. "Hey, Syd!" He called out.  
  
"Yes, Vaughn, I'm sure I don't want anything!" She called back, a hint of annoyance in her voice. Vaughn looked helplessly at Weiss, who simply smiled at him, finding the scene before him quite humorous. Vaughn waited until the bagels were done and then got two plates out. Placing a bagel on each plate, he carried them over to the table and sat down across from Weiss. He glanced over at Sydney, seeing that she was still reading.  
  
"Oh, Syd, I almost forgot. Dr. Anderson said you could take that mask off today. He said it was just a precaution for the first day," Vaughn told her. That at least earned eye contact. She looked at him for a moment before reaching behind her head to pull the elastic over her head.  
  
"Thanks," she said simply. Vaughn continued to eat, the room silent aside from the occasional turning of pages. He looked back over at Sydney a few moments later and was surprised to see that Sydney was no longer reading. Her book was now resting in her lap and she was using her fingers to massage her temples.  
  
"You okay, Syd?" He asked immediately.  
  
"I'm fine. It's just a bit of a headache," she replied. Vaughn was instantly out of his chair.  
  
"Do you want some medication?" He asked, walking over to the couch.  
  
"I have some pills in my room. I'll just take them and lie down for a while," she told him, pushing herself off the couch. She stood there a moment, looking unsure, before walking very slowly around the couch. Vaughn instantly saw that she was struggling for the strength to keep going.  
  
"Let me help you," he insisted, walking closer to her.  
  
"I'm not invalid, Vaughn," she told him, walking past him. He turned to watch her retreat. She only made it a few steps, though, before her knees buckled. He noticed immediately and rushed over to her side, wrapping his arm around her waist to support her. She looked at him, her expression angry.  
  
"Let me help you, Syd," he repeated, softer this time. She didn't agree verbally, but he felt her body sag, leaning against him for support. He walked with her into her room. He walked over to the bed and reached out to the bed, drawing the covers down. She lowered herself into bed as he laid the covers back over the bottom half of her body.  
  
"Where's your medicine?" He asked.  
  
"I'm fine, really," she replied her eyes closed. "I just need to sleep for a little while."  
  
"Stop saying you're fine, Syd. I can see you're in pain. Just take something," he pleaded with her.  
  
"Please wake me when Dr. Anderson gets here," she requested, ignoring what Vaughn was saying. He sighed and reached down to run his fingers through her hair soothingly.  
  
"Fine," he said, giving in. "Call me if you end up wanting that medication." She nodded at him before turning over onto her side, facing away from him. He left quickly, suddenly feeling like an invader. He walked back out into the main room and rejoined Weiss at the table.  
  
"Is she okay?" Weiss asked.  
  
"She's being stubborn," Vaughn replied.  
  
"She probably needs a little time. I'm sure it's been a long three weeks for her too," Weiss reminded him.  
  
"No, there's something else. She doesn't seem to be acting quite like herself," Vaughn insisted  
  
"I think you're reading too much into it. Just give her a few days," Weiss suggested. Vaughn nodded, knowing in his heart that a few days wouldn't change anything. Something had changed in Sydney since he'd seen her last. Whatever she'd experienced in the last three weeks had really affected her. For the entire course of her new treatment, he'd worried and wished she would come home.  
  
And now that she was, he felt farther away from her than ever.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Sorry guys, it's kind of a short and depressing chapter. But once again, it's essential for what's coming. I'm going to try to work on the next chapter tomorrow. I was going to try to get a little further and leave the ending on a different note, but I'm very much falling asleep. So for those of you reading this at SD-1, I'm sorry, but I really need to get to bed and won't be PMing any of you tonight. I'll try to tomorrow. Sorry! I hope you find this nonetheless and I hope you enjoyed it! Keep reviewing! I need them right now, trust me. 


	23. Stargazing

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Ok, I have to use this note to respond to a few of my reviews at ff.net. To Tasha, yes my name stands for Sydney, Gillian Anderson, and Kelly Clarkson. They are my three role models. And you definitely have good taste in my eyes if they're your favorite singers/actresses/characters too. I love all three of them. And to Amber, I will answer your questions as best I can. I honestly can't tell you how many chapters are left. I keep thinking that I'll get a point in a chapter and then I'll add so much, it takes two more chapters to get to that point. But it is coming close to an end, yes. And I can't tell you whether it'll be happy or sad. There are both happy and sad things coming up, but there will also be twists, so you really won't know until the very end. So I guess you'll just have to read and see lol. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you like.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I think you're reading too much into it. Just give her a few days," Weiss suggested. Vaughn nodded, knowing in his heart that a few days wouldn't change anything. Something had changed in Sydney since he'd seen her last. Whatever she'd experienced in the last three weeks had really affected her. For the entire course of her new treatment, he'd worried and wished she would come home.  
  
And now that she was, he felt farther away from her than ever.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 23: Stargazing  
  
Since the day he'd met Sydney, the day she walked into his office with bright red hair and a swollen lip, he'd felt the connection. It took only weeks for them to grow close. He trusted her instantly, felt for her immensely, and hadn't been able to see his life without her in it since that first meeting. Sydney Bristow had changed his life, and there was no one in the world he cared more about.  
  
And now, years later, it felt like they were strangers.  
  
Since the day she'd gotten home, she was always either sleeping or resting in her room. Vaughn would normally be glad that she was getting rest and recovering, but it was different now. He had a feeling that the constant rest was because she was tired, but also because she was trying to avoid him. He knew that she was still recovering, though, and while that should justify her distance and make him feel better, it did quite the opposite. Knowing that she was still feeling sick, still dealing with something difficult, and doing it completely by herself pained him. He wanted to be there for her, but she just seemed to keep pulling father and farther away from him.  
  
Today was already off to a rocky start.  
  
"Syd, you have to eat something," Vaughn insisted, pushing the sandwich back across the table toward her.  
  
"I already told you, Vaughn, I'm not hungry," she replied angrily, pushing the plate away again. Vaughn leaned back in his chair and sighed.  
  
"Syd-" he began.  
  
"I'm going to lie down for a while," she said, cutting him off. She quickly got up and turned to leave.  
  
"Are you okay?" He called to her retreating form.  
  
"Fine!" He heard her call back seconds before he heard her door close. He shook his head, completely lost. She was still a million miles away. And though she hid in her room most of the time, he could tell she was having a rough time. She slept a lot. He'd risked checking in on her a few times when it had been hours since she's last emerged from her room, an every time she'd been asleep. He knew she was in pain too. Dr. Anderson had already had to refill her prescription that week. And though she hid it well, he saw how she struggled for the strength to walk down a hallway, to pull herself up from a chair, all the little things she used to be able to do without thinking. Everything seemed hard for her now, especially being around him.  
  
"Hey," he heard Weiss say suddenly. Vaughn looked up and saw him walking toward the table. "Is Syd okay?"  
  
"She says she's fine," Vaughn said with an exasperated look.  
  
"Well, I just walked by and it sounds like she's losing her lunch," Weiss said, sitting down across from Vaughn.  
  
"She didn't have any lunch," Vaughn said, gesturing to the sandwich in the middle of the table.  
  
"Well, it sounds like she's losing something," Weiss corrected. Vaughn sighed.  
  
"I'm out of ideas, Eric," Vaughn admitted.  
  
"She still being distant?" Weiss asked.  
  
"You haven't noticed?"  
  
"Well, maybe a bit," Weiss conceded. "But she hasn't been around much to tell."  
  
"Exactly. She avoids facing me and when she has to, it's like I'm talking to a wall. I don't know what happened in isolation, but something must have."  
  
"Have you tried asking her about it?" Weiss asked.  
  
"I've hardly seen her. And when I do, it just never seems like the right time," Vaughn replied.  
  
"You just have to start somewhere. Like now. Why don't you go see if she's okay?" Weiss suggested.  
  
"Because she'll kill me," Vaughn argued.  
  
"She won't. She might break an arm, but she won't kill you," Weiss joked. "Go on."  
  
Vaughn nodded and got out of the chair. He walked over to the kitchen and got a glass out from one of the cupboards. He filled it with water and walked over to the counter. A few pill bottles sat in the center and he picked up a few before finally finding her anti-nausea medication. He opened it and carefully poured two pills into his hand. He placed the bottle back on the counter and proceeded out of the kitchen and to Sydney's door. He paused when he reached it, listening. The room was silent as far as he could tell. He reached out and softly opened the door. The room was dim inside, the lights off and the shades drawn. He saw Sydney lying in the bed, facing away from him. After closing the door behind him, he walked over to the bed. He set the pills and water carefully on the nightstand and slowly lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He leaned over and glanced at her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing soft and steady. He reached out to run his fingers through her hair, brushing a few strands away from her face. She didn't stir. Careful not to shift the bed too much, he leaned over and softly kissed her cheek. Taking one last lingering look at her, he quietly got up and slipped out of the room.  
  
Sydney opened her eyes after she heard the door close. When she didn't hear any further noise, she turned over to look at the nightstand. She saw the pills and water instantly. She couldn't help the tears that sprung to her eyes. She quickly took the pills, swallowing them around the limp in her throat. She then laid back down, curling up into a fetal position. In the silence, she allowed her tears to fall.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Two days later, it was time for Sydney's first day of testing. Dr. Anderson had explained to them that with this particular treatment, they needed comparative results. He was going to take Sydney to the hospital for testing this week and then wait another week to take her again. Since the components of the treatment were still in her system, he would then be able to tell whether they'd stunted the growth of her tumor, whether they'd temporarily helped, or whether the tumor was still growing in spite of the treatment.  
  
This day of testing was simply a set of results the doctor would then use to compare against the next set a week later. He'd told them he wasn't even going to have the first set looked over until the second had been run so that no one was able to jump to conclusions. Knowing these results wouldn't even be looked over for at least a week noticeably relieved everyone in the house. Tensions still ran high, and the last thing anyone needed was to have something else to worry about.  
  
Vaughn was awake early enough to see Sydney walk out into the main room that morning, shortly before Dr. Anderson was to come pick her up. Vaughn noticed that she'd managed to gain a little strength back the last few days, though she could more than stand to gain a few pounds. She'd hardly eaten the last week, but Vaughn had given up trying to force her. He decided if she didn't gain the weight back soon, he'd talk to Dr. Anderson about it.  
  
Her walk was no longer shaky, Vaughn observed, but she still seemed to tire quickly. He watched her walk past him, glancing at him only briefly, and proceeding over to the counter in the kitchen. He didn't look at her, but he could hear her opening a pill bottle and getting a glass of water. He considered asking her if she felt okay, but ultimately decided no good would come of it. She certainly wouldn't tell him if anything was wrong.  
  
"What time is Dr. Anderson coming to get you?" He asked, not turning around.  
  
"Any minute," she responded.  
  
"I don't suppose you want something to eat," Vaughn guessed before turning around and looking at her.  
  
"Vaughn," she warned as she massaged her temples. So that's what the pills were for, Vaughn deduced. Another headache.  
  
"Syd, you should talk to Dr. Anderson about these headaches. I don't think what you're taking is strong enough," Vaughn told her.  
  
"Dr. Anderson already knows. I'm not an idiot, Vaughn, I know what to tell my own doctor."  
  
"I didn't mean-"  
  
"Forget it," she said, cutting him off. "I won't argue with you now."  
  
Vaughn sighed and turned back around, giving up. He was relieved when he heard the doctor pull in a moment later.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Jack e-mailed me today," Weiss informed Vaughn that afternoon while Sydney was still at the hospital.  
  
"What'd he say?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Besides demanding an update about Syd, he said that Dixon's got the day off tomorrow and has a scheduled meet with some of our agents. He says he'll let us know if anything valuable comes from the meet," Weiss told him.  
  
"I don't think we should tell Sydney," Vaughn said suddenly.  
  
"What? Why not?" Weiss asked, surprised.  
  
"I mean, not until we know if Dixon's going to give us anything valuable or not," Vaughn quickly added. "She's just not herself right now, and she's got so much to worry about already. There's no need to get her hopes up. If it's good news, we'll tell her."  
  
"Okay," Weiss reluctantly agreed. He paused. "Maybe she's depressed."  
  
Vaughn suddenly froze, hearing Weiss's words. "I've wondered that too," he admitted. "But only when I was extremely desperate for an explanation. I've tried not to really think about it."  
  
"It doesn't seem characteristic of her, does it? Depression."  
  
"No, it doesn't," Vaughn agreed.  
  
"But it wouldn't be all that unusual. All she's been through, all she's going through now. She's sick, isolated up here, separated from her family and friends. I guess it would be pretty normal," Weiss said.  
  
"Not that anything she's ever been through in her life has been normal," Vaughn commented.  
  
"True."  
  
"I'm going to talk to her. It's gone on long enough. I need to find out what's going on. if she needs help," Vaughn decided.  
  
"When?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Soon," was all Vaughn could say for sure.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn sighed and sat up, finally giving up on sleep. He'd spent most of the day wondering how he was going to talk to Sydney about everything, worrying that no matter what approach he took, she'd close off to him. When she'd returned from testing, as expected, she'd headed straight to her room and remained there for the rest of the evening. Vaughn and Weiss had eaten dinner without her. Vaughn had now been trying to sleep for over and hour, but finally realized it was futile.  
  
He threw the covers aside and got out of bed, deciding some television might help take his mind off everything else. He stretched before walking over to the door and exiting the room. He walked quietly down the hallway, briefly glancing at Sydney's closed door as he passed it. He walked through the main room and over to the kitchen to get a glass of water before seeing what was on TV. He grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards and walked over to the sink. While the water filled the glass, Vaughn glanced out the window right above it. He nearly dropped the glass when he saw Sydney, sitting there on the edge of the porch. She had an afghan draped around her shoulders and she was looking up at the sky. Vaughn immediately turned off the sink and set the glass down. Without thinking, he walked over to the front door. He opened it quietly and walked outside, closing it behind him. He walked along the porch and around the corner until he saw her. She hadn't noticed him yet, and he suddenly wondered if what he was doing was a good idea. She looked so thoughtful, he almost didn't want to interrupt. At the same time, he'd been searching for the opportunity to talk to her for over a week. He felt like it was suddenly being handed to him on a silver platter. He had to take it. He took a few steps closer to her. She finally heard him and turned. For a moment, they both simply stared at each other, neither saying a word. Finally, the silence became too much. He searched his mind for something to say when she suddenly spoke up.  
  
"How did you know I was here?" She asked.  
  
"I was up getting a glass of water and I saw you through the window. What are you doing up?" He asked.  
  
"I could ask you the same," she replied, not answering his question.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," he told her. "Mind if I sit?"  
  
She shrugged and shifted a little before turning her attention back to the sky. He took that as a gesture of permission and walked over to her. He sat down next to her, following her eye-line to the thousands of stars above them. They sat there in silence for a moment, their eyes searching the constellations they so rarely got to see through the smog in L.A.  
  
"Can I ask you something, Vaughn?" She asked suddenly. He looked over at her, but her focus remained on the stars.  
  
"Sure," he said, somewhat uncertain of whether he wanted to enter into this conversation or not.  
  
She was silent for a moment. He wondered if she'd changed her mind when she finally spoke. "Do you believe in heaven?"  
  
Vaughn was caught off-guard by the question. He looked at her for a moment, as if expecting her to explain where the question had come from. When she didn't, he looked back up to the sky. He took a deep breath.  
  
"When I was nine, my grade school had a special celebration for Father's Day. My father died almost a year before that. I was the only kid in my class who showed up to school by myself that day. When I got home, I ran to my mother and cried. I told her I hated Father's Day, and that I never wanted to celebrate it again. My mother quickly loaded me into the car and drove me to this park that my dad used to take me hiking in. She led me into the middle of this spacious field and she pointed straight to the sky. She asked me what I thought of when I looked at the sky. I told her I thought of beauty and peace. She told me that's where my father was, up in Heaven where it was always beautiful and peaceful. She told me he was watching over me from there, always with me, and that he'd be proud to know that I celebrated Father's Day in his memory. Maybe it's simply a naïve believe I've hung onto for all these years, but I've fully believed in Heaven since that day," Vaughn finished, pausing before looking over at her. He was surprised to see that she was looking at him, tears in her eyes. She looked down suddenly and he was worried the connection had been lost.  
  
"My father never really tried talking to me about what had happened to my mother. I spent months wondering and trying to work up the courage to talk to him about it. One day, I finally found him in his study and asked him where Mom was now. He looked at me for a long moment, his face totally expressionless, before calling my nanny and asking her if she could take me to visit my mother's grave. He never talked to be about Heaven or an afterlife. I suppose, as a result, I spent most of my life trying to avoid thinking about it. I occasionally wondered if that's where my mother was, but there was nothing to convince me. When I found out my mother was alive, I realized we'd both been wrong," she paused, shifting her gaze from the ground to the stars once again.  
  
"In the hospital, the only thing I could do to not feel the full intensity of the pain was to think, about anything. Heaven inevitably came to mind. I figured I'd put it off long enough, and it was something I finally had to face, especially being sick. I thought about it a lot. I never really came to a real decision, but hearing your story now. I think I actually believe in it."  
  
Vaughn sighed, realizing she'd presented him with the perfect opportunity to finally ask her what he'd been wondering for over a week. It was now or never.  
  
"What happened in isolation, Syd? Ever since you've been back, you've been so. far away."  
  
Now it was her turn to sigh. She nodded slowly, still not looking at him. "I know."  
  
"Talk to me, Syd. Please," he pleaded softly. She hesitated for a moment before looking at him, the look in her eyes almost apologetic.  
  
"I can't begin to describe to you the emotions you experience when you're fighting a disease, isolated not only from the outside world, but from the people who'd previously been there every step of the way. like you. Let me just say that I know now that they call it isolation not only for being isolated from germs," she paused as Vaughn nodded in understanding. "I realize I've been distant since I came home. It's hard to tell you exactly why. It's really been a mix of things. Part of it was me needing to deal with and accept certain things on my own, but.." she trailed off.  
  
"What?" He asked. She sighed and closed her eyes.  
  
"Most of it was me not wanting to bring you down with the sinking ship," she answered finally.  
  
"Syd-"  
  
"No, Vaughn, let me finish. The treatment they administered made me so sick, Vaughn. Sicker than the chemo, the pneumonia, or the affects from the tumor ever made me. There were moments, however brief, that I nearly lost the will to keep fighting. And that made me realize how easy it would be to give up. To let the cancer win. But I also realized that it would only be easy for me. It certainly wouldn't be for you. And that made me think about the possibility of dying. and what that would be like for you," she stopped for a second, noticing Vaughn visibly tense and look away when she mentioned dying. "I didn't want you to feel pressured to go through that with me, Vaughn. I didn't want you to feel like, if I'm still fighting this when we're able to return home, you had to put your life on hold to be by my side. The cancer only *has* to ruin my life, Vaughn, I won't let it take yours too." She watched him, waiting for a reaction. When she received none, she reached out and laid her hand over his. That finally caused him to look at her. Her breath hitched when she saw the tears in his eyes, their shimmer only doing so much to hide the look of raw pain behind them.  
  
"Syd, you're crazy," he said suddenly, surprising her. She started to move her hand away from his when he caught it and held it tightly in his own. "Can you honestly not see after all this time that I would rather be in the depths of Hell with you than anywhere else without you? I *chose* to come into long-term hiding with you, Sydney. I *want* to be here with you. And I can certainly make my own choices, I don't need you making them for me."  
  
"I just thought-"  
  
"Well, don't," he cut her off. "Stop thinking for me and listen to what I'm saying. There is nowhere on this earth I'd rather be than here with you, and that is not going to change. I love you," he told her, carefully emphasizing each word. She smiled, barely, and nodded.  
  
"I know," she said softly.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked.  
  
"I heard you that night. The night you wrapped me in the sheets. I heard what you said, but I didn't have the strength to say it back," she told him.  
  
"And you just decided to wait all this time to tell me that?" He asked, incredulous.  
  
"I was scared you'd only said it because I was so sick. I wasn't sure you really meant it," she admitted, looking down at the ground. He reached over and laid his hand under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.  
  
"I meant it. I would never say that to you unless I really meant it. You never have to question how I feel for you," he assured her, watching her eyes fill with tears again. She leaned forward suddenly and wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her back, one hand buried her in hair, the other rubbing soothing circles on her back. He rocked her gently, savoring the feeling of having her back in his arms.  
  
"I missed you so much," he whispered into her ear.  
  
"I know. I missed you too." He buried his face in her neck and kissed the skin there as he continued to rock her. Her hold on him tightened and she felt his fingers run through her hair. It was another minute or two before she pulled away and looked at his face. She laid her hand over his cheek, giving him a small smile. His eyes flickered towards her mouth and she instantly knew what was coming. She parted her lips as he leaned in and kissed her. He lost himself in her and wasn't sure how much time had passed when they finally broke apart. She sighed and leaned her forehead against his.  
  
"I love you," he told her again. She closed her eyes, realizing she would never get tired of hearing him say that.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I am so sorry I didn't get that out sooner. I really did start it that Sunday I said I was going to, but I didn't get to finish it until now. I went to NYC this weekend to go to a Scully marathon (this thing for charity, I go every year), so that didn't leave me a whole lot of time to finish up. But at least you get a long chapter in return for a long wait. Please be nice and review anyway. There are *very* important and big things coming up in this story and the more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write, the quicker the chapters come. Either way, I promise to try not to make you wait that long again! I hope you liked it regardless! 


	24. Judgment Day

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I lied! I did make you wait that long and then some lol. I'm so sorry! For those of you who read this over at SD-1, you already know that the whole TRL/Kelly Clarkson and tennis states thing happened. And of course there was the senior dinner-dance and the junior/senior awards night. And last weekend, let's just say that prom completely took over three days. Manicures, making a CD for the limo, and buying make-up on Friday, prom on Saturday, and sleeping all day Sunday lol. It's just been insane. But here's a chapter finally! Hopefully I'll get another one out later this weekend or next week. Starting Tuesday, the whole whirlwind of graduation sets in. Tuesday is the senior trip to Block Island, Wednesday my friend flies in from FL, Thursday I have a graduation rehearsal, Friday I have my last day of school, graduation, and the all-night graduation party our school sponsors. Saturday I'll probably be sleeping all day lol. Sunday I have my own party and some friends are staying over until Monday. Then Monday I leave for NH with my three friends (road trip! Lol). I'm there until Friday. So after this weeks, things get difficult in terms of this story. So all I can promise is that I will work on it as much as I possibly can. For now, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I love you," he told her again. She closed her eyes, realizing she would never get tired of hearing him say that.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 24: Judgment Day  
  
Vaughn awoke the next morning with Sydney in his arms, a feeling he'd missed more than he realized. Her head was pillowed on his chest, her arm draped across his stomach. His arms held her securely against him. It was the most content he'd felt in weeks. He watched Sydney sleep for at least twenty minutes before reluctantly giving into his growling stomach and deciding to get up and eat some breakfast. He very carefully lifted Sydney's head as he moved toward the edge of the bed, placing it gently back down into a pillow. Her arm slid off him as he edged over and finally, he was able to get off the bed. Sydney had only stirred in the process, but had not woken up. He looked back down at her, now curled up on her side in the middle of the bed. He was so grateful to finally have her back.  
  
When he reached the main room, Vaughn saw Weiss sitting at the table, eating. He walked up and caught Weiss's attention.  
  
"Morning," he said.  
  
"Morning," Vaughn replied. Weiss studied him for a moment.  
  
"You seem better," he commented.  
  
"How can you tell?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Because you're no longer a nervous wreck. What happened?"  
  
"We talked," Vaughn told him.  
  
"When?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Last night."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And she's okay. We worked it out," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Good. I'm glad," Weiss said sincerely.  
  
"Thanks. So am I." Vaughn walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few pieces of bread from a cupboard, putting them into the toaster. "Anything from Jack?" He called out to Weiss.  
  
"Nothing yet. It's still early, though. We should hear by this afternoon, tonight at the latest."  
  
Vaughn nodded. "I could sure use some good news today," he said. Weiss looked up at him.  
  
"I think we all could."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke to the feeling of Vaughn's soft lips on hers. Eyes still closed, she smiled into his mouth and kissed him back. When he pulled back slightly, she forced her heavy eyes open. She saw him smiling down at her.  
  
"Good morning," she said softly.  
  
"Good afternoon," he corrected. She glanced at the clock and groaned, realizing he was right.  
  
"My sleep schedule's still out of whack," she explained. He nodded.  
  
"I brought you something to eat," he told her, gesturing over to a tray he'd set down on the nightstand.  
  
"Breakfast in bed? Are you trying to spoil me?" She joked, smiling at him.  
  
"You bet," he said, kissing her again before reaching over and picking up the tray. He set it in front of her and leaned back slightly. He watched her pick through the food for the next ten minutes, relieved to finally see her eating again. She didn't come close to finishing it, but he was satisfied that she'd tried to get down as much as she could. He took the tray back into the kitchen once she was finished. When he came back in, he found her hunched over slightly, her arm twisted behind her so that she could rub a hand over her back. He walked quickly over to the bed and sat down beside her. She felt his weight on the bed and looked up quickly, smiling at him reassuringly.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing. Just a knot in my back. It happens when you've been laying around for too long," she told him.  
  
"You haven't been laying around. You've been recovering," he argued.  
  
"Potato, potato," she joked, pronouncing each differently. He smiled and shook his head. He then crawled up and sat behind her on the bed. He reached out and began to massage the muscles in her back. She sighed and leaned back against him.  
  
"Did Dr. Anderson schedule you for another day of testing yet?" Vaughn asked as he continued to press his fists into her back.  
  
"Radiation the day after tomorrow. Testing is in six days," she replied.  
  
"You didn't have radiation yesterday, did you?" He asked.  
  
"No. Aside from the testing, they just injected me with a drug that's supposed to help boost my immune system slightly. No side-affects thankfully."  
  
"And Dr. Anderson didn't want to do anything aside from the radiation and testing? No further instructions?"  
  
"Nope. For now, we wait."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was late that afternoon when the e-mail from Jack finally came. Sydney was stretched out on the couch, reading a book. Weiss called Vaughn into his room when he saw the letter in his inbox. Vaughn read it quickly before walking out into the main room to tell Sydney. He saw her on the couch and walked over to sit on the arm, facing her.  
  
"What's up?" She asked, her eyes questioning.  
  
"We just got an e-mail from your dad," he told her. Her eyes went instantly wide.  
  
"What'd he say?"  
  
"Dixon finally got a chance to meet with some of our agents. He had some useful intel about the Rambaldi artifact they're trying to uncover. Since SD-6 is the branch with the largest Rambaldi collection, though, they want to give Dixon higher clearance in the operation. They're giving him a lie- detector test, similar to the one I had to train you for. If he passes, we believe he'll be privy to information that bring us significantly closer to taking down the Alliance, Syd."  
  
"Oh my God. Well, can the CIA train him for the test? Like you did for me?" Sydney asked anxiously.  
  
"Well, that's the problem. His time with the agents today was limited. They were only able to train him on some basics. We're hoping he'll be able to set up another meet before the test, but we're not sure. If he can't, he'll just have to go for it based on the training he has," Vaughn explained, pausing for a second. "We'll make sure an extraction team is in place in case he fails."  
  
"When's the test?"  
  
"He said he wasn't sure. They only told him it would be within the next few days," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I guess it's judgment week for both of us then."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dr. Anderson took Sydney in for radiation two days later. She returned that afternoon tired, but otherwise suffering no other side-affects. She slept until dinner when Vaughn decided to wake her. For the first time in weeks, she decided to join them at the table to eat. Her appetite was slowly returning to normal. She managed to finish a good portion of the food before bringing her plate into the kitchen.  
  
Once Weiss had vacated to his room, Vaughn gathered a blanket and led Sydney outside to the porch. They curled up on one of the lounge chairs together and Vaughn spread the blanket over them, making sure it covered Sydney as much as possible. Vaughn wrapped his arms around her as they silently looked up at the stars, an act that was becoming something of a ritual for them.  
  
"It's weird," Sydney said suddenly.  
  
"What is?" Vaughn asked, confused.  
  
"I feel like I've been on this long, confusing path since the moment I was diagnosed with cancer. But now... I don't know, I guess I feel like I'm coming to the end of the road," she explained.  
  
"You mean after the testing?" Vaughn clarified.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, these results pretty much decide everything, don't they?"  
  
"I guess they *are* pretty important," Vaughn agreed. A short silence settled over them.  
  
"I know I've already said it, Vaughn, but thank you. I know I haven't been the easiest person to understand and deal with, but despite my attempts to push you away... I'm glad you're here. I honestly don't know how I would have done it without you," Sydney admitted. Vaughn's arms tightened around her and he pressed a kiss into her hair.  
  
"Don't you go and get morbid on me," Vaughn joked, attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
"I'm not getting morbid! Jeez, I try to say something nice and I get accused of being morbid. I just can't do anything right," she said with mock exasperation. Vaughn laughed as he placed kisses along the side of her neck.  
  
"I love you, Syd," he whispered into her neck. She smiled, looking up at the stars. She yawned and repeated the words back to him. As she drifted off to sleep in his arms, a silent prayer played through her head, asking the heavens to protect Vaughn... in case she could no longer be there to perform that duty.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jack sent another e-mail the next morning. Coincidentally, Dixon's test was scheduled for the same day as Sydney's testing. Sydney had officially taken to call it "judgment day." Though she usually used the term with humor, Vaughn could easily see the fear behind that humor. Fear for both her partner and herself.  
  
"Judgment day" came faster than anyone anticipated. Vaughn had half- expected the sun to darken and the skies to go black for such a monumental day. It turned out to be a breezy, sunny day. It couldn't have been more normal. Sydney had to leave early for testing. Vaughn made sure he was up before she left. He didn't say anything, didn't attempt to encourage her by citing examples of her strength. He held her for a brief moment, gave her an encouraging smile, and watched her walk out the door.  
  
The day was such a blur, he realized that if someone had asked him a week later what he'd spent the whole day doing, he wouldn't have been able to answer. He didn't remember anything until Sydney returned. She walked back through the door sometime after dark. He was on the computer at the table. The computer was quickly forgotten as soon as she entered, and she was in his arms in seconds. He could tell by the way she leaned into him that she was exhausted. The long days of testing usually wore her out completely. He held her for another moment before reaching underneath her and scooping her legs up. He felt her tense in surprise, but she didn't protest. She relaxed into his arms as he carried her carefully into her room. He set her gently on the bed before reaching down to remove her shoes. She moved into the middle of the bed and under the covers as he removed his own shoes. Still clothed and not caring a bit, he joined her in bed, draping his arm over her waist. He looked into her eyes for the first time that night as his hands brushed non-existent strands of hair away from her face. She smiled weakly at him.  
  
"You're going to be okay," he whispered, choking on his words slightly. He saw a slight shimmer of tears appear in her eyes before she slowly nodded. He reached out and held her closer, listening to her breathing slowly even out as she drifted off to sleep. He wasn't sure how long he watched her, but he knew it was well past midnight when he finally drifted off himself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As usual, Vaughn was up before Sydney the next morning. He was careful not to wake her as he got out of bed and headed into the main room. He found Weiss there, looking as if he was ready to go somewhere. He appeared to be looking for something, but his searched halted when he heard Vaughn walk into the room.  
  
"Hey," he greeted. "How's Syd doing?"  
  
"She's okay. She got back pretty late and just went straight to sleep," Vaughn replied.  
  
"She didn't say anything about the tests?" Weiss asked.  
  
"I don't think there was much to say. When I talked to Dr. Anderson a few days ago he said the results probably wouldn't be in for two days. So I think we'll have to wait until tomorrow until we know anything," Vaughn explained. "So where are you going?"  
  
"Oh I have to pick up a million and a half things. We're out of almost everything. I figured I'd start early. I'll probably be gone most of the day," Weiss replied. "I just can't seem to find the car keys anywhere."  
  
Vaughn laughed, walked over to the table, and lifted up Weiss's closed laptop. Sure enough, the keys were sitting right underneath. Weiss looked confused for a second, before shaking his head at Vaughn and walking over to grab the keys off the table.  
  
"I'll see you later," Weiss said, heading for the door.  
  
"Bye," Vaughn called out right before the door shut.  
  
Vaughn sat and started up the laptop to do some work himself. It couldn't have been more than an hour when he heard the front door open. He looked up and saw the doctor walk into the house.  
  
"Oh, hi," Vaughn said, surprised to see him.  
  
"Hi," the doctor greeted. "I just came by to talk to Agent Bristow and give her these," he said, holding up a pill bottle. "It's something a little stronger for her headaches."  
  
"Oh," Vaughn said, nodding in understanding. "Well, she's in her room. I'm not sure if she's up yet, but I can go check if you want."  
  
"No, that's okay. I can go check. If she's not up, I'll just leave these for her and talk to her a little later."  
  
"Okay, well go ahead. I'll be out here if you need anything."  
  
Dr. Anderson nodded before heading down the hall and toward Sydney's room. Vaughn turned his attention back to the computer screen. He spent somewhere around twenty minutes checking sites before he heard the doctor emerge and walk back out into the main room.  
  
"She was up, I take it," Vaughn guessed.  
  
"Yes, she was," Dr. Anderson confirmed.  
  
"Is she okay? Did she want something to eat?" Vaughn asked.  
  
An unreadable expression passed over the doctor's face, but was so quick that Vaughn nearly missed it. "I think she just wanted to rest for a little while longer."  
  
Vaughn nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Anyway, I have to head back to the hospital. I'll call tomorrow," the doctor said as he headed for the door.  
  
"Okay. Thanks for stopping by." The doctor nodded at him before leaving. Vaughn stared at the door for a moment, slightly confused by the doctor's somewhat odd behavior. A noise from the computer pulled him back to reality, though. He instantly recognized the noise as a notification of new e-mail. He opened up the mailbox and saw an e-mail from Jack. He opened it immediately.  
  
By the time he was finished, he'd forgotten completely about the comment Dr. Anderson had made about Sydney wanting to rest a little longer. He was out of his seat instantly, heading for Sydney's room. He reached it and knocked quickly, not waiting for a reply before entering the room. He saw her sitting up in bed.  
  
"Syd! Your dad just e-mailed us. Dixon passed his test," Vaughn announced anxiously, walking over to the bed. He sat on the edge, facing her. She didn't seem to want to meet his eyes, though. "Syd?" He asked tentatively.  
  
She looked up suddenly. His good news about Dixon was instantly forgotten. His focus now was solely on the tears that were pooling in her eyes.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: OMG this chapter is *finally* done! And I know that was a bad cliffhanger, so I'll really try to get it done later this weekend or early this week before everything starts. Who knew that graduating from high school took up so much of your time lol. Also, part of the reason this chapter took so long was because I write it on my mom's laptop and it broke this week. So I lost bits and pieces of stuff. Part of that unfortunately was my PM list for SD-1. So if you're reading this there, I'm sorry you're not getting a PM right now. But I'm just going to start a whole new list. So please reply and let me know if you'd like to be added to the list. Anyway, after that way too long wait I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review! I've probably missed the reviews ten times as much as you've missed the story lol. Stupid school. It always gets in the way :P. 


	25. The End of the Road

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's note: I swear I started this chapter with the intent to get it up before the graduation whirlwind started, but I didn't get a chance to finish it. I had a party Wednesday with my friends and our families, Thursday for the tennis team, Friday after graduation was the school's all night party, Saturday I slept all day, Sunday was my party running over to Monday after which I dropped my friend off at the airport and went to my last acting class, Tuesday I left for NH with my two friends and just got back Friday night. I set straight to work on Saturday. It's just been really crazy. But I have 16 days now until I move to Los Angeles. I don't start college until the end of August, but my mom and I have to move out there early because there's a manager who I auditioned for, and he wants me out there early to start auditioning and getting settled with an agency (I want to be an actress if you can't tell lol). So hopefully I can write a bunch over these next two weeks when I'm not packing. And we'll see what the situation is when I get out there. Just keep reading these notes, and I'll keep you updated. Thanks for patiently waiting guys! Hope you like the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Syd! Your dad just e-mailed us. Dixon passed his test," Vaughn announced anxiously, walking over to the bed. He sat on the edge, facing her. She didn't seem to want to meet his eyes, though. "Syd?" He asked tentatively.  
  
She looked up suddenly. His good news about Dixon was instantly forgotten. His focus now was solely on the tears that were pooling in her eyes.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 25: The End of the Road  
  
"Syd," he whispered, reaching out to touch her face. "What's wrong?"  
  
She managed a small smile at how quickly his excitement had turned to concern. "Dixon passed his test?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, but don't try to change the subject," he said firmly. She sighed and looked down, wiping her eyes. She looked back into his eyes, this time with a clear and serious expression.  
  
"We need to talk," she said softly. Vaughn suddenly felt like the room was closing in on him and breathing started to become difficult.  
  
"Okay," he choked out.  
  
"Vaughn," she said, hesitating and looking away from him again. He reached out and took both of her hands in his larger ones, encouraging her to continue. She looked back up at him and sighed.  
  
"The results came back," she said simply. Vaughn felt as if a fist were around his heart, squeezing tightly.  
  
"I thought they wouldn't be back until tomorrow," Vaughn said, confused.  
  
"They weren't supposed to be. But the preliminary tests revealed enough that the other results weren't really important anymore," Sydney explained.  
  
"What- what did they say?" Vaughn forced himself to ask. Sydney paused, looking straight into his eyes.  
  
"That there are cancerous cells in my bone marrow."  
  
Vaughn felt the fist around his heart move to punch him in the stomach, leaving him winded. He shut his eyes against the pain he felt and bit his lip. Hard. He took a few deep breaths before he was able to look at her again.  
  
"Bone marrow transplant?" He asked, knowing that was the next likely step.  
  
"Normally, yes....but not for me," she replied.  
  
"Why not?" Vaughn asked, eyes wide, voice frantic.  
  
"Do you remember the other day, Vaughn? When I had that knot in my back?" She asked. He nodded wordlessly. "Well, it wasn't a knot. It was a tumor. And it's close to my spinal cord. Removing it would likely mean paralysis."  
  
"And you'd prefer being dead?" Vaughn asked angrily.  
  
"Even if I wanted to make that choice, Vaughn, the tumor in my brain isn't any better. In fact, Dr. Anderson thinks the more extensive results will reveal that it's grown. There's nothing anyone can do anymore. It's over," she finished in a whisper. She watched the look on his face change from anger to a look of pain as if he'd been physically stricken. Seeing that tugged at her heart. She reached out to touch his face. She saw a tear fall from his eyes before he pulled away suddenly.  
  
"Syd, no. I won't accept it! There *has* to be something they can do! You can't just give up like that!" He shouted, his eyes wild.  
  
"Vaughn, stop. Please. Listen to what I'm saying. I'm not giving up, Vaughn. I'm accepting the inevitable. Because no matter how much I want to believe otherwise, I'm dying... And I need you to accept that too."  
  
Vaughn shook his head vehemently. "I won't! I can't sit here and watch you give up, Syd. I won't do it!" He didn't look at her as he got up and stormed out of the room, leaving Sydney by herself. The only thing she felt through her numbness at that moment was the feeling of tears falling down her cheeks.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Weiss pulled in late that afternoon and was surprised to see Vaughn sitting on the edge of the porch. Weiss parked and quickly got out of the car. He knew Vaughn had been instructed to avoid going outside in the daytime if he could help it. As Weiss got closer, though, his intended reminder died on his lips. He could see that Vaughn's eyes were red-rimmed and the look on his face made Weiss stop dead in his tracks.  
  
"Mike?" Weiss asked cautiously. Vaughn looked up at him, but didn't say anything. Weiss walked over and sat next to him. "What's going on?"  
  
Vaughn sighed and wiped his eyes. "It's Syd," he said, his voice thick.  
  
"Of course it is. What's going on now? Is she back into her distant mode? Did you fight?" Weiss asked. Vaughn shook his head.  
  
"If only it were one of those, Eric," Vaughn said wistfully.  
  
"What do you mean? What is it?" Weiss asked, worried by Vaughn's words.  
  
"The results came back," Vaughn said simply.  
  
"This early?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Apparently the preliminary results told them all they needed to know," Vaughn replied, somewhat bitterly.  
  
"And I'm guessing they weren't good."  
  
Vaughn paused, letting the silence hang over them for what seemed like an eternity before he finally forced himself to utter the words he'd spent the last few hours trying to convince himself weren't actually true.  
  
"She's dying."  
  
Vaughn watched the look of shock spread over Weiss's face.  
  
"What?! You mean the treatment didn't work?" Vaughn shook his head. "Well then there has to be something else they can try!"  
  
"The cancer's in her bone marrow," Vaughn told him.  
  
"Well can't they-"  
  
"And there's a tumor in her back," Vaughn said, cutting Weiss off. "It's inoperable."  
  
"Oh God. Oh God, no. Mike... I am so sorry," Weiss said, his own voice breaking.  
  
"I don't know what to do, Eric," Vaughn said honestly, tears rising again in his eyes.  
  
"How did she take it?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Better than I did. She seemed to accept the news. I went crazy. I accused her of giving up. I just... I can't sit around and watch her die, Eric. I can't do it."  
  
"Well then you leave her to do it alone," Weiss reasoned, making him realize the true meaning of what he was saying. "I hate to say it, Mike, but if you really love her... you don't have much of a choice."  
  
Vaughn sighed in defeat. "You're right. Of course you're right," he said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "I just don't know how to do this. I don't even know if I *can* do this."  
  
"Well then I'm sure you're both in the same boat," Weiss said. Vaughn nodded in understanding, a solitary tear falling silently down his face. "I hate it too, Mike. I never loved her like you did, but I've always considered her a friend. She's an amazing person. I was hoping that it didn't come down to this just like you were."  
  
Vaughn again nodded. "I know," was all he could manage around the lump in his throat.  
  
"You should talk to her. If you have to go through this, at least you can do it together," Weiss reasoned.  
  
"I know. I will," Vaughn agreed. "I just-"  
  
"Need some time," Weiss finished for him.  
  
"Just to sort through things so that I don't lose it again," Vaughn explained. Weiss nodded and got up.  
  
"Just don't take too long. I'm sure she'll be looking for you eventually," Weiss said before going inside.  
  
Vaughn sighed and dropped his head into his hands, wishing he could will himself back into a time when his biggest worry was coming up with the most effective counter-mission for his agent while attempting not to fall hopelessly in love with her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn ventured inside to eat something sometime in the evening, but found himself sitting back out on the porch as he watched the sky grow dark. He was unaware of how long he sat outside before he heard the boards on the porch creek behind him. He turned and saw Sydney standing there, her favorite robe tied tightly over her pajamas to ward off the cold. He couldn't help but stare at her. Her face was not that of a dying woman. If a stranger were to pass her on the street, they may only give her a second glance because of her beauty. No one would ever guess that a battle was being waged inside her body. For a moment, he desperately wanted to be one of those strangers who didn't have a clue.  
  
"I thought I might find you out here," she said tentatively, breaking his train of thought.  
  
"Yeah, I just needed to get out for a little while. And this is as far as I'm allowed to go," he explained. She nodded slowly, obviously afraid that he may go off again.  
  
"Mind if I sit?" She asked, her voice almost nervous. Vaughn shook his head and Sydney walked over and sat next to him, careful to keep about a foot of distance between them.  
  
"How are you?" Vaughn asked sincerely.  
  
"I'm, um, okay, I guess. Kind of numb," she replied. "How are *you*?"  
  
Vaughn sighed. "I'm really regretting the way I reacted actually. I'm so sorry for blowing up at you, Syd. I wasn't really angry at you, I just- I just didn't want to believe it. And my anger at the situation unfortunately got directed at you. I didn't mean a word of it, Syd."  
  
"I know you didn't, Vaughn," she whispered, wiping tears from her eyes.  
  
"I don't want to lose you, Syd. I don't know how to let you go," Vaughn admitted tearfully. Sydney responded to the admission in the only way she could. She reached out and held him. He clung to her in return as if he couldn't possibly hold her close enough. "I'm so sorry, Syd. I never meant to hurt you," he muttered into her shoulder.  
  
"I know, Vaughn, it's okay, it's okay," she said softly, her tone soothing. "Now you know why I wanted to distance you from this," she muttered, causing Vaughn to pull away suddenly to look into her face.  
  
"No, Syd. Never. I may have reacted badly and I may hate hearing this more than anything, but there is no way I would let you go through this without me. I told you I would be with you every step. I meant it."  
  
Sydney managed a small smile through her tears. "Thank you."  
  
"Don't thank me yet. Here comes the difficult part," Vaughn warned. He paused then, reaching out to brush a few strands of hair behind her ear. "I want to know everything. Whatever the doctor told you today, I want to know. I don't want you to feel the need to keep anything from me. I want to stay completely informed."  
  
Sydney looked surprised for a moment, but quickly suppressed it as she nodded. "Okay," she agreed. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know."  
  
Vaughn visibly hesitated before he was able to find his voice again. "How long?" He asked simply.  
  
"It's impossible to say really... but Dr. Anderson doesn't think it'll be more than a couple of months," Sydney replied.  
  
"Did he tell you what to expect?" Vaughn asked, softer this time.  
  
Sydney nodded. "He gave me a basic idea. He said that, um... that for a while, I would basically experience a mix of good days and bad days. I'll start getting weaker as my body shuts down. I may, at some point, lose my ability to see or speak. I could start to lose my memory. Eventually, I'll go to sleep and slip into a coma. And then... it'll be over."  
  
Vaughn was suddenly having trouble looking at her, hearing what the rest of her life was to be like. It all sounded so natural, her body gradually shutting down, bit by bit. But it wasn't natural, he thought angrily. It wasn't natural for a woman, once so vibrant and healthy, to die before she could get married, have children, and grow old. It wasn't natural for him to have someone he loved so much taken from him so suddenly. Nothing about this situation was natural.  
  
"So you're done with treatment for good?" Vaughn asked, trying to change the direction his thoughts were taking.  
  
"For good," she confirmed.  
  
"You know, your father's going to e-mail us again soon to ask for an update on your condition. How do you want to handle that?"  
  
"God, I hadn't thought about that. Um..." she trailed off, thinking. She suddenly stood up, somewhat violently, and started pacing back and forth. "God, I hate this! It's not right! I can't even tell my father in person that I'm dying! I have to do it over e-mail or a carefully planned phone call. This is *not* how it's supposed to be, Vaughn!"  
  
Vaughn stood up then and gathered her into his arms, relieved to finally see some kind of reaction from her. "I know it's not. In my mind, none of this is supposed to be happening. But we'll work through it, day by day. We'll figure it out," he assured her.  
  
"Do you think there's a chance I'll make it home?" She asked against his shoulder.  
  
"Now that Dixon's passed his test, who knows what he'll have access to. We could make huge advances, hopefully enough to take them down. I think there's definitely a chance. And I'm sure everyone will do everything they can to make it happen."  
  
She looked up at him then, her arms still around him. His feelings for her were so plainly stamped across his face and it made her smile. "I love you," she whispered to him. He smiled through the tears she could see shimmering in his eyes and brought his hand to her face.  
  
"I love you, too, Syd. Always. That'll never change," he assured her. She smiled again.  
  
"You're my immortality."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Ok please don't kill me! All I have to say is she's not dead until she's dead. If/when she dies, then you can say whatever you like, but don't make any assumptions yet, just keep reading. But please let me know what you thought regardless of how disappointed I'm sure you all were with the test results. Even if you hated it, please review! Now that I actually have some time on my hands, reviews really will make me write faster. No more two or three week gaps I hope. Anyway, hope you liked the chapters! Can't wait to hear your reviews, I really missed them in the craziness of the last few weeks. Thanks for reading! 


	26. Her List

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, well the first thing I have to say is that it's taken me a few days to really get back into the writing mode, because I'm still in shock over my experience on Saturday. Some of you over at SD-1 already know about this, but for those of you reading at ff.net, I was so incredibly lucky as to get to meet Jennifer Garner on Saturday. I'm still sitting here now, staring at the picture of her and I, and not quite believing it all happened. I've been in such a state of happiness and disbelief since then that it's hard to get back into writing this. But I am going to try. I'm sorry if it sucks. And for those of you who want to read more about my meeting Jennifer, you can read all about it on my livejournal and see the picture. The URL is: . And let me just say I've had better pictures taken than that, but who can honestly expect to look good next to the most beautiful woman in the world? Lol! Anyway, about the story now lol. Thank you to everyone who read my author's note last time and really considered what I said and continued to read. I'm sorry to those of you who were upset by it, and I'm sorry for not putting a tissue warning. I have no concept of what people will or won't cry at. This whole story's been sad in my opinion, so I'd just give the whole thing a tissue warning lol. And the last thing I want to say before I proceed to the chapter is a thank you to twin*muse for your review at ff.net. It really means a lot to me knowing that people can actually relate to my story. And to answer your question, I'm moving to Malibu until the end of August when I go to Eagle Rock (Pasadena/Burbank area) for college. Ok, well that's all for now. Hope you enjoy the chapter! Oh, and when you see stars before and after words, those indicate where song lyrics start and end. The formatting sometimes gets messed up, so I'm sorry if it's hard to tell.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She looked up at him then, her arms still around him. His feelings for her were so plainly stamped across his face and it made her smile. "I love you," she whispered to him. He smiled through the tears she could see shimmering in his eyes and brought his hand to her face.  
  
"I love you, too, Syd. Always. That'll never change," he assured her. She smiled again.  
  
"You're my immortality."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 26: Her List  
  
Vaughn awoke the next morning just before the sun came out. He considered going back to sleep, but one look at the peacefully sleeping Sydney changed his mind. She was facing him, one hand tucked under her cheek, the other out in front of her. She was the picture of serenity. He found himself enraptured in watching her sleep, unable to look away. He watched her chest rise and fall with each soft breath. He tried to imagine a time when she was no longer breathing, when her heart no longer emitted a steady beat. He couldn't. He suddenly found it impossible to look even a day into the future. His life now only consisted of the present. And a desperate longing for the past.  
  
The first thing Sydney was aware of as she awoke was that Vaughn was watching her. She knew it even before she opened her eyes. When she did fully awaken, she saw his green eyes staring down at her, the look in them so intensely sad that it broke her heart. She smiled at him, trying to banish the sadness from his face. She was relieved when he smiled back.  
  
"What time is it?" She asked in a whisper.  
  
"It's still early. Around five I think," he replied. She nodded, rubbing her eyes. He smiled and reached out to run his fingers through her hair. "You should get some more sleep."  
  
"What about you?" She asked, bringing her hands away from her face to look at him. He was about to tell her that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, that he'd go out to the main room and watch TV for a while, but lost the heart when he saw the look on her face.  
  
"I'll be right here," he said, laying his head back down on the pillow next to her. She smiled at him and then let her eyes slip shut. He reached out, brushing his hand over her face softly. She sighed contentedly, eyes still closed. He felt tears spring to his eyes, but quickly blinked them back. Now was not the time to cry.  
  
He watched her, continuing to stroke her face until he was certain that she was asleep again. He was tempted to stay there and simply watch her until she woke up, but realized that this may be the only chance to follow through with the plan he'd come up with as he watched her fall asleep the night before. So he quietly slipped from the bed and crept out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. He made his way out into the main room, and was relieved to see Weiss's laptop sitting there, just as he'd hoped it would be. He sat at the table and opened the computer, turning it on. He logged into Weiss's e-mail and opened a new e-mail. He copied Jack's address from an old e-mail and wrote it in the box of the new e-mail. He labeled the subject as "Sydney." And then he started to type.  
  
Jack, This is Vaughn. I know it's Weiss who usually writes you, but I wanted to e- mail you about something important. Sydney got some news yesterday that she needs to share with you, but doesn't quite feel right telling you over an e- mail or over the phone. I know this is a desperate attempt, but since I know this is very important to her, I thought I'd try it anyway. Is there any way you could put in a request to be flown here even for a short time to see Sydney? I know that may be hard to request without knowing why it's so important, so if you absolutely need the reason in order to put in the request, I'll tell you. I just know that she'd rather it be her that talked to you about this. If it's not possible, I'm open to any suggestions you may have also. Anything you can do. Please reply soon. Thanks.  
  
Without even bothering to reread what he'd written, he hit the send button.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was around nine when Weiss walked into the main room and found Vaughn sprawled across the couch. The television was on, but muted. Weiss could tell Vaughn wasn't exactly paying much attention to the television. His focus seemed to be somewhere through the window, and it was so intense that he didn't even seem to notice Weiss's presence.  
  
"I sense a Sydney trance," Weiss joked, catching Vaughn's attention. Vaughn turned and looked at him, a guilty smile barely noticeable on his face.  
  
"She's a hard person to stop thinking about," Vaughn admitted to his friend.  
  
"Did you guys talk last night?" Weiss asked. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"I told her how sorry I was about exploding at her. She seemed to understand, but it was still probably the hardest conversation I've ever had."  
  
"How's she handling it?"  
  
"It's hard to say. I mean, at first I just thought she was detaching herself from the whole thing, but I finally saw some emotion from her last night. I asked her how she wanted to tell her father and she kind of lost it. She was pretty angry about the whole situation. It was kind a relief to see her react actually," Vaughn explained.  
  
"God, I hadn't even thought about Jack," Weiss said suddenly. "He's *not* going to take this well."  
  
"Which is why Syd wants to tell him. But she doesn't want to do it over the phone or computer," Vaughn told him.  
  
"Well what did she want to do?" He asked.  
  
"I don't know. She was too upset last night to really get into it. But I e- mailed Jack this morning, asking if there was any way he could put in a request to come here."  
  
"How did you do that without telling him why?"  
  
"I just told him that Sydney needed to share some important news with him and she didn't feel right doing over the phone or computer," he replied. Weiss nodded before dropping into the chair next to the couch.  
  
"It seems so unreal," he said quietly.  
  
"Yes it does," Vaughn agreed, equally quiet.  
  
"Have you two discussed alternative medicine at all?" Weiss asked. Vaughn simply shook his head.  
  
"She'd never go for it. Anyway, she's suffered enough. I don't think I could stand to see her have to endure any more painful treatments, any more false hope. She's been through enough already," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Just thought I'd ask. I mean, is Dr. Anderson doing anything from here or this basically the end of his job?"  
  
"He's calling today. I'm sure he'll fill us in then." Weiss nodded and got up, heading over to the table. He watched Weiss open his computer and log on. Vaughn's thoughts quickly wandered back to Sydney when he suddenly heard Weiss calling him over. He looked up, questioning Weiss with his eyes.  
  
"Jack replied."  
  
Vaughn was up in an instant, walking over to the table and sitting down next to Weiss. He leaned over close to the computer as Weiss opened the e- mail. Both men read silently.  
  
Vaughn, I am unfortunately already aware of Sydney's prognosis. I was contacted by Dr. Anderson. I immediately put in the request to be able to see Sydney, but it has been denied. The director feels that with Dixon's new status, it would be too risky for everyone involved. Obviously, I contested this, but I was assured that as long as I remain for the time being, something would be worked out in the near future. I was also provided with a video phone as part of this deal. You will be contacted today by an agent, informing you of where Agent Weiss can pick up one for Sydney. Tell my daughter that I will contact her tonight.  
  
"You two look quite caught up in something," they both heard suddenly, looking up to see Sydney standing a few feet away. She watched as both men looked at each other. Weiss nodded at Vaughn and got up.  
  
"I'll leave you two to talk," he said before he went down the hallway and into his own room. Sydney watched him and then looked back at Vaughn, confused. Vaughn looked back at her and sighed.  
  
"Come sit," he said, gesturing to the chair next to him. She obliged, walking over and sitting in it. He turned his own chair to that it faced hers.  
  
"What's going on?" She asked.  
  
"I e-mailed your father this morning, Syd. I didn't tell him anything, but he just e-mailed me back. I guess Dr. Anderson already told him," Vaughn told her gently. He watched her eyes close, watched the pain play across her face. He reached out, laying his hand over her arm.  
  
"What'd he say?" She asked, still not looking at him.  
  
"Not much. But he did say that he'd made a deal with the director. He wanted to come and see you now, but his request was denied. Instead, they provided him with a video-phone so that he could talk to you tonight," Vaughn explained. She nodded, looking down at the floor. He reached out and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at him. "He also said that they'd agreed to work out a visitation in the near future."  
  
He saw her eyes flicker with hope. "I'll get to see him? For sure?" She asked.  
  
"Unless the director wants to face your father when he's angry, and that's not likely," Vaughn joked. She smiled a little. He reached out and took her in his arms.  
  
"I told you we'd figure this out together."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Dr. Anderson called later that afternoon to inform them that he was on his way over. He said he'd figured they'd want to talk to him about everything and get some questions answered. When he arrived, they exchanged normal greetings. An outsider looking in on the scene would've never guessed that only the day before, he'd given them the worst news of their lives. He'd sentenced Sydney to death.  
  
They all took seats around the table. Dr. Anderson sat between Sydney and Weiss. Vaughn took his usual seat next to Sydney. For a moment that stretched an eternity, not a word was spoken. The room was silent. Vaughn was instantly reminded of the night Dr. Anderson had told them about the tumor in Sydney's lung. Until this moment, he'd never heard a room go so silent. He'd thought they were receiving bad news then. If only he'd know. Maybe then he could've learned to treasure the time when they at least had reason to hope. That time was now gone. And yet, here they were. In the same, unnatural silence.  
  
It was Sydney who finally decided to break it. "You told my father," she stated, looking at Dr. Anderson. Her tone was more casual than accusatory, but he could still see the doctor look at her guiltily.  
  
"Yes, I did. I'm sorry, I know that's something you probably would've preferred to have done yourself. But I knew that in order for him to request to see you, which I figured he would, he needed my official report. And I didn't want to waste any time waiting," Dr. Anderson explained.  
  
"Did you tell him over the phone?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"How-" she paused, clearly trying to hold on to her composure. "What did he say?"  
  
"Well, as I said, I knew your father years ago. He didn't say much, but I could tell he was somewhat stricken by the news. He questioned me about the certainty of the tests I ran. He asked me if there was anything else I could do. He asked me how you took it too."  
  
Sydney nodded, not able to find her voice. Vaughn quickly took notice of this and decided to jump in. "Well, honestly, those were some questions I was hoping you could answer for us. I mean, I'm guessing there are no more treatments you want to attempt. But where do we go from here?" He asked the doctor.  
  
"Well, normally there are a number of different options. But obviously this situation in this case limits our options, as it has from the beginning. You obviously can't stay in the hospital. It's probably too risky to use a hospice program. My suggestion would be to simply keep going as we have before. I'll continue to be Agent Bristow's doctor. I'll come by frequently, stay when I need to, and be on call at all times. I can get any equipment and medication she may need from the hospital. She should be able to remain here for as long as she needs," Dr. Anderson told everyone, looking from person to person as he finished. They all understood what he meant quite clearly. She'd remain at the house until she was able to return home. Or until it was over.  
  
"And there's no treatment or medication you need to put her on now?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Well, I'll leave you with a pretty strong prescription of pain killers. They should work for the time being. Eventually, she'll probably have to go on a morphine pump, but we'll try to take this one step at a time. All I'd recommend now is that she get enough rest. Otherwise, she can do whatever she feels up to."  
  
They were all taking in the doctor's words when the phone rang, making them all jump slightly. Weiss quickly got up to answer it. They watched the one- way conversation filled mostly with one word responses until Weiss hung up. He looked over at them.  
  
"That was about the video-phone. They've set up a secure location where I can pick it up. In case there's traffic, I have to leave now, though, in order to get it back in time," he told them as he grabbed the car keys from the counter. "I'll see you guys later."  
  
Once he was out the door, the silence quickly returned. But this time the silence was not due to ignorance on the subject, but now from knowing entirely too much. Ignorance certainly had been bliss. But knowledge- knowledge was not power. It was quite the opposite.  
  
"Well, unless you have any more questions, I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you want to get ready to talk to your father," Dr. Anderson said to Sydney.  
  
"Thanks, doctor. I think we've heard all we needed to know for now," Vaughn assured him, standing up and shaking the doctor's hand.  
  
"Give me a call if there's anything you need. Otherwise, I'll be by in a few days," he said. Sydney and Vaughn both nodded. Vaughn showed Dr. Anderson out as Sydney relocated to the couch, perching on the edge of it. Once the doctor was gone, Vaughn walked over and sat next to Sydney. Moments passed, but neither spoke.  
  
"There were so many things I wanted to do before I died," Sydney said suddenly. "I always figured I'd have time to do them. Even working for SD-6 and the CIA, I just took it for granted most of the time that I'd come back from each mission, still having years to accomplish things."  
  
Vaughn expected to feel immediately resistant to the conversation. The last thing he wanted to think of was what was happening to Sydney, was how he'd have to soon live without her. But instead, he found himself curious and intrigued. He wanted nothing more than for her to open up to him.  
  
"Like what?" He asked. She looked over at him, clearly surprised. He figured she must've expected the same reaction he'd expected from himself. But he couldn't find it in him to be angry at her for talking about death. He was so tired of being angry.  
  
"Like," she trailed off, thinking. "Go parasailing in the Caribbean."  
  
"How typical," he teased. She smiled.  
  
"Well that wasn't that high on my list anyway," she told him.  
  
"You made a list?" He asked, surprised. "That's morbid."  
  
"It was a mental list," she added quickly.  
  
"What were some of the higher things?" He asked.  
  
"To spend a romantic weekend in Paris with someone I loved," she replied. He couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Too bad we were discovered and almost killed that time. Otherwise we might've accomplished that one."  
  
"That was in Nice," she reminded him. "Not Paris."  
  
"Close enough," he said. "What else?"  
  
"To be able tell Francie stories about us. How we met, missions we went on, everything," she said with a small smile.  
  
"Still possible," he reminded her. She nodded. "Keep going," he urged her.  
  
"To get a golden retriever as a pet, to climb Mount Everest, to run in a marathon," she listed. Vaughn nodded after each one, amused. "But none of those even come close to the top five."  
  
"Tell me the top five," he requested. She looked at him for a moment, hesitant. "Please," he begged, reaching over and covering her hand with his. She nodded, giving in. And the whole mood of the conversation suddenly changed. Before, the mood had been light, joking even. Vaughn could literally feel the air around him change as both of them grew serious. And suddenly this wasn't just an imaginary list. It represented everything they'd missed, everything that had been taken away from them. Things they'd never even had a chance for.  
  
*With this tear  
  
I thee want  
  
I long for you talk to me like you did  
  
That night in the restaurant*  
  
"Number five..... to go to Tratoria de Narti with you."  
  
*You spoke of love so openly  
  
And again and again you promised me  
  
That you'd never leave  
  
But now you're gone*  
  
"To grow old with someone I love."  
  
*With this voice  
  
I thee call  
  
Sometimes I catch myself calling your name  
  
When you're not there at all*  
  
"To have kids. A girl and a boy, in that order. To watch them grow up."  
  
*Please tell me what I did wrong  
  
Why must I hear your voice inside my head  
  
All day and all night long  
  
It's not fair*  
  
"To get married on a beautiful summer day. In a gazebo covered with flowers. To have my father give me away."  
  
*With these arms  
  
I held you  
  
When you told me you were dying  
  
I had less courage, it's true*  
  
"What was your number one?" Vaughn asked, tears in his eyes.  
  
She took a deep breath and sighed.  
  
*And you wrote every day  
  
Writing about the things that we could do  
  
When your pain went away  
  
But all that went away was you*  
  
"To destroy SD-6 and retire from the CIA so I could accomplish everything else on the list."  
  
*With this tear*  
  
It was a long moment, eyes locked, tears flowing. Without knowing who had initiated the action, she was soon in his arms. His cheek pressed against hers, they could both feel their tears falling and mixing with each other, fusing together just as their lives had years before. They were inextricably linked, soul-mates in the truest way. Feeling her warm and alive in his arms now, Vaughn couldn't imagine his life without her in it. She'd become his life. He'd shared every dream she'd revealed from her list. He'd shared her mission, her life, and her love.  
  
But no matter how much he'd shared with her in the past, he could not share her death.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I am *so* glad I was able to get this out before I moved! It got pretty close between packing and having to see all these people to say goodbye, but I did it. I'm still not even sure about my internet situation out there, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully I'll be able to get cable for a month until I start school. Otherwise I'll have to do dial-up, and it may take a few days to set up. But I have plenty of time while I'm flying to write the next chapter. It just may take a few days to get it up, so there's your warning. And that said, please review! Between moving and rehearsing for my huge audition for a manager on Thursday, life has been sooo stressful and sad lately. It'll be nice to read some reviews between all the goodbyes I have to say. I hope you liked the chapter! This was my first attempt at putting song lyrics into the story. I really wanted to include them because it was this song that the story was named after. The song is "With This Tear" by Celine Dion. Next chapter, Syd talks to her dad. I'll get it up as soon as I can, I promise! 


	27. Assurances

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Well, this is my first chapter from the west coast! It still feels weird to say that lol. It took me a few days to really get settled here and get the internet working and get my computer working and everything, so I'm sorry for the wait. It just couldn't be helped. I actually had this chapter done a few days ago, but my internet hasn't been great here. It just goes on and off and I haven't been able to get on AOL at all. So hopefully it'll get better. It doesn't seem like I'll be horribly busy this next month, so I'll hopefully be able to update regularly, but I am going on auditions whenever they come up. And since one of them took me into Burbank, I made sure to drive by the Disney lot and cheer at the big "Alias" poster hehehe. Anyway, aside from the Jack phone call, I'm really just writing this chapter as I go along, so bear with me. I hope you like it!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They were inextricably linked, soul-mates in the truest way. Feeling her warm and alive in his arms now, Vaughn couldn't imagine his life without her in it. She'd become his life. He'd shared every dream she'd revealed from her list. He'd shared her mission, her life, and her love.  
  
But no matter how much he'd shared with her in the past, he could not share her death.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 27: Assurances  
  
Weiss returned with the video-phone that evening. They set it up easily and had an hour until the scheduled call. After a rushed, quiet dinner between the three, Sydney found herself sitting in her room, pondering what on earth she was going to say to her father. She tried to imagine how she'd react if he was emotional. The last time she could remember him being openly emotional about anything was over two decades ago. The time of her mother's supposed death. But when he'd returned from being investigated, which she now knew was where he disappeared to, he'd donned a mask that hid any trace of emotion. He'd seemed to keep that mask all the years since then, letting it crack only slightly over the past few years.  
  
"Nervous?" She heard Vaughn ask from the doorway. She turned quickly to look at him. He looked hesitant, unsure of whether she wanted him there or not.  
  
"A little," she admitted. "I don't really know what I'm going to say."  
  
Vaughn finally entered the room and came to sit beside her on the bed. "It's not going to matter what you say, really. He's your father. He'll just be glad to talk to you, to look at you."  
  
"I wish he couldn't see me," Sydney said so softly, Vaughn almost didn't hear it.  
  
"What? Why not?" Vaughn asked, confused. She looked up at him sharply.  
  
"Look at me, Vaughn. He hasn't seen me for months, since before I'd gone through all the experimental treatments and the surgery and the isolation. I hardly recognize myself anymore. I look like a ghost," she finished in a whisper, looking at the floor. Vaughn reached out, laying his hand under her chin, forcing her eyes back to his. He took a moment to study her, knowing what he said next had to be completely truthful. She'd know otherwise. He had to admit she was right in saying she'd changed. Though she'd gained back some weight, she was still much thinner than before. Her skin was paler, her face not as rosy. Her eyes looked much bigger on her face now, framed by light circles underneath. Even her voice was a little softer than it had been before. There was no doubt that cancer had left its distinct mark on Sydney Bristow. But for all that had changed in her, there were twice as many things that hadn't. And it was those things that made her Sydney.  
  
"Syd, you are the same woman you've always been. The same woman I met with bright red hair and a swollen lip. The same woman I assigned counter- mission after counter-mission to. Sure, you may have lost a few pounds, but you've always been thin. Sure you may be a little paler, but you've always had a pale complexion. In the ways that matter, you haven't changed a bit. You're still beautiful. I still love looking at you." He smiled. She did too. He realized suddenly that these moments of weakness he'd seen so rarely in her only served to remind him of her strong she truly was. He knew she'd be okay.  
  
"Come on, you've got about ten more minutes. Let's go sit out there until he calls," he suggested, standing up and facing her. She nodded. He took her hand and helped her up. They proceeded to the main room. The video- phone had been set up on the coffee table in front of the couch. Vaughn had asked Weiss to set it up there instead of at the table so that Sydney could be more comfortable. The two sat down and waited together in a comfortable silence, fingers entwined.  
  
Nine minutes and fifteen seconds later, they all jumped when the device rang. Weiss was up from the table instantly and walking over to the couch. He bent down in front of the screen and pressed a button, obviously turning it on. A button to the side of it stopped the ringing as the ever-solemn face of Jack Bristow appeared on the screen.  
  
"Dad," Sydney said, barely registering she'd spoken aloud.  
  
"Sydney," Jack responded, his features visibly softening. Vaughn gave Sydney's hand a reassuring squeeze before he let go and rose from the couch. Weiss moved to leave also.  
  
"Weiss, Vaughn," Jack said, causing them to stop suddenly and look at the screen. "Thank you for your help."  
  
It was a brief moment before either responded, not quite used to seeing Jack Bristow this way. Both quickly recovered, though, and nodded, mumbling "you're welcome" as they retreated from the room. Jack's focus immediately went back to Sydney, who remained on the couch. For a long moment, father and daughter were content simply to look at each other.  
  
It was Sydney who spoke first. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, Sydney," he said dismissively. "It's you I'm concerned about."  
  
Sydney paused, looking at his face. Even through a screen, she could actually see the genuine concern in his eyes. It touched her. It pained her. "I'm sorry I wasn't the one to tell you, Dad."  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't have been there to hear the news with you in the first place. But there's no point in regretting what we can't change. What I want to know is how you're feeling now," he told her.  
  
She sighed. "Well, I've been feeling much better physically since I've been off the treatments," she offered.  
  
"Good. I'm glad," he said, obviously hoping she'd elaborate more.  
  
"I know that's probably not what you meant. I just honestly don't know how to express how I feel about this. I couldn't possibly find the words. I'm not even sure *I* understand how I'm feeling," Sydney admitted.  
  
"I'm sure that's to be expected."  
  
"I'm sorry, Dad," she apologized.  
  
"No, Sydney, it's fine. I understand what you mean. I couldn't possibly explain the way I felt when Dr. Anderson called. I just wanted to be able to see you. Until the director fulfills our agreement, this is the best I can do."  
  
"Are you going to be flown out?" Sydney asked, eager to know more about how and when she'd finally see her father again.  
  
"If they can't work out a way for you to come home, yes," Jack replied.  
  
"Do you really think that's a possibility?" Sydney asked hopefully.  
  
"If the director agreed, you could be transported to this safe-house. I'm not giving up on the possibility that you may not even need a safe-house quite soon, though."  
  
"You mean taking down SD-6?"  
  
"Dixon's doing good work. We're closer than we've ever been, there's no doubt about that. As long as this study of the Rambaldi artifact goes on, he's able to get invaluable intel for us," Jack explained.  
  
"So they've found the artifact?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Yes, just recently. All we know from Dixon is that it appears to be incomplete, as if it's only a piece of something bigger," Jack replied. Sydney nodded.  
  
"I can't believe that after working against SD-6 for years, we finally get the biggest break the second I'm gone."  
  
"Well you gave Dixon a good head-start. He'd never be where he is without all the work you've done, Sydney," Jack assured her.  
  
"If it happens, if it's soon enough, I want to be there. I want to see it go down," Sydney said, her tone insistent.  
  
"Me too, Sydney. Me too."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke the next morning to find that, for the first time that week, she'd risen before Vaughn. They'd both talked late into the night after Sydney was done talking to her father. She knew Vaughn was still having a hard time talking about her prognosis, let alone accepting it. He was trying, though, and she was grateful to him for that. Though she was quite used to keeping things to herself, this was one thing she simply needed to talk about.  
  
She felt the twinge in her back and realized suddenly it was what had interrupted her sleep. She shifted so that she could massage the area with her hand. She faced Vaughn now and was briefly caught up in watching him sleep. She knew he hadn't slept much since the doctor had told them she was dying. She was well aware of the fact that she always fell asleep before him and woke after him. She was relieved to finally see him sleeping. She looked over him to see that the clock read 8:04 AM. She could take some pain medication and try to go back to sleep, but she knew doing that would likely knock her out for longer than she wanted. Deciding she simply needed to get up and stretch out a little, she pushed the covers off herself and quietly got out of bed. After one last lingering look at Vaughn, she left the room and headed down the hall.  
  
As soon as the hall opened up into the main room, she heard the soft noises emitted from the television. A glance at the couch revealed Weiss sprawled across it, watching a movie Sydney didn't recognize. She walked closer to the couch, catching Weiss's attention. He smiled at her as she stood at the back of the couch.  
  
"What's this?" She asked, gesturing to the television.  
  
"I'm honestly not sure myself. It was all I could find. Who knew that all that was on at this time was news and talk shows? I was always working or sleeping. I saw an action movie, I stopped flipping," Weiss explained. Sydney smiled in amusement.  
  
"You need a girlfriend," she teased.  
  
"Well some of us aren't as lucky as Mike, are we? It's not like everyone gets thrown in hiding with the woman they're madly in love with. Some of us have it a little harder," he joked back. She laughed and walked around to couch to sit in the chair next to it.  
  
"You could always go home," she reminded him lightly.  
  
"I told you, Syd, you're not getting rid of me," he replied, smiling. "But I'm hopeful that we'll all be sent home soon."  
  
"Really? It seems like everyone but me thinks we'll be home in no time."  
  
"You don't think it's possible?" Weiss asked.  
  
"No, I do think it's possible. I'm just not so convinced yet. I worked against them for years. I'm just don't know if I believe we can get all we need to take them out in a matter of weeks. Anyway, it's not like luck has really been on my side lately," she said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"Well maybe that'll change."  
  
"I hope so." She paused for a moment, looking at the television before speaking again. "Weiss, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"I hate to have to ask you this, but there's no way I could ever ask Vaughn. And this is just something I really need to know. I've wondered about it non-stop lately."  
  
"Syd," he said, cutting her off. "You're rambling. Just ask, I don't mind," he assured her. She nodded slowly.  
  
"Say, hypothetically, things don't go as planned with SD-6. Say we have to remain in hiding for a while. What happens after I'm gone and Vaughn's the only one in need of protection?" She asked, struggling only slightly with the incredibly heavy question.  
  
Weiss sighed. "I can see why you wouldn't want to ask Mike," he commented. "One of the reasons we came here aside from the fact that it was an unregistered safe-house was because of Dr. Anderson living here. If that were no longer a concern, I imagine they'd want to clear this location in case they needed it for someone in greater danger. With Dixon working inside SD-6 now, Mike could probably be transferred back to a safe-house closer to home, like your father's."  
  
"And you?" She asked.  
  
"Even if the order for protection is rescinded, he'd need someone to bring food, to get anything he may need. I'm not about to abandon him," Weiss responded sincerely.  
  
"Good," Sydney said softly. "He's lucky to have you as a friend. So am I."  
  
"I only wish there were more I could do for you, for both of you," he said sadly.  
  
"Trust me," she said, reaching over and laying her hand on top of his. "You've done more than enough."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
An hour later, Sydney excused herself from the living room when the twinge in her back grew steadily worse. She re-entered her room to find Vaughn still sleeping. As quietly as she could, she headed into the bathroom and pulled the door shut. She walked over to the bathtub and turned on the water, hoping a hot bath would help a little. She was tying her hair back when a particularly bad pain suddenly struck her. She reached down to her back and pressed down onto the area the pain was originating from.  
  
She stilled very suddenly, holding her breath and drawing her hand away quickly. Then, taking a series of deep breaths, she pressed into the area again. There it was. She could actually feel a lump in her back where she knew the tumor grew. Knowing it was there, seeing it on X-rays was one thing. Actually being able to feel it under her skin was something completely different. She stood there, frozen, rubbing her hand back and forth over the area on her lower back in awe.  
  
"Your tub's going to overflow," she heard suddenly, causing her to spin around. Vaughn stood in the doorway, the smile on his lips fading instantly at the look on her face. His eyes questioned her. She looked toward the tub quickly, seeing that it was indeed getting quite full. She walked over slowly, turning off the water. She stayed over the tub for perhaps a second too long before giving in and looking back at Vaughn.  
  
"Syd, what's wrong?" He asked.  
  
"It's, um, it's my back," she replied quietly.  
  
"Does it hurt?" He asked, confused.  
  
By then the twinge had turned into a dull throbbing, but she'd almost forgotten about the pain in the midst of her discovery. "Actually, yes, but that's not it."  
  
"What then?" He asked, moving closer to her. For a painful moment, the room was silent.  
  
"I can feel it, Vaughn."  
  
There was no need to ask her what she meant. Vaughn knew exactly. He looked at her wearily, obviously not quite sure how to react to the news. He simply stared into her eyes for a long moment before looking down. He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her slowly. He then reached down to lift the bottom of her T-shirt. One hand held the shirt up, the other brushed softly against the skin of her back.  
  
"Show me where," he asked, his voice rough. She reached behind her, gently laying her hand over his and moving it to the area she'd felt the lump. She pressed into his hand, feeling him imitating the motion into her back. His breath hitched. She knew he felt it too.  
  
"God," he whispered.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed. He removed his hand from her back, pulling her shirt down with the other one before turning her around to face him. He took her carefully into his arms, where she buried her face into his shoulder. They were both silent, treasuring the feeling of warmth and safety they could feel so rarely these days. After only a few minutes, though, Sydney's back protested violently to the position. She groaned into his shoulder as the throbbing increased.  
  
"Your back?" He asked, knowing instantly what the groan had meant. She backed away slightly and nodded, her eyes squeezed shut. "You need to take those painkillers."  
  
She shook her head suddenly. "I hate how they knock me out."  
  
"And normally I respect that, but in this case, I'd say it's better than the alternative, so come on," he said, scooping her easily into his arms, ignoring her protests, and carrying her to the bed. He placed her down gently.  
  
"Get comfortable. I'll be right back," he said, already turning to leave the room. She pushed herself carefully under the covers and shifted restlessly to find a comfortable position. She was still sitting when he returned to the room with a glass of water and a bottle of pills. Handing her the water, he poured two pills into his hand before giving them to her. She took them quickly and set the glass down on the nightstand. She then lowered herself to lie on her back, but gasped sharply and shot back up at the pain the position caused.  
  
"That's not going to work," she said through clenched teeth.  
  
"How about your side?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I need something against my back," she told him.  
  
"Okay, lay down and let me try something." She complied, very slowly adjusting herself to lay on her side, wincing slightly in the process. Vaughn got up and went around the bed, standing behind her now. Grabbing the pillows she wasn't laying on from the head of the bed, he stacked them against her back. "How's that?" He asked after adjusting them for a few minutes.  
  
"That's good," she replied drowsily, obviously already affected by the pain- killers. He came back around to sit on the edge bed, facing her. Her eyes were closed now, but they opened briefly when she felt his weight on the bed. He reached out, brushing his hand over her cheek, hearing her sigh.  
  
"Mmm, the tub's still full," she mumbled softly. He smiled a sad smile that she couldn't see.  
  
"I'll drain it, don't worry," he assured her.  
  
"Don't let me sleep too long."  
  
"I won't." Only moments later, he knew she'd fallen asleep. He normally stayed with her for a while after she'd fallen asleep, content simply to look at her. Watching her now, though, was taking his thoughts in a painful direction. He knew that pushing those thoughts away and staying in denial wouldn't help him in the long run, but he honestly didn't care. Right now, it was all he could do not to lose it completely. So he got up slowly, careful not to shift the bed too much, and quietly left the room. Half-way down the hall, he nearly ran straight into a wide-eyes, frantic looking Weiss.  
  
"Whoa, what's up with you?" Vaughn asked, eyeing his friend curiously.  
  
"I was just about to come find you. I just got an e-mail from Jack. Dixon's back from his mission."  
  
"Do we know what the artifact was?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I think it's still be analyzed, but that's not really important," Weiss replied.  
  
"And the important thing would be?"  
  
"That Dixon came back with a way for the CIA to get backdoor access into the Alliance computer system. It's still disguised as a CIA network, because agents only need pass the lie-detector test Dixon had to access it. They don't need to actually know the truth. But the CIA is downloading all the information now. They say there's pages of it, enough to make a small book. They're going to analyze it all over the next few days. And if there's enough there, they're going to plan the take-down of the Alliance."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Okay, well I hope you liked it despite the delay. Moving's just been more taxing than I thought. And more hectic. Things are a lot more settled now, though, so hopefully I'll start falling into a regular updating schedule, but I make no promises lol. And thanks to everyone who sent me well-wishes about the move! You guys are really great! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated lol. Thanks guys! 


	28. This Tear

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: So I'm trying to lessen the wait in between chapters. I didn't have much time to write last weekend because I was a seat-filler at the Teen Choice Awards. And trust me, that was an all day affair lol. But I did get to see a lot of celebrities and even sit in the celebrity area for part of the show, so it was fun. I've also been in acting workshops non- stop with casting directors. The guy from "Malcolm in the Middle" last night asked me what phone number he could reach me at, so I have my fingers crossed. Anyway, the story is winding down to the final chapters. I'm not quite sure how many, probably still at least 5 I'd say, but not too many. And I promise you, this story is not going to be predictable right up until the end. So please keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep the chapters coming as fast as I can (.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"That Dixon came back with a way for the CIA to get backdoor access into the Alliance computer system. It's still disguised as a CIA network, because agents only need pass the lie-detector test Dixon had to access it. They don't need to actually know the truth. But the CIA is downloading all the information now. They say there's pages of it, enough to make a small book. They're going to analyze it all over the next few days. And if there's enough there, they're going to plan the take-down of the Alliance."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 28: This Tear  
  
"Well when will they know?" Vaughn asked anxiously.  
  
"They're not sure yet. They're not even sure how much is there. As soon as a decision's made, though, we'll be contacted," Weiss replied.  
  
"This is probably Sydney's last chance," Vaughn thought aloud.  
  
"I know. And I also know that there's more pressure to do this because of that fact," Weiss added.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"People have been made aware of Sydney's condition. Agents she knew, Dixon, Kendall. If possible, they would like this to happen for her," Weiss explained.  
  
"You're kidding yourself. Kendall and the rest of the higher-ups don't give a damn. They'll play it safe regardless of Sydney's condition if they feel it's even slightly too risky," Vaughn argued.  
  
"I think you underestimate how much everyone cares for Sydney. Not to mention how valuable she was to the agency. I've been in constant contact with Jack and trust me, everyone is pulling for her just like we are."  
  
Vaughn nodded slowly. "I hope you're right," he said sincerely. A slightly uncomfortable silence fell over them.  
  
"So what are you waiting for?" Weiss asked, breaking it. "You should go tell her."  
  
"I can't," Vaughn replied. "She's out."  
  
"Painkillers?" Weiss asked. Vaughn nodded. "Headache?"  
  
"No, her back." Both men suddenly shared a knowing look. "If everyone really is pulling for her," Vaughn started, pausing before he was able to continue. "They'd just better hurry."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn debated whether or not to share Weiss's news with Sydney yet. He worried about getting her hopes up. He sat by her bed for an hour, arguing with himself over what would be best. When she awoke and smiled up at him, though, he was suddenly very clear on what he had to do. She'd been so open and honest with him about her condition lately, and there was no way he wanted to jeopardize that by keeping things from her.  
  
"Hey," she whispered sleepily.  
  
"Hi," he replied. "How'd you sleep?"  
  
"Good," she answered, stifling a yawn.  
  
"You want to go back to sleep?" He asked.  
  
She immediately shook her head. "No way. I'm sure you already let me sleep for too long," she told him, but smiled to let him know she wasn't really angry.  
  
"How's your back?"  
  
"Better." She paused for a moment, studying him. "What's up, Vaughn?"  
  
"How do you know something's up?" He asked.  
  
"Your forehead wrinkles when you're worried about something," she replied. He couldn't help but smile, resisting the urge to reach up and touch his forehead.  
  
"You know me too well. Weiss got an e-mail from your dad."  
  
"About Dixon," Sydney guessed.  
  
"Yes. He's back from his long-term op. He got the CIA backdoor access into the Alliance computer system. They're analyzing all the data now. They say if there's enough, they'll start planning the takedown," Vaughn told Sydney.  
  
"You're worried about letting me down," Sydney said suddenly.  
  
"Syd, are you sure you're not reading my mind?" Vaughn joked, recovering from his shock.  
  
"Don't be," she said, ignoring his joke. "I've been skeptical about the whole thing from the beginning. I'm well aware it may not work out. But it *is* good to have hope," Sydney admitted softly.  
  
"It is," he agreed.  
  
"You must be anxious to get home too."  
  
"I just want you to be able to see the end of SD-6. To know all the work you did finally paid off."  
  
"All the work *we* did," she corrected him.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure if I deserve much credit, but I do very much want to see them go down myself," Vaughn admitted.  
  
Sydney sobered suddenly. "Promise me something, Vaughn," she said softly.  
  
"Anything," he replied.  
  
"Promise me that if things don't go well and SD-6 still exists after I'm gone, you'll make sure they go down. Make sure that no one else has to live this life because of them," she requested. She saw the emotional struggle on his face, knew that hearing her talk about her impending death was hard for him, but watched his eyes return to hers clear and determined.  
  
"Of course, Syd," he assured her, reaching out and taking her hand.  
  
"Say it."  
  
"I promise."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The next day was the first true day that Vaughn classified as one of the "bad days" the doctor had warned them about. He had woken up to find Sydney awake, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. When the sleep cleared from his eyes, he noticed that sweat shone on her forehead. He wondered instantly if she had a fever, but didn't want to startle her by reaching out to feel her forehead, since she hadn't even seemed to notice him awake yet.  
  
"Syd," he said softly, getting her attention. She turned her head slowly, looking at him. She managed a small smile, but he barely noticed, thinking only that she looked white as a ghost. "You okay?" He asked, reaching out to touch her face. He was surprised to find that it felt normal.  
  
"I don't have a fever, Vaughn," she replied, causing him to smile. Trust Sydney to figure out exactly what new worry was on his mind.  
  
"Any pain?" He asked. She shook her head. "How long have you been up?"  
  
"About an hour," she replied softly.  
  
"I'm surprised you're not out of bed yet. You're usually so antsy when you wake up," he commented. She didn't reply, just gave him a blank sort of look. Vaughn knew something was up, he just couldn't figure out what. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast."  
  
A look of intense sadness passed quickly over her face before she suppressed it. "Not today, Vaughn," she said, her voice almost wistful.  
  
"Syd, you have to eat something. I know you may not be hungry, but you should at least try. Come on, we have new groceries, there should be something good. At least come and see," Vaughn persisted. Sydney closed her eyes and shook her head.  
  
"Not today," Sydney repeated slowly, emphasizing each word. And suddenly Vaughn understood. Suddenly everything fell into place. Why she looked pale and exhausted, why she hadn't gotten out of bed already, why she wouldn't go now.  
  
It was because she couldn't.  
  
Vaughn sat up and nodded slowly in understanding. She closed her eyes again, allowing a single tear to escape and trail down the side of her face. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Vaughn felt as if his heart was breaking.  
  
"Syd, it's okay. It's not your fault," he said soothingly, reaching out and cupping her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Dr. Anderson said you'd have good days and bad days. I'm sure you'll feel better soon," he assured her. She managed a small nod. "I'll bring you some food."  
  
"No, that's okay," she said quickly. "I know I should eat and I will later, I promise, I just really don't have an appetite right now. But you should go eat. I'll be fine."  
  
He looked at her for a moment before nodding. "You want anything?"  
  
"Maybe some water when you're done," she replied.  
  
"Okay." He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Eric!" Vaughn called out as he entered the main room, seeing his friend sitting on the couch. Weiss turned, surprised, and looked at Vaughn.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"I need a favor."  
  
"What kind of favor?" Weiss asked, muting the TV and giving Vaughn his full attention.  
  
"It's for Syd, really," Vaughn said. "Would you go out and buy a small TV from wherever? Since I'm now allowed out of the house, you're the only one who can do it."  
  
"What's wrong with this TV?" He asked, gesturing to the television set in front of him.  
  
"Nothing, but I wanted to put one in Syd's room," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Is she okay?" Weiss asked, confused by Vaughn's sudden request.  
  
"She, um, she's not feeling great."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Vaughn sighed, rubbing his eyes. "She can't get out of bed."  
  
"Shit," Weiss said, shaking his head slowly. "Is it a permanent thing?"  
  
"I don't think so. Dr. Anderson said she'd have good days and bad days," Vaughn reminded him.  
  
"Let's hope it's just a bad day then," Weiss said. "Let me go change and I'll go get that TV."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn managed to force down a piece of toast before returning to Sydney's room with a glass of water and a deck of cards. She turned toward him and smiled when he came in. He smiled back and set everything on the nightstand before sitting on the edge of the bed. Sydney glanced at what he'd set down.  
  
"Cards?" She asked softly.  
  
"I thought we could play some. That is, until Eric comes back with the TV he's out getting," Vaughn told her.  
  
"Vaughn, you didn't-" but the look on his face told her all she needed to know. "You didn't have to do that."  
  
"I have selfish motives. I get to enjoy TV in bed now too," he joked. She rewarded him with a smile as she shook her head.  
  
"You're impossible," she told him.  
  
"I know. Now, let's get you upright so we can play some cards." He stood up and turned to her, debating on the best way to get her sitting. He leaned down and put both his hands on her waist. "Okay, you push up with your hands and I'll pull you up," he instructed. She nodded. He counted to three and pulled her up. She was soon easily sitting, but Vaughn knew she'd need help staying up. He quickly reached behind her and to her side, gathering all the pillows and stacking them against the headboard. When he was finished, she only needed to lean back slightly to be against them.  
  
"Good?" He asked. She nodded.  
  
"Thanks," she whispered.  
  
"No problem," he replied as he grabbed the cards and moved around the bed. He sat next to her and opened the cards, shuffling them quickly. "What do you know how to play?" He asked.  
  
"Ummmm... Go fish?" She suggested.  
  
"Go fish?" He asked incredulously. "That's it? That's what you play when you're like ten."  
  
"Hey, I like that game. I guess I was never really that into cards. I never found poker that interesting."  
  
"Okay, how about gin rummy? Do you know how to play that?" Vaughn asked. She shook her head. "Well then I'm just going to have to teach you."  
  
They gave up on cards an hour later when Weiss returned with the television. Vaughn helped him carry it into Sydney's room and they set it down on the floor as they debated where to set it up. They ended up moving her dresser from the side wall to the wall across from the bed so they could put the set on top. Sydney watched from her bed, and Vaughn could tell by the look on her face that she wanted nothing more than to be up and helping them. He found himself wishing for the same thing. He was relieved when the television was finally in place and working.  
  
"Jeez! Who knew installing a TV was so much work? I'm starved!" Weiss said quite animatedly. Vaughn chuckled.  
  
"When are you not?" He joked. He swore he saw Sydney smile out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"Hey, don't even get me started on you," Weiss warned. This time Sydney laughed aloud. The sound was so beautiful to Vaughn he wouldn't have even minded if Weiss continued, but he left to eat before Vaughn could even reply. Vaughn shook his head and reclaimed his position next to Sydney on the bed, handing her the remote to her new TV.  
  
"Why don't we see if something's on?" He suggested. She smiled and nodded, turning on the television. After scanning the channels for a good three minutes, she finally stopped on a station that was playing "A League of Their Own."  
  
"God, I haven't seen this movie in forever," she commented mostly to herself as she set the remote down. "Is this okay?"  
  
"This is fine," he assured her. She smiled at him and moved so that she leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. He smiled and settled in to watch the movie.  
  
Less than halfway through the movie, Vaughn turned to see Sydney sleeping soundly on his shoulder. He didn't know when exactly she'd dozed off, but he figured she'd sleep for a while. He switched the TV off and carefully reached over to remove some pillows from the pile behind her. He moved some over to his side and threw a few on the floor before gently laying her back onto the remaining ones. He was relieved when she didn't stir. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before getting up and quietly leaving her to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney was still sleeping when Vaughn and Weiss sat down to have dinner. Before they could start eating, though, the phone rang. Figuring it was probably Dr. Anderson calling to check in, Vaughn got up and answered it.  
  
"Hello?" He asked into the phone.  
  
"Vaughn, it's Jack," came the reply. Vaughn was not only surprised by the identity of the caller, but also how uneven his voice sounded.  
  
"Jack, what's going on?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I need to speak to my daughter, Agent Vaughn."  
  
"Is it something I could tell her? Because last I checked she was sleeping and-"  
  
"No," Jack said suddenly, cutting Vaughn off. "This is important."  
  
Vaughn sighed. "Okay, hold on." He gave Weiss a confused look before carrying the phone down the hall and into Sydney's room. He opened the door to see that it was pretty dark, but he could see Sydney in bed, still sleeping. He hated to wake her up, but realized he didn't have much of a choice. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, facing Sydney. He set the phone on the nightstand before moving his hand up and down her arm, shaking her lightly and leaning in close to her face.  
  
"Syd," he whispered. "I need you to wake up for me." It took a little more shaking, but her eyes finally drifted open.  
  
"Vaughn?" She asked, confused.  
  
"I'm sorry to wake you. Your dad's on the phone. He says it's important," he explained to her. She blinked a few times, obviously trying to wake up completely.  
  
"Okay. Can you help me up?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, let's get you sitting," he replied. Repeating the same process as earlier, she was soon sitting against the pillows. "You ready?" He asked. She looked up and nodded at him. He picked up the phone and handed it to her before moving to leave so she could have some privacy. Before he could make it two steps, though, he felt her hand around his wrist. He turned back to see her looking up at him.  
  
"Stay," she requested. He nodded and sat back down on the edge of the bed. She looked at him another moment before finally picking up the phone and putting it to her ear.  
  
"Dad?" She continued to look into his eyes as she listened to her father speak. "I'm okay," she said, obviously responding to her father's question. There was more silence. "Okay, go ahead," he heard her say quietly. There was a long stretch of silence on her end then. He tried to read her eyes, watching as they grew slightly wider and filled with a thousand emotions. Just as he was trying to analyze the emotions he saw there, her eyes closed. Whatever Jack was telling her, Vaughn knew it was important. He knew it probably had to do with SD-6. It was probably something that would affect the rest of Sydney's short life. As he realized this, he saw a tear sneak out from beneath her lids, trailing ever so slowly down her cheek.  
  
Since Sydney had been diagnosed, there had been thousands of moments like this, dozens of important decisions, and more tears than he could possibly count. But now, he suddenly found his entire life revolving around this moment.  
  
This decision.  
  
This tear.  
  
"Okay," she whispered suddenly into the phone before removing it from her ear and hanging up. She didn't look at him then, instead dropped her head to her chest and covered her face with her hand. Vaughn hesitated for a moment, surprised and worried by her reaction. After a moment, he reached out and gently pulled her hand away from her face. She continued to look down for only another few seconds before finally meeting his gaze. Her eyes were full, her lip quivering. The silence was almost deafening. It seemed like ages until she finally spoke.  
  
"We're going home."  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/N: I was going to leave you with a mean cliffhanger, but I decided to add that last line so as not to torture you. Please review and don't make me regret it lol. I hope you liked the chapter! I'm sorry I couldn't get it out sooner. Our internet was out for more than two days, it was insanely frustrating lol. But it's back now, so hopefully it stays that way. Now please please please review! They mean so much to me. Thanks guys! 


	29. Waiting

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, so this time the wait was completely unavoidable, I promise. I've been traveling up the coast with my family before I start school on Saturday and we can't get the internet *anywhere*! It's the most frustrating thing ever. But anyway, who besides me is psyched that Jen and Michael finally came out and admitted their relationship??? Congrats to them! Also, I'm very fortunate to be able to say that I've just recently found out that they paired me with my new college roommate mainly because we both put "watching Alias" as a thing we do in our free time! Turns out she's a huge fan like me. I'm totally psyched. We already have plans to turn our room into an Alias shrine and have a premiere party lol. And I just found out that two people in my acting classes have been in Alias! Lucky people! And to completely top things off, the thing that all the Alias people are going to at Disneyland (which is pretty close to my school) is on my 18th birthday! What a birthday present huh? Meeting the Alias cast! I love my luck lol. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. Hope this one answers a few more questions. And I appreciate everyone still keeping an open mind for the way this story will end, because I promise you, anything can happen. Speaking of the end, I was brainstorming the other day and had this great idea for this story, so I think it'll end up being a bit longer than I originally thought. Don't know if that's good or bad, but I just thought I'd let you know lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
After a moment, he reached out and gently pulled her hand away from her face. She continued to look down for only another few seconds before finally meeting his gaze. Her eyes were full, her lip quivering. The silence was almost deafening. It seemed like ages until she finally spoke.  
  
"We're going home."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 29: Waiting  
  
For about the millionth time since they'd all been placed into hiding, time seemed to stand still as Vaughn absorbed Sydney's words. He half-expected her to start laughing and tell him she was kidding, or even to feel her shaking him out of a dream. But he watched that one tear continue down her face, suddenly remembering the rest of their situation, and he knew instantly that this was as real as it got.  
  
"The CIA decided?" Vaughn asked in a whisper. Sydney nodded. "And they got enough intel? Everything they needed?" Vaughn pressed further.  
  
"They're planning the takedown as we speak," she replied, a hint of a smile finally creeping onto her face.  
  
"When?"  
  
"My dad says the initial estimate is two to three weeks. It'll take them about that long to finalize the plans, though, so we probably won't know exactly when until pretty much right before."  
  
"And are we being flown out before or after the takedown?" Vaughn asked hesitantly, praying for the former, knowing that this was her number one. This was her dying wish.  
  
"Kendall's agreed to let us be there for the takedown, to participate as much as possible." Her smile was full now, stretching practically from eye to eye, brightening her entire face.  
  
"We're going home," he whispered, repeating her earlier words. She nodded again before leaning in and wrapping her arms around his neck. He felt her hands in his hair as his own arms went around her waist.  
  
"All the countermissions, all the lying, all the hiding, it's finally over, Vaughn."  
  
Vaughn closed his eyes, hardly able to believe it himself. He silently thought back over the last two years. Meeting with Sydney in the warehouse, in the supermarket, at the gas station, at the pier. Hardly ever allowed to look at her. Barely having time to talk about anything but work. Watching her walk away before every mission and worrying she may not come back this time. He'd dreamt about this since the day he'd been assigned to be Sydney's handler. And though he certainly never pictured it happening this way, he still found himself incredibly grateful. It was one of the few things they'd still had hope for. One of the few prayers to actually be answered.  
  
"I love you," he suddenly heard her whisper into his ear. He couldn't hold back the tears that sprung to his eyes this time, couldn't stop them as they trickled down his face, and couldn't help the way his arms tightened around her, unable to let her go.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It took Sydney another day to fully regain her strength, but the important thing to everyone was that she did. Her lifted spirits from the news about the takedown also did a number on keeping her energy up. The next day was extremely busy between e-mails and phone calls and arrangements. Though Sydney spent a large part of the day resting, she insisted on being kept up- to-date in everything. It was almost a full 48 hours after they had received the news that they were finally all able to sit down with Dr. Anderson and discuss their plan of action.  
  
"I've spoken to Kendall, as well as your father, Agent Bristow. It's been decided that I am to make the trip with you and stay in Los Angeles for as long as I'm needed," Dr. Anderson explained to Sydney from across the table in the main room.  
  
"I'm assuming we're making this trip by plane," Sydney stated, looking to Weiss.  
  
"Yeah, we are. They're sending a jet to us, to the same airfield that I picked Dixon up from before. That'll fly us into a private airport in Los Angeles, where a car will pick us up and take us to your father's safe- house. We'll stay there a night or two, depending on how early they fly us out and then we'll be transported to the ops center the morning of the take- down," Weiss explained.  
  
"And what happens there?" Sydney asked.  
  
"I spoke to Kendall," Vaughn suddenly spoke up. "According to him, we'll be briefed with the team before we leave. Then we'll be transported with them to Credit Dauphine. Kendall says until he puts the team together and finalizes all the plans, he can't tell us how active we'll be able to be in the actual takedown, but he says no matter what, we'll be there."  
  
"In that case, I think it's time for me to ask what I know everyone's afraid to bring up," Sydney told them, looking from person to person, her focus settling on Dr. Anderson. "I know it's hard for you to make exact prognoses, doctor, but I need some estimate." She paused. "How much worse will I be in two or three weeks?"  
  
Everyone reacted immediately. Weiss looked at the ground. Vaughn's eyes slipped shut. Dr. Anderson took a deep breath and sighed softly. She knew she'd been right in assuming the same question had been on everyone else's mind as well.  
  
"Best case scenario, you'll feel exactly as you do right now. Worst case scenario, you'll be in a coma." He paused. "I don't, however, think either one of these will be the case. As hard as this is to say, I can see you're already weakening. Slowly, yes, but steadily. Most likely, you'll continue to do so over the next few weeks. At this rate, I think you have every reason to hope that you'll still be up and around. I have warn you, though, that loss of vision, loss of balance, and partial paralysis are all possibilities in that time frame, as well as a few other things. Loss of memory usually doesn't occur until the later stages, but the tell-tale signs may be there much earlier. What I *can* tell you is that I believe very strongly that, barring any serious complications, you will be alive and most likely conscious. Aside from that, we'll just have to wait and see." The room was quiet for a moment as they all considered the doctor's words.  
  
"I'm going to be there," Sydney said suddenly, her voice low and firm.  
  
"Syd-" Vaughn said suddenly.  
  
"I'm going to be there," Sydney repeated, louder this time, cutting Vaughn off. "I understand what the doctor's saying, but I know my body and I know my limits. I *will* be there to see them go down."  
  
Vaughn looked as if he was about to say something, but Dr. Anderson spoke up before he had the chance. "With a careful watch on your illness, all the support you have, and an attitude like that, I think you will too."  
  
Sydney smiled then, knowing in her heart that he was right.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was a week and a half later when Weiss, Vaughn, and Sydney packed everything into suitcases in order to be ready to leave whenever they received the call. There had been no updates in that time aside from an e- mail from Jack saying to be patient, that things were still being worked out. They knew they could be flown out in two days or two weeks. There was no way to know. All they could do was be ready for it.  
  
In the time since Jack's phone call, everyone's main focus had been Sydney and how she was maintaining her strength. Dr. Anderson had worked with Sydney to devise a diet for her to follow for the remainder of their time in hiding, consisting mainly of health foods. She made sure to adhere to this diet, eating meals even when everyone knew she had no appetite. Vaughn never had trouble getting her to rest anymore when she seemed tired or in pain. She drew a careful line between limiting herself and exercising in order to keep herself in the best shape possible. She'd even agreed to going back into the hospital for a few radiation sessions. She had yet to experience any of the things the doctor had mentioned aside from decreased energy and increased pain. Yes, she tired much easier now and required higher doses of pain medication, but she wasn't losing her sight, wasn't losing her ability to move, wasn't losing her memory. Vaughn knew that was about all they could ask for.  
  
The call came after they'd been living out of their suitcases for exactly a week. It was late afternoon and Vaughn and Weiss were watching TV in the main room. Sydney had been sleeping for the past hour after taking some pain medication for a bad headache. When the phone rang, both men turned and looked at each other instantly. Dr. Anderson never bothered to call before coming by anymore, which meant only one other person would be calling. Weiss muted the TV and got up. He turned to walk away when he felt Vaughn's hand on his shoulder. He turned to see his friend standing right behind him.  
  
"Let me," Vaughn requested, looking at the still ringing phone. Weiss nodded and moved aside so that Vaughn could go answer it. He did.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"It's Jack." Vaughn nodded at Weiss.  
  
"Have they decided?" Vaughn asked, wasting no time with pleasantries.  
  
"Yes, everything's been approved and finalized. You're being flown out tomorrow," Jack replied.  
  
"Tomorrow?" Vaughn asked, surprised, noticing Weiss's eyes go wide at hearing the word.  
  
"Yes. You have to be at the airfield by 10 AM. I've already contacted Dr. Anderson. He'll meet you there."  
  
"We'll be there," Vaughn assured him, still reeling from the idea of not only taking down SD-6, but actually getting to go home.  
  
"How's Sydney?" Jack asked suddenly, regaining Vaughn's attention.  
  
"All things considered, she's doing well. She's sleeping now, but she's really determined to keep her strength up for this."  
  
"Good. I've spoken to Kendall and I know that I've been approved to be part of the task force. I don't think we'll know exactly what role the three of you will play until you're here, though," Jack informed him.  
  
"It doesn't matter much. We just want to be there, especially Sydney."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Please just assure me that this is going to work. That nothing's going to go wrong this time," Vaughn requested, desperate to hear it from someone who cared about Sydney as much as he did.  
  
"We wouldn't be getting Sydney involved in her condition unless we were sure this was it. She's my daughter, Agent Vaughn," Jack replied, his tone speaking volumes. Vaughn suddenly felt a strong connection to him, a man he'd disagreed with endlessly and even feared at times. It was a rare occasion when they were both fighting for the same thing. And now, because of Sydney, they were finally on the same side.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke to find all of her suitcases closed and stacked at the foot of her bed. Though her mind was still hazy from the pain medication, she knew they'd been open and scattered around the floor when she'd fallen asleep. Looking at them now, she knew it could only mean one thing. As quickly as she could without making herself dizzy, she pushed herself out of bed. Standing up, she realized that the drugs were definitely still in her system, but she'd slept off most of their affects. She left her room and walked down the hall until she reached the main room. She saw Weiss standing in the kitchen area, putting a plate in the sink. He turned suddenly and saw her. They simply stood and stared at each other for at least a full minute. Even across the room, his eyes told her everything she needed to know. She walked closer until only the counter separated them.  
  
"When?" She asked quietly.  
  
"Tomorrow," Weiss replied. She couldn't help but let her eyes slip shut at the wave of relief she suddenly felt. Tomorrow, they would all be returning home. She finally let her eyes open again and meet Weiss's.  
  
"Where's Vaughn?"  
  
"Outside."  
  
She found him on the porch, sitting on one of the chairs that was just barely in the shade. He looked so deep in thought that she almost turned and went back inside, but ultimately decided not to. He didn't seem to notice her until she was only a few feet away. As soon as he did, the creases disappeared from his forehead and the worry left his eyes. He smiled as their eyes locked, communicating in a way that only two people who'd been through as much as they had could. No greetings or questions required, she simply walked over and lowered herself sideways onto his lap and leaned into him, resting her head on top of his. He sat up a little more and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her arms soon migrated to rest on top of his.  
  
"Did Weiss tell you?" Vaughn whispered as his face rubbed against her shoulder.  
  
"Yeah," she replied, equally soft. "Thanks for finishing my packing."  
  
"You're welcome." A silence settled over them for a moment or two.  
  
"Are you ready for this?" She asked suddenly. There was no need to clarify what she meant.  
  
"Are you?" he countered. She pulled back then and looked down at him, noticing for the first time that he had the faintest shimmer of tears in his eyes.  
  
"Physically, I guess we'll just have to see. Mentally and emotionally, I think I've been ready for this for a long time."  
  
He nodded. "Then I'm ready too."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn awoke at 7:30 the next morning to the alarm blaring in his ear. He reached over and shut it off quickly. Looking down, he wasn't surprised to see Sydney still sleeping soundly, her head resting on his chest. He knew the only had a half-hour until they had to leave for the airfield and that if he didn't wake her now, they may not make it out of the house in time. One hand rubbing her back, the other touching her face, he softly said her name a few times, asking her to wake up. It didn't take long for her eyes to crack open and look around until they found him.  
  
"Hey," he whispered, smiling down at her. "I know it's early, but we have to get up if we want to make it to the airfield on time. You can get some more sleep in the car and on the plane."  
  
She sighed tiredly before nodding at him. "Okay." She pushed herself off his chest and into a sitting position before bringing her hands up to rub her eyes. Vaughn leaned over and kissed the top of her head before getting up.  
  
"I'm going to get dressed and start bringing stuff out to the car. You just take your time, okay?"  
  
"Okay," she replied. With that, Vaughn retreated to the bathroom and changed into khakis and a comfortable, long-sleeved shirt. Having showered the night before, he simply brushed his teeth and hair before throwing the few things he'd kept in the bathroom into a bag to put into his suitcase. He opened the bathroom door and walked back into the bedroom. He was about to walk over to his suitcase just a few feet away when he noticed Sydney now on the edge of the bed, hunched over slightly, one hand pressed into her lower back. He felt his heartbeat speed up, knowing exactly what that meant. He quickly walked over and dropped down in front of her.  
  
"Is it your back?" He asked simply. She nodded, eyes squeezed shut. He quickly snapped into action, walking over to his suitcase and throwing his stuff inside. He then walked over to hers and unzipped it. Kneeling on the floor, he ruffled through it for a minute before pulling out underwear, a white T-shirt, and a pair of gray draw-string sweatpants for her. He carried them over and set them in her lap.  
  
"If I go get your medication before Weiss packs it, do you think you can dressed while I do that?" Vaughn asked softly. She opened her eyes and met his before nodding. She grabbed the clothes with one hand and pushed herself up with the other, managing to grimace only slightly in the process. Once she was standing, Vaughn was satisfied enough to make his way out to the main room in search of her medication. He found Weiss there, dragging a suitcase toward the door.  
  
"Hey, did you pack Syd's medication?" Vaughn called out from across the room. Weiss put the suitcase down and turned to Vaughn.  
  
"No, I left it out. I thought we may want to bring it with us. It's on the counter," Weiss replied, watching Vaughn walk over to the kitchen. "Is she okay?"  
  
"Her back hurts again," Vaughn replied, grabbing the pills and walking back out of the kitchen. He met Weiss's eyes briefly before quickly making his way back to Sydney's room. He entered to find her sitting on the bed, changed into the clothes he'd picked out for her. She was in the process of pulling her hair into a ponytail when he entered and was finished by the time he rounded the bed and faced her. She looked up at him as he handed her the pills.  
  
"Oh God, I forgot water. Hold on, let me get you some."  
  
"No, it's okay," she said quickly, stopping him. "I can take them dry. You go help Weiss. I don't want to make us late."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, go." He nodded and walked over to the suitcases. Managing to carry one in each hand, he brought them into the main room for Weiss to bring outside.  
  
Once the car was packed and Weiss announced that they were ready to go, Vaughn went back to get Sydney. She was still sitting on the bed, still obviously in pain. Vaughn had hoped the medication would kick in by now, but knew there was nothing he could do. He walked over and touched Sydney's shoulder, causing her to open her eyes and look up at him.  
  
"Ready?" He asked. She nodded. He didn't bother to ask if she needed help, just leaned down and wrapped his arm around her waist. She automatically draped her arm over his shoulder, leaning on him as she stood. He helped her out the room, down the hallway, and out into the main room. Seeing it was empty, he assumed Weiss was already in the car, so he continued to lead her outside. Once at the running car, he opened the door to the backseat and helped her inside. He climbed in after her, deciding to sit with her instead of up front. He closed the door and told Weiss they were ready.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Okay, well I intended to put a lot more into this chapter, but I came to this point, realized it was already longer than a lot of the previous chapters, and thought this may be a good place to stop for now. I'm now at the point where I'm moving into my dorm in like nine hours and I really need to get some sleep because I have a looooong first day of orientation tomorrow. And I definitely have to get started on turning my dorm room into a live-able, Alias shrine with my roommate lol. Anyway, hope you like the chapter. The next few I've had planned out for a long time and I'm so excited about writing them so hopefully starting college won't take up so much time that I can't write lol. Wish me luck! And review, please! 


	30. Home Again

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe I'm actually to this point of the story. I thought it would never come. I also can't believe I'm writing this from my college dorm. Another event that seemed like it would never come lol. So I *love* my school and all the people here, it's amazing! My roommate and I watch "Alias" non-stop and we're getting the whole hall into it. We also got to spend my 18th birthday on Saturday at Primetime Preview Weekend, which was *amazing*!!!! To give a few highlights, I won the Alias casting call and got to perform a scene with Kevin Weisman in front of an audience, I hugged Michael and Jennifer, and I talked to almost the whole cast. I was even on Entertainment Tonight on Monday! To read the whole story (because there's just so much more than that), you can go to my livejournal, though it's not letting me post the link right now. It's in a previous chapter if you need. I'll try to post it at the bottom of the story. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! I tried to make it longer to make up for my not posting for so long. What can I say? College keeps you damn busy! Lol.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Ready?" He asked. She nodded. He didn't bother to ask if she needed help, just leaned down and wrapped his arm around her waist. She automatically draped her arm over his shoulder, leaning on him as she stood. He helped her out the room, down the hallway, and out into the main room. Seeing it was empty, he assumed Weiss was already in the car, so he continued to lead her outside. Once at the running car, he opened the door to the backseat and helped her inside. He climbed in after her, deciding to sit with her instead of up front. He closed the door and told Weiss they were ready.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 30: Home Again  
  
As Weiss pulled out onto the road, Vaughn felt Sydney's head drop onto his shoulder. His arm automatically went around her. He could tell she was still in pain by how tense her body felt against him. Knowing there wasn't much he could do, he simply rubbed his hand over her shoulder and waited for the pain medication to kick in. It only took Vaughn ten minutes to realize something wasn't right. Sydney's forehead now contained beads of perspiration and he could see her hands balled tightly into fists. Though the medication was never completely predictable, he knew it definitely should've worked by now.  
  
"Medication's not working?" Vaughn asked softly into her ear, though already knowing the answer simply from looking at her. She shook her head against his shoulder and he saw her eyes were squeezed shut. "I don't understand. It should've worked by now," Vaughn mumbled, feeling frustrated and helpless.  
  
"What's wrong?" Weiss asked from the front seat, looking at Vaughn in the rearview mirror.  
  
"The medication's not working. She's still in pain," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I'm sure Dr. Anderson will be able to help as soon as we get there," Weiss said, obviously trying to put Vaughn a little more at ease.  
  
"If only it weren't such a damn long drive," Vaughn said, his focus once again trained on Sydney.  
  
"I'll drive fast."  
  
Vaughn sighed and gently rested his head on top of Sydney's, his arm still around her. The next few minutes of the drive seemed to stretch a lifetime. Vaughn could easily tell that the pain in Sydney's back was growing steadily worse. Her breath hitched a few times and though it had been faint, he'd heard her groan when they'd hit a particularly bad pothole. Vaughn had no idea how much time had gone by when she was suddenly off his shoulder, sitting straight up. Surprised, he looked up at her just as her hand flew to her mouth. Alarm bells suddenly started sounding in his head.  
  
"Eric, pull over," Vaughn ordered quickly.  
  
"What?" Weiss asked, confused by the sudden request.  
  
"PULL OVER!" Vaughn then shouted. Weiss snapped into action immediately, jerking them very suddenly off the road and stopping the car on the side. Sydney had the door thrown open even before Weiss could shift the car into park and scrambled outside. Vaughn followed quickly after her. She made it two, maybe three steps before falling to her knees and leaning forward, losing the contents of her stomach very abruptly. It was so sudden that Vaughn only made it to her as the dry heaves began to rack her body. He quickly dropped to his knees right behind her, one arm going around her stomach to help hold her up and the other moving to soothingly rub her back. He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered soft assurances to her. As soon as it had started, though, it was over and she all but collapsed into his arms, completely exhausted. He temporarily pushed aside the worry about getting to the airfield on time and just held her, wishing more than ever that he could take her pain away. The urgency of the situation quickly returned, though, and he took advantage of their position to hoist her to her feet while still in his arms. They'd only made it a few feet from the car, so helping her back in was easy. He helped her in and then climbed in himself, putting his hand on her shoulder and urging her to lay on his lap before the door was even closed. She complied as he shut the door and looked up at Weiss's concerned eyes in the rearview mirror.  
  
"She okay?" He asked, his gaze flickering to Sydney in the mirror.  
  
"Let's just get her to the airfield as quickly as possible," was all Vaughn could manage to say. Weiss nodded and pulled the car back onto the road.  
  
The remainder of the drive was quiet and thankfully uneventful. Sydney spent the time laying down, shifting restlessly at times and squeezing Vaughn's hand when the pain got particularly bad. She was so spent by the time they reached the airfield, she didn't even protest when Vaughn lifted her out of the car and carried her over to the jet, where Dr. Anderson was already waiting just in front of it. Upon approaching the doctor, they exchanged very brief greetings before he focused his attention on Sydney.  
  
"She doesn't look so great," he commented, looking at Vaughn.  
  
"It was a rough trip. The medication hasn't even touched her pain. This is the worst I've ever seen it," Vaughn told the doctor.  
  
"Well then the time has probably come that she transition over to morphine. Let's get her on the plane and I'll give her an injection."  
  
Vaughn wasted no time complying and quickly carried Sydney up the steps and into the jet. It was a standard CIA jet with very comfortable leather seats, some gathered around a small table. Vaughn made his way over to a pair of the seats that were positioned next to each other and lifted the armrests, thanking the heavens that they were adjustable. He very carefully set her down on her side, helping her shift onto her stomach once she was down. He kneeled in front of the seats as he listened to Weiss and Dr. Anderson coming onto the jet, carrying suitcases. Vaughn almost offered to help, but when Sydney opened her eyes just a crack and reached for his hand, he knew he wasn't going anywhere. His free hand went to her face, gently stroking the soft skin of her cheek.  
  
Dr. Anderson soon approached the two of them, breaking Vaughn from his daze. The doctor held an injection kit and Vaughn quickly moved aside so he could do his work. He knelt down in front of Sydney and held her arm out straight as he prepared the needle. Vaughn watched Sydney's face, noticing she didn't even flinch as the tip was pressed into the skin of her arm. The fluid was quickly injected into her arm and the needle was removed. Dr. Anderson moved aside immediately, allowing Vaughn his place back. Vaughn gave the older man a grateful nod. His attention was then back on Sydney, who has already visibly relaxed since receiving the injection. Her eyes were open half-way, blinking frequently, obviously trying to fend off sleep for as long as she could. Vaughn's hand returned to her face.  
  
"Better?" He asked very softly. She managed a small nod. "Good. Now get some rest, we've got a long flight ahead of us." She smiled at him then, just barely, as if to mock him for being so protective. Her eyes then closed and within a matter of seconds, Vaughn knew she was fast asleep. By then, Weiss and Dr. Anderson had loaded everything onto the jet and taken their seats. Vaughn realized he'd better get to a seat for take-off so he didn't get thrown across the floor. He stood up and looked around, quickly opting for the seat next to Weiss. After one last lingering look at Sydney, he turned and claimed the seat.  
  
"Is she okay?" Weiss asked almost immediately.  
  
"The morphine did the trick. She's asleep," Vaughn replied. Weiss nodded slowly.  
  
"Good," was all he said, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes.  
  
"God, Eric, this means so much to her. If she doesn't improve, chances are she won't even be able to be there. She doesn't deserve this. At the very least, she should see them go down for all they've done to her."  
  
"We'll figure it out. With Sydney's determination and Dr. Anderson's expertise, we'll make sure she's strong enough," Weiss assured his friend.  
  
"I'm just not sure there's anything any of us can do now, even Syd. I just don't think it's up to us anymore," Vaughn stated. Weiss looked at him for a long moment before speaking.  
  
"Well, if that's what you believe, then maybe you should try praying." Vaughn stared at Weiss blankly for a few seconds, both surprised at Weiss's suggestion and surprised he hadn't thought of it himself.  
  
Before he had a chance to respond, the two men felt the plane ascend into the sky.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The first few hours of the flight were uneventful. Vaughn found himself alternating his time between talking to Weiss and dozing off. Every once in a while, he checked on Sydney to make sure she was still sleeping peacefully. Just about an hour and a half before they landed, though, they ran into some fairly bad turbulence. Only seconds after the plane began to bump about, Vaughn saw Sydney get jostled awake and nearly thrown from her seat. She held onto the armrest near her head, looking pretty dazed. Vaughn realized that since she'd been lying down, he'd never buckled her in. Ignoring a questioning look from Weiss, he unbuckled his own seatbelt and stood up, bracing himself against the seat. Walking as steadily and carefully as he could, he made his way over to Sydney. When he finally got there, he put both his hands on her shoulders and helped hoist her into a sitting position, noticing suddenly that she no longer looked dazed. Instead, her face was very obviously contorted in pain. He dropped into the seat next to her and reached over to buckle her seatbelt. He then buckled his own before focusing his attention on her. She was now leaning against the side of the plane, her head pressed into the shade over the small window.  
  
He leaned closer to her. "Is it your head this time?" He asked just loud enough to be heard over the plane's engine. She nodded against the wall. Vaughn realized that there was nothing he could really do until the turbulence was over. The doctor certainly couldn't give her another injection while they were being jostled around so much. So, instead, he coaxed her to lie in his lap again, making sure her belt stayed buckled. She buried her face into his leg as he softly stroked her hair. After about five minutes that seemed to stretch twice as long, the turbulence started to dissipate. In another minute, they were flying along smoothly. Vaughn then looked over at Dr. Anderson, who was already out of his seat and opening the injection kit. He drew only a small amount of fluid into the needle and walked over to them.  
  
"I can only give her a bit more, because morphine is lethal at high doses, but this should do the trick," he explained to Vaughn as he carefully took Sydney's arm and straightened it out in front of her. He injected the morphine into her vein and removed the needle, quickly returning to his seat. Seconds later, Vaughn felt Sydney relax in his lap. Her breathing quickly evened out and her body stilled in sleep. They remained like that for the duration of the flight.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Thankfully, the landing was much smoother than most of the flight. Sydney did not awaken, though Vaughn guessed that she was so out of it, even a rough landing wouldn't have brought her back to the world of consciousness. He received no reaction from her when he lifted her from the seat and carried her off the plane. As promised, a car was waiting not far from the plane. It was a government issue black van with shaded back windows. Vaughn allowed Weiss and Dr. Anderson to start unloading their bags from the plane so that he could get Sydney into the car. The driver was an agent that Vaughn vaguely remembered seeing around the office every once in a while. When he saw Vaughn approaching with Sydney, he hurriedly got out of the car and rounded to the other side so he could open the door for Vaughn. Vaughn gave him a thankful look and carefully climbed inside, depositing Sydney carefully onto the back seat. He crawled back out of the car to go back and help Weiss and Dr. Anderson, but stopped when he saw the diver staring at Sydney, a stricken expression on his face.  
  
"I've talked to her a few times. She's been something of a legend since you all went into hiding. I guess I just didn't want to believe she was as sick as they said," the agent said sadly.  
  
"I didn't want to believe it either," Vaughn replied, his eyes never leaving Sydney's sleeping form. "But she is."  
  
Vaughn and the agent soon joined Weiss and Dr. Anderson in unloading the bags. With four men on the task, it was completed in no time. They piled into the car, placing Dr. Anderson up front, since he was technically the only one that would not be in any danger should he be seen. Vaughn and Weiss took the middle seat, leaving Sydney to continue sleeping in the back.  
  
The drive to the safe-house was quiet and surprisingly short, though it had been made longer with a few unnecessary turns thrown in to confuse anyone that could be following them. As they drove past downtown Los Angeles and very briefly along the freeway, it finally started to hit Vaughn that they were really home again. The house was located in Eagle Rock, just a few minutes away from Pasadena. It was pretty secluded and somewhat up in the mountains, though not as much as their own safe-house in Vermont had been. It was a two-level house, but still pretty small. Vaughn assumed that was because it was previously hiding only one person. Now it would be hiding four, but hopefully not for long.  
  
The driver pulled as close to the door as possible before parking and turning off the car. He then informed them that his orders were to have them stay put until he made sure that the assigned agents were in the house. He got out of the car and went over to the door, knocking on it lightly. Seconds later, they all watched the door open and two suited men emerge from the house. The driver had a brief conversation with them before all three men turned and headed toward the car. The driver then opened the back door.  
  
"It's okay to go inside. Agent Bristow's in there and he'll show you where you'll all be staying. These agents are going to unload your stuff just to minimize the chances of you being seen should anyone walk by the house. They'll go over everything else with you later," he explained to Vaughn, Weiss, and Dr. Anderson.  
  
"Thanks," Vaughn said to the agent.  
  
"You're welcome. And good luck."  
  
Vaughn allowed Weiss and Dr. Anderson to exit the car first so he could climb back and get Sydney, who still slept soundly. He carefully lifted her into his arms and exited the car, allowing Weiss to close the car door behind him. He then followed Dr. Anderson up the walkway and into the house. He found himself in a hallway, stairs in front of him on the left, and what was obviously a kitchen at the end of the hall. Off to the right was a living room, and there he saw none other than Jack Bristow rising from a chair and walking toward them. He gave a brief nod of greeting to Dr. Anderson before walking up to Vaughn and looking down at his daughter.  
  
"Is she alright?" Jack asked, his eyes glued to Sydney.  
  
"She was in a bit of pain on the flight over. I gave her some morphine, she just needs to sleep it off for a while," Dr. Anderson assured him.  
  
"Where can I take her to lay down?" Vaughn asked, snapping Jack from his daze.  
  
"This way," Jack replied, turning towards the stairs. Vaughn followed him up to the second floor and down the hall to the right. Jack turned to the first room on the left and went through the already open door. Vaughn followed to see it was a small bedroom with plain white walls and minimal furniture. There was a double bed and a desk nearby. There was only one window in the room and its shades were already drawn. Vaughn carried Sydney over to the bed. Jack walked over and rounded to the other side, pulling the blankets down. Vaughn gave him a thankful look as he set Sydney down as gently as he could. He then reached down and pulled the sheets up to her shoulders. She stirred only slightly, settling against the pillows, and slept on. Vaughn looked up at Jack, who couldn't take his eyes off his daughter. Vaughn couldn't say he blamed him.  
  
"Is it always like this?" Jack asked very quietly.  
  
"Only with the drugs. She just needs them more often now," Vaughn admitted seriously.  
  
"The takedown has been scheduled for tomorrow. Will she be ready?" He asked.  
  
Vaughn looked back at Sydney, knowing that though he was just as concerned as Jack, he needed his reply to sound convincing. "She'll be ready. She just needs some rest."  
  
"We've got a lot to discuss anyway. Let's get back downstairs," Jack suggested, looking at Sydney for one more lingering second before walking away from the bed. Vaughn followed, closing the door behind him and leaving Sydney to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Once all the luggage was brought in and placed in the appropriate rooms, introductions were finally able to take place. They learned that the two agents currently staying at the safe-house were Agent Watters and Agent Kamin, both probably in their early forties. They decided to all gather into the living room to discuss the plan of action for the next twenty-four hours. It was Jack, though, who ended up doing most of the talking.  
  
"Agent Watters here will drive us to the ops center tomorrow morning at eight. There we'll join the team in being briefed on the operation. The operation itself won't commence until the late afternoon, so we'll spent a few hours there before the team is gathered to go over the final details and be transported to Credit Dauphine. Agent Vaughn, Agent Weiss, you've both been approved to be part of the official team, should you want to. Because of Sydney's condition, she wasn't approved to be a part of the team that actually participates in the raid, but she has been approved go in after the building is secure to help with the arrests, including Sloane's. I figured that's something she would want to see for herself. It's entirely up to you whether you'd both like to be a part of the team," Jack explained to the two younger agents. Weiss and Vaughn looked at each other for a moment.  
  
"I'm in," Weiss said almost immediately. Vaughn, however, hesitated visibly.  
  
"Can I have a little time to think about it?" He asked.  
  
Jack nodded slowly. "I suppose they don't officially need to know until tomorrow morning," he replied.  
  
"Thanks," Vaughn said softly. "Is that all for now?"  
  
Jack looked over at Agents Watters and Kamin, who didn't seem to have anything else to say. "We'll talk more at dinner," Jack responded finally. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"Excuse me," he said, getting up from his chair and leaving the room. He climbed the stairs and made his way to the end of the hall, into the room he was sharing with Weiss. He sat on the bed and stared out the window, trying to think. He remained there only a few moments, though, before being drawn by some unknown force into Sydney's room. He opened the door quietly and entered the room, finding Sydney still asleep. Closing the door softly behind him, he made his way over to her bed. He went over to the other side, where the desk was, and started to drag the chair closer to her bed. Along the way, though, the chair stuck slightly on a crack in the wood floor and Vaughn accidentally tripped slightly and stubbed his toe on the foot of the bed. He couldn't help the sharp intake of breath at the sudden pain. He looked down at his foot and wiggled his toe inside his shoe to test the damage. Not broken, but it would probably have a bruise in a little while. Suddenly, he heard a soft giggle that made him look up abruptly. Sydney was watching him, eyes only half-open, suggesting she'd just woken up. The smirk on her face suggested she'd observed his stumble.  
  
"I'm glad my pain entertains you," he joked with mock annoyance. Her smile grew at this, and he couldn't help smiling himself. He walked a few steps toward her and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Sorry I woke you," he said, reaching for her hand.  
  
"I'd say it's more the bed's fault than yours," she joked softly. "I hope you didn't break it."  
  
"No, just bruised it probably," he replied.  
  
"No, I meant the bed," she joked again.  
  
"Ha ha," he said sarcastically. His face then grew serious. "How do you feel?" He asked.  
  
"Aw, don't do that. I liked the smile." His expression warned her not to avoid the question. She sighed, realizing it was back to reality now. "I'm okay."  
  
"No more pain?" Vaughn asked, his voice hopeful.  
  
"Not anymore," she replied.  
  
"Energy level?" Vaughn asked, hoping she would answer him truthfully.  
  
"Low," she replied honestly, "but improving,"  
  
"Good."  
  
"How long have we been here?" She asked.  
  
"Just a few hours," Vaughn replied. "We've been going over stuff downstairs, you haven't missed much."  
  
"What did you go over?" She pressed.  
  
"We'll be taken to ops tomorrow at eight. We'll go over the mission in the morning with the team, have a few hours to spare, and then reconvene to go over last minute things and to be transported to SD-6," Vaughn replied.  
  
"What then?"  
  
"That's still a little up in the air," he informed her.  
  
"Why?" She asked.  
  
"Well, we've been given some options. You've been approved to go with the team, but not to enter the building until it's secure," Vaughn told her.  
  
"I figured as much," she replied glumly.  
  
"You will, however, be involved in the arrests, including Sloane's." Her face brightened then.  
  
"They'll let me go in before he's taken away?" She asked hopefully.  
  
"Right now, your job is assisting in his arrest."  
  
"And yours?" She asked, knowing that's where this conversation was eventually headed.  
  
"That's what's up in the air. Eric and I have been given the option of being part of the team basically as much as we want to. Eric's agreed to be a full member. I'm still not sure," he replied.  
  
"Why the hell not?" She asked, surprising Vaughn.  
  
"This is your thing, Syd, not mine. You helped make this happen. It wouldn't feel right being in there without you," he admitted. Sydney was obviously touched by his words, her eyes visibly filling with tears.  
  
"Vaughn," she started slowly. "As much as you may believe what you just said, this is very much your accomplishment too. You were my partner on this, from day one. If I can't be in there to physically take them town, I'm glad you can be. Don't worry about me. I'm just grateful I get to be there. You should be a part of the team, you've certainly earned it."  
  
He leaned down then and kissed her softly. "Only if it's what you want," he whispered, his face still close to hers.  
  
"I want you to be in there, for both of us," she replied, her hands framing his face.  
  
"Then I'll do it. I just have to tell your dad, he'll inform Kendall," Vaughn told her.  
  
"He's here then," Sydney half-stated, half-asked.  
  
"He's downstairs. You want to see him?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"If he's not too busy," she replied.  
  
"To see his daughter? Not likely." He kissed her again quickly before standing up. "I'll get him."  
  
"Wait," she said, stopping him. "Can you just help me stack some pillows up so I can sit?"  
  
Vaughn nodded, realizing it was important to Sydney that she appear as strong as possible for her father. He was relieved to see that she could hoist herself into a sitting position while he gathered pillows and piled them behind her. When she leaned against them, though, he could see how much the simple action had taken out of her. She leaned gratefully against the pillows and looked up at Vaughn. She nodded at him. He quickly leaned down and softly kissed her forehead.  
  
"I'll be right back."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Jack," Vaughn called out, crossing through the kitchen to reach the older man where he sat at the table.  
  
"What is it?" Jack asked.  
  
"Sydney's awake. She wants to see you," Vaughn replied. He just barely caught the emotion that crossed over Jack Bristow's face before he carefully hid it.  
  
"I'll go up now. Thank you, Agent Vaughn," he said as he rose from his chair. Vaughn nodded at him and stepped aside so he could pass.  
  
Jack quickly found himself at Sydney's door. Deciding against knocking, he simply took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was now very dimly lit by a small lamp on the nightstand, allowing Jack to easily see his daughter sitting in the bed. She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Dad," she whispered. Without saying a word, Jack moved closer to the bed and dropped down to perch on the edge.  
  
"Sydney." It was a long moment where father and daughter simply looked at each other, trying to take everything in.  
  
And then, for only the second time in Sydney's memory, her father took her into his arms.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! Please please please review! It'll keep me going through the insane amount of reading I have to do for classes. And the two auditions I have this week lol. And reviewing also should help me stay motivated enough to write more soon, hint hint lol. Thanks for reading!  
  
Livejournal is here: www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya 


	31. Holding My Last Breath

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: So I had another busy two weekends and didn't get a chance to work on the story, but for those of you who don't know, the reason I had a busy weekend last weekend was because I went to the Malibu Triathlon and got to see Jennifer again. It was such a blast, and she actually knew my name! My roommate and I said hi to her and she was like "Rachel!" My mouth hung open for a while lol. If you want to see a picture, you can go to basically any of the sites and the picture of her standing with two teenage girls is it. It's me and my roommate, I'm the one with the brown hair. There's a link to it on my livejournal too. I'll post the URL for the journal again at the end of the story. Hopefully, this chapter will make up for the delay because it's pretty damn long lol. It took me forever to write, because it was such a huge part of the story, so I hope I did it justice and didn't completely screw it up. If you want to get the full effect of the story, though, there's something I'd suggest. There's song lyrics that I use for part of this story (you'll know them because they have stars around them), and if you really want to get the full feel for that part, I suggest downloading that song or putting on the CD if you have it. It's called "My Last Breath" by Evanescence. It's an amazing song and I guarantee the chapter will be much more intense if you listen to it while you read. Obviously you don't have to, it's just a suggestion. Either way, I hope you really like the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Sydney." It was a long moment where father and daughter simply looked at each other, trying to take everything in.  
  
And then, for only the second time in Sydney's memory, her father took her into his arms.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 31: Holding My Last Breath  
  
Vaughn, Jack and Weiss were all awake by 6:30 the next morning. Vaughn could tell by looking around the table that no one had slept much. The same went for himself. The promise of the day ahead was just too great. Some part of him, he could finally admit, had thought this day would never come. More recently, he'd spent a great deal of time worrying that Sydney would not live long enough to see her years of work finally pay off. But that day had finally come, and when then clock struck seven, Vaughn knew it was time to go up and wake Sydney.  
  
He was surprised, as he opened the door to her room, to find her dressed and sitting on the edge of her bed, brushing her hair. She turned when she heard him come in and smiled at him. Vaughn noticed she'd already gone to the trouble of applying make0up, yet he knew the flush in her cheeks was at least partially natural. He couldn't help thinking that she looked better than she had in weeks. Taking into account all she'd suffered over the past few weeks, Vaughn thought she hardly looked sick at all. It was moments like these when he could almost convince himself it had all been a bad dream.  
  
"Hi," he said softly to her, still standing near the door.  
  
"Hi," she repeated.  
  
"How'd you sleep?" He asked.  
  
"I slept well. I think it took me a while to sleep off the affects of the morphine," she admitted.  
  
"How are you now?" He asked, finally bringing up the question that had plagued him all morning.  
  
"No pain," she replied simply.  
  
"Good," Vaughn replied. "How's your energy?"  
  
"It's better than yesterday," she offered almost jokingly before she sobered. "I couldn't run a marathon or anything, but I'm okay."  
  
Vaughn nodded, crossing the room and sitting, facing her. He reached out and touched her face. "You look great."  
  
"Vaughn," she said, shaking her head with a smile. His face remained serious, though.  
  
"I'm not just saying that, Syd. You have this glow that I haven't seen in a long time. I missed it," he admitted to her. She gently laid her hand over his.  
  
"Me too," she agreed.  
  
"We're going to take them down today, Syd. They'll finally get what they deserve."  
  
She smiled then, closing her eyes as he enveloped her in his embrace.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
They left at eight, as planned, all piled into another black van. They were scheduled to arrive at ops at 8:30. Agent Watters drove with Dr. Anderson sitting next to him up front. Vaughn had opted for the back with Weiss, allowing Sydney to sit with her father in the middle. The ride was completely silent, everyone pretty much caught up in their own thoughts. Somewhere during the middle of the drive, though, Vaughn noticed Sydney reach around to run her hand over her lower back. Something immediately squeezed at his heart. He leaned forward and touched her shoulder to get her attention.  
  
"You okay?" The question was soft, but still enough to bring everyone out of their collective dazes. Jack immediately looked worriedly at Sydney.  
  
"Oh, no, it's okay. It doesn't hurt, just feels a little tight," she replied, but her assurance didn't seem to put anyone at least, least of all Vaughn.  
  
"Dr. Anderson, is there anything she can do to try and prevent any pain?" Vaughn asked, his focusing shifting to the front seats.  
  
"There's not much to do about the headaches besides avoiding violent movements or bright lights, but we'll see what we can do about her back. Agent Bristow, I'll give you a warming patch to place on your back, which may help a bit. I'd also suggest you stay off your feet until the takedown."  
  
"I can get a wheelchair from medical services when we get there," Agent Watters offered.  
  
"I don't need a wheelchair. I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own," Sydney argued immediately. It was a toss-up who moved to speak first: Vaughn or Dr. Anderson. It was Jack, though, in a tone that was surprisingly soft, who beat them to it.  
  
"Sydney, we realize that it's important to you to have some control, especially in the agency, but it doesn't matter what anyone at the agency thinks. What matters is that you save your strength to walk into SD-6 and assist in the takedown. I know it matters to you much more to appear healthy in front of Sloane than a group of agents you hardly know. I'd suggest listening to Dr. Anderson if you want to ensure your participation today."  
  
"Fine," Sydney agreed in a low voice. "But I will not have some low-level agent assigned to pushing me around."  
  
"I assumed as much," Jack stated. "Agent Vaughn, you'll escort Sydney around ops for the day."  
  
As Sydney and Vaughn both looked at Jack in surprise, Agent Watters turned the car into the private lot. He drove about a minute in the maze of a garage until he could pull right up to the underground entrance. Announcing he would run up to get the wheelchair, he quickly exited the car. It was then that Dr. Anderson dug into his kit and pulled out the patch for Sydney. In silence, as every occupant in the car watched, she placed it carefully on her lower back. The silence continued to hang over them, quickly growing tense and uncomfortable. Sydney was actually relieved when she saw Agent Watters come back out, pushing the empty wheelchair.  
  
Sydney exited the car first, making a point of walking the few steps and getting into the chair herself. Everyone else quickly followed suit and exited the car. Vaughn immediately walked over and took the handles of the wheelchair from Agent Watters. Once everyone was out, Agent Watters turned and led them into the building. Vaughn waited for Jack, Weiss, and Dr. Anderson to precede him before following with Sydney. Once inside, they quickly piled into the elevator to take them up a level to the actual ops center. Vaughn looked down at Sydney during the brief ride, quickly noting the apprehensiveness in her eyes. As discreetly as he could, he dropped a hand to her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She looked up and met his eyes. He wanted to smile to reassure her, but the moment was simply too heavy. Instead, he held her gaze until the elevator chimed their arrival.  
  
Vaughn once again made sure that he and Sydney were last out of the elevator, knowing that Sydney didn't particularly want to be noticed. They proceeded into the crowded room as Vaughn, Weiss, and Sydney all looked around in awe, not quite believing they were finally back. Agent Watters quickly spotted Kendall in the middle of the room and led the group of them over. Vaughn noted how the looked on his boss's face quickly changed when he saw all of them. If Vaughn thought the man were capable of real emotions, he might almost describe the look as happy.  
  
"Jack, Dr. Anderson, Agent Weiss, Agent Vaughn," Kendall paused slightly, looking down at Sydney. "Agent Bristow. It's good to have you all here. Welcome back, you three," he finished, looking from Weiss to Vaughn to Sydney.  
  
"Thank you, sir," they all replied.  
  
"I'll cut right to it. We're right on schedule so far. We've got Dixon inside and he's going to call and confirm in a few hours if we're still good to go. The briefing starts in about ten minutes," he explained to them. As everyone took everything in, Vaughn took the opportunity to look down at Sydney. He immediately noticed that she'd noticeably tensed, something obviously bothering her. It was only then that Vaughn noticed the agents passing by and the looks they were casting at Sydney. Vaughn could only imagine what he'd be thinking if he were on the other side of the situation. To have a fellow, somewhat well-known agent among the agency go into hiding only to suddenly return months later in a wheelchair. No wonder Sydney had protested the idea. And Vaughn wasn't the only one noticing anymore.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, why don't you take Sydney to the briefing room now? We'll meet you there in a few minutes," Jack suggested. Vaughn nodded and Sydney looked at him gratefully. He had to give her credit, though. As he pushed her across the room, agents looking on, she held her head and acted as if she hardly noticed. She never ceased to amaze him. A predicament arose once they reached the door, though, as Vaughn quickly realized he needed someone to hold it open for them. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Rick was there, opening the door for them. Relieved to see someone both he and Sydney knew, Vaughn gave him a grateful smile.  
  
"Welcome back," he said to both of them.  
  
"Thanks," Sydney replied before Vaughn even had the chance. Vaughn couldn't help but notice the obvious look of admiration in Rick's eyes as he looked at Sydney. The sadness was there, as it always was, but hidden behind respect. Vaughn, swallowing around the lump in his throat, then pushed Sydney through the door.  
  
Once inside the briefing room, Sydney was almost immediately out of the wheelchair. Vaughn watched her carefully lower herself into the one of the chairs around the table as he folded up the wheelchair and stowed it in the corner. Once he was done, he walked over and claimed the seat next to Sydney, turning in it so that he could look at her only to find that she was already looking at him.  
  
"You okay?" He asked her softly.  
  
She nodded slowly. "Yeah." She paused. "Are you?"  
  
He looked straight into her eyes, not quite sure how to answer. Before he had the chance, though, people began to file into the room. A group of agents flowed in, some Vaughn recognized and others he'd never seen before. They all took seats around the table as Jack, Weiss, and Kendall entered the room last. Kendall shut the door and took his seat at the head of the table. He took a moment to look from face to face around the table before finally taking a deep breath and starting.  
  
"As you all know, this is a big day for the agency. This is our opportunity to raid and take down SD-6, a long-time adversary of the CIA. You've all been selected for this team, and should've already signed all the agreements, confidentiality and otherwise. If there's anyone who feels they shouldn't be here, I suggest you leave now." Everyone remained. "Good. Then let's get started. This afternoon at approximately four, we should hear from Agent Dixon at SD-6. If he gives us the go, we gather our equipment and load into four separate vans. You'll breech security in the garage."  
  
As Kendall continued to give the team directions, Sydney couldn't help her mind from wandering. How many times had she imagined this day in her mind? How many dreams had she had about it? And yet this day was far from what she'd imagined. She dared a glance at the wheelchair tucked in the corner of the room. She knew that if this had been delayed even just a few short weeks, she probably wouldn't be there. Though her situation wasn't ideal, she had to stop for a moment and recognize that in ways, luck had been on her side. She was being given the chance to die with no unfinished business. And she was also being given the chance to say goodbye. How many people had she seen in her job who'd gotten the chance at neither? More than she could count.  
  
"Agent Weiss, I'm going to put you in charge of Sloane's initial arrest," Kendall continued as Sydney tuned back in. "Assuming he'll be in his office, I want you to head there as soon as you're clear. Agent Vaughn will assist you and then retrieve Agent Bristow once we have control of the building. Agent Bristow will escort Sloane out of the building and we'll take him into custody. Everyone got it?" One by one, they nodded their confirmation. "Okay. Now I know we've got a few hours, but as a precaution, no one is to leave the building. We'll meet back here at 3 PM unless you hear something from me sooner. That's it for now. You're dismissed," Kendall finished finally.  
  
Sydney, Vaughn, Weiss and Jack all stayed behind as the agents filed out. Kendall stayed as well, shutting the door once the room was emptied. It was only then that Vaughn got up and retrieved the wheelchair from the corner, unfolding it and bringing it close to Sydney's chair. She stood up, making a point of avoiding eye contact with anyone, and lowered herself once again into the chair.  
  
"We have a few hours until we're supposed to be called back. I sent Dr. Anderson out to bring back some food," Jack informed them all. "He should be back by now. Maybe you should try to eat something, Sydney. There's no predicting how long we'll be there tonight and you need to keep your strength up."  
  
Sydney sighed. "I'll try eating something in a bit. First, there's something I need to do."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As the gate opened, Sydney felt herself being slowly pushed o the next set of bars, which opened before they were even reached them. Before she knew it, she could see the gleam from the glass wall ahead. More and more of it came into view until she was finally positioned directly in front of it, Vaughn standing behind her. She saw her mother rise from her small bed, setting down the book she'd been reading instantly and walking over to the glass. The look on her face was one of obvious surprise, but her eyes held a deep sadness. It was a look Sydney had grown quite used to over the past few weeks.  
  
"Sydney," her mother said softly, smiling slightly. "I'd hoped you'd be here today. Congratulations on SD-6."  
  
"Well, they're not gone yet, but thanks," Sydney replied. Her mother nodded, obviously trying to take in every detail of her daughter for the first time in months. Sydney allowed her, remaining silent and making a few observations of her own. Suddenly, she felt Vaughn lean down.  
  
"Do you want me to see if they'll let you in?" Vaughn whispered in her ear. She twisted around a bit more so that she could look into his eyes, their faces only inches apart. She nodded slowly. He nodded back and stood up, walking back towards the guard. Sydney opted to watch their conversation before turning back to her mother. In a matter of seconds, Vaughn was walking back with the guard. Vaughn stopped when he reached Sydney, taking hold of the handles on the chair again, but the guard continued to the door. As he opened it, Sydney looked up at Vaughn and mouthed her thanks. He only nodded before proceeding to push her through the now open door. By then, Irina had stepped back towards her bed again, allowing them room in the small cell. Vaughn stopped the wheelchair about a foot in front of the bed before putting the break on. The guard retreated back to the door and waited. Vaughn leaned down again and she turned her head to look at him.  
  
"I'll be back in about twenty minutes, okay?" He asked softly. She nodded. Not caring who saw, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before standing up and leaving the cell. The guard followed him, closing the door and walking down the corridor until he was out of sight. Sydney then returned her focus to her mother, who was lowering herself to sit on the bed so that she was level with Sydney. It was at least a moment before a word was spoken.  
  
"How are you?" Irina asked.  
  
"Um," Sydney hesitated, looking around the room. "That's a complicated question." Irina nodded in understanding. "How much do you know?"  
  
"Your father's kept me updated. If he's telling the truth, I know everything he does," she replied. Sydney looked at her mother, surprised. Her father had never mentioned giving her mother updates.  
  
"You spoke to Dad? How?" Sydney questioned.  
  
"They've allowed me limited e-mail access. I wasn't allowed his e-mail address, obviously, but he was given mine. He was kind enough to send me updates from different untraceable accounts," she explained, pausing suddenly. "I was worried about you," she admitted softly. "But I can see now that you were well protected."  
  
"What do you mean?" Sydney asked. A ghost of a smile crossed over Irina's face.  
  
"He cares for you very much," she said simply. Sydney understood suddenly and looked down at her hands. It was all the confirmation Irina needed. "And you care for him," she continued. It was a long moment before Sydney looked up again. Though she was sure the look on her face was all the assurance her mother needed, she still nodded just once to confirm her statement. "I'm happy for you, Sydney."  
  
Sydney found herself at a loss for words. "It's been a long few months," was all she could manage to say.  
  
"What happens after today? I mean, if all goes as planned," Irina asked her daughter.  
  
Sydney shook her head. "I have no idea. I've been trying not to think that far ahead," Sydney replied, the double meaning of her words not lost on either woman. There was a brief silence.  
  
"You can't lose faith, Sydney," Irina practically whispered suddenly, breaking the silence.  
  
Sydney looked down, ready to argue her mother's words, but lost heart when she looked back up. There was degree of emotion in her mother's eyes that she'd never seen before. She could swear she even saw tears. Sydney recalled the many times she'd go over a friend's house as a child and envy the way their mothers looked at them. The love that was so plainly stamped across their faces. For the first time since Sydney was eight, she was finally on the receiving end of one of those looks. And it was only then that she realized, in all likelihood, this was the last time she'd ever see her mother again.  
  
"I won't."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was around five in the evening when Dixon was finally able to contact the agency on a secure line, though still speaking in code, to tell them they were on. The conversation occurred in the briefing room, where the team had already been assembled since they'd gone over last minute details at three. They geared up immediately afterwards and proceeded to the underground garage, where they were divided among four different vans. Vaughn, Weiss, Jack, and Sydney were all placed into the same van, along with three other agents. Once everyone was loaded into the vans, they all heard Kendall's instructions to proceed through their earpieces. Sydney felt the van begin to move.  
  
She looked around at all the other agents gathered there, all sitting quietly in the limited floor-space. Her father had on his poker face again, though she could still see the determination burning in his eyes. Weiss looked more serious than she'd ever seen him before. Finally, she turned her head to look at Vaughn. Immediately, brown met green and their gazes locked. Not taking his eyes from hers, he reached for her hand and found it easily. Their fingers intertwined and Vaughn had to fight the urge to disregard the other agents and just pull her into his arms.  
  
A bump in the road caused Sydney to tear her eyes from Vaughn's and look around. There were no windows, so she had no idea where they were, but she was guessing they'd just hit a pothole somewhere on the road. Instead of returning her focus to Vaughn, she suddenly looked down at their joined hands. Silently, she recalled to herself the many trips she'd made to SD-6, wishing Vaughn could be with her. Wishing that it could finally be her last trip. And now that day was here. She became so lost in her thoughts that the next thing she knew, the car was stopping, and the driver was getting out. It was only then that she realized they were there.  
  
The driver used the code given to them by Dixon to access the private SD-6 garage. He got back in the car and proceeded. Less than a minute later, Sydney felt the car stop and turn off. The agents all suddenly snapped into action. The driver came around and opened the back door, letting all the other agents out before returning to his seat up front. The drives of each van were instructed to remain there should something go wrong and they need a quick escape. They had equipment set up in the back that would allow them to hear the agents from inside, as well as Kendall through their earpiece. Sydney watched as the agents all gathered their weapons, a few of the agents already scattering to disable some of the security devices. Before she knew it, the agents were all pulling on their masks and lining up to go.  
  
She stood up from her perch on the edge of the van and looked over at Vaughn, who was only a few feet away. He was about to pull his mask on when he saw her. He stopped abruptly and walked quickly over to her. He reached up, laying his hand over her cheek. Sydney was overwhelmed at the amount of emotion his eyes held as they gazed into hers. She knew he was the only person who truly understood what this moment meant to her.  
  
"I'll see you soon," he whispered. She nodded, unable to stop the tears that suddenly filled her eyes.  
  
"Be careful."  
  
He gave her a small smile. "You too." He couldn't help himself anymore, ignoring the people around them, and leaning in to give her a lingering kiss.  
  
"I love you," she told him when they broke apart.  
  
"I love you too," he replied, starting to back away to where the other agents were now waiting. "I'll be here when it's over!" He called out to her as he slipped his mask on and joined them.  
  
"I'm counting on it," she whispered to herself as she watched them disappear into the elevator and out of sight.  
  
She climbed into the back of the van again, shutting the doors behind her. The driver was already back there, hooking up the equipment for them to hear what was going on inside. Sydney watched anxiously and was relieved when voices suddenly filled the van through the speakers. She recognized her father's voice instantly, speaking to the other agents in a very urgent tone.  
  
"Agent Dixon's meeting with Sloane should have started approximately five minutes ago. Dixon's been ordered to keep Sloane there as long as possible, so I want everyone to try to clear the path for Agents Vaughn and Weiss to get in there to apprehend Sloane. Those of you assigned to provide them cover fire, make sure you do so when they need it. The rest of you, I just want you to focus on the security section agents and anyone else who should fight back. I'm sure I don't need to remind you, but we don't want any unnecessary casualties. Anyone not fighting back, just leave them be until the building's clear to arrest them." She suddenly heard the elevator stop and all the agents went very silent. She assumed the doors were opening. "Proceed," her father ordered. She heard footsteps. And then they stopped.  
  
*Hold on to me love* *You know I can't stay long* *All I wanted to say was* *I love you and I'm not afraid*  
  
There was a loud explosion and then someone yelling "Go! Go! Go!" Sydney couldn't tell if it was her father or not. She heard rushed footsteps and could almost picture them running into the office. There gunshots, more than she could count. There were screams, both of surprise and of pain. "Get down!" She heard someone shout. It sounded like Weiss's voice.  
  
*Can you hear me?* *Can you feel me* *In your arms*  
  
The static was getting heavier now with all the commotion she could only imagine was going on in there. After what seemed like an eternity of static and gunshots and crashes, she finally heard Vaughn's voice through the noise.  
  
"I can see the office door. It's still closed!" He shouted.  
  
"Are we clear?" She heard Weiss yell.  
  
"We'll cover you!" Another voice said. She heard several gunshots and could only assume that Weiss and Vaughn were making their way to Sloane's office.  
  
"Mike, watch out!" Weiss shouted suddenly. She heard a shot and a cry of pain. Sydney's heart stopped. She looked to the driver frantically, but he too was staring at the speakers in shock.  
  
"Thanks," she suddenly heard. It was definitely Vaughn's voice. She breathed a sigh of relief and kept straining to hear. And then, there was what sounded like the opening of a door.  
  
*Holding my last breath* *Safe inside myself* *Are all my thoughts of you* *Sweet raptured light* *It ends here tonight*  
  
"Get down! Get down!" There were simultaneous shouts, both from Vaughn and Weiss.  
  
"It's okay," she heard someone say. Was that Dixon? She couldn't completely tell through the static. "I got him."  
  
"Agent Vaughn, Agent Weiss, what's going on?" She heard Kendall speak up through her earpiece for the first time.  
  
"Suspect is apprehended. Agent Dixon has him handcuffed to the desk. The bastard appears to have suffered a minor head injury," Weiss reported.  
  
"I hit him with that statuette when I heard you guys come in," she heard Dixon say.  
  
"Who are you?" Shouted a voice in the background. A chill instantly ran up her spine. Sloane.  
  
"Who we are is the least of your worries right now," Weiss replied, almost causing Sydney to smile.  
  
"What's going on out there?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Jack! Can you give me a status report?" Kendall asked. There was only static. Sydney held her breath. Where was her father? "Jack, can you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm here. I believe Agent Kay just took out the last of the security section agents. The lower levels all seem to be unarmed. I think it's over."  
  
"Okay. I want the team to do a quick check, make sure no one's going to start shooting, and then start with the arrests. Agent Vaughn, when Jack says it's clear, you can retrieve Agent Bristow," Kendall instructed.  
  
"Go ahead, Vaughn. I think the building's as good as clear. We'll do a quick sweep while you go," she heard her father say.  
  
"Okay," Vaughn replied.  
  
*I'll miss the winter* *A world of fragile things* *Look for me in the white forest* *Hiding in a hollow tree*  
  
Sydney took a deep breath and looked down at her trembling hands. It was really over. They'd all made it. She didn't know how long she sat pondering that simple thought when she heard the back door to the van being opened. She whipped around instantly. She was met with Vaughn's smiling face. She scrambled out of the van and was instantly in his arms. She held him tighter than she ever had before, biting down on her lip to ward off the tears. He buried his face in her neck, eyes closed, breathing her in.  
  
"We did it, Syd," he whispered in her ear before pulling back suddenly. "What do you say we go make some arrests? I can think of one in particular I'd like to see right about now," he said with a smile. She nodded, took his hand, and followed him to the elevator. They stood there for the brief ride, hands still twined. Sydney felt her whole body shaking slightly, though she wasn't sure whether weakness or adrenaline was to blame. She took a deep breath and looked at Vaughn as the elevator came to a stop. He smiled at her and reluctantly let go of her hand.  
  
The doors opened and Vaughn led Sydney through the same halls the team had just run down earlier. As they neared the main offices, she couldn't help but close her eyes briefly, not quite sure what to expect. The sight, as the turned the corner, was something that took her breath away. She saw the room she'd worked in for the last decade in shambles. The desks she'd watched the unknowing agents sit at every day were mostly turned over, items from them strewn across the floor. A few of the lights had hit the ground and broken. Pieces of the ceiling had come down all over the place. There was a smoke in the room that smelled both of gunfire and explosions. There were CIA agents everywhere, some with their masks still on. They were combing the room, handcuffing a number of the people she used to see on a daily basis. Looking across the room, she thought she even saw one of the CIA agents apprehending Marshall, but knew now was not the time to go and explain it to him.  
  
She felt Vaughn touch her arm suddenly, bringing her back to the task at hand. She nodded at him and focused then on the door that loomed in front of her across the room. She knew that behind that door was the man who destroyed so many years of her life. And once she entered through that door, she would finally pay him back. She watched Vaughn walk ahead of her as she willingly followed. He helped her step over some of the larger objects that blocked their path. Finally, they were at the door. Vaughn looked at her as he reached for the knob.  
  
"You ready?" He asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, I am," she replied with more certainty than she'd ever felt before. Vaughn nodded and opened the door, entering the room. Sydney took a deep breath and followed.  
  
*I know you hear me* *I can taste it* *In your tears*  
  
The room held signs of a struggle, she assumed between Dixon and Sloane, but was not nearly as bad as the offices outside it. Dixon was still in the room, standing near Sloane's desk and holding a tissue to his bloody lip. And in the middle of the room stood Sloane, his hands twisted behind his back as Weiss locked his wrists into handcuffs. He had a large cut on the side of his head and one of the lenses of his glasses was cracked. The look on face was the stoniest Sydney had ever seen.  
  
Finally, he noticed that more people had joined him in the room. He looked up at Vaughn and then over at Sydney. His face registered an obvious look of shock. His mouth hung open slightly and his eyes narrowed.  
  
"Sydney," he practically breathed. "It can't be. I had you killed!"  
  
"Did you honestly think you could get rid of me so easily?" Sydney spat back. "I wasn't about to let you get away with the thousands of lives you've destroyed."  
  
"So I have you to thank for this little raid, do I? I guess your betrayal to this agency is finally complete," Sloane replied, his voice cold and angry.  
  
"And your days of betrayal end here. You are going to spend the rest of your days locked up in a small, dark cell where you can never hurt anyone again," she informed him in a low voice. "Agent Weiss, you may escort him to the car," she said before Sloane had the chance to respond.  
  
Weiss nodded at her, a questioning look in his eye. She nodded back her confirmation, knowing that she'd been given the option of escorting Sloane herself, but she longer wanted that responsibility. She knew she was done here. She'd said all she wanted to say. She watched Weiss start to push Sloane towards the door. He resisted slightly. She heard him mutter, "You'll pay for this" just as Weiss shoved him through the door. She shook her head and turned to Vaughn. He crossed the room and stood in front of her.  
  
"You okay?" He asked, concerned.  
  
"Yeah, I just didn't want to look at him anymore. I've done what I came for."  
  
He reached out once again and pulled her into his arms, holding her close. "Syd, you're shaking," he said worriedly as he held her tighter, his hands rubbing soothingly over her back.  
  
"I'm okay," she assured him.  
  
"Come on," he said as he pulled back suddenly. "Let's get out of here." She nodded her agreement and took his hand. He led her back through the door.  
  
She looked around again as she walked back through. The lower level agents had been cleared out so that only some of the CIA agents remained. The room was still in shambles. She realized it would probably forever remain this way: broken. And as she exited the offices for the last time, she knew that she had been one of its main demolisher and joined to her by hand was another. And nothing in the world made her happier. They'd finally done it.  
  
*Closing your eyes to disappear* *You pray your dreams will leave you here* *But still you wake and know the truth* *No one's there*  
  
Once they reached the garage, she saw a number of agents being loaded into the vans. She knew the CIA was sending more for them to be transported back. She looked to her side and just barely caught Sloane being loaded into the car by Weiss. She squeezed Vaughn's hand and felt him squeeze back, knowing that he was watching the same thing. Once Weiss shut the door, Sydney looked away, gazing instead at some of the other agents she recognized. Suddenly, she noticed her vision was beginning to swim a little. She blinked rapidly a few times, trying to clear it. Of course, Vaughn noticed immediately.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly enough so that none of the other agents could hear.  
  
"It's nothing, I'm just a little dizzy," she replied.  
  
"Maybe you overdid it a little. It's been a hell of a day. Let me go ask Jack how long it'll be until we can get you out of here. Will you be okay here for a minute?" He asked.  
  
"I'll be fine, go ahead," she replied, waving him off. He looked at her for another second as if debating with himself whether he should actually leave her there, but finally gave in and walked away to find her father.  
  
Vaughn searched between a few of the vans and watched two of them, including Sloane's, pull away before finally finding Jack. He approached him quickly, immediately earning his attention.  
  
"Is everything okay?" Jack asked Vaughn.  
  
"Yeah, I was just wondering how long it'll be until the CIA gets more vans here. Sydney's not feeling so well. I just think it would be better to get her out of here as soon as possible so she can get some rest," Vaughn explained.  
  
"I agree. She'll have to go back to headquarters for now, though. You can take her to medical services until we can verify that it's safe for her to go somewhere else," Jack told him. "I'll make sure that you're on the first van back. It should be arriving any minute."  
  
"Thanks," Vaughn said before turning and walking away.  
  
He was crossing between some of the vans to get back when he suddenly heard shouting. Everyone else seemed to have just heard it too, because all the conversations around him stopped. He listened carefully to see what the shouting was.  
  
"I need a doctor here! Agent down! Someone get an ambulance *now*!" Vaughn froze. It was Weiss's voice. He picked up the pace, running now between the cars and the agents that were in his path. He rounded the corner of one of the vans when he suddenly saw a group of agents gathered around something. He ran over and pushed his way through them. His heard suddenly stopped.  
  
Sydney was laying on the ground, unconscious. Weiss was next to her on his knees, looking frantic. He looked up, noticing Vaughn for the first time.  
  
"Mike! I don't what happened! She just collapsed," Weiss explained, his voice uneven. Vaughn dropped to his knees on the other side of Sydney as he lowered his face to hers, trying to hear her breathing.  
  
"She's still breathing," Vaughn announced, somewhat relieved, but still terrified. "It's shallow, though. Someone needs to get a doctor here *now*!"  
  
Vaughn immediately heard agents shouting back and forth about getting a doctor. Someone got on the phone. Once he was assured that someone was on their way, his focus was instantly back on Sydney. He tore off his jacket as quickly as he could and folded it up. He gently lifted Sydney's head off the ground and placed the piece of clothing underneath, so it could act as a pillow. Once her head rested on it, he brought his hand to her face.  
  
"Syd, wake up. Please wake up," he begged softly.  
  
But her eyes remained closed.  
  
*Say goodnight* *Don't be afraid* *Calling me, calling me* *As you fade to black*  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, that was a big one. I'm actually kind of nervous about posting this chapter, because that was so hard to write and I'm so afraid that I didn't elaborate enough or I didn't emphasize it enough or whatever. But hopefully you liked it anyway. Please please review, though, because if it really sucks, I'd like to know lol. Hopefully I'll get a new chapter out really soon. I promise I'll try!  
  
Livejournal: www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya 


	32. The Ocean

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I'm sorry again for leaving it at that awful cliffhanger, but I just had to. The chapter was already pretty long. But I really tried to get this next part out as soon as I could, I promise, even though it still took a while. And for all of you SD- 1 readers, just so you know, I'm changing this story so that's just in the S/V section now instead of both that and the General section. So you can all read it there. And for you ff.net readers, you just have it easy lol. And last weekend I was lucky enough to get to be in the first row of Jimmy Kimmel when Jennifer was on, so if you want to read the story, I'll post the URL to my livejournal once again at the bottom. So anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! And please please please keep up the reviews. Thanks!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Syd, wake up. Please wake up," he begged softly.  
  
But her eyes remained closed.  
  
*Say goodnight* *Don't be afraid* *Calling me, calling me* *As you fade to black*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 32: The Ocean  
  
Vaughn walked over and opened the curtains a little, looking out at the water that seemed to stretch endlessly toward the horizon. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The sun was starting to rise now and the sky was a beautiful mosaic of colors. He could hardly believe it was already a new day. The days seemed to pass so quickly now, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold on to each one and make it last as long as possible. Time had become his enemy.  
  
A faint groan from behind him snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned around immediately just in time to see Sydney stir slightly in her sleep. The move had caused a piece of hair to fall across her face. Without even thinking, he walked over to the bed and looked down. She always looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. He reached down and gently brushed the strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. She'd been asleep for nearly twelve hours now. After collapsing in the Credit Dauphine garage, she'd been rushed to the closest hospital. The doctors had stabilized her and ran tests while Vaughn had waited anxiously in the waiting room for two hours. Finally, the doctor had emerged and explained to Vaughn that Sydney was fine for the time being. It had just been a combination of stress and the slight pressure the tumor was now putting on her brain that had made her collapse.  
  
The CIA immediately requested a transfer for her, worried that so soon after the takedown, there could still be someone out for revenge. They brought her to a CIA-owned condo in Malibu that was medically equipped. Vaughn couldn't help thinking that the CIA's resources never ceased to amaze him. Dr. Anderson had already been flown back home, his assignment complete now that Sydney was back home and as far as anyone knew, no longer in any danger. He'd bid farewell to Vaughn, Jack, and Weiss only a few hours ago. He'd wanted to say goodbye to Sydney as well, but she'd remained asleep and they all knew it was time for the doctor to finally return to his family. His service to them was complete. Vaughn had watched Dr. Anderson take one final look at Sydney through the small glass window in the door to the bedroom. He almost swore he saw tears in the older man's eyes.  
  
"She put up a good fight," he'd said.  
  
Vaughn had nodded, knowing truer words had never been spoken. "Thank you, doctor. For everything. I don't know if she would have made it this far without you."  
  
Dr. Anderson had nodded at Vaughn and walked to the door. He opened it and started to leave when he suddenly hesitated and turned back to Vaughn. "We're taught to detach ourselves from our patients. It's the only way of keeping yourself sane when you're doing something like this. I thought after all these years of practicing, it was a skill I'd mastered," he said pausing and looking around the room helplessly. Suddenly, his eyes found Vaughn's. "I just wish there was more I could've done." And with that, he'd turned and left.  
  
Vaughn forced himself back into the present. Looking down at Sydney, he saw that she was still asleep. He found himself walking back over to the window and looking out. The sun was visible now, right over the water. He was almost tempted to wake Sydney up so that she could see how beautiful it was. It had been so many months since they'd seen the ocean. It was still surreal to be looking at it now. He could hardly believe that this was the day he'd dreamt about for years now: the day SD-6 was finally gone. He tried to imagine what this day would be like if things were different. He wondered what they'd be doing if Sydney weren't sick. He shook his head almost immediately, though, trying to banish those thoughts from his head. He knew he just had to try to be grateful with what he had. Part of him couldn't help but worry, though. He knew he should be relieved that SD-6 was finally gone, and part of him was. Another small part of him, though, couldn't help but wonder what happened now. That had been Sydney's main reason to fight. Now there was nothing to stop her from simply letting go. Nothing except him. Could he really ask her to hold on for him? Could he really ask her to remain in this world of suffering? Then again, could he really let her go?  
  
"Vaughn?" The soft voice caused him to turn immediately. Sydney was turned toward him, still laying down. Her hand hovered above her now open eyes, shielding them from the stream of sunlight that had crept into the room through the partially open curtains. Vaughn noticed this and shut the curtains instantly, dimming the room for her sensitive eyes. He crossed back over to the bed and hit a button on the side, causing the top half to rise. He perched on the edge and only stopped raising the bed when she could easily look into his eyes without having to move. He saw her look around and take in her surroundings.  
  
"Where are we?" She asked, her voice soft and wispy.  
  
"In Malibu. It's a CIA-owned condo. We've been here for about seven hours," Vaughn replied, reaching down and taking her hand in his.  
  
"I didn't dream it then," she whispered, almost to herself. "SD-6 is really gone?"  
  
"They're gone. We did it," he assured her, bringing her hand to his lips. "What's the last thing you remember?"  
  
"I remember being in the garage and watching the van that held Sloane pull away," she responded.  
  
Vaughn nodded. "You collapsed in the garage. We got you to the hospital where they stabilized you and ran some tests. After a few hours, the CIA had you transferred here just to make sure you were safe."  
  
Sydney shifted her gaze and looked toward the closed curtains. "So what now?" She asked.  
  
"Honestly, I don't know. There's a CIA doctor coming over this afternoon. Basically, we'll know a lot more after the debriefs. Your father and Weiss are over at ops helping them out," Vaughn explained.  
  
"What about you?" She asked, returning her gaze to his. "Have you been cleared to go home?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. I'm staying here with you, Syd. I volunteered to be the agent in charge of your safety for the time being. They're not as worried anymore, but under the circumstances, they still want someone here with you."  
  
"Vaughn, you don't have to stay. If you wanted to go home for a while, I'm sure-"  
  
"I want to stay," he said firmly. Sydney looked into his eyes, seeing the look of determination in them. She realized this was one argument she simply wouldn't win.  
  
"What were you looking at before?" She asked, changing the subject.  
  
"Oh, just the ocean," he replied. Her eyes widened slightly.  
  
"You can see the ocean from here?"  
  
"Yeah, it's all you can see," he replied with a smile, getting up from the bed and crossing back over to the window. He grabbed the curtains in his hands and pulled them as far apart as they would go. Sunlight immediately flooded the room and the sound of the waves could be distinctly heard in the distance. Vaughn looked over at Sydney, whose eyes were absolutely sparkling.  
  
"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view. A few minutes later, she turned, smiling, and dropped her head onto his chest, draping her arm over his stomach. He looked down at her and saw her eyes slip shut.  
  
"Do you want to move so you can face the window?" He asked, his hand coming up to rub circles on her back.  
  
She shook her head, eyes still closed. "I can feel it," she replied softly. He smiled and reached down with his free hand to hold hers, raising their joined hands to rest against his heart. He dropped a kiss to her forehead before closing his eyes as well. It didn't matter that the sun was shining directly on his face and that it was normally the time when he would be waking up. It only mattered that Sydney was in his arms. So he held her close and let the sound of the waves lull him to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney awoke to find Vaughn still fast asleep. Watching him now, she realized that in sleep was the only time the creases on his forehead actually relaxed anymore. She knew it had probably been days since he'd gotten a decent night's sleep. She couldn't help feeling a pang of guilt, knowing she was the cause of his worry. Lifting her head, she pressed a feather-light kiss to his cheek, relieved when he didn't stir. She carefully extracted herself from his arms and got off the bed. She crept over to the window and closed the curtains to dim the room before crossing over to the door. Shooting one last glance at the sleeping Vaughn, she quietly left the room.  
  
Once out in the living room, she immediately turned toward where the sunlight was pouring in. She was glad to see there was a deck outside and what appeared to be stairs leading straight down to the beach. She started to walk toward the door.  
  
"Running away?" She suddenly heard from behind her, causing her to spin around. Weiss sat at the table in the small dining area, reading a newspaper.  
  
"I didn't even see you," Sydney said with a small smile.  
  
"Some good all that spy-training did you," he joked. She smiled, appreciating his sense of humor at times like this. At times when no one else seemed able to find any humor in anything.  
  
"Well, I'm rusty," she joked back. He chuckled.  
  
"Where's Mike?"  
  
"Sleeping. He needs it, I don't think he's slept much the last few days," she replied.  
  
"No, I'm sure he hasn't," Weiss agreed. "So where were you sneaking off to?"  
  
"I just thought I'd go down and sit on the beach for a while," she replied casually. Weiss's eyes clouded.  
  
"Syd, are you sure-"  
  
"Don't be like Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "I'm not a porcelain doll. I feel fine. I'll bring my cell phone and I promise to come right back if I start to feel sick." Her eyes dared him to argue.  
  
"Okay, but when Mike tries to kick my ass for letting you go, I expect you to be here to defend me."  
  
"Deal," she agreed, smiling. "Now where's my phone?"  
  
"Oh, I kept it out for you. It's, um," he stalled, glancing around the room.  
  
"Never mind," Sydney said, spotting it on the counter before he did. She walked over and picked it up, shooting Weiss an amused look. She walked over to the glass door and slid it open.  
  
"Syd!" Weiss called before she could leave. She looked over at him. "Just do me a favor and don't go too far, okay?" While the request may normally have annoyed her, Sydney realized that in this case, Weiss was simply trying to spare his friend some worry when he woke up. She actually found it quite sweet.  
  
She nodded. "Okay." With that, she slipped outside, closing the door behind her.  
  
She immediately felt the ocean breeze hit her face and inhaled as deeply as she could. The smell of the ocean filled her senses. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. She moved to the stairs then, making sure to take them slowly. She was glad they were only two flights up. Finally, she reached the sand. She immediately reached down and removed her shoes, relishing the feeling of the sand between her toes. She set her shoes down near the steps and set off toward the ocean.  
  
Reaching the water only seconds later, she tentatively dipped her foot into the edge of the water, feeling its temperature. It was almost numbingly cold, but she found herself unable to step back. The cold made her feel alive again for the first time in a while. Being cooped up every second in that cabin in Vermont, never even being able to venture far outside, had made her feel like a prisoner at times. Not to mention the fact that she now needed constant medical care. It was a rare moment when she could actually feel free. With SD-6 now gone, being allowed to be with the people she loved, and being able to actually walk on the beach by herself, Sydney knew this was the closest she would probably get to freedom.  
  
She finally pried herself away from the ocean, seeing a large piece of driftwood sitting higher up on the sand. She walked over to it and lowered herself to sit on the sand, leaning back against it. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to look up at the sky. There weren't many clouds today, just a few hazy wisps here and there. Staring at it now, she was entranced by the endless blue. She remembered Vaughn's story about his mother making him describe the sky so he could realize the wonderful place his father was. Sydney wondered suddenly if Vaughn's father watched them now. If Emily did. If Danny did. She wondered if she'd watch over Vaughn one day soon. If she could make sure he went on with his life, if she would watch him fall in love again like she did after Danny.  
  
She allowed her mind to wander then, picturing Vaughn ten years down the road. He'd have long since resigned from the CIA and taken up practicing law. He'd still keep in touch with Weiss and get together every week to watch some sports event or go out for drinks. He'd have a beautiful wife, a teacher, who would have nothing to do with his past. They'd live somewhere outside of LA, in a nice two-floor colonial-style house. He'd have a young son and a baby girl. Maybe he'd even name his daughter for her. Though she knew he would always keep a picture of her next to his family's at work, and though she was certain he would spent her birthday placing flowers at her grave every year, he would be happy. He would be living for both of them.  
  
Though she couldn't deny the tears that came to her eyes when she thought about his future, she knew it was truly what she wanted for him. She knew that if Danny really were looking down on her now, he would be glad that she learned to survive and found happiness again. She knew that if she were to look down on Vaughn in a few years, she'd want the same. She didn't worry about his love for her fading. She knew that he'd love her forever, that he'd never forget her. She knew that he would always keep his memory alive, that he would tell his children stories about her and the adventures they once had together. He truly was her immortality, and she knew he wouldn't let her down.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn awoke an hour after Sydney, surprised to find himself alone in the room. He noted the closed curtains and smiled to himself at her consideration. He stretched and rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sleep had done him well. His head felt clearer than it had in days. He walked sluggishly to the door, opening it and heading out into the living room. He noticed Weiss immediately, sitting on the couch and watching television. Vaughn couldn't help but smile at how typical the sight was. He was surprised, though, when he didn't see Sydney there as well.  
  
"Calm down, she's just sitting on the beach," Weiss assured him, as if reading his mind.  
  
"I *was* going to say hi before I asked where she was, just so you know," Vaughn told him. Weiss chuckled.  
  
"I don't believe it for a second."  
  
Vaughn smiled. "How long have you been here?" He asked.  
  
"A few hours. She's only been down on the beach for an hour to answer your next question," Weiss replied.  
  
"You're making this a very difficult conversation," Vaughn joked.  
  
"And you're stalling. You don't need to sit here and talk pleasantries with me. You can go, I understand," Weiss said, gesturing toward the door.  
  
Vaughn just shook his head and walked over to the door. "Be back in a bit," he said as he slid it open and stepped outside. He heard Weiss mumble something sarcastic-sounding before he shut the door. He immediately walked over to the railing, his eyes scouring the beach. He found her easily, sitting not too far away on a piece of driftwood. She was too far away to notice him yet, though, so he proceeded down the stairs. He saw her shoes sitting at the bottom and decided to remove his own and place them next to hers. He walked along the upper part of the sand, heading straight toward her. He ended up being a little higher on the sand than her, though, so she still hadn't noticed him when he was about fifteen feet away. He stopped then, taking a second to look at her.  
  
She stared, unblinking, out at the ocean. The look on her face suddenly made a chill run up his spine. It was almost as if she were listening to some hidden voice in the waves. Like something was calling her, beckoning her. And in reality, he knew that wasn't too far from the truth. Not quite wanting to interrupt her thoughts, but not being able to simply stand there any longer, he proceeded toward her. She noticed him as he got just a bit closer and watched him approach, her expression unreadable. When he reached her, he lowered himself next to her, leaning against the same piece of driftwood. He noticed her gaze had returned to the sea and for a second, he allowed himself to join her in staring at the mesmerizing motion of the waves as they crashed against the sand.  
  
"What were you thinking about just now?" He asked, surprised that he'd just spoken the question out loud.  
  
"Oh, a million things," she replied simply. She returned her gaze to him suddenly. "How'd you sleep?" She asked, changing the subject. Something in her eyes continued to bother him, though.  
  
"Better than I have in days. You?" He asked.  
  
"I couldn't sleep for long. I just had to come sit out here for a while."  
  
"Are you okay, Syd?" He asked, reaching over and laying his hand gently on top of hers. A ghost of a smile crossed her face and she looked back out at the water.  
  
"Do you remember that night at the pier, Vaughn? The night my father stood me up," she asked in a distant voice.  
  
"Of course I remember that night. That was the night I started to fall in love with you," Vaughn replied. He watched her close her eyes and smile.  
  
"That was the first time we ever met outside of work. That was the night you became the only person I trusted. In a lot of ways, I think of that night as a huge transition point in my life. I still remember every detail," she said, her eyes still closed.  
  
"Me too," Vaughn agreed. She opened her eyes then and looked at him.  
  
"Do you think you'll ever forget those moments? Even in some small way?" She asked.  
  
"No, Syd, of course not. Not even if I wanted to," he replied strongly. She nodded.  
  
"Good," she whispered.  
  
"Syd, what's going on?" He asked, leaning a bit closer to her. She looked down at his hand then, which still rested on top of hers. He saw a single tear escape from her eyes.  
  
"I'm losing my mind, Vaughn," she said softly.  
  
He shook his head. "Syd, you're not losing your mind. Things are crazy right now-"  
  
She shook her head, cutting him off. She looked back up into his eyes. The intense sadness in them made his breath catch in his throat.  
  
"I'm losing my mind," she said, slower this time, emphasizing each word. Vaughn froze then, realizing there was more to her words than he realized.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Okay, hopefully that's not as bad a cliffhanger as the last one. If it is, I'm sorry! Oh and can I just say that I *love* the new season before, even though it makes me want to cry every five seconds. How amazing were the premiere and second episode? Can't wait for the third! And once again, I'm sorry this took a while. I've had papers, papers, and more papers. I have a four page one to write tomorrow alone. But then I have a blissful four-day break, during which I'm going to Pepperdine to stay with my friend. But I am bringing my computer, so I'll hopefully get a good amount of writing done. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, sorry some of it was kind of dark. That's just what came out. There are happy things next chapter, I promise! And please review and give me some happy things during a dull day of paper-writing lol. Thanks guys!  
  
Livejournal: www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya 


	33. The Essence of Home

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Every time I start a new chapter, it baffles me that I've actually made it this far. It amazes me even more that I've been writing this story for more than eight months. So since I don't have anything of much interest to say in this author's note, I just want to thank all of you who actually keep reading this. Your reviews really mean so much to me, they brighten my day. So, once again, I hope you enjoy the chapter. I promise, I really did try to throw some happy things in among the sad. Tissue warning is always in effect, though, just in case!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
She shook her head, cutting him off. She looked back up into his eyes. The intense sadness in them made his breath catch in his throat.  
  
"I'm losing my mind," she said, slower this time, emphasizing each word. Vaughn froze then, realizing there was more to her words than he realized.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 33: The Essence of Home  
  
Sydney wiped a falling tear from her face and looked again to the water. "I was just sitting here, thinking, and I suddenly realized... Vaughn, I couldn't remember my middle name. My own middle name," she told him, her voice pained and frustrated.  
  
Vaughn didn't have time to brace himself for the wave of emotion that washed suddenly over him. Biting his lip, he looked down at their joined hands as he turned his and lacked his fingers through hers. "Ann," he said softly. She looked at him immediately, causing him to look up as well too meet her eyes. "Your middle name is Ann."  
  
"Ann," she repeated in a whisper, closing her eyes.  
  
"The doctor said memory loss was typical," Vaughn reminded her, though he knew his words were hollow.  
  
"That doesn't make it any easier to feel your memories slipping through your fingers," she commented somewhat angrily.  
  
"No, it doesn't," he agreed.  
  
She looked at him again, tears in her eyes. "What if I keep losing them, Vaughn? Who am I without my memories?"  
  
"You're still you, Syd. You're still the same person, the same woman I fell in love with that night at the pier. Losing your memories doesn't mean losing who you are. The experiences in those memories have already shaped you, even if you can't remember them. *I'll* remember them for both of us," he assured her, squeezing her hand.  
  
"Promise me something?" She requested softly.  
  
"Of course," he replied.  
  
"Promise me that when I'm too sick to communicate, to remember, that you'll remind me, that you'll tell me about us, about Weiss, even about SD-6. Promise me that you won't let me forget completely."  
  
He nodded slowly. "I promise." He paused. "Come on, we should get you back inside. It's going to start getting cold soon."  
  
"Can we just stay here for a while? Please. I just want to sit for a while longer," she requested. Vaughn normally would've insisted, but he knew things were different now. All he could do to help her anymore was to try to give her what she wanted, to make her happy. Nothing he did now could ever make her better.  
  
"Sure, we'll sit here for a bit," he acquiesced. She smiled her gratitude as he slipped his arm around her back. She easily rested her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to relax against him. He rested his cheek against the crown of her head and closed his eyes briefly, willing the dark thoughts out of his head. Concentrating on the breeze against his face, the sound of the water, and the feel of her soft hair against his face, he allowed himself simply to feel. After a few moments, he opened his eyes again and joined her in looking out at the endless horizon. If she truly was being called, being beckoned away from this world and into the next, he only hoped that wherever she was going would be full of moments as beautiful as this.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It wasn't until the sun was setting that Vaughn finally got Sydney back inside. The wind had become stronger and he could feel her shivering against him, but she was still reluctant to go. When he felt her tense in his arms, though, and looked down to see her eyes tightly shut, he knew it was time to get her inside. He instantly recognized the signs of a building headache. He mentally scolded himself for letting her stay outside for too long.  
  
"Come on, Syd. Let's get you inside," he urged softly.  
  
"Okay," she paused, eyes still shut. "I just need a minute."  
  
Vaughn could tell that she was waiting for the pain to subside slightly, but he also knew that the sooner he got her back inside and into bed, the better. He easily scooped her into his arms and stood. He ignored her quiet, mumbled protests and began walking toward the stairs. With the weight she'd lost since being in isolation, carrying her up the stairs was hardly a task. When he reached the door, though, he realized his dilemma of not having enough arms to hold Sydney and get the door open. Sydney, of course, noticed this immediately.  
  
"Vaughn, I'm okay," she told him softly, opening her eyes. "It's mostly passed. You can let me down." He looked down at her, questioning her with his eyes before finally relenting. He set her down carefully, his hand remaining on her back momentarily should she fall. She seemed steady on her feet, though, and he moved to slide open the door. He let her enter first, following closely behind and shutting the door behind him. They noticed Weiss standing in the kitchen, heating something up in the microwave. He looked up at them as soon as he heard them enter.  
  
"Hey guys. How was the beach?" He asked.  
  
Vaughn looked down at Sydney, who remained silent. "It's good to be back," he replied simply. Weiss obviously noticed the strange tone of Vaughn's voice and nodded, giving his friend a look that said he would want an explanation later. Vaughn ignored him and looked back at Sydney. He put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to meet his eyes.  
  
"You should lay down for a while," Vaughn suggested softly. To his surprise, she didn't argue, but gave him a simple nod instead. "Do you want morphine or medication?"  
  
"Just a pill. It's really not that bad," she replied. "Anyway, that doctor's coming soon, right?"  
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. The agency called while you were still outside. The doctor's rescheduled to tomorrow morning," Weiss cut in suddenly.  
  
"Oh, okay. Still, I think the medication will be enough," she insisted. Vaughn nodded and walked over to the small dining area. On the table sat a small leather bag. Vaughn unzipped it and rooted through it for a few seconds before pulling out the bottle of pills. He opened it and poured a pill into his hand before resealing the bottle. He handed it to Sydney and headed into the kitchen area, quickly finding a glass and filling it with water. She smiled her thanks when he handed this to her as well and quickly washed the medication down with a few sips of water.  
  
"You okay?" Vaughn asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, you two stay and talk. Wake me before dinnertime, okay?" She requested. He nodded his agreement and moved closer to her, gently kissing her forehead. She offered him a smile once he backed away before turning and heading into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.  
  
Weiss, of course, wasted no time. "Is she alright?" He asked almost immediately.  
  
Vaughn looked over at his friend sadly. "She's losing her memory. She couldn't remember her middle name," he replied in a deep, soft voice. Weiss's eyes slipped shut briefly before he dropped his head to look at the floor.  
  
"I'm sorry," was all he could manage to say, shaking his head slowly.  
  
"I mean, I don't want to dwell on it until it really has to become an issue. It's pretty minor right now. I guess it just kind of knocked me back into reality. When she woke up this morning and SD-6 was gone, I was almost able to convince myself that we'd be able to live happily ever after now, just like I'd always planned. It just hits me all over again every day. And as long as I've had to deal with it, I still don't know how to deal with the thought of losing her. I still can't face it."  
  
"Just because you've had time to prepare for her death doesn't mean it's going to be any easier when it happens. The loss is the same. But this way, you at least get a chance for some closure. You get a chance to say goodbye. You can fully appreciate the time that you have. But you can only do that if you don't spend every second you have with her thinking about losing her. I honestly don't think there's anything you can do to prepare yourself for something like this, so my advice to you would be to simply make the best of the time you have. Try to take it one day at a time," Weiss advised.  
  
Vaughn looked very seriously at his friend for a long moment before nodding slowly. "You're right," he agreed. "Have you been reading some grief books or something?"  
  
Weiss gave Vaughn a baffled look, pretending to be hurt by the comment. "You have always underestimated me, Michael Vaughn," Weiss insisted.  
  
"Whatever you say, Dr. Phil," Vaughn replied with a smile.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn woke Sydney at 9:30 the next morning, a half hour before the CIA doctor was to come. She was understandably weakened from the events of the last two days and not quite having what Vaughn would call a good day, but she luckily didn't seem to be in any pain. She slowly got up and changed from her pajamas into a comfortable pair of navy track pants and a light blue T-shirt. Vaughn managed to get her to eat a piece of toast before there was a knock at the door. Vaughn immediately rose from his seat at the table and walked the few feet to open the door. Weiss entered first, greeting both Vaughn and Sydney. He was followed by the doctor, who, to both Vaughn and Sydney's surprise, was a woman. She appeared only slightly older than Sydney, perhaps in her mid to late thirties. She was maybe two or three inches shorter than Sydney, though, and had strawberry blonde hair pulled back neatly into a ponytail. She smiled at them all as she entered.  
  
"This is Dr. Alison Bentz," Weiss introduced as Vaughn closed the door behind the two of them.  
  
"Please, call me Aly," she corrected Weiss, who nodded at her.  
  
"This is Agent Michael Vaughn," Weiss said, gesturing at Vaughn, who still stood by the door. Vaughn shook the doctor's outstretched hand. "And of course, this is Agent Sydney Bristow." Sydney rose from her seat at this, walking over to where the rest of them stood.  
  
"It's nice to meet you, Agent Bristow."  
  
"If I'm going to call you Aly, you may as well call me Sydney," she replied, shaking hands with her new doctor.  
  
"May I ask how you got this assignment, doctor?" Vaughn asked, still not quite comfortable calling her by her first name.  
  
"I'm what you might call a freelance medic for the CIA. I got my medical license before I was recruited to the agency. I mostly travel where they need me and assist various agents, whether it be helping them recover or situations like this. I recently spent the last few months with an agent who had to go into hiding right after having a major surgery. His recovery was recently completed so the CIA took the liberty of assigning me here," she explained to the three agents.  
  
"So you don't normally live in the area?" Sydney asked.  
  
"No, I don't. I have a permanent residence in Virginia for when I'm not on assignment, but the CIA tends to keep me on the move," Aly replied.  
  
"We just came from the airport, actually," Weiss added. "The agency's got her set up two condos down."  
  
"And since I've still got a lot of unpacking to do and I'm sure you want to get this over with, why don't I do a quick check-up on you, Sydney?" Aly suggested.  
  
"Sure," Sydney replied, smiling politely. She walked over to the couch and sat down, followed by Aly who perched on the coffee table in front of her. She set down the small medical bag she'd been carrying and unzipped it.  
  
"Any new symptoms you've been having since your last doctor left?" Aly asked as she removed a stethoscope from her bag. Sydney immediately looked to Vaughn, who looked back at her sadly.  
  
"She had some memory loss yesterday," Vaughn replied for her, understanding that it was a difficult subject for Sydney to discuss.  
  
"I forgot my middle name," Sydney added softly. Aly looked at her for a moment before nodding slowly.  
  
"Were you able to recall it on your own?" She asked. Sydney shook her head somberly.  
  
"Vaughn had to tell me," she replied.  
  
"Well, as meaningless as this probably sounds to you, that is a normal symptom for the type and location of the tumor. I'm afraid it's likely to continue happening," Aly explained sympathetically.  
  
"I know," Sydney said softly. Aly nodded her understanding.  
  
"Okay, then. I just need you to take a few deep breaths for me so I can check your heart and lungs."  
  
"I know the routine," Sydney said, though her voice was devoid of anger or sarcasm.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure you do." Aly placed the stethoscope against Sydney's chest as she took a deep breath. After a shifting the position of the stethoscope several times, Aly let it fall back against her own chest and removed the pieces from her ears. "Heart and lungs sound fine."  
  
Aly proceeded to check Sydney's blood pressure, temperature, eyesight, reflexes, and even did a few short memory tests before she finally closed her medical bag, indicating her conclusion of Sydney's exam. She took out a small pad of paper and wrote a few things down before closing that too and looking up at Sydney.  
  
"Well your memory, reflex, and eyesight tests are all fine. Your blood pressure's pretty low, though. Right now you're borderline hypotensive. I'll get you some medication for that this afternoon. In the meantime, though, I don't want you to overdue it. Try not to spend prolonged amounts of time on your feet, especially if you're feeling dizzy. You're also running a slight fever right now, so I want you to make sure to stay hydrated and take some Tylenol," she instructed.  
  
"Okay," Sydney replied softly.  
  
"Okay, then. Take it easy and I'll be back later with that medication," Aly said as she stood up and grabbed her bag.  
  
"I'll walk you back," Weiss offered. She smiled at him and shook Vaughn's hand again, telling him it was nice to meet him. Vaughn returned both the gesture and the words and actually looked like he genuinely meant it. Weiss opened the door for her, allowing her to exit first, before he followed quickly behind. Once the door was shut, Vaughn turned to look at Sydney, who still sat on the couch. The moment suddenly felt heavy as they realized this would be the last doctor ever assigned to Sydney. That Aly's assignment was to help Sydney proceed as peacefully and painlessly as possible out of this life. The thought was almost too much for either to bear.  
  
It was in that moment, as he looked deeply into her eyes from a few feet away, that he realized this was it. Before, their goal had been to treat Sydney and get her into remission. When they realized that goal was unattainable, the goal was to make sure stay healthy long enough to be able to come back home and to destroy SD-6. Now there was nothing to work toward anymore, no goal to reach for. Now it all boiled down to Sydney's last weeks, last days, last moments. And then he would have to let her go. Looking at her now, just as beautiful as the day he met her, he didn't know how that was possible. How could he accept, as she sat right in front of him now, that she would soon be gone forever?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Two hours later, Vaughn and Sydney relaxed on the couch, watching a movie neither was really paying attention to. Vaughn sat at the far end of the couch, while Sydney was stretched out across is, her head resting on a pillow in his lap. He has insisted that she lay down and had covered her body with an afghan. Now he sat, running his fingers languidly through her hair. She sighed occasionally, causing Vaughn to wish each time that they could simply remain like this forever.  
  
Somewhere toward the end of the movie, Vaughn and Sydney both heard the lock on the door click. Sydney sat up slightly, bracing herself on her elbow. Weiss suddenly peaked his head in, spotted them, and then entered. Sydney observed, though, that he didn't turn and close the door behind him. Instead, he simply smiled at them.  
  
"Miss me?" he asked jokingly.  
  
"So much it hurt," Vaughn replied sarcastically. "Close the door, man, you're letting the wind in."  
  
"Actually, I brought some visitors. I just wanted to make sure you two were decent before I brought them in," he joked. Vaughn rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Sydney didn't react, intrigued to find out who was with him. He turned back to look through the open door and gestured to someone outside as Sydney strained her neck to try to see. Two people entered the apartment, causing Sydney's mouth to drop and her eyes to go wide.  
  
"Oh my God," she whispered, sitting up completely now. "Will! Francie!"  
  
Her two friends stared back at her, equally shocked. Will looked as pale as a ghost and Francie had tears in her eyes. Sydney was on her feet immediately, ignoring the dizziness the action caused. She rushed over to where they were standing and quickly found herself wrapped in Will's arms.  
  
"My God, Syd. It's been so long. I was afraid we'd never see you again," Will whispered into her hair, holding her securely against him.  
  
"I've missed you so much," Sydney managed around the lump in her throat. After a moment, she forced herself to pull away and turn to Francie, who was now smiling through her tears.  
  
"Fran," Sydney whispered before stepping forward to hold her friend. "I'm so sorry I never told you."  
  
"Hey, I've had more than enough time to get over it. I'm just glad you're okay," Francie replied. Sydney stiffened suddenly and could practically see Vaughn wince behind her. Luckily, Francie didn't seem to notice as her grip on Sydney loosened and she pulled away slightly. Sydney took a moment to look at both of her friends, taking everything in. She suddenly noticed Francie's gaze flicker past her. She looked back and realized she was looking at Vaughn. In all of the excitement, Sydney had forgotten that they'd never actually met.  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Francie, I'd like you to meet Michael Vaughn." Vaughn immediately crossed the room and shook Francie's hand.  
  
"It's nice to finally meet you, Francie," Vaughn told her, smiling.  
  
"Nice to meet you, too," she replied, very obviously catching on to who he was.  
  
"Vaughn was my case officer at the CIA. When I was discovered, he was put in danger as well, s he had to go into hiding took," Sydney explained. Meanwhile, Vaughn had moved to shake Will's hand, both men greeting each other. Sydney took the opportunity to turn to Weiss, smiling at him gratefully.  
  
"The CIA downgraded the security level this morning. While they still want someone here with you under the circumstances, you're allowed to leave the condo now and have visitors whenever you want," Weiss explained to her. Her smile grew.  
  
"Thank you," she said softly.  
  
"You're welcome," he replied.  
  
"Hey, why don't you three sit down and talk? I'm sure you've got a lot to catch up on," Vaughn suggested. Sydney didn't miss his message. He wanted her to sit down, take it easy, and remember what the doctor told her. Shooting him a knowing look, she led Will and Francie over to the couch. They all smiled at each other before quickly launching into conversation.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
An hour later, the three of them still sat on the couch, talking happily. Vaughn now sat at the dining room table, fully aware that Weiss was talking to him, but not quite able to focus on his words. He was much to caught up in watching Sydney laugh. Her smile was so genuinely happy that he swore it lit up the entire room. She and Francie did most of the talking, though Will interjected occasionally, usually to defend himself. Vaughn couldn't help but smile himself at seeing Sydney so happy again. To him, there was nothing more wonderful to watch.  
  
"You know, you could at least pretend to pay attention to me, Mike," Weiss commented suddenly, catching Vaughn's attention.  
  
"What? Oh. Sorry," Vaughn apologized sheepishly. "I just haven't seen her this happy in a while."  
  
Weiss turned and glanced at Sydney briefly. "I figured she could use a little something to make it feel more like home."  
  
"You were right. Thanks."  
  
"I want her to have peace of mind as much as you, you know," Weiss reminded him.  
  
"I know," Vaughn replied seriously, turning back to look at Sydney. Francie had been telling some story for a while now and was just ending it, causing both Francie and Sydney to double over, their bodies shaking with laugher. Will simply smiled and shook his head at the two of them. Vaughn smiled at the sight, but his smile quickly faded when he realized that, while Francie was sitting back up and wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, Sydney was still doubled over and her expression had clearly changed to one of pain. He saw her hand snake around to her back and knew instantly what it meant. He was up in an instant, but not in time to get there before Will noticed.  
  
"Syd, are you okay? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. The happiness had drained from both his and Francie's face instantly. Sydney shook her head, but couldn't seem to manage any words. Vaughn reached her finally, and knelt down in front of her so that his face was level with hers. He saw her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.  
  
"Hey, Syd, I'm here, it's okay. Just squeeze my hand until it passes a bit and then I'll go get your medication, okay?" He instructed softly, placing his hand against hers. She took it, gripping it tightly. "There you go," he whispered. He reached out and soothingly rubbed her back and waited for her to regain control. It only took about thirty seconds, but seemed like a lot longer. Finally, she loosened her grip on his hand and took a deep breath, opening her eyes. She nodded at him and he knew that he had to get some medication in her and get her into bed before the pain got worse again. He was about to get up, but turned to find Weiss already behind him with a glass of water and a pain pill. He took both from him gratefully and placed the pill into Sydney's hand. He watched her place it in her mouth before giving her the glass of water. After swallowing a few sips, she handed it back to him. He set it down on the coffee table.  
  
"You should probably rest for a little while," he suggested softly. She silently nodded her agreement before finally looking back up at her friends, who looked absolutely stricken. She managed a smile.  
  
"Sorry guys. I get these bad back pains sometimes, they're kind of brutal," she explained. Will and Francie both remained silent. "I'm okay guys, really. I just need to go lie down for a little while. These pills knock me out pretty quickly." Another silence hung in the air.  
  
Finally, Will nodded. "Okay, you should go lay down then. We'll have plenty of time to talk later," he said, though most of the people in the room realized this was a lie. Time was one thing she had precious little of now.  
  
"If you guys don't have anything to do, you should stick around, have dinner with us," she suggested.  
  
"Sure, that'd be great," Francie said, forcing a smile. Sydney nodded. Vaughn wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her up. Once she seemed steady enough on her feet, he slowly let go of her. She smiled at her two friends, a smile that was filled both with a deep sadness and an overwhelming joy at the same time. Will walked up and hugged her quickly, moving away afterward for Francie to do the same.  
  
"I'm so glad you guys are here," she told them as Francie stepped back.  
  
"Us too," Will said. Vaughn then reached down and took Sydney's hand, leading her toward the bedroom and away from her friends. Once inside the darkened room, Vaughn immediately shut the door behind him as he let go of her hand so she could walk over to the bed. She slowly, with very careful moves, climbed onto it and underneath the covers. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. He reached out to touch her face as she settled back against the pillows.  
  
"You okay?" He asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, I just wish this didn't always happen at incredibly inconvenient times," she replied, her tone more sarcastic than angry. He smiled at her.  
  
"You'll talk at dinner," he reminded her.  
  
"You'll make sure I don't sleep too long? That they don't get bored to death while I do?" She asked worriedly.  
  
"Of course I will. Don't worry, just get some rest," he assured her. She offered him a small smile before closing her eyes and shifting onto her side, still facing him.  
  
"I love you," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"I love you too," she whispered back without opening her eyes. He remained maybe another minute or two before gently kissing her on the forehead and carefully rising from the bed. He looked at her once, his gaze lingering for a few seconds, before turning to the door. He noticed for the first time that Will was standing outside, looking in through the small window. It wasn't jealousy Vaughn now saw stamped across his face, though. It was sadness. Vaughn sighed and continued toward the door, reaching it and opening it. Will continued to look in at Sydney as Vaughn joined him in the living room. Vaughn looked across the room to see Francie and Weiss sitting on the couch, talking. He turned back to Will before joining him in watching Sydney's sleeping form.  
  
"It's bad, isn't it?" Will asked without taking his eyes from Sydney. "I can see it in your eyes, in hers, in the way she moves, the way she talks."  
  
Vaughn paused. "It's bad," he confirmed in a whisper.  
  
"They never really updated us. We never knew what she was going through. It killed me," Will told him.  
  
"In some ways I envy you for that. There was a lot I almost wish I didn't know," Vaughn admitted.  
  
"Like what?" Will asked. Vaughn started to tell him he didn't want to know, but Will spoke up first. "Please. I just- I need to know."  
  
Vaughn nodded slowly. He understood. If their positions were reversed, he knew he'd want to know as well. "She had to have a tumor in her lung removed pretty early on. She underwent several experimental treatments, spent some time in isolation and the ICU. She caught pneumonia and was pretty sick for a while, but she recovered." Vaughn paused. "I think that's enough," he concluded, seeing the painful expression on Will's face.  
  
"Is she dying?" He asked quietly, obviously afraid to hear the answer. For a second, he envied Will. He recalled a time when he didn't know the answer to that question, when he was able to convince himself that there was still a chance Sydney could live. He'd spent so much time while she was being treated longing for the time when she'd been healthy and his only worry was getting her safely through her missions. Now, he'd give anything even for that time of uncertainty, anything not to have the painful truth he now had. The painful truth he was now about to share with a man who he knew loved this woman as well. Their mutual love for Sydney had once been the one thing that tied them together. Soon, it would be their loss.  
  
"Yes, she is."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I am sitting in my sauna of a dorm room (who knew LA could get this hot in October? Cause I sure as hell didn't lol) and so incredibly relieved that this chapter is finally finished. I had so much trouble finishing this chapter. Originally it had gone lines and lines past this, but was leading absolutely nowhere so I did some changing around, some editing, and here's what I ended up with. It's not one of my favorite chapters and I know there's not much event-wise in it, but I swear you won't be disappointed with the next one. It's going to be a big one. As always, your reviews are what keep me writing, so please give me some feedback! Thanks guys! 


	34. Beautiful Moments

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: I'm sorry for the long wait. If you read my post, you know that my computer broke and had to be sent out for repair. I still don't have it back and I was in such desperate need for a computer to do papers and homework that I had to rent one, which I'm typing on now. I've been trying to write bits and pieces of the chapter in a notebook, and thankfully I have most of this weekend free so I can finally get it posted. It's just been very hectic with the computer problems, huge paper I had due this week, being sick, and going to Jimmy Kimmel to see Michael. And yes, I did get to meet him again and that was awesome. I even got a hug (. As usual, anyone who wants to read the story can do so at my livejournal (URL posted at bottom of chapter). And for those of you who talked to me earlier, I didn't get to go to Leno because I was too sick. I got a standby ticket and everything but when the time rolled around for me to leave, I just couldn't force myself to get out of bed. It was sad, but there'll be a next time (. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Now, he'd give anything even for that time of uncertainty, anything not to have the painful truth he now had. The painful truth he was now about to share with a man who he knew loved this woman as well. Their mutual love for Sydney had once been the one thing that tied them together. Soon, it would be their loss.  
  
"Yes, she is."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 34: Beautiful Moments  
  
Vaughn felt a raindrop fall onto his forehead and automatically looked up at the sky. It was gray, but still bright enough to make him squint. The rain was light, but its presence was incredibly fitting. Vaughn looked around at the people gathered with him. There were faces he recognized, but many he didn't. The world seemed so quiet that morning. There were no birds in the sky, no cars passing on the street, no wind to rustle the trees.  
  
He heard the words but they didn't register. It was more of a dull voice in the background than anything else. He knew he should listen, that it would be the respectful thing to do, but he couldn't stop thinking about Sydney. He thought about the first time they met, the first time her hand touched his, the first time he held her, the first time they kissed, everything. But his memories weren't enough now. They never would be. They would always be a reminder of what he could've had. Of what he'd lost.  
  
He tuned back in when he heard the mention of his name. He saw everyone looking over at him and realized that it was his turn to speak. He got up slowly and walked forward a few feet, careful not to look to his right. He knew he'd break down if he did and he owed her more than that. He held a rose in his hand, its beauty standing out in the bleak atmosphere, almost as if to tease him. To remind him that beauty was something he may never know again.  
  
*I should have brought her flowers more often* he thought to himself. *I should have made sure to remind her every day of how special she was*.  
  
"Sydney Bristow was the most amazing person I've ever known," he began softly. His eyes involuntarily wandered to the side then. All he saw was black. The rose from her father already lay on top. A rose which would forever lay on top of the coffin that now encased her. A rose which would die and lay with her forever. The tears he'd fought so hard now rose to his eyes.  
  
Sydney was gone.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn startled awake, bolting upright. His heart was pounding and his breathing was still heavy. He could feel the beads of sweat on his brow. He looked around the darkened room, feeling incredibly disoriented. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm, bringing him back to reality and grounding him. He turned instantly to the source of comfort and saw Sydney. She was sitting up now, looking at him worriedly. Her eyes were still glossy from sleep and her hair was slightly tousled, but Vaughn swore he'd never seen a more beautiful sight. Breathing her name, he quickly leaned over and crushed her against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She returned his embrace, running her hands soothingly over his back.  
  
"You okay?" she asked softly. He nodded against her. "What happened?"  
  
Vaughn swallowed around the lump in his throat and struggled to find his voice. "You were gone," he whispered in a tone similar to that of a frightened child. "I'd lost you."  
  
"Shh, it's okay. I'm here. You haven't lost me," she assured him.  
  
"But I will," he said, pulling away suddenly. "I will lose you and that nightmare will be a reality."  
  
Sydney looked at him, knowing that there was no point in arguing. They both knew what Vaughn had said was true. They were way past the point of pretending. "Yes, Vaughn, you are going to lose me in the physical sense and I honestly don't know how to make that less painful for you, but you will never lose me completely. If you really believe in what your mother told you that day when she brought you to that park, then you know that. I'm leaving you with a monumental task, Vaughn. You have to live for the both of us. You have to go on to accomplish the things that I never could."  
  
"I don't know how," Vaughn admitted, his voice cracking. "I don't know how to live my life without you in it."  
  
"I know," Sydney said softly, nodding and reaching out to cover his hand with hers. "But you will. You'll find a way."  
  
He reached out to touch her face as a single tear fell unhindered down his cheek. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."  
  
Sydney couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes. Before she could respond, though, Vaughn was off the bed and heading into the bathroom. She heard him opening drawers and heard the faucet running for a few seconds before he re-entered the room holding a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. He climbed back onto the bed and handed her the glass of water. She gave him a questioning look.  
  
"Your fever feels a little worse," he explained as he twisted open the cap of the bottle and poured out two pills. He handed them to her and watched her take them before taking the water glass from her and setting it on the nightstand. "You feeling okay?" He asked, suddenly feeling guilty for waking her in the middle of what he knew was a much-needed rest.  
  
"I'm fine, Vaughn. For a minute I thought you actually might go five minutes without worrying," she replied sarcastically.  
  
Vaughn wished he could tell her that he worried so much because he knew that their time together was limited, because all too soon, he would never be able to worry about her again. He wished he could tell her how much he longed not to have a reason to worry about her. How much he wished that she could just be a high school English teacher in a small town somewhere where he knew she would come safely home to him every day. Part of him longed to tell her these things, but he knew he never could. It would only remind them of what they no longer had the possibility of having someday.  
  
"You know it's what I do best," he said, forcing a smile. Sydney saw through him, of course, but she smiled back anyway, glad he was able to make a joke of it. It seemed like every minute they spent together now was filled with heaviness, with a pressure to make it meaningful, to make it count. Sometimes an attempt, no matter how feeble, to lighten the mood was exactly what they both needed.  
  
"Let's go to bed."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Watching someone die must be the hardest thing a person could ever go through, Vaughn thought to himself the next morning. Nothing in the world could be more difficult than watching the person you love fade away right before your eyes. To watch their body shut down on them when their spirit is still so alive and bright. To watch someone, once capable of incapacitating men three times her size, now struggle with tasks as simple as walking. No, nothing could be more difficult than watching Sydney Bristow die.  
  
On the other hand, as difficult as it was right now, there were moments that they'd shared that were more beautiful than anything he'd ever experienced. She'd seemed to gain some sort of clarity with the knowledge of her impending death. While Vaughn knew she still cried occasionally, most of the time she simply seemed at peace. And as much as he hated it, Vaughn knew that it had been her illness that allowed them to finally be together. It was her condition now that forced them to throw fear and caution to the wind, knowing there was simply no time for either.  
  
Try as he might, though, Vaughn could find no trace of beauty in watching Sydney awake this morning to find she now only had limited use of her left leg. Walking had already been difficult at times due to her lack of strength, but would now be nearly impossible for her on her own. Vaughn knew it wouldn't be that discovery he would remember about that day, though. It had been that discovery that had partially caused one of those both painful and beautiful moments he knew would stay with him for years to come.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn supported her left side as he helped her into the bathroom. Once she was supported against the sink, Vaughn backed away slightly to give her some room. Sydney braced herself with one hand on the smooth wood. She reached out with the other hand to turn on the sink, but stopped abruptly when she looked up at the mirror. She was simply fascinated by what she saw. She gazed somewhat painfully at herself, then at Vaughn directly behind her. The contrast was nearly overwhelming. His golden skin tone made her paleness stand out more than usual. Her tired eyes made his green ones look even brighter. His muscular form dwarfed her extremely thin frame. He was the picture of heath, of life. Next to him, she looked like a ghost. Sydney felt as if she could already see herself fading away.  
  
Vaughn didn't need to ask, he saw the emotions in her eyes as clear as if she'd spoken her thoughts aloud. He remembered a time when her strength and form was an envy to more people than he could count. He remembered catching many men giving her a second, even third glance as she walked by. He remembered many women, even other agents, looking at her with an obvious sense of admiration. Her spirit and personality still accomplished that. And while there was no doubt that she was still beautiful and would remain so until the moment she took her final breath, it was apparent that her body had waged a great battle against itself and was losing, shutting down day by day.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered painfully, not knowing what else to say.  
  
She gave him a sad smile. "Don't be," she replied. "Nothing makes me happier than seeing you healthy." He walked up behind her then and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her neck. She leaned back against him and closed her eyes. Though the holes in her memory were undeniable now, she knew that it would be impossible to forget moments like this. Their embrace was interrupted too soon, though, when they heard Weiss calling Vaughn's name. Vaughn groaned and rolled his eyes. Sydney couldn't help but laugh. Vaughn gave in finally and backed away from Sydney.  
  
"Give me a minute! I'll be right out!" He called back. "Do you need me to stay or are you okay?" He asked her.  
  
"I'm okay, but can you wait and help me back?" She asked tentatively, obviously not used to the idea of asking for help.  
  
"Of course," he replied, moving to the door. "I'll be right out here." He stepped through the door, closing it behind him. He waited a few minutes, listening carefully to make sure he didn't hear her fall, before he heard her call out that it was okay for him to come back in. She was leaning against the sink again, her head down. He walked up behind her and placed a hand on her back.  
  
"You okay?" He asked softly. She looked up, making eye contact in the mirror.  
  
"Just a little dizzy," she replied.  
  
"That's your low blood pressure. Come on, let's get you back in bed," he urged, taking her arm and draping it around his neck. He wrapped his arm around her waist and felt her relinquish some of her weight onto him. He helped her slowly back to the bed and lifted her onto it before she could object. He watched her settle in before draping the blankets over her once again.  
  
"Can you hand me my journal?" She requested once she was settled. He reached over to the nightstand, opening the first drawer. He grabbed her journal and pulled it out, handing it to her. He then handed her the pen from the top of the nightstand. "Thanks," she said, opening the small, leather-bound book.  
  
"I'm going to go see what Eric wants," he told her.  
  
She nodded. "Okay." He leaned down and kissed her gently, his lips lingering on hers for a few seconds before backing away. She smiled up at him, reaching up to run her fingers over the side of his face.  
  
"Love you," she whispered.  
  
"Love you too," he replied as her hand dropped back to her side. He quickly kissed her on the forehead before rising from the bed and leaving the room.  
  
In the living room, Vaughn quickly spotted Weiss sitting on the couch. What surprised Vaughn was that he wasn't alone.  
  
"Agent Dixon," Vaughn said, surprised. Weiss and Dixon both rose from the couch and turned to Vaughn. Vaughn walked over and shook Dixon's hand, incredibly grateful to him for helping to give Sydney her final wish. "It's good to see you again."  
  
"You too," Dixon replied.  
  
"He just finished with debrief this morning," Weiss told Vaughn.  
  
"I wanted to come see how she was doing," Dixon said, his expression darkening suddenly. "I've spoken with Jack. He didn't get specific, but he told me that she's stopped treatment." He paused. "I know she's dying."  
  
Weiss and Vaughn were both silent for a moment, not quite sure what to say. Every time that horrible truth was stated, it was as if everything stopped. As if the world were pausing to recognize the end of an extraordinary life. And the three men who loved that life so much could do nothing but join in.  
  
"How is she?" Dixon asked, finally breaking the silence.  
  
Vaughn sighed. "Weak, feverish, exhausted, but she's being treated for pain and...well... she's still Sydney," Vaughn replied slowly. "You should know that seeing SD-6 go down was very important to her. Thank you for everything you did."  
  
"I was just doing my job," Dixon said dismissively.  
  
"No- you weren't," Vaughn countered.  
  
"Can I see her?"  
  
"Of course," Vaughn replied. "She should be awake. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."  
  
Dixon nodded at him before heading over to the door of the bedroom. He glanced through the small window and saw Sydney on the bed, facing the door. She was laying on her side, knees drawn up and bent under the blanket, and writing in her journal. Dixon took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he knew would be a difficult conversation. Finally, he forced himself to turn the knob and enter the room. Sydney looked up at him immediately and he managed to close the door without breaking eye contact.  
  
"Dixon," she said softly as she closed her journal and capped her pen.  
  
"Hey Syd," he greeted, smiling, as he walked over to the bed.  
  
She managed to push herself up so that she was sitting up slightly by the time he reached her and sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you?" She asked.  
  
"I'm okay, but that's a question I really should be asking you," Dixon replied.  
  
"I think that's a question we both already know the answer to," Sydney guessed.  
  
Dixon sighed. "Physically, yes," he admitted. "Mentally and emotionally, no." Sydney nodded her understanding.  
  
"I'm okay. Really. I've had a lot of time to face it and learn to accept it. Now that I've seen SD-6 go down, I don't feel like I'm leaving anything undone," she explained. "I can never thank you enough for helping the CIA when I couldn't. Someday you'll have to tell your kids the hero you really are."  
  
"You're the hero, Syd. I just helped out for a little while," Dixon argued. Sydney smiled at him sadly. She reached out and took his hand. Looking at this man, her partner, served to remind her that there would still be people like him fighting against the evils of the world. Dixon would still be there to fight the next Sloane or the next SD-6. She knew, as far as all the future missions and assignments went, she had nothing to worry about. She was leaving them in good hands.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
While Dixon talked to Sydney, Weiss had decided it would be a good time to go out and pick up a few things he claimed he needed. Vaughn had turned on the TV after Weiss had left in hopes of finding something interesting. As usual, though, nothing he tried to watch could keep his attention. His eyes kept wandering to the closed door, wondering how Sydney was. A knock at the door finally shook him from his thoughts and he got up to answer it. A glance through the peephole revealed that Aly was standing outside, an umbrella over her head to shield her from the rain.  
  
Vaughn opened the door and quickly ushered her inside. She smiled her thanks and closed her umbrella, setting it just inside the door. Vaughn closed the door behind her and turned to her, offering to take her coat. She gave it to him and thanked him as he put it on one of the hooks next to the door.  
  
"I came by to check on Sydney," Aly told him. Vaughn nodded.  
  
"Well, she's talking with her former SD-6 partner right now. I'm not sure how long they'll be, but I can't imagine it'll take too long. I can give you a call when they're done if you want, or you can hang out here," Vaughn offered politely.  
  
"Well no point getting soaked all over again," Aly replied, smiling. "Anyway, you look like you could use some company. What are you watching?"  
  
"Um, I wish I could tell you. I wasn't really paying much attention," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I figured. It's hard not to get caught up in all those dark thoughts when there aren't any real distractions," Aly said knowingly.  
  
"Did you minor in psychology or something?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"God, no," Aly said with a chuckle. "I just know the look on your face all too well."  
  
Vaughn wasn't quite sure what she meant, but figured he should at least offer her a seat before he pressed for details. "Why don't we sit?" He suggested, walking over to the table. She followed, taking a seat across from him. "So how long have you been with the agency?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Let's see, it must be about ten years now," Aly replied.  
  
"So you've had a lot of experience with this type of thing?" Vaughn guessed.  
  
"To be honest, not really. Most of the agents I help are recovering. This isn't really a common situation." Vaughn looked at her questioningly. "You're wondering why I seem to know a lot about it, aren't you?" Aly asked.  
  
"Yeah, I am," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I met my husband at the agency five years ago. He was a field agent and I was working with a CIA-run hospital at the time. Three years after we were married, he was shot while on assignment. When they brought him into the hospital, he was in a coma state. He remained that way for three months until he finally let go. He never regained consciousness," Aly explained sadly.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I know what you're going through, Agent Vaughn. I know that it feels like your world is going to come crashing down on you when she dies. I know it feels like there's nothing else to live for. I also know that it's possible to keep going afterward. I'm proof of that. I spent six months grieving, struggling to find the strength to not just lay down and die. I nearly quit the CIA, nearly quit medicine altogether. Thankfully, I had some supportive friends who convinced me not to. Finally, I pulled myself back together and decided to get away. I moved to Virginia, but still felt too stationary. It seemed that being on the move kept me from allowing myself to drown in my sorrows. So I requested a change in assignment from the agency and I've been doing this ever since."  
  
"You said you struggled for the strength to keep going. How did you find it?" Vaughn asked, his voice soft.  
  
Aly smiled sadly. "I thought of Colin. I thought about what he'd say if he saw how low I'd let myself sink. I thought about how much he'd hate seeing me like that. And I knew he'd want me to pick myself up and move on with my life. Part of me felt like I owed it to him in a way," Aly replied.  
  
Vaughn suddenly remembered Sydney's words from the night before. * I'm leaving you with a monumental task, Vaughn. You have to live for the both of us. You have to go on to accomplish the things that I never could.* Sitting in front of him was someone who'd actually been through this and come out on the other side. Vaughn found it oddly comforting. Though it was reassuring to hear Sydney tell him that he could make it, the truth was that she'd never gone through what he was about to. Though losing her husband had obviously affected Aly and done a number on her life, she was here. He hoped that in two years, he would be able to say the same for himself.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was another half-hour before Dixon left and Aly got in to see Sydney. Weiss was back by that time and he and Vaughn sat at the table, talking. Aly had been in with Sydney about ten minutes when there was another knock at the door. Vaughn looked at Weiss, but he only shrugged. Vaughn got up and went to the door, looking through the peephole. Vaughn saw Jack standing there, looking as if he didn't even notice that he was standing in the rain without an umbrella. Vaughn immediately opened the door.  
  
"Jack, come in," he said, stepping aside so the older man could enter. Vaughn shut the door behind him.  
  
"How's everything going at ops?" Weiss asked, standing up.  
  
"I'll fill you in later. Right now I need to talk to Sydney. Is she awake?" Jack asked. There was a sense of urgency in his voice that made a shiver run down Vaughn's spine.  
  
"She's awake, but Aly's in there checking on her right now," Vaughn replied.  
  
"That's fine, she might as well hear this too. I suppose all of you should," Jack said, half to himself. Weiss gave Vaughn a questioning look, both men obviously confused by Jack's odd behavior.  
  
"Jack, what's going on?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"They've found something. I think it's best that Dr. Bentz finish her check- up later. This is something you should hear from me. Right now."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Yeah, I know it's a cliffhanger, but I just had to do it. It was the perfect place to end. As I said, this chapter is very important. Obviously, you don't know why yet, but as of the next chapter, you will. And I should get my computer back this week and not have to use this crappy rental one, so I'll get started on it soon. I set a deadline for myself of November 22, which is when I go home for Thanksgiving. So if all goes as planned, you'll definitely see it before then. And if I really get lucky, you'll see by next week. I hope you liked the chapter, even though there was a pretty long delay. Please review! You know it's what I live for lol. Thanks!  
  
Livejournal: www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya 


	35. The Decision

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Notes: Well it's been crazy lately, but I tried to get this chapter out as soon as I could. Like I said, these chapters now are pretty important ones, and I'm sure you'll soon understand why. Anyway, I'm headed home for 8 days for Thanksgiving so I don't know how much writing I'll be able to do since I haven't been home in over four months and have a lot of catching up to do. Then again, I won't have homework, so hopefully I'll be able to do some writing. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"That's fine, she might as well hear this too. I suppose all of you should," Jack said, half to himself. Weiss gave Vaughn a questioning look, both men obviously confused by Jack's odd behavior.  
  
"Jack, what's going on?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"They've found something. I think it's best that Dr. Bentz finish her check- up later. This is something you should hear from me. Right now."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 35: The Decision  
  
Vaughn knocked briefly on the bedroom door before opening it slightly and peaking his head in. Aly had a stethoscope pressed to Sydney's chest, but had turned to look at him, as had Sydney.  
  
"Hey," he said apologetically. "Syd, your dad's here. He says he has something important to tell us."  
  
"Can he come back later? Sydney really needs to get some rest," Aly told him. Vaughn looked at Sydney and knew instantly that Aly was right. Sydney looked as if she were about to fall over. The head of the bed was raised so she could sit, but she was supported entirely by the pillows behind her. She looked pale and exhausted. Vaughn realized that, even though it was only the afternoon, it had already been an incredibly long day for her.  
  
"He says it's important," Vaughn finally said, half-wishing he could ask Jack to come back later.  
  
"It's okay. He can come in," Sydney assured them both. Aly took off her stethoscope and began to put it away. Vaughn took this as a sign of permission and stepped back out into the living room. Jack and Weiss both stood by the table in the dining area. They both immediately looked over at Vaughn. He nodded. Jack walked over, past Vaughn, and into the bedroom. Vaughn followed him and Weiss entered last. Aly stood next to Sydney's bed now, a look of disapproval somewhat evident on her face. Vaughn watched Jack grab a chair and drag it so that it was next to the side of her bed closest to the window. Vaughn opted to squeeze past Aly and sit on the edge of the bed. Sydney immediately reached for his hand when he sat and he took it, no longer caring if Jack noticed. Weiss walked over and stood beside Aly. Once everyone was settled, they all looked to Jack to begin.  
  
"I'm sorry to drive over here without warning, but I thought it best that you hear this from me. As you know, agents have been gathering everything they can from the SD-6 offices. We were finally able to gain access to the vault yesterday and we found a significant collection of Rambaldi artifacts. One of the artifacts we found was a manuscript with three bottles of liquid bound to it. Our analysts worked on translating and testing it and they finally determined what it was. Do you remember that flower we found in India, Sydney? The proof of Rambaldi's ability to prolong life, perhaps indefinitely?" Sydney nodded wordlessly. "The manuscript described a machine Rambaldi had built that produced three kinds of formulas. One supposedly slowed or even halted the aging process, one healed injuries, and one... one cured illnesses. These liquids were to be injected directly into the blood stream once a year. We believe he used this technology to repay favors, such as the clockmaker, Giovanni Donato. The manuscript also describes the destruction of this device so as not to give the people of the future too much power. We believe he injected enough of the solutions into the soil of the flower and then left a year's amount of each solution to siply prove to us that the technology did once exist. We have the solutions, but there's no way, without testing them on a person, to know if they work. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I've put in a request that they be given to Sydney, at least the solution used for illnesses. They're considering the request now. We should know within the next day or two," Jack finished, looking from Weiss to Aly to Vaughn and finally to Sydney.  
  
The entire room was sheathed in silence. Everyone was still, stunned by what Jack had just said. Sydney's grip on Vaughn's hand had become something of a death-grip. After a few seconds of gaping at Jack, he finally risked looking at her. She wasn't looking to her father anymore, her gaze now fixed on her lap. Vaughn realized suddenly that everyone was now looking at her, waiting for her to say something. She seemed completely unaware, though, obviously still trying to take everything in.  
  
"How do we know Sloane didn't plant them? How do we know it's not a fake?" Sydney asked finally, still not meeting anyone's eyes.  
  
"All the tests checked out. As far as we can tell, the manuscript seems authentic. I suppose it's possible that Sloane planted the solutions, but we have no way of knowing unless he decided to cooperate. So far, he's refused to speak a word to any of our agents. That's why they need to be tested," Jack replied.  
  
"I don't know how comfortable I'd feel being the CIA's lab rat," Sydney said quietly.  
  
"Sydney, don't be ridiculous. This is your life we're talking about," her father remarked strongly.  
  
"Yes, it is," she replied seriously, finally looking into his eyes, causing Jack to instantly shut his mouth. "If I were to agree to this, I would only agree to having the one solution tested on me."  
  
"I'll make sure they know that," Jack assured her.  
  
"I'll need some time to think about it," she insisted.  
  
"You'll have until the decision is made. Once it's been decided, you'll need to accept it right away or they'll reconsider quickly. That gives you at least another twenty-four hours."  
  
"Okay," she replied softly. Everyone fell silent again for a few moments.  
  
"I think that's enough for now," Aly announced before turning to Sydney. "You should try to rest for a while." Sydney simply nodded. Jack rose from his chair and headed toward the door, Weiss and Aly close behind him. Vaughn started to rise from the bed, but Sydney quickly gripped his hand.  
  
"Stay for a minute," she requested. He nodded at her and turned to watch everyone leave. To his credit, Jack didn't object or even shoot Vaughn a disapproving look as he left. Aly was the last person out and nodded her understanding, closing the door behind her. Vaughn then turned back to Sydney. Her eyes were already drooping, begging to finally be able to rest. Vaughn knew she'd more than overdone it for the day.  
  
"You okay?" He asked softly. She looked away from him and sighed.  
  
"It's a lot to take in," she replied seriously. She paused a moment before looking back into his eyes. "We need to talk about this."  
  
"Yes, we do, but not now," Vaughn replied. He noticed Sydney about to argue, but cut her off before she had the chance. "Syd, you're exhausted. Just rest for a while. Once you're rested, we'll talk, I promise," he assured her. The look in her eyes instantly told him he'd won this round.  
  
"Okay," she acquiesced.  
  
"Do you want to lay down more?" He asked, feeling for the switch on the side of the bed.  
  
"Can you recline it just a little more?" She requested. He flipped the switch, lowering the head of the bed slightly.  
  
"Good?"  
  
"Yeah," she replied as he leaned over her a little more so she could still look into his eyes. He reached out and cupped her cheek, his thumb running over her smooth skin. She managed a small, tired smile. He leaned down and kissed her softly, pressing his lips to hers with an incredible gentleness. When he pulled back, her eyes opened slightly, gazing at him through heavy lids.  
  
Seeing her this way suddenly made Vaughn realize how fragile her life had become. If he were to catch a cold and pass it on to her, it could very well mean the end of her life. She was like a wilting flower that he was desperately trying to keep watering, fighting to prolong its life. He watched her eyes close and realize that these moments could very well be the last ones of his life with a semblance of happiness. These would be some of the moments he looked back at and, though they were painful, would long to revisit for the rest of his life. All too soon, Sydney would most likely be gone, taking a significant part of him with her. He would go on, of course, because he owed her at least that much. His life would never be whole again, though. He would be forever incomplete.  
  
And here they were being presented a chance, though somewhat desperate, to keep her with them. To keep his world turning. He wanted to respect her decisions as he always had, but he didn't honestly know how he would be able to let this chance simply pass them by. Not when it meant losing everything.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney walked with Vaughn toward Kendall's office. She suddenly couldn't remember why they were being called in, but followed Vaughn anyway, figuring she'd soon find out. Vaughn knocked on Kendall's door and heard their boss summon him inside. Vaughn opened the door and Sydney entered, feeling him right behind her. She stood next to him, waiting for Kendall to speak.  
  
"I was told you wanted to meet with me," Kendall said, looking at Vaughn. Sydney immediately looked at him as well, her eyes questioning. Vaughn had been the one that called the meeting? She didn't understand.  
  
"Yes, sir," Vaughn replied. He handed Kendall a piece of paper. Sydney tried to catch his gaze to get some kind of answer, but he wouldn't look at her. She watched Kendall skim over the contents of the paper, his face falling.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, I really hope you'll reconsider. I've offered an extended leave of absence. I suggest you take it. You're not in the right state of mind to be making decisions like this," Kendall said forcefully. A leave of absence? Why was Vaughn asking for a leave of absence? What was on that piece of paper? Sydney's mind raced as she tried to piece it all together.  
  
"With all due respect, sir, I know what I'm doing. It's what I want. It's *my* decision and I've made it. I just can't do this anymore," Vaughn argued. His voice was filled with such pain and Sydney swore she saw tears in his eyes. Was Vaughn resigning?  
  
"As much as I wish you'd take more time to think about it, you're right. It *is* your decision and I have to respect that," Kendall said, standing. "Good luck, Agent Vaughn." The two men shook hands silently before Vaughn turned and quickly left. Sydney stood there, stunned. She hadn't understood a single thing that had just happened. Why was Vaughn leaving the CIA? Was he leaving her as well? She turned to go after him.  
  
The next thing she knew she was walking behind Vaughn again. They were outside now, the sun hidden completely behind the gray clouds. Sydney couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. She looked back and saw his car parked behind them. She guessed he'd driven them. She watched as he weaved his way through the stone and marble and it suddenly occurred to her. They were in a cemetery.  
  
Vaughn obviously knew where he was going and found it easily, stopping at a small slab of stone. He gazed down at it for a few seconds before crouching down to set some flowers in front of it, blocking the same from her sight. She guessed it was his father. His head was down now, but Sydney noticed his shoulders begin to shake. A sob suddenly broke free of his mouth and Sydney immediately crouched behind him, placing her hand on his back and beginning to rub soothing circles into his skin. Perhaps it wasn't his father he was here to pay respect to. Maybe it was someone more recent. Why couldn't she remember?  
  
"Syd," he said in a strangled whisper.  
  
"I'm here," she assured him. His cries grew stronger suddenly and it broke her heart to see him in so much pain. She wanted to curse God for whatever it was Vaughn had been put through. The strength of Vaughn's crying brought him down to his knees suddenly, allowing Sydney to finally read the first line of engraving. Her heart stopped and her entire body went cold.  
  
Sydney Ann Bristow.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney's eyes shot open, searching the room wildly, her breathing erratic. Suddenly Vaughn was there, in a chair next to the bed, leaning over her. She realized she was still in the room in Malibu. It had all been a dream. Finally, her heart-rate and breathing began to return to normal. She focused on Vaughn, who looked extremely concerned.  
  
"Syd, are you okay? Do you need something for pain?" He asked quickly. She shook her head and reached out for his hand.  
  
"No, I'm okay," she assured him.  
  
"Dream?" He asked knowingly. She didn't respond, but her eyes gave him all the affirmation he needed. "You want to talk about it?"  
  
"Not now. There's too much else we have to talk about," she reminded him. Vaughn nodded somberly. "I know you think I should try it."  
  
Vaughn sighed. "I can't pretend to want you to make this decision on your own, regardless of what it is. I do want you to try it. The possibility of not losing you, of being able to spend my live with you and give you everything else you had on that list of yours....I just don't see how either of us can just ignore it. At the same time, I don't want to force you to subject yourself to more pain, especially if there doesn't end up being any results for it. I want this to be your decision, but I won't deny that I hope you'll include my thoughts when you make that decision," Vaughn explained.  
  
"I just don't want to get my hopes up again... or yours," Sydney said quietly.  
  
"I know. I understand. But, Syd... it would be so much easier to have had one last hope crushed than to spend my whole life wondering if you'd still be with me if we'd tried this."  
  
Sydney looked into his eyes, realizing that her dream was more than likely a dead-on premonition of his future if she died. Although she'd insisted to her father that it was her life and her decision, the truth was that this decision affected more lives than just hers. And as much as she'd been able to accept her fate since the doctor had given her final prognosis, the truth was... she wanted to live.  
  
"Okay. I'll do it."  
  
There was a moment of silence, Vaughn looking into her eyes as if waiting to hear her take it back. She stared back at him, assuring him that she *had* just made her decision, that she was going to keep fighting.  
  
The way his face suddenly broke into a smile and the way he crushed his lips to hers suddenly told her she was doing the right thing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn called Jack as soon as he left Sydney's room and told him happily of Sydney's decision. Jack was obviously as relieved as Vaughn and explained that he would come by later to take care of something having to do with the matter. He told Vaughn he'd explain when he arrived. After that was taken care of, Vaughn sat, work out, on the living room couch, where Weiss and Aly already sat. The heavy events of the day were evident on all of their faces.  
  
"This is surreal," Weiss finally muttered, breaking the silence in the room. "Do you think the CIA will let Sydney do this?"  
  
"They'd better. If not for her, they wouldn't even have those solutions. They wouldn't have half the Rambaldi artifacts they have now. She's one of this office's more valuable agents. There's no way they can hang her out to dry like that," Vaughn replied strongly.  
  
"As much as I'd like to share your thinking, you should be aware that they're going to be reluctant to let something so valuable go, especially before it can be thoroughly tested," Aly pointed out.  
  
"Well, they can test it before they give it to her then," Vaughn argued.  
  
Aly shook her head. "Something like this could take months, even years to be tested to the CIA's satisfaction. Sydney doesn't have that time," Aly replied somberly.  
  
"What's the point of testing it if it's never going to be put to use? They can't make more. The manuscript itself said that the technology was destroyed," Vaughn reminded her.  
  
"But the CIA won't accept that. Their scientists will think that if one person can do it, it can certainly be recreated. Look, *I* don't think that's the case. I think that they've got one shot with this and it's only right to use it to save the woman who put it in the CIA's possession in the first place. I'm just trying to warn you that it probably wont be so clear- cut for whatever high-ups are making the decision."  
  
"Who do you think will be making the decision?" Weiss jumped in suddenly.  
  
"Good question," Vaughn muttered. They all looked at each other for a second, searching everyone's faces for an answer.  
  
"Maybe they've put together a committee," Aly guessed.  
  
"To decide in a day or two? I doubt it. They've probably selected one of the directors or something," Vaughn suggested.  
  
"I think you all are spending way too much time thinking about this," they heard suddenly from across the room. They all turned to look at where the voice had come from and saw Sydney standing there, leaning heavily against the doorway. None of them had even heard her open the door. Vaughn was up immediately and walking across the room. He reached Sydney and eased her off of the doorframe, allowing her left side to lean on him. Together, they made their way over to one of the chairs next to the couch. He helped lower her into it before bending down and pulling the lever so that the chair extended into a recliner, allowing her to rest her legs on it. Vaughn then grabbed the afghan that was draped over the top of it the chair and spread it over her legs.  
  
"You okay?" He asked, still leaning over her. She nodded. By this time, Weiss had relocated to the other chair and Aly had moved across the couch, allowing Vaughn the seat closest to Sydney. He took it gratefully.  
  
"I would say I'm sorry for interrupting, but after listening to your conversation for a good two minutes or so, I already know it was going nowhere," Sydney joked before turning to Vaughn. "Did you talk to my father?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, he's coming by in an hour or two," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Well then that gives us a little while to entertain ourselves," Sydney remarked.  
  
"I guess it does," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Now kids, remember that you're not the only ones in the room," Weiss joked. Vaughn and Sydney both shot him dirty looks.  
  
"Okay, you three, break it up," Aly said, smiling. "Sydney," she said, getting Sydney's attention. "Where's your favorite place in Los Angeles?"  
  
Sydney appreciated the change of topic and smiled at the question. "The pier," she replied. "Yours?"  
  
"Well I've never lived here before. But whenever I visited I always loved to go to Westwood Village. It's a nice little area," she replied. "What's your favorite country?"  
  
Again, Sydney smiled. "France," she answered easily, glancing at Vaughn.  
  
"Yeah, until you two nearly got your asses shot," Weiss remarked.  
  
"What?" Aly asked, surprised.  
  
"You see, these two lovebirds here decided that they were going to completely disregard the fact that if they were not to be seen in public together and go out on a date after Syd's mission was completed in Nice," Weiss explained.  
  
"Oh, don't you go and pretend like you didn't have a part in this. You were the one who told me to tell her how I felt," Vaughn reminded him.  
  
"You what?" Sydney asked. "That whole thing was your idea?"  
  
"No, the dinner was courtesy of Romeo here. I simply told him to stop pretending," Weiss replied.  
  
"So what happened?" Aly asked.  
  
"Well," Weiss began before launching into the story.  
  
As Weiss told a somewhat exaggerated version of the story, Vaughn and Sydney both caught each other's eyes and smiled. They knew they were both thinking the same thing. Maybe now, they would have the chance for more dates. Maybe they would actually get to share the dinner in Tratoria di Nardi that they'd talked about so many times. Maybe they would be able to go out together without a care in the world.  
  
Maybe it wouldn't end here.  
  
Maybe they would have a future.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jack arrived only an hour and a half later to find all four them still talking in the living room. Weiss let him in and he took a seat with the rest of them. He greeted everyone, asked Sydney how she was feeling, and then got straight to the point. Trust Jack not to waste time with small talk.  
  
"Sydney, I have something that I need for you to sign. Dr. Bentz will need to sign it too," Jack explained.  
  
"What is it?" Aly asked.  
  
"It basically says that you've made your decision. They're still deciding on what to do with the solution, but they want to have this on file should they decide to give it to you. The agency is aware of your condition and they want you to sign it while you're still able to make decisions for yourself. Dr. Bentz, you'll need to sign it to verify that Sydney is still able to do so," Jack explained.  
  
"So what you're saying is that they want to make sure I've made this decision before I lose my mind," Sydney verified somewhat angrily.  
  
"Sydney," Jack began slowly. "You and I are both aware of the reality of your condition. If your illness continues to progress, there will likely be a time when you don't even remember having this conversation, let alone making this decision."  
  
"Why is it so urgent if the decision hasn't even been made yet?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Because should they decide to let the solution be tested on you, they'll want this to already be signed so that they can begin right away," Jack replied.  
  
"When are they supposed to have this decision made by exactly?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I could be notified any time now. No later than tomorrow," Jack answered.  
  
"Fine, let me sign it," Sydney agreed. Jack handed her the piece of paper and reached into his pocket for a pen. Sydney signed it quickly, not bothering to read over its contents. Jack brought the contract to Aly, who did the same.  
  
"Why do I have this horrible feeling that I just agreed to become the agency's lab rat?" Sydney asked, half-joking.  
  
"If that's the cost of your health, then it shouldn't matter," Jack replied.  
  
"He's right, Syd," Vaughn agreed.  
  
"I know, I just hate to think that people like Kendall might be holding my life in their hands."  
  
"Well, I'm going to get this back to the office so that they have this on file. Hopefully that'll aid in their decision," Jack said, ignoring Sydney's comment. "I'll be in touch," he said, as he started toward the door. He was halfway out when he was stopped abruptly by a sudden noise.  
  
Aly, Weiss, Vaughn, and Sydney all looked at Jack, their expressions changing immediately.  
  
His cell phone was ringing.  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Yes, I'm evil! But I kept my promise, it's out before November 22nd.! And just think, I have like seven hours on a plane to do more writing (although I highly doubt my battery will last that long, but we'll see), so I may be able to get another chapter out quicker than you all think. And everyone remember, the same goes for this situation as did for when she was told she was dying. This doesn't necessarily mean she's going to live, it's just another twist in the story. Everything is still completely up in the air, so don't get your hopes up or down lol. Just keep reading (. And reviewing, of course lol. 


	36. Preparation

This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, the whole chapter is finally here! I know that was a horrible wait and I'm truly sorry, but with the 36 pages in papers I had to write at school, three finals, the trips home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, the quick drive over to Vegas for the Billboard Awards, the holidays, and visiting my grandparents in the middle of nowhere, things have been more insane than I ever remember them being. Thankfully, I'm home for another two weeks and, though I spend a lot of time catching up with my friends, I have much more time here than in school so I really hope that the wait for the next chapter won't even be half as long as the wait for this one. I'm really sorry guys!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Well, I'm going to get this back to the office so that they have this on file. Hopefully that'll aid in their decision," Jack said, ignoring Sydney's comment. "I'll be in touch," he said, as he started toward the door. He was halfway out when he was stopped abruptly by a sudden noise.  
  
Aly, Weiss, Vaughn, and Sydney all looked at Jack, their expressions changing immediately.  
  
His cell phone was ringing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 36: Preparation  
  
Jack stepped just outside the door before he answered his phone. Everyone in the room was silent, hoping to catch a snippet or two of the conversation, but their attempts were futile. The wind outside drowned out Jack's voice completely. Vaughn sighed in defeat, looking at Sydney to see that she'd clearly given up her attempt as well.  
  
"I'll laugh if that's his dentist," Sydney said suddenly. Vaughn couldn't help but smile, appreciating her sense of humor at such a heavy moment.  
  
"Somehow I don't picture your dad as the kind of person who speaks to his dentist often," Weiss commented. Sydney smiled through the knots in her stomach. She suddenly felt Vaughn's hand covering hers. She looked over at him, turning her hand in his and gripping it tightly. The silence crept quickly back into the room. A few moments later, there was shouting. Jack was obviously moving away from the door so that they couldn't understand what he was saying, but the volume of his voice reached them regardless.  
  
And then, suddenly, the shouting stopped. The sound of footsteps reached their ears and suddenly the door was flung open. Everyone looked at Jack intently, not bothering to hide the fact that they'd all been listening. Sydney's grip on Vaughn's hand had become like a vice. Vaughn tried to take deep breaths to calm his racing heart. The yelling had already sounded like bad news, but the look on Jack's face now was enough to strike fear into anyone's heart. Finally, he turned to them, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.  
  
"That was Kendall," he told them solemnly. "He says that a decision has been made to form a committee to look into the matter. Basically, they'll act as a judge and jury in a trial setting to decide whether or not Sydney receives the solution. They'll gather evidence and call witnesses. They're forming the committee within the next twenty-four hours and the trial should start not long after that."  
  
Everyone in the room clearly took a moment to take this new information in.  
  
"Are they selecting people we'd know? Or are they afraid of people having a personal connection in the matter?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"As far as I can tell, they're going to likely call everyone that has a personal connection in as a witness, so I'm assuming it'll be a panel of strangers," Jack replied. "It's also likely that everyone in this room will be called in at some point." As if on cue, everyone turned and looked at each other.  
  
"It could be worse," Sydney reasoned quietly.  
  
"How long is this trial expected to last?" Weiss asked.  
  
"Well that's why I'm opposed to this method. They haven't set a time-limit on the trial. It could go on as long as the committee wants it to. Should even one member want to preserve the solution for future use, he or she could make the trial last so long that it would end up being pointless," Jack explained.  
  
Everyone immediately understood what Jack was trying to say without actually speaking the words. Sydney could be dead before the committee even reached a decision. The CIA could easily make it look as if they'd given Sydney a chance at life while knowing they would be able to keep the solution away from her. And now it all came down to one nameless, faceless committee. A group of complete strangers now held Sydney's life in their hands.  
  
"I'm going to protest this decision, but I doubt they'll take any notice," Jack told them.  
  
"So what size committee are we looking at here?" Weiss asked.  
  
"It'll most likely consist of six to ten members. The CIA isn't going to want many people to know about this," Jack replied.  
  
As the group continued talking, Vaughn looked over at Sydney to see how she was reacting to all this. He was surprised to see that instead of listening intently to the conversation, she was looking down at the ground. Vaughn noticed that her face had visibly paled. Something was wrong.  
  
In the commotion going on between all the back and forth questioning, Vaughn managed to lean closer to her from his spot on the couch without anyone else noticing. "Hey, you okay?" He asked in a whisper.  
  
"Dizzy," she replied as soft as if she'd simply let out a breath. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'm okay, I think I just need to lie down."  
  
Vaughn nodded. Turning back to the rest of the people in the room, he quickly snapped into action. "I think we've heard enough for now," he said loudly, interrupting the discussion and causing everyone to turn and look at him.  
  
"Subtle," he heard Sydney mutter.  
  
"It's too early to start jumping to any conclusions. It's already been an incredibly long day and I think we all need to take a break from all this. We can deal with it when we know more. For now, I don't think there's much we can do. Why don't we talk more tomorrow?" Vaughn suggested. Everyone was silent, and Vaughn wasted no time in waiting for them to object. "Good. In that case, I'm going to take Syd to lay down for a while, as I'm sure tomorrow will be another long day for all of us."  
  
"That's probably a good idea. I'm sure the decision will be finalized soon and the hearing should start any day now. They're already seeking out representation for Sydney. I'm going to head over to ops tonight and see what kind of progress has been made," Jack explained. Meanwhile, Vaughn had already helped Sydney out of the chair and managed to support her left side as they stood and listened to her father talk.  
  
"Will you be back tomorrow?" Sydney asked her father.  
  
"Yes, I'll be back," he replied.  
  
"I'll see you then," she said with a small smile.  
  
"Goodnight, sweetheart," Jack said, surprising just about everyone. Sydney reached her arm out, unable to move toward him. Jack understood and moved closer to his daughter. Sydney reached up and kissed him on the cheek before smiling and nodding at Vaughn that she was ready. Vaughn understood and started to walk with her slowly toward her room. A few steps before they reached the door, he heard her breath hitch a few times, but he decided to ignore it until they were inside her room and away from everyone else.  
  
Once the door was closed behind them, Vaughn began to turn to lead her toward her bed, but Sydney stilled very suddenly and shook her head.  
  
"Bathroom," she managed in a strangled whisper. Vaughn got the message immediately and turned in the direction of the bathroom. Luckily, it was much closer than the bed and a few quick steps brought them inside. By this time her hand was covering her mouth and Vaughn knew she could only hold it in for a few more seconds. Not quite sure how he would support her now- motionless leg if she were on her knees, he quickly opted for the sink, moving partially behind her so he could support her as she leaned over it. It seemed he'd gotten her there just in time as he watched her immediately lean over and throw up repeatedly into the sink. After about thirty seconds, the dry heaves started. Vaughn rubbed her back soothingly and whispered words of comfort that he knew were hollow, but hoped would help her regardless. When her body stopped shaking and heaving, she managed a few shaky breaths before she attempted to straighten back out. Her body didn't quite agree, though, as her knees buckled and she collapsed completely into Vaughn's arms.  
  
"Whoa," Vaughn muttered, holding her up immediately. "It's okay, I've got you. Just relax," he assured her softly. He easily scooped her into his arms and carried her back into the bedroom and over to the bed. He set her down gently before reaching under her legs to pull the covers down. He then helped her settle underneath them before pulling the blankets up to her chest. He noticed her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.  
  
"Syd, you okay?" He asked gently.  
  
"I'm sorry. I think it was just the movement that set it off. I'm just so dizzy," she replied, still somewhat breathless.  
  
"Hey, you don't *ever* have to apologize. None of this is your fault, okay?" He assured her. She nodded briefly, eyes still closed. He reached out and gently brushed the hair away from her face with his fingers. He turned suddenly, though, when he heard the door open behind him. Aly entered, closing the door behind her. Vaughn was surprised to see that she carried a small plate of strawberries in her hand.  
  
"Everything okay?" She asked, approaching the bed.  
  
"She says she's dizzy," Vaughn replied for Sydney.  
  
"I figured as much. Her blood sugar's low. These should help," Aly said, handing him the plate of strawberries. "Have her eat a few."  
  
"I don't know if she'll be able to keep them down," Vaughn told her.  
  
"You know, it's rude to talk about someone when they're sitting right next to you," Sydney muttered sarcastically, finally opening her eyes and pushing herself up slightly on the bed.  
  
"Sydney, you need to try and get your blood sugar back up. Eating these should help the dizziness and nausea so you can keep them down," Aly explained.  
  
"Then I'll try it," Sydney agreed.  
  
"Good," Aly said, nodding. "Any pain?" Sydney shook her head. "Okay then, I'll be back in a while to check on you." With that, she turned and left.  
  
Vaughn turned back to Sydney, handing her the plate. She looked down at them apprehensively. "Just eat them slowly," Vaughn suggested. Sydney nodded and picked one up, taking small bites. Vaughn saw her hand shaking and had to resist the urge to read out and feed her the fruit himself.  
  
A few minutes later, Sydney had managed to eat three strawberries and finally reached over and set the plate down on the nightstand, announcing that she couldn't eat anymore. Some of the color had already come back to her face, though, and Vaughn could tell she was feeling a little better.  
  
"You want to sleep?"  
  
"No, I'm okay. Maybe I'll just watch TV for a little while," she replied. Vaughn nodded and reached over to the nightstand. He grabbed the remote and switched the TV on before handing it to her.  
  
"I'm going to go back and talk to Eric for a bit, but I'll be back soon, okay?" He asked.  
  
"Sure," she said, smiling at him. He leaned down and kissed her gently before pulling back and smiling himself. He kissed her once more on the forehead before finally getting up and leaving the room.  
  
Back in the living room, he was surprised to see that Jack hadn't left yet. The three of them had obviously been talking about something when Vaughn entered the room, but the conversation stopped abruptly. Vaughn sighed and walked over to them, preparing himself to ask the question he knew everyone was waiting for someone to ask.  
  
He glanced back toward the door of the bedroom briefly, as if to make sure Sydney wouldn't suddenly emerge from it. "Aly," he began slowly. "How long would you say Sydney has left?" When all eyes turned on her, Vaughn knew this is where their conversation had been headed.  
  
"Well, it's hard to say. Her health is clearly deteriorating at a steady pace now. I'm a little concerned that she may have caught an infection. Her fever hasn't gone down yet, suggesting that her body is trying to fight something, but the treatments have left her immune system extremely weakened. Now we can potentially treat infections, but only with her permission. And I'm not sure that's what she wants. Either way, the tumor is obviously beginning to put pressure on her brain. She's already lost the use of one of her legs. As the tumor grows more, she'll probably start to lose other functions, though I couldn't tell you which ones. Basically, we're looking at weeks now. Certainly no more than a month," Aly explained sadly.  
  
Suddenly, all the months of tests and treatments and pain had come down to this. It was a race against the clock now. Vaughn quickly realized that there were only three ways this could possibly go: Sydney held out and the committee voted in her favor, she held out and the committee voted against her, or she died before anyone ever knew what would've happened. Right now, he had no idea which possibility was the most probable.  
  
But he didn't like the fact that only one outcome of the three allowed Sydney to live.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Jack returned the next day with the agent assigned to represent Sydney in front of the committee. He appeared to be about the same age as Vaughn and Weiss. He had dark hair and was slightly taller than Vaughn with a similar build. He followed Jack into the condo and offered a friendly smile to Weiss and Vaughn.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, Agent Weiss, this is Andrew Daggett. He'll be representing Sydney," Jack explained. Weiss and Vaughn shook the man's hand.  
  
"Can I ask how you were assigned to this case?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I was assigned to Paris right out of training and I requested a permanent position there after a few months. Two years ago, I was assigned to be the case officer of an agent inside of SD-3. I'd heard a lot about the work you were doing against SD-6. I'd read Agent Bristow's file and always wanted to meet her, especially after the takedown. When word reached my office about this assignment, I volunteered immediately. I have a Yale law degree and I've seen firsthand what Sydney must have gone through by watching my agent. I want to win this for her."  
  
"Well that's good to hear, but *can* you win this for her? As you probably know, the circumstances aren't working in our favor," Vaughn reminded Agent Daggett.  
  
"So I've heard. Obviously I can't make you any promises, but I have some ideas and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Agents all over the world owe her their lives. At the very least, she deserves a chance at life," Agent Daggett replied. Vaughn and Weiss both turned to each other and nodded their approval. This man not only seemed prepared to take this on, but his personal connection to the case meant that this was more than just a case to be won.  
  
"When's the hearing?" Weiss asked suddenly.  
  
"Starts in two days," Jack replied.  
  
'Two days? That doesn't give you much time to acquaint yourself with the case," Vaughn commented to Agent Daggett.  
  
"I'll be fine. I'm an expert at all-nighters," he replied, smiling.  
  
Vaughn nodded. "So what now?" He asked.  
  
"Now I'd like to meet my client if you don't mind," Agent Daggett replied.  
  
Vaughn, Jack, and Weiss all looked at each other uncertainly. Agent Daggett obviously picked up on this.  
  
"Look, if I'm going to represent her in a case that determines whether she lives or dies, I should at least meet her once," he reasoned.  
  
"I understand," Vaughn replied. "It's just-" he paused. "How much do you know about her illness?"  
  
"Well, I've read her medical file and several reports made by both Dr. Anderson and Dr. Bentz," he replied. "But if there's anything else you want to tell me, I'm all ears."  
  
Vaughn sighed. "You'll find that she can't usually stay awake for long periods of time. Her energy level is usually pretty low. Sometimes she experiences memory loss. She's on a morphine pump right now, but sometimes she'll experience pain regardless, usually in her head or back. When she's awake, though, she's usually pretty alert," Vaughn explained.  
  
"Is that all?" Agent Daggett asked.  
  
"It's all you need to know for now," Vaughn replied. Agent Daggett nodded his understanding. Vaughn proceeded over to the bedroom door. Agent Daggett crossed the room and followed him. Vaughn paused at the door, taking a moment to glance through the window before turning back to Agent Daggett. "She's awake, you can go on in."  
  
Agent Daggett nodded as Vaughn moved aside. He reached down and opened the door slowly. He walked inside then, closing the door behind him as he went. Immediately, he saw Sydney. She was sitting in the bed, the top half elevated so she could lean back against it. She was pale, a contrast to the dark circles beneath her eyes, but she still very much resembled the picture he'd seen in her file. She was most certainly a very beautiful woman, illness or not.  
  
She looked over at him the second he came through the door. She was obviously confused at seeing a stranger in her room and Agent Daggett half- expected her to throw him out any second. He crossed the room regardless and stood beside her bed.  
  
"Agent Bristow, it's truly a pleasure to meet you. I'm Andrew Daggett and I'll be representing you in front of the committee." Sydney's face changed immediately, shifting from confusion to surprise to something bordering gratitude.  
  
"Agent Daggett, I'm glad to meet you," she said sincerely, offering her hand. He shook it immediately. "And it's Sydney."  
  
"Andrew," he replied. "You should know that I worked with an agent inside SD-3, so I'm somewhat familiar with the work you've done over the last few years. You should also know that I wasn't simply assigned to your case, I volunteered. And I truly believe that you deserve the chance the CIA is capable of giving you with this Rambaldi artifact. And despite your illness, I'd like you to be part of this hearing as much as possible."  
  
Sydney nodded slowly. "You've obviously given this a great deal of thought. I *would* like to be as involved as I can be."  
  
"I figured as much. Right now, I'd like you to help me put together a list of who you'd like me to call to the stand, who you think would be beneficial," Andrew requested.  
  
"Well, the best character witnesses would be Vaughn, my father, and Weiss. The people who have seen me work the most would probably be Dixon and Marshall from SD-6. Though Vaughn can also testify to my work as a double agent. Kendall may be helpful. And my mother is a Rambaldi expert, so I guess she would be a possibility," Sydney replied.  
  
"Excellent. Very similar to the tentative list I'd made while reading through your file. I'd also like to have Aly testify, mostly to give the committee the facts about your illness and what you've been through these past few months."  
  
"Okay," Sydney replied. Agent Daggett watched as she grimaced a little and reached over to hit a button on one of the machines next to her, which he assumed was the morphine pump. He knew it was probably a good idea to wrap up the conversation soon.  
  
"My last question is if you would like to testify yourself," Andrew asked, choosing not to comment on Sydney's actions.  
  
Her expression darkened suddenly and she looked down at her hands. "I won't be able to make it to the stand," she replied softly.  
  
"No, but with the committee's permission, you could testify from here via video feed. If you're up to it."  
  
"Do you think it would help?" She asked.  
  
"I guess it depends. I think that if you did testify, you'd be the last witness anyway, especially with the special circumstances. I suppose we could wait to see how it's going after the others testify and decide then," Andrew offered.  
  
Sydney nodded. "I think that's a good idea. I'm just not sure where I'll be at that point," she added. Andrew immediately understood. She was afraid she wouldn't even be able to testify. And he hated to admit that it was a valid concern. Depending on how long the rest of the hearing took, she could be suffering from severe memory loss, loss of speech, or any number of other serious symptoms by then. It was probably best to simply wait and see.  
  
"Well I think that's all I needed to discuss for now. You should get some rest. You're going to need it, trust me. The hearing starts in two days and I guarantee it's going to take a toll on all of us," he added when he saw she was about to protest. "I'll be back tomorrow to go over some more stuff with all of you."  
  
Sydney nodded. "Thank you," she said softly.  
  
"Agent Bri- Sydney, my former asset is a free man thanks to all of the work you did. I was able to see the work he and I did for years finally pay off. One thing you never have to do is thank me," Andrew told her sincerely.  
  
"I hope I live long enough to meet that agent of yours someday," Sydney commented.  
  
"So do I."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The next two days passed in a blur, sleep hard to come by. Andrew was over at the condo nearly eighteen hours a day, and his dedication was beginning to impress them all, even Jack. Sydney had even commented to Vaughn that she felt her life was being placed in good hands. Andrew had Sydney help with his opening argument and had asked if there were any particular questions she wanted asked to anyone. Vaughn was glad that he was keeping her involved in the process. Though Sydney hadn't said as much, he could tell that having that purpose made her feel stronger.  
  
They all worried, though, because Aly was still concerned about Sydney's low-grade fever. It was nearly impossible to tell if it was developing into more yet without hospital treatment, and Sydney refused to return to the hospital. Aly told him that if it was an infection and she could identify it, she would treat it. Until then, there wasn't much to be done. Sydney slept through the majority of the preparation, but she spent every moment of her consciousness working with them.  
  
And before they knew it, the first day of the hearing was upon them.  
  
Vaughn got up with the sunrise that morning, ignoring the fact that he'd barely been able to sleep. He left Sydney to sleep as he gathered everything he needed and entered the bathroom. There, he showered before very slowly and carefully getting himself ready for the day. His actions were purely automatic, though, because his mind was only on Sydney and the committee that would soon decided whether she lived or died.  
  
When he re-entered the bedroom, Sydney was awake and sitting in the elevated bed. He couldn't help but notice how completely exhausted she looked. He'd felt her toss and turn for most of the night, knowing she was suffering the same insomnia he was. He'd coaxed her back to sleep several times, but he was grateful for the catch-up opportunity she'd get when they were all at the hearing. Aly would remain with her for the duration of the hearing, except the days she was needed for testimony. On those days, it was agreed that Weiss would stay with Sydney. She'd told Vaughn she wanted him to be at the hearing every day so he could come home and tell her how it had gone. He was the one she most trusted to tell her the truth.  
  
She smiled at him suddenly, causing the tired look in her eyes to dissipate slightly. He smiled back. "Good morning," he said softly, walking over and lowering himself to sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
"You look nice," she commented. "That's my favorite suit." She reached out to finger the black material of his jacket. He caught her hand with his own and brought it up to his mouth, gently kissing her fingertips.  
  
"I'm nervous," he admitted quietly.  
  
"Don't be," she said, shaking her head dismissively. "You're not testifying today anyway."  
  
"I know, but the first day is important to a case," he replied.  
  
"Vaughn," she said softly, looking straight into his eyes. "I was prepared to let go before any of this Rambaldi insanity ever came up. And you're right, I think that this is an opportunity I couldn't just sit back and let pass me by, but that doesn't mean I'm going to hang on to false hope. I'm perfectly aware of the reality of the situation. If things don't go well, I'll handle it. And you will too."  
  
Vaughn blinked back the tears that rose suddenly to his eyes. He looked down at their joined hands on the bed before looking back up at her. "Do you know that when I noticed my watch had stopped the day we met, I tried to write it off as nothing. I mean, I already had a career and a girlfriend and wasn't looking for someone or something to alter the way I was living my life. After you had me reinstated as your handler, though, I began to wonder. I think that when you called me your guardian angel, part of me knew. I realized maybe the watch meant more than I'd originally assumed. I started wondering what it would be like to be with you, to possibly spend the rest of my life with you. When I broke up with Alice, I promised myself that I wouldn't waste my time anymore. That I would wait for you, wait till we destroyed SD-6, no matter how long it took. And when we did, I realized my father was right when he gave me that watch all those years ago. My heart had been set by it and I was free to spend the rest of my life with the woman I loved. I still believe that."  
  
She reached up suddenly, tenderly touching his face, tracing the lines caused by the worry that she knew was constantly with him now. She smiled through her tears and was about to reply, when there was suddenly a knock at the door. Both Sydney and Vaughn turned to see the door open slightly and Weiss poke his head in.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt, but Jack wanted me to let you know that we're about ready to head out," he said apologetically.  
  
"Okay, I'll be out in a sec," Vaughn replied. Weiss nodded and ducked out, closing the door behind him. Vaughn turned back to Sydney and immediately closed the distance between them and brought his lips to hers. The kiss was firm and gentle all at the same time and neither ever wanted to leave the temporary bliss. Vaughn eventually backed away though, moving up to kiss her forehead gently before sitting straight again.  
  
Sydney smiled, the picture of serenity next to his mask of concern.  
  
"Knock 'em dead."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: I've never felt such a relief over a chapter being DONE. I don't know why, but that chapter was particularly hard to write. I hope you liked it, though, and I hope my serious delay won't cause you stop reading or reviewing. I'll work really hard to get the next chapter out a whole lot faster, I promise! 


	37. Day One

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, well hopefully this will make up for the incredibly long wait for the last chapter. And hopefully I'll get as much writing done as I possibly can before I go back to the land of papers and exams and college life lol. I hope you enjoy!  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: It's important for this chapter to remember that this story is set after "The Getaway." After that, Sloane returned to SD-6 and the story went AU.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Okay, I'll be out in a sec," Vaughn replied. Weiss nodded and ducked out, closing the door behind him. Vaughn turned back to Sydney and immediately closed the distance between them and brought his lips to hers. The kiss was firm and gentle all at the same time and neither ever wanted to leave the temporary bliss. Vaughn eventually backed away though, moving up to kiss her forehead gently before sitting straight again.  
  
Sydney smiled, the picture of serenity next to his mask of concern.  
  
"Knock 'em dead."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 37: Day One  
  
Vaughn sighed once he reached the door. He dug into his pocket, finally pulling out the keys and unlocking the door. He stepped inside the quiet condo to see Aly sitting at the table with an open book. Vaughn greeted her as he closed the door behind him and took off his coat. He then walked over and joined her at the table as she marked and set down her book.  
  
"How's Syd?" Vaughn asked immediately.  
  
"She's okay. Her fever's gone down, which is a good sign. She was having a slight difficulty breathing, though, so I put her on a nasal canula. Don't worry, it's typical of her condition, it's really not too big a deal," Aly assured him.  
  
"Has she been able to rest at all?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Yeah, she's been asleep most of the day. She must not have slept much last night," Aly commented.  
  
"She didn't," Vaughn confirmed. Aly nodded and allowed a brief silence, though Vaughn knew she couldn't resist much longer.  
  
"So how was it?" She asked finally.  
  
Vaughn sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I think it went okay. I really don't know. It was just opening arguments, no testimony. We met the other lawyer. I know he was just assigned to the case and he probably had no say in the matter, but I couldn't even look him in the eye. It just made me sick to know that I was in the same room as someone who was fighting for the CIA to let Sydney die," Vaughn paused, visibly struggling with what he was saying. "I think they said he was out of Langley. I've never heard of him, but he has a nice looking resume. And unfortunately, his argument was pretty solid. Andrew did well, though. His opening was very strong."  
  
Vaughn remembered part of the opening that had cemented Vaughn's opinion that Andrew had been the right choice for Sydney's representation.  
  
"Sydney Bristow is an exemplary agent of the Central Intelligence Agency. After seven years of unknowingly servicing SD-6, she has spent every moment since then working to take them down. Working to correct a mistake that no one in this world would fault her for. Her work has led to the acquisition of many invaluable Rambaldi artifacts. Without her years of work inside SD- 6, Agent Dixon never would have had the opportunity to acquire this particular artifact that has brought us here today. And had she not been sick, it's more than likely she would have been the one to acquire the artifact herself. As of this time, there are no other candidates produced by the CIA that are worthy of this opportunity, of this chance at life. The thought of preserving all three of these solutions so that they may be tested and never used is absurd when the woman who put her life on the line for two years to get the CIA artifacts like this one is lying on her deathbed..."  
  
"I guess we'll know more as the hearing goes on," Aly commented, snapping Vaughn from his thoughts.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Vaughn agreed.  
  
"So where is everyone?" Aly asked.  
  
"Jack and Andrew are off somewhere working on what order to call us all in. Weiss was called to ops right after the hearing ended," Vaughn replied. Aly nodded. A brief silence fell over them. "I think I'm going to go sit with her for a while," Vaughn said, breaking the silence.  
  
Aly smiled. "Of course." She picked up her book again as Vaughn got up from the table.  
  
He entered the bedroom to find it darkened, the lights off and the shades drawn. He assumed Sydney was still sleeping. Closing the door behind him before rounding the bed, he soon discovered his assumption had been correct. Sydney lay on her side, eyes closed. Vaughn took residence in his usual chair beside her. Unable to stop himself, he reached out and brushed imaginary hairs away from her face. She sighed contentedly before her eyes fluttered open and focused on him. His guilt at waking her vanished when the smile spread across her face.  
  
"You're back," she said softly, her voice sounding slightly different with the canula now feeding her oxygen through her nose.  
  
He chuckled. "I am."  
  
"How did it go?" She asked.  
  
He reached out again, his fingers brushing against her cheek. "It went well. Andrew was great," he replied.  
  
"And the other lawyer?" She asked knowingly.  
  
"It's hard to tell, really. It was only opening arguments," Vaughn reminded her.  
  
"Vaughn," she warned as she shifted a bit. He barely caught her wince, but he did hear the way her breath hitched.  
  
"Hey, we'll talk later, okay? You're exhausted and I know you want to be rested for when your father and Andrew come by later," he reasoned, knowing it was the one thing she wouldn't argue with.  
  
"Why is it that you always know exactly what to say to get yourself off the hook?" Sydney asked, teasingly. Vaughn smiled at her.  
  
"It's a skill one must acquire when they spend most of their time with someone as stubborn as you." She shook her head in amusement and he leaned down and captured her lips.  
  
"Will you stay for a bit?" She asked tentatively once he drew away from her face.  
  
"Of course." She gave him a small smile before closing her eyes. He took the opportunity to reach over to the morphine pump and up her dose slightly.  
  
"I heard that," she mumbled, eyes still closed.  
  
"You needed it," he insisted. She didn't argue for once, just reached out her hand. He took it without hesitation and brought it to his lips before allowing their joined hands to fall back onto the bed.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
An hour later, not a thing in the small bedroom had changed. Sydney still slept. Vaughn still sat beside her bed. Their hands were still joined. Vaughn savored the stillness, afraid that if he moved, the moment would be broken. He knew that once he went back to the real world, everything would keep moving and he would be thrown back into the chaos of it all. But here, in this room, everything stood still. Here, he was with Sydney. Here, that was the only thing that mattered.  
  
Vaughn was startled when the door suddenly opened. He looked up to see that it was Weiss who was standing in the doorway. Instead of entering like Vaughn expected him to, though, he suddenly stepped aside as if he were allowing someone else to enter. And then someone did. As Weiss closed the door behind the visitor, Vaughn found himself staring directly at a dead person.  
  
"You're Emily Sloane."  
  
Emily nodded, looking into his eyes before her gaze shifted to look at Sydney. Vaughn clearly saw the tears in her eyes. She looked back up at him sadly. "I know what you must think, but I'm here to help." She paused. "I needed to see her."  
  
Vaughn looked down at Sydney, her face still peaceful in sleep. "Just don't upset her," he said softly before looking back up at her. A hint of a smile crossed her face.  
  
"I love her too." Vaughn sighed, nodded, and leaned toward Sydney. Reaching out with his free hand, he gently rubbed up and down her arm.  
  
"Syd," he said softly, coaxing her from her sleep. Finally, her eyes fluttered open. He smiled down at her.  
  
"Hi," she whispered.  
  
"Hey," he replied, the smile fading from his face.  
  
"What is it?" She asked. Vaughn looked up, past her, at Emily. Sydney saw this and turned her head to follow his eye-line. When she saw Emily, her face visibly paled and her eyes grew impossibly wide. "Emily." The word was as soft as a breath. She turned her head back to look at Vaughn suddenly, as if to confirm she wasn't hallucinating. He nodded at her before leaning down and pressing his lips to her forehead. He then rose from his seat and headed for the door, giving another nod to Emily as he passed. Emily took that as a sign of permission and she made her way over to Sydney, lowering herself into the chair that Vaughn had just vacated. Meanwhile, Sydney managed to push herself up slightly to sit against some of the pillows.  
  
"Sydney," Emily said softly, tears in her eyes.  
  
Sydney shook her head. "I don't understand." She paused. "I spoke at your funeral."  
  
"I know," Emily said, her eye-line dropping. "Sydney, when the Alliance found out that I knew about them, they ordered Arvin to kill me. We had no choice. He sent me into hiding and came up with a plan to make the Alliance believe I was dead. After the CIA destroyed the Alliance, he must've told some of your agents where I was. They came and brought me back to speak to Arvin. He filled me in everything he knew. Agent Weiss filled in the blanks... He told me about you."  
  
"You knew that SD-6 wasn't part of the CIA," Sydney stated, amazed.  
  
"Arvin told me. Right after I went into remission, right before I went into hiding. He explained everything to me," Emily replied.  
  
"And you forgave him?" Sydney asked.  
  
"I don't expect you to understand. I've loved him for more than half of my life. When I was sick, he was all I had. He was the only thing that got me through sometimes. I had to believe that he had his reasons," Emily explained tearfully. "I know the pain he's caused you, Sydney. And for that, I am so sorry."  
  
Tears rose to Sydney's eyes. She reached out and laid her hand on top of Emily's. "I don't blame you."  
  
"When they told me you were sick- God, Sydney, I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you like you were for me," she said softly, the tears steadily streaming down her face now.  
  
"It's not your fault," Sydney said, shaking her head. "We were both in hiding, nothing could've been done."  
  
Emily looked down, silent for a long moment. "You should know that the CIA wants to make me a candidate for the solution as well. That they want to propose to save it should I have another relapse. Arvin told them that if they did so, he would cooperate with them."  
  
Sydney took a shaky breath. "Emily, it's okay. I never really expected this to be my miracle cure. Besides, you deserve it just as much as I do," she said sincerely.  
  
"I told them no. I said there was no way I would willingly participate in this. I told them I wanted the solution to be tested on you."  
  
"But, Emily, the information the CIA could gain from Sloane would be invaluable. And it could be your chance to live a healthy life," she argued.  
  
"I have my chance, Sydney. I've been in remission for more than a year. I'm perfectly healthy and plan on staying that way. You need this much more than I do," Emily protested.  
  
"I can't let you do this."  
  
"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice."  
  
"Say they decide to test the solution on me and say it actually works. How am I supposed to live with myself if, God forbid, your illness should come back?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Sydney," Emily said gently, taking Sydney's hand in her own. "Arvin told me about what you said at my funeral. That you thought of me as a mother to you. A mother's job is to give life to their child. I may not have been the one that gave you life to begin with, but I have the opportunity to do so now. Let me do this for you. Please."  
  
Sydney took a deep breath and closed her eyes, allowing several tears to escape and roll down her face. Emily took the opportunity to lean over and gather Sydney into her arms. They held each other tightly. "I know what you're going through, Sydney. I know how hard it is. I'll be here if you ever want to talk," Emily whispered into Sydney's ear.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I think we're going to plan on two witnesses a day," Andrew said as he, Jack, Vaughn, Weiss, and Aly sat around the dining room table later that evening. "I doubt we'll make it to any more than that before the committee recesses for the day."  
  
After Emily and Sydney had talked, Sydney had fallen pretty quickly back to sleep. Vaughn knew she wanted to be awake for when Andrew and her father came to discuss strategy for the next day of the hearing, but Vaughn figured that after not sleeping much the night before and after what he assumed was something of an emotionally draining reunion with Emily, she really needed the rest. So, at the risk of facing Sydney's wrath later, he let her sleep.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, Agent Bristow, I think that you two will be her strongest witnesses, so I'm going to put you on the stand last. That way, the committee will have the freshest memory of you while they make their final decision. Tomorrow, I want to have Dr. Bentz and Kendall testify. I've notified Kendall already. Is tomorrow alright with you, Dr. Bentz?" He asked.  
  
"Of course," she replied immediately.  
  
"Good. I'll go over with you tonight what I'll ask and what you may be asked by Agent Clark, the other lawyer. I'll alert Agent Dixon to be ready to head over in case we do get past two witnesses, though I don't think that'll be a problem. So I'll plan on having Agent Dixon and Agent Flinkman testify the next day, and then Agent Weiss and Agent Vaughn. Last will be Agent Bristow and we'll see what happens with Sydney being able to testify," Andrew explained.  
  
"She won't make it to that courtroom. She's too sick," Aly argued.  
  
"She may not have to. As it is, they've already denied my request to call Ms. Derevko to the stand. They say it's too dangerous to bring her out of the ops center. Instead, they've allowed her to prepare a written statement to present to the committee. I'm hoping they'll allow something of that nature for Sydney, possibly even testimony via video-feed. We'll just have to wait and see, really."  
  
"Are you okay to stay with her tomorrow, Agent Weiss?" Aly asked.  
  
"Of course," he replied.  
  
"Okay. I'm going to hook her up to a heart-monitor starting tonight so that we'll know if anything is wrong. If her heart is beating too fast or too slow, an alarm will sound. She has the morphine pump, so you won't need to give her any injections. Everything should be fine, but I'll leave my cell phone on in case you need to reach me," Aly instructed.  
  
"So everything's set then?" Andrew asked. Everyone looked at each other and one by one, they nodded.  
  
"Great. Then we're ready for our second day."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Okay, so it's a bit shorter than a lot of the chapters have been lately, but I wanted to get one posted before I go back to LA on Monday and start classes on Wednesday. Oh, and I just have to add a little note to say that anyone whose ever read the amazing, amazing book "A Time For Dancing" by Davida Wills Hurwin, you really need to go and read the new sequel that just came out called "The Farther You Run." I've never been so truly touched by a book in my life. And if you've never read either, you really should! Okay, that's my little blurb. I'm done now. Please review and I'll keep it coming as fast as I can! Thanks! 


	38. You Promised

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, time for a new chapter! I'm back at school now and handling classes and everything. I still have Tuesdays and Thursdays off so that's really nice. I have a lot of introductory essays to do, but hopefully the workload will lighten up by next week. And for now, I would like to take this opportunity to say that the Golden Globes suck very very much. And with that, onto the chapter. Enjoy!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Okay. I'm going to hook her up to a heart-monitor starting tonight so that we'll know if anything is wrong. If her heart is beating too fast or too slow, an alarm will sound. She has the morphine pump, so you won't need to give her any injections. Everything should be fine, but I'll leave my cell phone on in case you need to reach me," Aly instructed.  
  
"So everything's set then?" Andrew asked. Everyone looked at each other and one by one, they nodded.  
  
"Great. Then we're ready for our second day."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 38: You Promised  
  
"What is the medical term for Agent Bristow's current condition?" Andrew questioned.  
  
"She has a malignant brain tumor that has metastasized to her blood stream. Simply put, end stage cancer," Aly replied.  
  
Vaughn cringed from his position behind Andrew's table. Jack sat beside him, the look on his face reflecting the same sorrow. Vaughn took a second to glance over across the room to where Agent Clark sat. His face was completely emotionless and Vaughn wished he could walk over and shake some sense into him, to make him realize that he was fighting to destroy more lives than just Sydney's. Shaking the thoughts from his head, Vaughn focused back on Aly on the stand.  
  
"Can you describe to the committee the course of Agent Bristow's illness, what she's been through so far?" Andrew requested.  
  
"Agent Bristow was diagnosed earlier this year with a brain tumor. Tests soon proved the tumor to be malignant. She was hospitalized in an SD-6 hospital and given several rounds of chemotherapy. She was able to check out of the hospital a few days later and return for outpatient treatments several times a week. She collapsed after a treatment not long after her release and was re-admitted. The doctors at Angel of Mercy told her that her tumor was growing and they were flying in a surgeon to perform a high- risk emergency surgery. Agent Vaughn and Agent Bristow discovered right as she was going into surgery that SD-6 was plotting on staging the surgery and leaving Agent Bristow for dead. She, Agent Vaughn, and Agent Weiss were then sent into hiding, where they've been for the last six months. Not long after they got there, a tumor was discovered in Agent Bristow's lung and had to be surgically removed. After that she was put back on chemotherapy and radiation treatments. When those didn't prove to be working as well as her doctor had hoped, he put her on an experimental type of chemotherapy, where she was very susceptible to germs. She eventually caught pneumonia and had to be taken to the hospital and put on oxygen. As soon as she recovered from that, she was put into isolation and given another experimental treatment. She remained there for three weeks before she was able to return to the safe-house. After she was thoroughly tested, her doctor found that, even after all of her treatments, her tumor had grown and spread. After that, there was nothing they could do. Agent Bristow was able to return to assist in the takedown of SD-6 and the Alliance. Since then, it's just been a slow and steady decline," Aly finished finally. Vaughn felt tears rise in his eyes at her description of Sydney's battle. To hear it told so factually, though, didn't even begin to convey the pain she'd been through. The pain they'd all been through.  
  
"And you're currently living next door to Agent Bristow, correct?" Andrew clarified.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How often do you see her usually?"  
  
"Usually several times a day. Her condition requires constant medical attention," Aly replied.  
  
"Could you please describe some of the symptoms Agent Bristow currently experiences due to her illness, Dr. Bentz?" Andrew asked.  
  
"She has an extremely low energy level and isn't able to remain awake for long periods of time. She's lost the use of one of her legs and can no longer walk on her own. She's experienced memory loss, extreme pain, dizziness, nausea, difficulty breathing, and a number of other symptoms. And it's likely she'll keep developing more," Aly answered somberly.  
  
"Dr. Bentz, how much do you know about Rambaldi?"  
  
"Well, I've been briefed somewhat in the subject. Naturally, when I was assigned to Agent Bristow, I read her file. I have a basic knowledge of Rambaldi's artifacts and why they're so important."  
  
"Do you believe that this artifact could cure Agent Bristow's illness?"  
  
"I couldn't say yes with complete certainty as this is a new technology to everyone, but I believe that it could. I also know that it's her only chance. Without this, she will certainly die."  
  
Vaughn closed his eyes, fighting the waves of pain he felt every time he heard those words. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and found that Aly was looking at him. The look on her face was apologetic. Vaughn gave a slight nod, just enough for her to see, letting her know that it was okay. That she was doing the right thing. He'd been prepared for this to hurt. If it saved Sydney, the pain didn't matter.  
  
"Dr. Bentz," Andrew started again. "I'm aware that this has nothing to do with your expertise, but you've been Sydney's doctor long enough to observe who she is and how she deals with her condition. Do you believe that she should be given this solution?"  
  
"Yes," Aly replied without hesitation. "No one on this earth could or ever will deserve this chance at life more than Sydney Bristow. She wants to live. She's fought against this disease with incredible strength and courage. I also believe that she's an invaluable asset to the CIA and that her death would be a great loss."  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Bentz. I have no further questions," Andrew stated, returning to his seat.  
  
With that, Agent Clark got up. Vaughn and Jack both scowled. This was the part Vaughn always wished he could escape. All he ever wanted to do when listening to this man, this man who was fighting for Sydney's death, was walk up to the front of the courtroom and beat him senseless. If anything was painful, it was these parts.  
  
"Dr. Bentz," Agent Clark began. Only two days into the trial, his voice already sent shivers up Vaughn's spine. "Can you please tell me exactly when you were assigned to Agent Bristow?"  
  
"A few weeks ago," Aly answered.  
  
"So you weren't present to observe Agent Bristow's treatments or surgeries or setbacks, correct?"  
  
"I was briefed about that time by her previous-"  
  
"A simple yes or no will do, Dr. Bentz," he interrupted.  
  
Aly sighed. "No, I wasn't."  
  
"Dr. Bentz, can you explain to me why Agent Bristow isn't present for this hearing?" He asked.  
  
Aly clenched her jaw tightly, knowing exactly where this was leading. "Agent Bristow's condition prevents her from being here," she answered simply.  
  
"Would coming jeopardize her health?"  
  
"It could," Aly replied.  
  
"So her health is very fragile right now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How much time would you say she has?"  
  
"Right now, it's a matter of weeks. I couldn't tell you exactly how many."  
  
"More than a month?" Agent Clark asked.  
  
"No, probably not," she replied.  
  
"So isn't it true that by the time this committee makes this decision, should they decide to give her the solution, that her health will be too fragile to endure any side-effects it may cause? Isn't it possible she may not even survive the tests and transportation she'll have to go through?"  
  
"In my medical opinion, she's-"  
  
"Is it possible, Dr. Bentz?" Agent Clark questioned again, cutting her off.  
  
Aly looked over to Vaughn, knowing her next words were going to cut deep. "It's possible."  
  
"No further questions."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Weiss entered the quiet room, shutting the door behind him as slowly and softly as possible. He'd already checked on Sydney several times in the last few hours, but he'd finally decided it would be better just to grab a book and go in and sit with her. That way, he wouldn't have to worry so much. He realized he was finally getting a glimpse of what Vaughn felt like all the time. Now he understood. It was a whole different situation when you were the one responsible for her. He couldn't let anything happen to her now, not when they could be so close to acquiring the one thing that could save her life.  
  
He crept over to the small table by the window and dropped into the plush chair beside it. He opened his book to where the corner of one of the pages was folded over. He settled back in the chair and began to read. After a few pages, he'd gotten back into the story again and had become somewhat oblivious to his surroundings.  
  
"Good book?" He heard suddenly, startling him. He whipped his head around, noticing that Sydney had woken up.  
  
"Hey, you're up," he said, smiling. She smiled back as he set down the book and relocated to the chair beside her bed.  
  
"Everyone at the hearing?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, they probably won't be back for a few hours yet," Weiss replied. Sydney nodded. "How are you feeling?"  
  
She sighed. "I'm okay. Just pretty low on energy."  
  
"Any pain?" He asked.  
  
"Not really," she replied.  
  
"Good." They lapsed into an easy silence.  
  
"So when do you testify?" Sydney asked after a few moments.  
  
"Day after tomorrow if everything goes as planned," Weiss answered.  
  
"How do you think it's going? Really."  
  
"From what I saw yesterday, I think Andrew's the right person for the job. I can't tell you if he's going to win this for you or not, but I think you've got a fighting chance with him," Weiss told her honestly.  
  
"I don't think Vaughn is so sure. He looked worried when he came back yesterday."  
  
"Well, you know Mike. He's going to be worried even if the other lawyer was a total incompetent," Weiss joked.  
  
"You're right," Sydney agreed, smiling. The smile quickly faded, though, and was replaced by a serious look. "Does he sleep?"  
  
Weiss sighed. "You shouldn't worry, Syd."  
  
"Why not? He worries enough about me, shouldn't I get a turn?" She asked sarcastically.  
  
"We're all here to make sure he's okay," Weiss assured her.  
  
"But you're all too concerned with whether *I'm* okay or not. Someone needs to watch over him too. You know him..... I'm the only one who needs to be sick right now."  
  
"He'll be okay, Syd. I'll make sure of it... I mean, until you're able again." He smiled at her. She smiled back and nodded, appreciating his optimism.  
  
"Thank you." She shifted slightly, gasping audibly when the movement caused shooting pains in her back. "Can you, um, can you-"  
  
"Yeah, of course," Weiss said quickly, reaching over to the morphine pump and upping her dose slightly. Within seconds, her face registered relief, though her eyes remained closed.  
  
"Thanks," she said softly.  
  
"Get some rest. Everyone else should be back in a few hours."  
  
She nodded as she allowed sleep to reclaim her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn sat by her bed, realizing that most men woke up in the morning and watched their girlfriends sleep, taking the time to acknowledge how incredibly lucky they were to have someone like that in their life. Though Vaughn acknowledged that luck as well, he mostly spent his time worrying that this would be the time she didn't wake up. Though sleep was sometimes her only escape from the pain now, it was also the thing that would soon carry her into a coma and then away from this life altogether. Unless the solution could save her...could save both of them.  
  
Vaughn was interrupted from his thoughts when he saw Sydney stir in her sleep. He waited patiently for a few seconds and, like he knew they would, her eyes soon fluttered opened. She looked around the room, obviously slightly disoriented. He leaned over her and smiled.  
  
"Hey," he said softly.  
  
But this time her eyes didn't soften the way they normally did. This time her eyes continued to wander the room, growing wide and moving frantically. Before Vaughn could ask what was wrong, she suddenly shot up into a sitting position, wincing at the pain the movement caused. Her breathing sounded fast and the heart monitor began to beep loudly with her increasing heart rate. Her eyes continued to search the room as if completely lost.  
  
"Syd," he said gently, tentatively reaching out to take her hand. As soon as she felt his hand on hers, though, she jerked it away and stared at him in horror.  
  
"Where am I?!" Vaughn felt his chest tighten. The tumor had stolen yet another memory from her, but this time it was much more extreme.  
  
"Syd, it's okay, you're safe," he attempted, trying to sooth her.  
  
"Where the hell am I?!" She asked loudly. Vaughn heard the monitor behind him start to beep dangerously fast. He realized he needed to get her to calm down before she harmed herself. When she turned to look around the room again, he took the opportunity to lean toward her. When she sensed the movement, though, she whipped around and in a flash, her hands were wrapped around his throat. She squeezed just tightly enough for him to get the point. "What the hell is going on?" She asked, her voice still shaking with fear.  
  
"Syd, it's me. It's Vaughn. You're in Malibu. You're okay," he said as calmly as possible, realizing with horror that not only didn't she recognize where she was... she didn't recognize him.  
  
Her face changed suddenly. Her hands dropped from his throat and tears filled her eyes. "Vaughn," she whispered.  
  
"Yeah, it's me," he said softly, cautiously laying a hand on her arm.  
  
"Oh God," she said softly, realization spreading across her face. Suddenly, the floodgates opened and tears began to pour out of her eyes. Vaughn quickly moved to sit on the bed and took her into his arms just as her body began to shake with sobs. She clung to him tightly, holding on as if she'd never let go. Vaughn heard the monitor behind him continue to beep harshly and he realized she wasn't calming down. If anything, she was even worse than before. He could hear her gasping for breath between sobs.  
  
"Syd, it's okay. You're okay. I'm here. Everything's going to be fine," he said into her ear over and over. His voice only seemed to make her cry harder, though. "Sydney, you need to calm down, okay? Just try to take some deep breaths." But she didn't calm, continuing to shake both of them with the force of her cries. Vaughn wasn't even sure if she could hear him, but he knew he needed to do something, and fast.  
  
"Aly!" Vaughn called as loudly as he could, trying to lean away from Sydney so that he didn't scream into her ear. He continued to rub her back soothingly and waited what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only seconds for Aly to come. Finally, the door flew open and Aly entered, a concerned-looking Weiss right behind her. Aly took in the sight before her quickly and moved closer to the bed.  
  
"Is it pain?" She asked. Still holding Sydney securely in his arms, Vaughn shook his head.  
  
"I think she's having a panic attack," Vaughn replied. Aly nodded and quickly ran out of the room. Weiss hovered near the doorway, his face a mask of worry. Vaughn met his eyes in a look heavy with a painful truth. Both men knew things were going downhill quickly. They were running out of time.  
  
Aly returned only seconds later, carrying her medical bag. She set it down on the edge of the bed and fished out a bottle of liquid and a needle. She drew half a syringe of medicine and flicked it to get out any air bubbles. She then moved around so that she could inject the medicine into Sydney's arm. Vaughn helped to hold her arm down so that she didn't move too much, but she didn't even react when the needle penetrated her skin. Vaughn wondered if she felt it at all. Aly quickly removed the needle and Vaughn looked up at her for assurance.  
  
"It's a sedative. Should work quickly," she assured him. Vaughn nodded and focused his attention back on Sydney, who still sobbed in his arms.  
  
"Shhh. It's okay, Syd. Just focus on my voice. Try to breathe with me," he urged her, beginning to rock her slightly to help calm her.  
  
It took a few seconds, but finally the chaotic beeping of the monitor began to slow and her sobs turned to whimpers. Once Vaughn was sure that she was breathing okay, he nodded at Aly. She nodded back and turned to leave, taking Weiss with her when she exited the room. He continued to rock Sydney, closing his eyes and whispering whatever comforting words entered his mind. After a few moments, he stilled.  
  
"Can you take a deep breath for me, Syd?" He asked softly. He heard her breath in, her voice shaking considerably, and let it out in a sigh. He suddenly repeated her actions, releasing a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Good," he whispered. He turned his head, pressing his lips to her cheek before gently laying her down. Her face was flushed from her crying, her eyes still wet. Her eyelids were swollen and beginning to droop from the sedative now in her system. Her breath still shook slightly, but she was breathing almost normally now. "You okay now?" he asked gently.  
  
She nodded slowly. "Tissue," she whispered tiredly. Vaughn reached over to the nightstand and pulled a tissue from the box sitting there. He gently removed her oxygen tube before holding the tissue up to her nose.  
  
"Blow," he instructed. Obviously too tired to argue, she complied. When she was done, he tossed the tissue into the trash next to the nightstand. He looked back to Sydney, who was fighting to stay awake now, and brought his hand to her cheek. His thumb caressed her flawless skin, one of the few things the cancer had not touched. Suddenly, he noticed she was struggling to say something, but he couldn't quite make it out. He leaned down close, his ear right beside her lips.  
  
"You promised," she whispered. He backed away to look at her, trying to figure out what she'd meant. Maybe she still wasn't completely with him, because her statement made no sense to him. But the pleading look in her eyes made him think it was more than that. She must've seen his confusion, because she motioned for him to lean back down. "The beach."  
  
Suddenly, he remembered. He knew what she meant. He remembered that day, like many others along this journey, with complete clarity.  
  
[I]"Promise me something?" She requested softly.  
  
"Of course," he replied.  
  
"Promise me that when I'm too sick to communicate, to remember, that you'll remind me, that you'll tell me about us, about Weiss, even about SD-6. Promise me that you won't let me forget completely."  
  
He nodded slowly. "I promise."[/I]  
  
Vaughn nodded at her, telling her he understood. Though he was sure that her complete loss of memory had been a momentary thing, he knew she needed the assurance. That she wanted to be told over and over, to take every measure to make sure that if she died, it would be with her most precious memories still in tact. And Vaughn was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that was possible.  
  
"We met on October first. I saw them lead you into the briefing room. I couldn't help staring, along with the rest of the office. I'd never seen that color hair before, except maybe on the clowns I'd seen at the circus when I was a kid." She smiled at that, finally allowing her eyes to slip shut. "With that crazy hair and your swollen mouth, I wasn't quite sure what to make of you. And then they called me over, told me to get you something to eat while Weiss supervised you. That's when I saw you up close for the first time. That's when I realized how beautiful you were, despite your appearance at the time. Even that hair couldn't cover your beauty. Nothing could." He stopped then, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He knew she'd already fallen asleep. He couldn't help but realize how true his observation from his story had been. Nothing *could* cover her beauty, not even cancer and all its horrible effects. It could take her energy, her color, her weight, and her memories, but it couldn't take her beauty. It couldn't take the essence of what made her Sydney Bristow. Maybe even death couldn't take that from her.  
  
Vaughn leaned down and kissed her forehead gently before rising from his seat on the edge of the bed, knowing that the sedative would keep her out for at least a few hours. He walked over to the door and looked back briefly at Sydney, relieved to see her sleeping peacefully again, before exiting the room quietly. Once in the living room, he saw Aly and Weiss sitting at the table, talking. They both looked up at him suddenly.  
  
And he knew something was wrong.  
  
"What's going on?" Vaughn asked. They both looked at each other, as if silently debating who were going to break the news to him. "Someone tell me," he begged.  
  
Finally, Aly nodded at Weiss and both turned to look at him. Vaughn focused on his friend, knowing he'd obviously been the one chosen to tell him whatever it was that had them looking so serious.  
  
"Sloane's gone."  
  
To be continued.  
  
A/N: Wow, I feel like I really haven't done a cliffhanger in a while. Sorry to spring one on you guys again, but I don't think it's one of the worst ones really. Anyway, it's 1:20 right now and I have to shower and go to bed so that I can actually make myself get out of bed tomorrow for classes (blah), so this note will have to be short. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you thought! Thanks! Hopefully more soon! 


	39. Every Moment

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I know that it's been a while, but I swear I have a great excuse. You know those Alias Marathons you've hopefully read about on some of the sites? Yeah I'm running those. If you haven't heard of them, please visit www.aliasmarathon.com and read about them. They're going to be so much fun and they're going to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. So that's why I've been so busy. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! We're getting down to some of the final few ones now, so please keep reading and let me know what you think! Thanks!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What's going on?" Vaughn asked. They both looked at each other, as if silently debating who were going to break the news to him. "Someone tell me," he begged.  
  
Finally, Aly nodded at Weiss and both turned to look at him. Vaughn focused on his friend, knowing he'd obviously been the one chosen to tell him whatever it was that had them looking so serious.  
  
"Sloane's gone."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 39: Every Moment  
  
Vaughn's vision suddenly spun wildly, the events of the day mounting by the second and becoming entirely too much for him to handle. He felt his stomach lurch and he turned and raced toward the bathroom, making it just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Kneeling on the cold floor, head hung over the toilet bowl, he suddenly felt as if he was catching a glimpse of what Sydney had gone through all those months she was on chemo.  
  
After a few deep breaths, Vaughn finally felt his stomach settle a little. He slowly stood up. He gripped the sink a minute and waited for his vision to stop swimming before he allowed himself to head back out to the living room. Aly and Weiss were both standing beside the table now and they immediately turned toward him, both looking incredibly concerned. Vaughn just shook his head.  
  
"I'm okay," he assured them. "Someone just please tell me what the hell's going on."  
  
Aly and Weiss both looked at each other skeptically, but Weiss finally sighed and turned back to Vaughn.  
  
"We just received word that Sloane disappeared from CIA custody. Somehow, the bastard escaped. We know he had help, but we don't know who or how. And, as of this time, we don't have any leads," Weiss informed him somberly.  
  
"That's not possible! How does a man just disappear from CIA custody? It doesn't make any sense!" Vaughn shouted angrily.  
  
"I know it doesn't make sense, Mike, but it just is. There's nothing any of us can do about it," Weiss said as calmly as he could manage.  
  
"He's right. And right now, you need to be strong for Sydney. I don't know exactly what happened in there, but it's pretty clear that she's getting steadily worse. She needs you right now, so you're going to have to let go of that which you can't change," Aly insisted.  
  
Vaughn sighed. "You're right. Of course you're right. It's just been one hell of a day."  
  
"Yeah, while we're on that subject......... what *did* happen in there?" Weiss asked.  
  
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut as he brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, willing the nausea back down at the memory of what had occurred only moments ago. "When she woke up, she had no idea where she was, what was going on, who I was." His voice nearly a whisper now, he visibly struggled to continue. "She was terrified, nearly attacked me. When she figured out who I was, she just lost it."  
  
It was a long minute, without speaking, before they could all meet each other's eyes again. Even when they finally did, no one knew what to say. A knock on the door broke the heavy silence. Weiss quickly made his way over to answer it. Jack and Andrew stood outside and Weiss quickly moved aside so that they could enter. Jack immediately took in the expressions and Vaughn and Aly's faces and eyed them suspiciously.  
  
"What's going on?" He questioned. Vaughn looked at Aly pleadingly. She nodded in understanding.  
  
"Sydney had a pretty severe memory gap leading to something of a panic attack. We had to sedate her. She'll be out for a while," Aly explained. Jack's face remained expressionless, his body completely still, but his eyes revealed the pain he was feeling.  
  
"She hasn't heard about Sloane then," Jack guessed.  
  
"No, she hasn't," Vaughn replied. "And I don't think we should tell her."  
  
"You don't?" Weiss asked, surprised.  
  
"If things," he paused, "don't go well and the committee decides against giving her the treatment, I don't want her to have anything she feels she left unfinished. I don't want her to worry about it. At the very least, she deserves that."  
  
For a long moment, the room was silent.  
  
"I agree. She deserves some peace of mind. I won't take that away from her. For the time being, no one says anything," Jack said suddenly, meeting Vaughn's eyes. Vaughn suddenly felt a connection between the two of them. They were both in danger of losing the most important person in their lives. And second only to keeping her with them, the most important thing now was to give her peace.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
For the next two hours, the group all gathered in the living room and discussed the hearing. Dixon and Marshall were to testify the next day. After they returned tomorrow, Andrew was going to go over possible questions with Vaughn and Weiss. Vaughn was both anxious and excited to get on the stand. He knew that there was nothing negative he could ever say about Sydney, but he also knew that he and Jack were her strongest witnesses. Andrew had even said as much. And that, quite frankly, was a lot of pressure. It was like, every time he saw one of them on the stand, it was their hands that now held Sydney's life. He worried about the weight of that responsibility.  
  
Andrew eventually left to meet with Dixon and Marshall. Jack said he was going to go to the office for a while to do some work, but he said he may return later that evening. Vaughn couldn't imagine what kind of work he could be doing when his daughter was in the next room, fighting for her life, but he chose not to comment. Aly decided to return to her condo for a while to change and grab something to eat. Weiss unsurprisingly planted himself on the couch and turned on the TV. Vaughn was in no mood to watch some half-hour comedy, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He went to sit with Sydney.  
  
The first thing he noticed when he entered the room was that everything was exactly as he'd left it. The lights were off, the room completely silent aside from the sound of the heart monitor and the waves outside. Sydney hadn't moved at all in her sleep. The sedative was obviously doing its job. His chair sat empty beside the bed. He immediately moved to reclaim it. Sydney lay on her back, but her head had fallen to the side, a piece of hair laying across her face. Vaughn automatically reached to brush it aside. Sydney didn't stir. She looked so vulnerable in sleep, so young. Most people would never even know she was sick.  
  
Vaughn suddenly found himself trying to imagine what they would be doing right now if she were healthy. The reports and debriefs about the fall of the Alliance would have been done by now, as he was sure they were at the ops center. They would most-likely be given a short vacation, a reward for a job well done. He would've taken her away, away from everything. To Malibu or Palm Springs or Santa Barbara. Somewhere where they could've gone to dinner together, gone shopping, and come back every night to fall asleep in each other's arms. They would've sat on the beach or by the fire and talked late into the night, learning everything about each other. It would've been perfect.  
  
Vaughn allowed his eyes to slip shut, the images of them doing all of those things immediately bombarding his mind. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep, escaping to a world where he could make it all come true, even if only until he awoke again.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn slowly became aware of his surroundings, registering even before he opened his eyes that the room had grown considerably darker. He allowed his eyes to flutter open slowly. He immediately noticed that Sydney was curled up on her side now, facing him. Her eyes were open and looking right at him. She smiled when he met her eyes.  
  
"Morning sleepyhead," she said softly.  
  
"Evening, actually," he replied, glancing at the clock.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
He sat up a bit, leaning closer to her. "How do you feel?"  
  
The smile immediately faded from her face. "I had no idea, Vaughn," she whispered, her face looking haunted. "I didn't remember anything. I had no clue where I was or what I was doing here. I'm not even sure I knew *who* I was. And you-" she broke off, tears now filling her eyes, one managing to creep out and roll down her cheek. Vaughn reached out to tenderly brush it away.  
  
"It's okay, Syd," he assured her softly.  
  
"No, Vaughn, it's not. I can live without remember my middle name. I can even handle forgetting exactly where I am. But you are the last thing I'd ever want to forget, Vaughn, I am so sorry." Vaughn reached out and put his fingers against her lips, silencing her.  
  
"Don't you ever apologize to me about this. You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. And I will always, *always* be here to help you remember. I promised you that I wouldn't let you forget, Syd. I meant it," he assured her. Sydney nodded wordlessly as several more tears escaped. She reached out for him, bringing his lips to hers. They remained like that for a moment, unmoving, simply savoring the connection, before pulling back. He kept his eyes closed and rested his forehead against hers, feeling her breath on his face.  
  
"I don't deserve you," she whispered. He chuckled softly.  
  
"I've always thought it was the other way around," he replied.  
  
"If I do get better, I'm going to find some way to repay you for taking care of me the way you have all these months."  
  
He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes. "As if there were something else I'd rather be doing."  
  
"Playing hockey, going out for drinks with Weiss, visiting your mother," she listed.  
  
"Nope, none of that even comes close to being with you," he said, a small smile on his face.  
  
"Even when I'm puking my guts out after chemo?" She asked disbelievingly.  
  
"Even then."  
  
She smiled and reached up, running her fingers across his forehead and through his hair. "You're a saint."  
  
Vaughn couldn't help the laugh that immediately escaped him. "Not quite," he replied.  
  
"You are to me," she said softly. Her hand started to fall from his face, her body rapidly losing the strength to hold it up. Vaughn caught it before it fell, though, holding her hand against his cheek for a moment. He turned his face and kissed the inside of her palm before placing her hand gently back down on the bed.  
  
"You should get some rest. That sedative's probably still in your system."  
  
Sydney shook her head slightly. "I'm not ready to sleep yet, I want to talk with you for a little longer," she told him.  
  
"Syd-"  
  
"Vaughn," she said, cutting him off. "You and I both know that if the committee doesn't decide in my favor quickly, it won't be long before I go to sleep and just don't wake up. I don't have to talk to Aly to know that my body is shutting down. I just don't want to miss anything."  
  
"You're not missing anything, Syd. Just Weiss, Aly, Andrew, and I sitting around and preparing each day of the hearing," he assured her.  
  
"I know, but," she trailed off, her eyes dropping, focusing instead on his hand, which now rested on top of hers. "I want to make sure that I don't leave anything unsaid between us. I want to make sure that I tell you everything I need to. And whenever I do slip permanently out of consciousness, I want to make sure that my last memory is of you. I know that may seem selfish, and I don't mean to say that I want you sitting by my bedside every waking moment, I just.......... I don't want to leave drained of all my memories, and I feel like if your face is the last I see, then I'll be okay. Is that horrible of me?" She asked nervously, unable to meet his eyes.  
  
He brought his free hand up to her chin, raising her face so that she was forced to meet his eyes. "Not at all," he stated firmly, making sure she believed him. "So much has been taken away from you, Syd, primarily your health. If there's one thing you have a right to, this is it." He paused. "You know I'll be here, right? I mean, if things really start going downhill, the hearing will go on without me. If we really think it's getting close, I'm here no matter what."  
  
Tears immediately rose to Sydney's eyes. She nodded, completely speechless. The love and devotion she saw in his eyes at that moment nearly took her breath away. And suddenly, all she wanted to do was have him as close to her as possible. "Lay with me," she whispered through her tears.  
  
Vaughn, caught off-guard, took a second to register what she'd just said before nodding his understanding. He rose from his chair and rounded the bed. He sat on the edge, removing his shoes, before swinging his legs onto the bed. He moved so that he was spooned up behind her, kissing the back of her head before burying his face into her neck. His arm went around her, hers automatically moving to rest on top of it. She sighed contentedly. They both lapsed into silence for a few moments and Vaughn wondered if she'd fallen asleep. Raising his head slightly, he saw that she was staring blankly out the window, her eyes glazed over.  
  
"What is it?" He asked.  
  
She snapped back to awareness quickly, blinking a few times before shaking her head slightly. "Nothing," she replied.  
  
"I thought you didn't want to leave anything unsaid. If you're really going to let me in, now's the time to start," he reminded her gently.  
  
She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."  
  
"It's okay to admit that, Syd," he assured her. "Just because I struggle with the thought of losing you doesn't mean you have to pretend you don't struggle with it. I don't ever want you to lie to me, even if you think it's best for me. If you're scared, I want to know."  
  
"That's just it, though. I used to be scared. The thought of succumbing to this disease used to terrify me. But now......... I just can't find it in me to be scared."  
  
"Care to share some of that fearlessness?" Vaughn said, only half-joking.  
  
"If only I could," Sydney replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "I worry about you, Vaughn. It's all I can think about sometimes."  
  
Vaughn winced, hating the fact that she had to spend so much of what could very well be her last weeks of life worrying about him. "Please don't worry about me, Syd. I can't lie and say that I know I'll be fine. If I lose you, it'll likely be the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through, but the last thing I ever want to do is let you down. I will learn to live again, even if only because I know you'd want me to."  
  
"You'd better. Or I'll come to you in your dreams and kick your ass every night," she joked. He laughed, the action feeling incredibly cleansing.  
  
He sighed once his laughter was under control. "Speaking of dreams, I think that rest sounds like a good idea for both of us right about now," he said, the events of the long day driving him quickly toward exhaustion.  
  
"I'll sleep if you sleep," she said softly.  
  
"Deal," he agreed, allowing his eyes to immediately slip shut. He realized how exhausted Sydney must have really been when he heard her breathing even out only moments later. He was amazed by this woman sleeping in his arms. Just when he'd thought there was no possible way to salvage a day like today, a short time with her and nothing else mattered anymore. He knew he may lose her, maybe in a few days, maybe years from now, but he had her now. And she was right, there wasn't one moment worth wasting as long as she was still with him. Holding her close to him, he finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Vaughn would later wonder if Sydney had somehow sensed what was coming. If she knew how fast things were going to go downhill from that night. Vaughn had slept the entire night by her side, not waking until the sun rose the next morning. He realized it was probably the longest he'd slept since Sydney had gotten sick. The day at the hearing had been a relatively short one. Whether that was because Agent Clark seemed hesitant to ask Marshall too many questions in fear of getting convoluted and incomprehensible answers, Vaughn couldn't say. When he returned to the condo, Andrew immediately sat with Weiss and him to prepare them for what they might be asked the next day. After two hours of that, Vaughn went in to sit with Sydney, who only awoke briefly before she needed a dose of morphine, putting her quickly back to sleep.  
  
Vaughn again spent the night at Sydney's side, something that was becoming a kind of ritual for them now. It was almost as if they savored the opportunity to be close and at peace at the same time. Sleep was really the only way they could do that anymore. Before Vaughn knew it, morning came and he readied himself for the hearing. For him, this was the most important day. He expected to be quite nervous, but instead he found himself feeling only a sense of determination. Determination to go and defend Sydney, even if it didn't end up helping. He needed these people to know the truth about the life they now held in their hands.  
  
Weiss's testimony was longer than most, requiring him to answer a number of questions about the time they were in hiding. Agent Clark didn't manage to force Weiss into saying too many damaging things, and Vaughn was grateful for that. He wondered if perhaps the lawyer was saving the real questions for him, but he tried not to worry too much. He didn't get much of a chance anyway. Before he knew it, he was on the stand. Andrew was approaching him, ready to ask his first question. And suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. He saw the entire journey they'd been on this past year. It was almost as if everything had led to this very moment. After watching Sydney fight for her life for months, it was now his turn to fight. Every battle, triumph, and failure had come down to this.  
  
"Agent Vaughn, how did you come to meet Agent Bristow?" Andrew asked.  
  
*Her bozo hair and swollen lip did nothing to mask the strong emotion in this woman's eyes. Whoever she really was, she'd been through a lot. And she wasn't about to let down her guard now. So he simply took a chance and told her the truth. "I have an instinct."*  
  
"What exactly did your assignment as Agent Bristow's handler involve?"  
  
*"When you're at your lowest, at your most depressed, just remember you can always, you know. You've got my number." Her hand was suddenly on his, gripping it as if it were her lifeline. In a way, it was, though he wouldn't realize that until much later.*  
  
"Would you say that Agent Bristow confided in you?"  
  
*He looked around the room, realizing how empty it had become. His eyes suddenly found her, standing in the doorway, soaking wet. He could easily tell, even across the room, that she'd been crying. He was standing in an instant, moving toward her. He took her in his arms, trying to both warm and comfort her at the same time. She cried. He held her closer.*  
  
"Would you please tell us about some of the Rambaldi artifacts you worked with Agent Bristow to recover?"  
  
*"I have this aunt, Aunt Trish..."*  
  
"How did you learn of Agent Bristow's illness?"  
  
*"What? What did they find?" He asked anxiously, bringing his face closer to her so that she'd have to look at him. She straightened up in a way that said she was determined to gather the strength she needed to do this and looked straight into his eyes.  
  
"A brain tumor. They found a brain tumor."*  
  
"Why were you sent into hiding?"  
  
*"I didn't want you to have to go through this alone. We've been together on this the whole way. I wasn't about to bail out on you now," he said with a small smile. His words truly touched her, and she quickly felt her eyes fill up with tears. Blinking them back, she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.  
  
"Thank you."*  
  
"Can you describe some of what you experienced while in hiding?"  
  
*She felt her heartbeat accelerate when he leaned forward, slowly coming closer and closer to her face. When he was only inches away, he looked back into her eyes, as if asking for permission. She looked back at him. Apparently, it was enough. He closed the last distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.*  
  
"Agent Bristow had some close calls while you were in hiding, didn't she?"  
  
*Her eyes suddenly registered a deeper pain than the physical kind she was feeling. He couldn't remember ever in his life seeing her look so lost. It broke his heart all over again. He reached out and turned over the cloth on her forehead before bringing his hand back to her face, his knuckles brushing over her cheek. He looked deep into her eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he was able to speak.  
  
"Syd, listen to me. You are the strongest person I know. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I do know that you have what it takes to get through this, even when things get as dark as they are now. I love you, and I'm going to stay right here, no matter what."*  
  
"Tell me about the day Dr. Anderson told Agent Bristow that there was nothing more they could do for her."  
  
*She looked up at him then, her arms still around him. His feelings for her were so plainly stamped across his face and it made her smile. "I love you," she whispered to him. He smiled through the tears she could see shimmering in his eyes and brought his hand to her face.  
  
"I love you, too, Syd. Always. That'll never change," he assured her. She smiled again.  
  
"You're my immortality."*  
  
"The CIA reports have you listed as a part of the team that assisted in the Alliance takedown. Can you tell me a little more about the takedown?"  
  
*"We did it, Syd," he whispered in her ear before pulling back suddenly. "What do you say we go make some arrests? I can think of one in particular I'd like to see right about now," he said with a smile. She nodded, took his hand, and followed him to the elevator.*  
  
"It says here that you're currently the agent assigned to ensure Agent Bristow's safety. You currently reside in a CIA-owned residence with her, correct?"  
  
*"It's been so long since I've seen the water. It's so beautiful," she whispered in awe. Letting go of the curtains, Vaughn walked back over to the bed and rounded to the other side to sit with her, making sure he wouldn't block her view out the window. He climbed onto the bed and swung his legs up next to hers. He dropped a kiss into her hair as she continued to admire the view.*  
  
"Could you please describe to me what an average day is like in that residence?"  
  
*"I think she's having a panic attack," Vaughn replied. Aly nodded and quickly ran out of the room. Weiss hovered near the doorway, his face a mask of worry. Vaughn met his eyes in a look heavy with a painful truth. Both men knew things were going downhill quickly. They were running out of time.*  
  
"I only have one more question for you. Over the last few days, we've heard several witnesses speak of Agent Bristow's bravery and strength in dealing with her condition. Is it your opinion, from spending every day with Agent Bristow, that she wants to live?"  
  
*She sighed. "I was just thinking," she paused, hesitating, "that it's moments like these that make me want to live more than anything."*  
  
"Yes. Without a doubt."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The hearing ended in the early the evening. Vaughn felt exhausted from both the overwhelming number of memories that hit him during questioning and the pressure of Agent Clark's grilling. He found himself unable to even remember most of what he was asked. All he could do now was pray that he'd done more good than damage.  
  
Andrew and Jack had separated from Vaughn and Weiss after the hearing, going somewhere or other to prepare for the final day of testimony. It had been decided that there was simply no way Sydney could give testimony, so Jack was the only remaining witness that Andrew was going to call. And unless Agent Clark decided to surprise everyone by calling a witness of his own, there would only be closing arguments before the committee would make their decision.  
  
Vaughn and Weiss immediately headed back to the condo. After such a long day, all Vaughn wanted to do was sit with Sydney, even if it was just to watch her sleep. He watched tiredly as Weiss unlocked the door and entered the condo. Vaughn followed, closing the door behind him. The living room and kitchen were empty and quiet. Vaughn removed his coat and walked over to the table, draping the piece of clothing over the back of one of the chairs.  
  
The door to Sydney's room suddenly opened, Aly rushing through it. Vaughn could immediately tell by the look on her face that something wasn't right.  
  
"You're back," she said, obviously relieved. "I've been trying to reach you."  
  
"I had my cell phone turned off for the hearing. What's going on?" Vaughn asked quickly. Aly sighed, her eyes already apologizing for whatever she was about to say.  
  
"Sydney's taken a downturn. It, um," she paused, "it doesn't look good."  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/N: Okay, I know I'm mean for both the cliffhanger and the long wait for the chapter, but I did try to make it extra long to make up for it. Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly when the next chapter will be up. There aren't too many more and I'm kind of excited to get to writing the ending, so hopefully I'll be able to find some time. Don't worry, I definitely won't abandon this story. It just may take me time. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated lol. Thanks guys! 


	40. Without Words

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Well, I'm sitting on a plane as I'm starting this. Which figures, because that's pretty much the only place that I can't be doing a single thing for the Alias Marathons, so I actually get to write lol. Things are just insanely hectic with the marathons and with the huge research paper I have due soon, so I'll do the best that I can with this. Unfortunately, that's about all I can promise. Thanks for being patient with me!  
  
Oh, and as always, a tissue warning applies for this chapter, so don't say I didn't warn you!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"You're back," she said, obviously relieved. "I've been trying to reach you."  
  
"I had my cell phone turned off for the hearing. What's going on?" Vaughn asked quickly. Aly sighed, her eyes already apologizing for whatever she was about to say.  
  
"Sydney's taken a downturn. It, um," she paused, "it doesn't look good."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 40: Without Words  
  
Everything in Vaughn's world stopped cold when those words left Aly's mouth. He suddenly found himself struggling for air, his chest seeming impossibly tight. "What do you mean? What happened?" He asked frantically.  
  
"Well, once she stopped treatment, the cancer was basically uninhibited. It's spread so extensively now that it's literally all over her body. She's entering what's called a multisystem organ failure. Her body is literally shutting down, and fast," Aly explained solemnly.  
  
"How fast?" Weiss ventured tentatively.  
  
"She could slip into a coma at any time now, and after that it won't be long." No one needed to ask what she meant. The look on her face said all they needed to know. "We're talking days now... and not many of them."  
  
For a long, horrible moment, the room was completely silent.  
  
Finally, Vaughn spoke up. "If Agent Clark doesn't call any witnesses, closing arguments will be tomorrow. If the committee decides quickly, there's still a chance that this could work."  
  
"If anyone can hold on, it's Sydney," Weiss reasoned.  
  
"Does she know what's going on?" Vaughn asked Aly.  
  
"I think she does," Aly replied, nodding.  
  
"Okay," Vaughn said, suddenly surprisingly calm. "Then we'll just take this one step at a time." Weiss and Aly silently nodded their agreement. "Is she awake?"  
  
"No, her body's going to keep her asleep almost constantly now. If she wakes up, it'll mostly likely be for very short periods of time," Aly replied.  
  
"Well I'm going to go sit with her then. If she wakes up, I don't want her to be alone," Vaughn told them, turning around and heading to Sydney's room before either of them had a chance to reply.  
  
He opened the door softly, despite knowing that something so small was unlikely to disturb her anymore. He closed the door behind him and quickly took in his surroundings. The room was characteristically dim and quiet. Sydney lay on her side, facing away from him, completely still. He wasted no time in rounding the bed so that he could see her face. She appeared to be sleeping soundly, just as Aly had predicted. The heart monitor emitted a steady beep, almost willing Vaughn's heart to slow down to match it.  
  
He lowered himself into the chair beside her bed, content to simply sit and watch her sleep. His plans were interrupted, though, when he noticed something out of place. Her journal, which she normally stored in the nightstand drawer for ensured privacy, was sitting on top of the nightstand. Vaughn looked curiously back at Sydney, as if waiting for her to wake up and put it hastily back into the drawer. She slept on, though, and Vaughn found the temptation proving too great. He reached over and lifted the journal into his hands, holding it as if it were made of glass. He looked at it for a minute, contemplating, before opening to a random page about two-thirds of the way through the book.  
  
"Sometimes I feel as if I'm a prisoner, trapped inside my own body. My body may be dying, but everything else still feels so alive. It's a strange feeling. I'm so used to being in control of my body, using it to take down men three times my size. That's all changed now, though, along with so much else. I've traveled to more countries, completed more missions, and fought for my life more times than I can count. So why do I feel like I've experienced more being cooped up in hiding than I have doing anything else? Does that even make any sense? My mind wanders so much these days, I'm not sure if what I'm writing is even coherent. I've never been a firm believer of everything having a reason, but I'm starting wonder whether it might be true, at least in my life. Had I never gotten recruited to SD-6, I may never have formed the relationship with my father that I have now, something I've longed for desperately since I was told my mother died. Had I never met Danny, I may never have known the truth about what I was doing. Had Danny lived, I may never have met Vaughn. Had I not gotten sick, we may never have finally admitted how we felt (though I like to think we would have, eventually).  
  
I sometimes wonder how I would've ever gotten through any of the last few years without Vaughn. I can't imagine. I never knew what it was like to have someone you could truly rely on, someone you could share anything with, until I met him. I'd loved before, with Noah, with Danny, but never like this. I've never felt so truly connected to a person as I do with him. I know he'll always be there. And for once in my life, I don't have to doubt that he feels the same way. I know he does. Which is probably why I worry so much. There's no way I would've made it this far without him. I would've shut down- physically, mentally, emotionally, though I cannot say which would've come first. How can I now ask him to do what I cannot even imagine doing myself? I may have been the one who underwent the surgeries, the chemo, the infections, etc. this last year, but I am most definitely the lucky one. I will never have to know life without him. Compared to that, dying is most definitely the easy way out.  
  
The other day, on the beach, I had all these visions of Vaughn maybe ten years down the road. He had a beautiful wife, children he adored, and a good job. He was happy. And contrary to what I expected, my heart didn't oppose these images. I realized how much I want for him to go on living. I don't want him to carry around a void for the rest of his life because I'm no longer with him. And though these images were most likely no more than something my mind randomly concocted, I suddenly felt comforted. Like I knew he would learn to live again, even if it takes him longer than I'd like. If nothing else, I know he'd do it for me- because he knows I wouldn't expect any less of him. Because he loves me."  
  
"Nosy," he heard suddenly, causing him to jump slightly, his head snapping up in surprise. Sydney was awake now, her eyes tired, her face pale, and her beautiful smile making everything else barely noticeable. She quickly took in the tears pooling in his eyes, though, and the smile faded from her face. "Don't cry," she begged softly, reaching for his hand. He grasped her hand automatically, bringing her hand to his lips as he moved closer and rested his arms on the bed.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I didn't even think. I just saw it sitting there and I started reading," he apologized.  
  
She reached out with her free hand to cup his cheek. He leaned forward more in attempt to lessen her effort, bringing his hand up to rest on top of hers. "Don't be sorry," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I left it out for a reason. I wanted you to find it in case I didn't wake up again."  
  
"Syd," he choked out, tears still threatening to spill over.  
  
"It's okay, Vaughn. I want you to read it. I think it'll help."  
  
Vaughn nodded slowly. "I'll read it."  
  
"Good." She offered him a small smile, her hand lowering from his face to rest again at her side.  
  
"Tomorrow will probably be the last day of the hearing. And then the committee makes its decision." Vaughn told her.  
  
"I know," she replied, closing her eyes for a brief moment as if to rest them. Vaughn watched her, his heart suddenly breaking into a thousand pieces. A tear finally spilled over, trailing down his face. Sydney forced her eyes open again and immediately looked concerned. "What is it?"  
  
Vaughn looked down for a moment, trying to get his emotions in check, before looking back up at her. "Syd," he said softly, shaking his head. "I was so ready to come in here and ask you to try to hang on for me, to try to hold out until the committee made their decision. But I realize now that's asking entirely too much of you. I won't be the person who holds you here, where you're so tired, where you can hardly move, where you're in pain. I don't want to ask that of you. So instead, I'm going say that if you need to let go, it's okay. I just don't want you to hurt anymore," he finished in a whisper, his tears making a reappearance.  
  
Her eyes now shone with tears as well, as she squeezed his hand and managed a small smile. "I'll try, Vaughn. I want to try. I just don't know how much control I have anymore," she admitted. "But thank you."  
  
"For what?" Vaughn asked.  
  
She smiled. "For loving me that much."  
  
He reached out, brushing her hair behind her ear before running his fingers softly down her cheek. "Always."  
  
She closed her eyes, the soothing sensation of his fingers stroking her face easing her quickly into sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I want you to take good notes for me tomorrow at the hearing," Vaughn told Weiss later, as they ate a quiet dinner at the table.  
  
"What? You're not coming?" Weiss asked, surprised.  
  
Vaughn shook his head. "I need to stay. I don't want her to be alone."  
  
Weiss nodded his understanding. "Okay, well I'll pay close attention, don't worry," he assured Vaughn.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Do you think she'll be able to hang on long enough?" Weiss asked suddenly.  
  
Vaughn sighed. "I don't know. I think if the committee takes more than a few days deciding, they may be too late."  
  
"Well Jack's sure to help her case on the stand," Weiss reasoned.  
  
"Yeah, he'd rather imprisoned for perjury than say anything damaging to our case." Vaughn paused. "Would you do me a favor, though?"  
  
"Sure," Weiss replied.  
  
"Make sure that Jack comes here tomorrow after the hearing. If he wants to go try to make some desperate attempts, he can do so afterwards. He needs to spend some time with Sydney first," Vaughn explained.  
  
"I'll tell him... You know, Mike, you're much calmer than I expected you would be under these circumstances," Weiss admitted.  
  
Vaughn gave a humorless chuckle. "Only on the outside. You don't even want to know all the things that are going through my head right now."  
  
"Actually, I do," Weiss corrected, clearly trying to give him an opportunity to tell his worries to a sympathetic ear.  
  
"I just," Vaughn paused, unsure of how to say everything that he was feeling. "I just don't know how to say goodbye to her. She's my life."  
  
Weiss nodded silently, unable to say anything that would comfort his friend. They both knew this was one problem there was no solution to.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sydney felt herself come slowly to awareness. The room was light and she quickly deduced that she'd slept through the night and into the next day. Her eyelids still felt heavy, though, as if something were weighing them down. She suddenly became aware of soft voices behind her. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but she thought she heard three of them. Gathering what little energy she had, she shifted onto her back and looked over to the small table by the window. Three heads immediately turned to look at her.  
  
"Will? Francie?"  
  
Her two friends smiled at her, immediately getting up from their chairs to each sit on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Hey, Syd," Will said softly, taking her hand in his.  
  
"Hey, sweetie," Francie greeted, her smile sad.  
  
"I'll give you guys some time alone," Vaughn suddenly said from behind all of them. He rose from his chair and rounded the bed. He leaned down and kissed Sydney's forehead before straightening again. Sydney reached out with her free hand and caught his, squeezing it.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, knowing he was responsible for this.  
  
He squeezed back. "You're welcome. I'll be back soon." She nodded, letting go of his hand and watching him walk out of the room. She then turned back to her friends.  
  
"I'm so glad you guys are here," she told them softly, smiling at each of them.  
  
"Us too," Will agreed.  
  
Sydney looked to Francie, who sat beside Will. "How's the restaurant?" She asked.  
  
"It's good," she said, nodding slowly. "Busy, but I've been getting a lot of good reviews."  
  
"That's great. I'm so happy for you, sweetie."  
  
"How are *you*?" Will asked, changing the subject.  
  
Sydney sighed, closing her eyes briefly. "Tired," she replied truthfully, "but okay. Really."  
  
"Michael's been updating us about the hearing," Francie said suddenly.  
  
"Has he?" Sydney asked, surprised. "He never told me that."  
  
"Yeah, he calls us every day to let us know how it's been going. It sounds like it's going well," Will said hopefully.  
  
"I guess we'll find out," Sydney replied softly.  
  
"Well, I want you to know that we're going to be here either way," Will assured her, the faintest shimmer of tears evident in his eyes.  
  
Sydney smiled. "I love you both," she whispered, reaching out with her free hand for Francie's.  
  
"We love you, too," Francie replied, taking her hand.  
  
Sydney looked at them for a moment, memorizing each of their faces, savoring how wonderful they made her feel, before her eyelids finally became too heavy. She allowed them to slowly slip shut. "I'm sorry guys, I'm just so tired," she mumbled sleepily.  
  
"It's okay, Syd. Get some rest. We'll be back tomorrow," Will assured her.  
  
She nodded, her eyes still closed, and squeezed both of their hands before allowing herself to drift away.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was hours later when she felt herself fade back into the world. The second her eyes were able to focus, she saw Vaughn leaning over her, brushing the hair out of her eyes. She smiled up at him as best she could. He smiled back, barely, the toll the last few weeks has taken on him suddenly stamped clearly across his face. She realized for the first time that he'd skipped the hearing that day. He knew. She could tell. He knew that their time was running preciously short.  
  
She looked up at him again, tears suddenly filling her eyes to match the tears already present in his. An understanding passed between them. Whatever happened, they would face the future together- even if Sydney was with him only in spirit. She reached for his hand and felt him take it, his eyes never leaving hers. She squeezed his hand. He nodded. No words were needed.  
  
There was no need for either to express their undying love. They already knew. There was no need for goodbyes. For them, not even death meant something so final. So they held on to each other instead, communicating without words, memorizing every detail. It was both the most beautiful and most painful moment they'd ever experienced. It was as if the connection between them had reached its highest point, requiring almost nothing.  
  
Sydney was barely aware of the sun setting in the window behind him. She watched the room slowly fade with the sun, knowing her strength was fading with it. When the sky finally began to turn a dark shade of blue, she allowed her eyes to slip shut for a moment, unable to hold them open anymore. When she opened them again, she noticed that a single tear now rolled down his cheek. With what little strength she had left, she reached out to brush it away, one last attempt to sooth his pain. He nodded at her slowly, painfully, knowing that she couldn't stay awake for much longer.  
  
He leaned down, his lips meeting hers ever so softly. He lingered there for a moment that stretched much longer. When he pulled away, the tears were gone. It was then that she realized what he'd just given her... a wordless goodbye.  
  
He brought her hand to his lips before setting it back on the bed, slipping his hand out from underneath. Silently, he rose from his seat and walked around the bed. Seconds later, she felt him spoon up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him. Both took a moment to memorize the way it felt to be like this, to feel so close, so loved. Smiling to herself, Sydney finally allowed her eyes to slip shut. Only moments later, Vaughn allowed his to do the same. They drifted into sleep together, just as they'd grown accustomed to doing everything since the day his watch stopped and his life began.  
  
Vaughn didn't need anyone to tell him, when he awoke hours later, that Sydney would not wake up this time. He could sense it the second he opened his eyes. He held her closer, feeling her heart beat in time with his. A heartbeat was all that was left, he realized. Her spirit was somewhere else now. And he knew it was more than likely that her spirit was all that would ever find its way back to him.  
  
Burying his face in her neck, he allowed his tears to fall.  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/N: In case you couldn't tell, she's not dead! She's in a coma, so don't panic yet. And don't kill me yet either. There's still hope lol. Anyway, there's only one or two chapters left to this story, so get ready for the end. What that means, I cannot tell you, but keep reading and you'll know soon enough. I know it took me a while to get this out, but my huge research paper is pretty much done now, so it all depends on how busy the marathons keep me. And if you haven't yet, PLEASE check out www.aliasmarathon.com and read about the events that are consuming my life as of the moment lol. Otherwise, let me know what you thought! I'll try to get the final chapters up as soon as I can, I promise!  
  
Oh yeah, and because I forgot to say this in my last chapter's note, if you're interested, my latest Jennifer encounter is up on my livejournal. If you can stand a story written by a very sleep-deprived, extremely excited girl, read away. You have been warned lol. www.livejournal.com/users/imetgillya 


	41. Glory of the Day

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Sorry this has taken me so long guys! The Alias Marathons have been really consumed my life. But I'm happy to report that the Los Angeles marathon was completely successful! We had such a blast and raised more than $2500 for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundations. The other marathons also went very well. And then I drove all the way home (from CA to CT) and then my aunt passed away and then I got some writing done but then my grandmother passed away and now I've only been home for a day but I'm leaving tomorrow to be a counselor at a camp for kids with cancer for a week in Maine and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for yet another week. I feel horrible for taking this long in the first place. So I spent some of the day (when I wasn't packing) working on this and it's not as much as I'd have liked to have gotten into it, but I'll just post what I have. Now that it's summer, though, and I don't have anywhere to be until mid-July, I'll most likely be able to finish this up quickly! Thanks for your patience! Oh, and the poem used in this chapter is called "The Glory of the Day was in Her Face" by James Weldon Johnson.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vaughn didn't need anyone to tell him, when he awoke hours later, that Sydney would not wake up this time. He could sense it the second he opened his eyes. He held her closer, feeling her heart beat in time with his. A heartbeat was all that was left, he realized. Her spirit was somewhere else now. And he knew it was more than likely that her spirit was all that would ever find its way back to him.  
  
Burying his face in her neck, he allowed his tears to fall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 41: Glory of the Day  
  
Vaughn watched from across the room as Aly checked over Sydney. He didn't need her to confirm what he already knew: Sydney was in a coma. She was slipping away, and he knew he may never get her back. He may never see those beautiful brown eyes again. He may never hear her voice again. She was merely a shell now. Although he knew that people in comas were sometimes still somewhat conscious of what was going on around them, he was aware that part of her was already gone. This was the moment he'd been dreading since the second she spoke those life-altering words to him in the warehouse nearly a year ago. It was time to let her go.  
  
Aly turned to him suddenly. He returned her gaze knowingly. She nodded.  
  
"How long?" He asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.  
  
"At most, 48 hours, though it's likely she'll be gone by morning," Aly replied somberly. Vaughn could see she was struggling with this information as well. She'd obviously become attached. It was inevitable. You couldn't truly know Sydney Bristow and not love her. It was simply impossible.  
  
Weiss chose that moment to enter the room, his face registering every bit of dread he must have felt. "What's the word?" He asked seriously. Aly repeated what she'd just told Vaughn. Weiss hung his head. It was truly impossible, Vaughn repeated to himself.  
  
"I'll call Jack and Andrew. They should be on their way back by now," Weiss informed them before quickly ducking out of the room. Aly once again turned to Vaughn, who couldn't seem to take his eyes off Sydney's unconscious form.  
  
"You okay?" She asked.  
  
He looked up at her warily. "I never imagined that I would ever willingly say goodbye to her. But I'm grateful I at least got that chance." He paused. "She was ready."  
  
"Yes, she was," Aly agreed softly. She allowed herself a minute to look at Sydney before moving toward the door. "I'll give you some time with her."  
  
"Will you send Jack in when he gets here?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"Of course," she said, disappearing into the living room. And just like that, he was alone with Sydney again. But this time, he just felt alone.  
  
He moved closer to the bed, standing over her. She was so still, so lifeless. It was painful for him to see her like this, being tethered to this world only by body, where she couldn't move, speak, or even see the loving faces that gathered by her bed. He felt torn between wanting to keep her here long enough to give the committee a chance to make its decision and wanting to let her go so her spirit could find life again, he hoped, in some other place, other world, other dimension. Somewhere he could only imagine and dream of. Somewhere he could not follow.  
  
He reached out tentatively and took her hand. He squeezed it lightly, half expecting her to squeeze back, but, of course, she didn't. He felt scared suddenly, unsure of what to do or say. He knew these may very well be the last hours of her life. What could he possibly say to make them meaningful, to make them count? In his own way, he'd already said goodbye and knew he couldn't bear to do it again. He'd told her he loved her more times than he could count. He suddenly felt terrified with the enormous pressure he realized he was under. He didn't want her to live the last hours of her life in silence and stillness.  
  
Looking down at their joined hands, he remembered the first time her hand had touched his that cold night on the pier. It was one of the memories she'd been terrified of losing. One of the memories he knew would be with him for as long as he lived. Suddenly, he realized what he had to do. She wanted to leave peacefully, with all of her memories intact. It was his job to ensure that that happened. He lowered himself to sit on the bed and tenderly reached out to touch her face.  
  
"Syd, it's me." He paused. "I'm not really sure where you are right now or if you can even hear me, but I wanted you to know that I'm here. I know that you were worried about forgetting things, about losing memories that were important to you. I promised that I wouldn't let that happen. So here goes nothing," he said, taking a deep breath and searching his mind frantically for where to start.  
  
"Do you remember that day in the bloodmobile? That first day? You were so confident, so determined. Hell, you were damn cocky," he said, chuckling. And suddenly this seemed like the most natural thing in the world.  
  
_The glory of the day was in her face_  
  
_The beauty of the night was in her eyes_  
  
"I was so frustrated with you that day. I didn't really know how to deal with you. But when I realized that you really had no clue about the power of the people you worked for, my heart just broke for you. I didn't want to be the person who told you the truth, who made you realize what you were really in for, but I didn't have much of a choice. I thought you'd hate me, that you'd break down. But you didn't. You sat there, completely silent. I could see it in your eyes, though. I could tell how it killed you. I wanted to be there for you, but I knew after all you'd been through, you'd never trust me so easily. So I put the band-aid on your arm and let you walk away. I thought about nothing else for the rest of the day."  
  
_And over all her loveliness, the grace_  
  
_Of morning blushing in early skies_  
  
"That day in the warehouse, after you found out the truth about your mother... that was the day I decided to throw caution to the wind. I watched you talk about your mother and I could hear the tears in your voice even before they filled your eyes. And then, of all things, you apologized to me. After having everything you believe about your past turned up side down, you not only thought about me, but you came out and apologized for something you were in no way responsible for. The need to hold you and protect you was just so strong that I stopped ignoring it. The feel of you in my arms was the most natural thing in the world. I think that's when I knew. That's when I realized that you'd always be a part of my life."  
  
_And in her voice, the calling of a dove  
_  
_Like music of a sweet melodious part_  
  
"When I found you in the train station that day, after searching practically every other place in the city, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about my wanting to help find Will. God knows you were capable enough on your own. I didn't even know Will, and I wasn't sure that you wanted your two worlds to come crashing together so soon. After being put on the spot, though, after nearly selling you out and destroying your search altogether, it just became so clear what I had to do. I don't really know where the story about my father's diary came from. I know I never told you this, but I'm usually very hesitant to speak about my father. I can't remember the last time I shared a story about him with anyone. I was surprised to hear myself telling it. But for some reason, it just seemed right. I was relieved when you said yes. And then we were off to Paris."  
  
_And in her smile, the breaking light of life_  
  
_And all the gentle virtues of her heart  
_  
"When I finally got my courage built up to ask you on a date, I knew I sounded completely crazy. Hell, I practically begged you to go with me. I can't tell you how happy I was when you agreed. Even behind that awful purple hair and make-up, your smile was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. That night, up until we were attacked at least, was one of the best nights of my life. Finally being able to talk to you about trivial details and memories was so amazing, Syd. And when the owner came over with that key, I knew it was wrong. I knew it was probably the last thing I should even be considering, but I didn't care anymore. I was too in love with you to say no." He wiped a tear from his eye.  
  
_But now the glorious day, the beauteous night  
_  
_The birds that signal to their mates at dawn_  
  
"It seems strange that my happiest memories come down to the last year, after you were diagnosed with cancer and we were sent into hiding. I'm sure that would probably sound pathetic to anyone but us, but I know you know what I mean. Being able to kiss you and hold you, just to be with you whenever I wanted, it was amazing. I hated that you were sick, always wanted to forget that detail, but it didn't change how wonderful it was to be with you. Even during these last couple of months, after they told us there was no hope, I experienced some of the most incredible and beautiful moments in my life. Always with you. I don't think anything will ever compare to some of those moments." His voice fully cracked now. The tears streamed down his face and he bit his lip, unable to continue for a moment.  
  
_To my dull ears, to my tear-blinded sight  
  
Are one with the dead, since she is gone  
_  
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard the door open across the small room. He looked up just in time to see Jack entering, closing the door behind him. Vaughn allowed himself a moment of relief that Weiss had gotten him there so quickly. Looking into Jack's tired eyes at that moment, Vaughn knew he was relieved as well. Jack allowed himself a moment to look at his daughter's unconscious form. His emotionless mask was cracking, most likely only moments away from shattering altogether.  
  
"How did it go today?" Vaughn asked, breaking Jack from his daze.  
  
"It was long. Agent Daggett apprised the committee of Sydney's condition as soon as we'd heard. Even though we'd run longer than expected with testimony, the committee agreed to let everyone finish up so they could start working on their decision," Jack replied solemnly.  
  
Vaughn nodded, glancing back down at Sydney for a moment. "Have you spoken with Aly?" He asked.  
  
"Yes," he replied simply. Vaughn looked up and, for a moment, their eyes locked. Standing on either side of the most important woman in both of their lives, an understanding passed between them. Though Vaughn always knew Jack to be the type to fight for his daughter's life at any cost, even that of innocent lives, he saw the same resolution in Jack's eyes that he knew Jack saw in his. They both cared enough for Sydney to know that if and when the time came, they would not prolong her suffering.  
  
"I'll give you some time with her," Vaughn said softly, rising from his seat.  
  
Jack nodded. "I appreciate it." Vaughn nodded back before crossing the room and, with one last lingering look at Sydney, leaving Jack alone with his daughter.

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For the rest of the night, none of them slept. Everyone gathered in Sydney's room in something of a vigil. Aly and Weiss sat at the table by the window while Jack and Vaughn stayed close to Sydney's bed, one on each side. Sometimes they spoke with each other, but mostly they remained silent. Vaughn half expected Sydney to sit up and yell at them for allowing the mood to get so heavy, but he had to believe that she'd understand. They were losing someone they loved, and there was no way to sugarcoat something like that.  
  
Somewhere in the middle of the night, Vaughn found himself watching Sydney's every breath. Once he looked up at Jack only realize he'd been doing the same thing. Aly had said she'd likely be gone by morning, and morning was fast approaching. He wondered every breath if it would be her last. Sometimes a few seconds went by and he didn't see her chest rise. Each time he found himself holding his breath, torn between wanting her to stay with him and wanting to let her go. Each time, though, her chest would rise again, her life hanging on by a thread.  
  
Andrew joined them sometime in the early morning. Vaughn only knew that because the sun hadn't risen yet, but he knew it well past midnight. When he entered the room, everyone looked up at him hopefully, but he just shook his head and told them he hadn't received word yet. Vaughn asked why he'd come there instead of going home to his family. Andrew said that he felt like it was where he belonged. Vaughn took a long look at him, then at Aly, taking a moment to recognize how grateful he was that these people had come into their lives, despite the circumstances. They truly cared for Sydney and had really dedicated themselves to helping her, to helping all of them.  
  
Vaughn could hardly believe that, no matter what happened now, this journey was coming to an end. Granted that life in the CIA was hardly ever predictable, less so when working with a double agent, but he still never imagined his life taking a path like this. Ever since he'd met Sydney, he'd only ever considered the possibilities of working until SD-6 was destroyed or having to watch Sydney go into hiding. It had occurred to him that he would be sent into hiding as well, but only in the most extreme of scenarios. Never would he have imagined cancer entering the picture. He felt as if he still couldn't believe she had been diagnosed at all, let alone that she was laying in the bed before him, comatose and dying.  
  
Thinking back over the last several years and remembering what he'd read and been told about Sydney's life before that, he knew it was surely a miracle she was still alive now. He knew that the majority of people doing what she'd been doing since she was eighteen would meet their end on the job. Even more would die as double agents. But not Sydney. Though Vaughn constantly worried when she was on missions, a part of him had always considered her invincible. Yes, she suffered. Yes, she got injured. Yes, she broke down sometimes. But she always carried on. She never gave up and she never stayed down. That idealism was gone now. Sydney was clearly not invincible. And yet, he found it somewhat comforting that she had not allowed the enemy to take her down. He knew that if she had to die as an agent, she would have wanted it this way.  
  
Vaughn reached out to take her hand in his. Slowly, he brought her unmoving fingers to his lips and held them there. He closed his eyes, allowing a single tear to fall onto their joined hands. He knew, without opening his eyes, that everyone was watching him, but he couldn't care less. Since the day he'd met her, all that had existed in his world was Sydney. It was moments like this that he truly realized, no matter what happened, that was never going to change.  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/N: Okay, I know it was short, but keep in mind that I just posted what I had so far because I didn't want to make you guys wait another week while I was at camp. So since this is shorter than I intended, I'd say there's still either one or two chapters left, I'm not quite sure. Next chapter might very well be the last, we'll see. And I'll get straight to work on it when I'm back from camp, I promise!


	42. Heartbeat

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Before I get on to the chapter, let me just say that my experience with the kids at Camp Sunshine (it's a camp for kids with cancer and their siblings) was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It was truly inspiring and uplifting. If I didn't have a similar camp that required a day of training the week after, I would have definitely stayed there. But hey, this way you get a chapter sooner! We're really down to it now. After this, there's only one more to go. So enjoy! Oh, and I also wanted to thank all those people who shared their stories with me in their reviews. Thank you for being so open and I'm so sorry for all of your losses. It really means a lot to me to know that I'm portraying things accurately and your reviews (and everyone else's of course) mean the world to me. Thanks you!

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Vaughn reached out to take her hand in his. Slowly, he brought her unmoving fingers to his lips and held them there. He closed his eyes, allowing a single tear to fall onto their joined hands. He knew, without opening his eyes, that everyone was watching him, but he couldn't care less. Since the day he'd met her, all that had existed in his world was Sydney. It was moments like this that he truly realized, no matter what happened, that was never going to change.

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Chapter 42: Heartbeat  
  
Vaughn was barely aware of the sun rising in the window behind him. The daily occurrence would have been completely meaningless to him today if it hadn't have meant Sydney, once again, exceeding the expectations Aly had spoken of. She'd made it to morning, and though Vaughn knew that she could still leave them at any time, he felt proud of her accomplishment. Sydney was the kind of person that always set out to prove people wrong, to show anyone who put limitations on her that she could break right through them as if she'd had no idea they were even there. He knew that this was no different. She would've been happy.  
  
Shortly after the sunrise, the room emptied slightly. Andrew relocated to the living room for a while and, at Vaughn's insistence, Weiss went to get Will and Francie. Aly, Jack, and Vaughn remained. Still, no words were spoken. Vaughn felt as if he barely registered the time passing before Weiss returned with Will and Francie. He wanted to curse the time for passing so quickly when it was now more precious that it had ever been. Vaughn moved aside to allow Will and Francie to sit with Sydney for a while. They both talked to her briefly, letting her know that they were there and that they loved her. When Francie began to cry, though, they excused themselves from the room. Vaughn was grateful. The last thing he wanted Sydney to hear as she slipped away was the sound of their tears.  
  
The next few hours, despite the fact that his tired and grieving mind was constantly filled with thoughts, were rather uneventful. Weiss, Andrew, Will, and Francie all remained in the living room, though one would occasionally duck in to check if there were any changes. Vaughn and Jack remained by Sydney's side, refusing to move. At one point, Weiss had tried to convince Vaughn to at least come out and lie down on the couch for a while. The attempt was half-hearted in the first place, both men fully aware that there was no way Vaughn was leaving Sydney's side, but Vaughn still appreciated his friend's concern. He declined the suggestion as politely as he could manage. He was exhausted, but he knew he'd never be able to sleep, knowing that he could wake up to a life without Sydney.  
  
Aly remained in the room, mostly sitting in a chair by the window so she was out of their way, but occasionally checking Sydney's vitals. Each time, she would shake her head to signal that there was no change. None of them were really sure what they were expecting. Any change would either mean a miraculous recovery or death. Either way, it wouldn't be Aly's silent check- ups and gestures that told them of these changes. No one said anything, though, perhaps just so the check-ups could continue to break them from their silent thoughts every once in a while. It was sometime in the early afternoon that Vaughn decided he could no longer take the heavy silence that had lasted for what now seemed like an eternity.  
  
"She'd hate this, you know," Vaughn stated softly to no one in particular. "This vigil we've set up. She'd tell us to get off our asses and do something useful." The room remained silent for a moment, and Vaughn didn't dare look up, fearing that he'd been wrong to break the silence in the first place.  
  
"And yet, if the positions were reversed for any of us, nothing in this world would've torn her away from this bed," Jack said finally.  
  
"You're right," Vaughn agreed, nodding. He paused for a moment, considering. "Do you think she can hear us?"  
  
"Oh, I have no doubt. But from spending time with her these last few weeks, I doubt there's much any of us can say that she doesn't already know," Jack replied.  
  
"I think Agent Bristow's right," Aly chimed in. "The most you can do right now is be here. That's all she'd want."  
  
"Do you think she can feel the energy of everyone here? To know how loved she truly is?" Vaughn questioned, not quite sure how he expected either of them to know the answer.  
  
Aly sighed. "I really hope so," she replied sincerely.  
  
Vaughn turned back to Sydney. His hand still held hers and, through their connection, he felt like he was willing all of his love into her. It was as if he was trying to provide her with the ammunition and strength to get her to wherever she was going. This was one journey that no one could tell him what was needed for. It was her final and greatest mission and he knew she would complete it with grace and dignity, as she had with every other mission she'd ever embarked on. Perhaps if he simply thought of it in that way, a mission she was conquering and would never return from, it would be easier. Someday, he knew, he would embark on the same mission and they would be together again. A weight suddenly lifted from his shoulders and the room felt much lighter. Startled by this sudden feeling, he looked immediately down at Sydney, half-expecting her to have stopped breathing. Her chest rose, though, and Vaughn let out a breath. He knew it was coming soon, and he was ready now. He may struggle for the rest of his life without her, but right now, in this moment, he was prepared to let her go.  
  
He closed his eyes then, squeezing her hand in his. Immediately, the image of her smiling face filled his mind. He saw her sitting next to him and smiling in the sunlight, just as she had on the day he'd unsuccessfully told her the grasshopper joke. She was strong and vibrant and beautiful. When she laughed, her eyes sparkled. Her dimples never disappearing for a moment, she continued to smile at him. She was the most beautiful site he'd ever seen.  
  
Vaughn suddenly became vaguely aware that, outside of this wonderful place he was in, the room around him had burst into commotion.

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Aly had been watching Vaughn for the past few minutes. She'd noticed him grip Sydney's hand more tightly in his as his eyes had slipped shut. She didn't know what it was seeing in his mind, but whatever it was must've been quite powerful. She'd seen a small smile playing across his lips, followed several seconds later by a tear slipping from his closed lids. He appeared to be completely unaware of everything that was going on around him. Aly could only guess that, in his mind, he was saying goodbye to Sydney. Maybe somewhere beyond the world of conscious thought, they were together again for one last time.  
  
Aly nearly jumped out of her chair when the door across the room was suddenly flung open. Weiss immediately stepped into the room in a manner that was completely opposite the tentative one of coming to check on Sydney's status. His face was different too, and his eyes were positively wild. Aly's eyes darted across the room to see Jack's angry looking face and Vaughn's eyes still closed.  
  
"How quickly can we have Sydney ready to go?" Weiss asked quickly.  
  
"What?!" Jack asked angrily. Vaughn's eyes suddenly flew open and he took in the room quickly, seemingly noticing for the first time that was something was happening.  
  
"What's going on?" Vaughn questioned frantically, his eyes darting from Jack to Aly to Weiss.  
  
Andrew suddenly appeared in the door behind Weiss. He was talking on his phone and said a hurried "thank you" and "goodbye" before folding it shut. His eyes looked as wild as Weiss's, but when he looked at each of the occupants in the room, he actually smiled.  
  
"We did it," he said simply, disbelievingly.  
  
"Will one of you please explain yourselves?" Jack demanded.  
  
"I was just contacted by the lead member of the committee. They came to their decision this afternoon. Kendall and the hospital have already been contacted and everything's in place already. An ambulance will be here in fifteen minutes to transfer Sydney," Andrew explained.  
  
Vaughn's heartbeat doubled suddenly. He wasn't sure if he was even hearing Andrew correctly. "You mean... they're going to administer the solution?" He asked softly, afraid he might be mistaken.  
  
"Yes, I mean it's hers. This isn't over yet as long as she can keep fighting just a bit longer," Andrew replied.  
  
The room suddenly fell into complete silence, everyone trying to absorb the shock that filled their minds.  
  
It's not over, was all Vaughn could think.  
  
Finally, Jack snapped into action and started barking orders at everyone. "Dr. Bentz, you get Sydney prepared for transfer. Hook her up to whatever portable devices she may need. Vaughn, you help her. Agent Daggett, call Kendall and find out everything he knows. Weiss, go speak to Sydney's friends and explain what's going on. See if they'd like to accompany us to the hospital. I'll go pull my car up front so that we can follow the ambulance to the hospital."  
  
Everyone nodded and then quickly sprang into action. Jack, Weiss, and Andrew all quickly exited the room. Vaughn could hear the commotion in the living room, but he ignored it. He turned, instead, to Aly who was now standing on the other side of Sydney's bed and removing an IV from her arm.  
  
"What do you need me to do?" He asked.  
  
"I can handle it. You just sit with her, tell her what's going on. Tell her to keep hanging in there. If anyone can get through to her now, it's you," she replied.  
  
Vaughn looked at her, surprised. "Thank you," he said softly. She nodded before setting back to work.  
  
Vaughn looked back down at Sydney, realizing that even in all the craziness, he still hadn't let go of her hand. "Hey, Syd, it's me... We did it, Syd. The committee voted in our favor. We're getting you ready right now to go to the hospital where they'll give you the solution. You hear that? You might just pull through this after all. If you can just hang on a little bit longer, the solution's all yours. Maybe by tonight, you'll be awake and talking again. Maybe by tonight, you'll be healthy and expected to live for a long time," Vaughn paused, what he was saying starting to actually sink in. Tears rose to his eyes and he forced himself to take a deep breath.  
  
"Just a little bit longer, Syd. I promise. Then this could all be over."

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Within ten minutes of hearing the news, everything had been taken care of. Sydney was on portable oxygen and IV and Vaughn had moved her from under the covers so that she laid on top, waiting to be transferred to the gurney when it arrived. Jack had pulled the car up front and it now waited to follow the ambulance. Will and Francie had insisted upon joining the group at the hospital. Though Francie was somewhat confused, Will and Weiss had apparently explained enough for her to understand that this was Sydney's one and only chance of living. Andrew had spoken to Kendall and had reported to them what was going to happen once they arrived at the hospital. Sydney would be taken to isolation where the solution would be administered through IV. They would keep her in isolation until they saw signs of improvement and then they would allow her to have visitors. Assuming all of this occurred, they would continue to observe her and make any further decisions from there.  
  
The ambulance arrived right on time and they quickly loaded Sydney onto the gurney and proceeded to the elevator. Everyone else followed on the stairs and met the paramedics out front as they were loading Sydney into the ambulance. When they were finished, one of them proceeded to the driver's seat while the other turned to them  
  
"Dr. Bentz, since you're familiar with Agent Bristow's case, you should probably come with us. If you'd all like, we can take one more person along with us. That's all we can fit," the medic explained. Jack and Vaughn both turned to each other at the same time, their eyes instantly locking.  
  
"Jack, you should go. You're her father and her only relative. I can follow in the car," Vaughn offered, though his heart was screaming at him to just jump into the ambulance and speed off before anyone could argue.  
  
"No, I'll take the car. She'd want it to be you," Jack replied solemnly, surprising Vaughn.  
  
"Are you sure?" Vaughn asked, praying he'd say yes.  
  
"Just take care of my daughter, Agent Vaughn. We'll meet you there." And before Vaughn had a chance to argue, Jack had walked toward his car and climbed into the drivers seat, causing everyone else to snap into action and follow. With one last glance at the man he was suddenly so grateful to, Vaughn turned and climbed into the ambulance behind Aly.  
  
Vaughn quickly squeezed in beside Sydney and took her hand in his so that she would know he was still there. The ambulance jerked a little and began to move. He glanced out the small window in the back and saw Jack following close behind. Vaughn then looked across the small space and saw the paramedic hooking Sydney up to a heart-monitor. The sound it soon emitted was slow, nearly twice as slow as the pounding in his own chest. Vaughn prayed that Jack had been right, that she could hear them, and she was somehow aware of what was happening. Vaughn had told her so many times that she should let go when she was ready, that he wouldn't ask her to hold on for him. How suddenly everything had changed. Just twenty minutes ago, he was fully prepared for her suffering to end in the form of death. Now, he prayed it would end with life.  
  
"Her breathing's getting shallow. We'll have to intubate as soon as we arrive at the hospital," the medic commented.  
  
"How much longer?" Aly asked.  
  
"About five minutes."  
  
Vaughn squeezed Sydney's hand. In five more minutes, she would be taken away from him. He would have to leave her side for the first time in days. The only thing that helped Vaughn deal with that fact was knowing that when they were reunited, she could be awake. She could be talking and laughing again. She could be cured. And then everything would be okay.  
  
Everyone in the ambulance seemed to jump when a loud whine suddenly filled the small space. Vaughn's heart nearly skipped a beat when he realized that the whine was being emitted from the heart-monitor on which he saw a long, flat line. His fogged mind took a second to register what it all meant.  
  
Sydney's heart had stopped.  
  
"Is she a DNR?" The medic shouted over the noise, already reaching for the defibrillator.  
  
"Unofficially, but there was never any paperwork," Aly replied quickly. Both of them suddenly turned to Vaughn.  
  
"Listen to me," Aly said to him firmly, getting his attention. "You need to decide right now what Sydney would want. You know her best, you'd know better than us what she would want. But you need to decide right now."  
  
Vaughn looked frantically from Aly to Sydney. Would she want them to let her go or would she want to keep fighting? And suddenly it struck him. Sydney had never given up or let go of anything in her entire life. Sydney was a fighter. He had his answer.  
  
"Do it. Get her back," Vaughn said simply. Aly nodded and the medic took the paddles and pressed them to her chest.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
To be continued...  
  
A/N: Haha, I know I'm cruel. But I'm starting the next (and final) chapter immediately, so hopefully I'll get it posted soon. I'll try not to leave you on the edge of your seats for too long lol. Summer's been pretty slow so far since I got back from camp, so that should leave me with some time to finish this up. So let me know what you think!


	43. The End and the Beginning

Title: This Tear  
  
Author: SydGillyKC  
  
Author's Note: Wow, the final chapter! I can't believe it! I've been working on this story for more than 18 months now and it's really spanned a very important time of my life. I just want to thank everyone who's read and reviewed, especially those of you who have been reading from the beginning. This is the first story (out of many written) that I've ever posted for feedback so you guys have really meant the world to me. I hope the ending doesn't disappoint. I just wrote what I felt was the way it should end. And make sure to read the author's note at the end for something important. Hope you enjoy!  
  
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Vaughn looked frantically from Aly to Sydney. Would she want them to let her go or would she want to keep fighting? And suddenly it struck him. Sydney had never given up or let go of anything in her entire life. Sydney was a fighter. He had his answer.  
  
"Do it. Get her back," Vaughn said simply. Aly nodded and the medic took the paddles and pressed them to her chest.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
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Chapter 43: The End... And the Beginning  
  
Vaughn watched in horror as Sydney's body jerked under the paddles. The line on the monitor jumped with her body, but returned to the flat line it had previously been. Vaughn's heart felt like it was literally stopping with Sydney's. They'd come this far... it seemed wrong that it would end this way.  
  
"I'll give her an amp of EPI. Charge again!" Aly ordered as Vaughn saw her drawing liquid into a needle. Vaughn looked back down at Sydney, finding it easier to focus on her face than on the chaos going on around him. He suddenly realized that in all the commotion, he still hadn't let go of her hand. He squeezed it tightly.  
  
"Please don't leave me, Syd. Please," he begged quietly.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
Again, there was a jump in the line. Again, it soon became flat.  
  
_"My guardian angel."_  
  
"Go again! Charge 300!" "They're playing the Islanders next week. We should go."  
  
"Clear!"  
  
_"When I saw you behind that door, I swear to God, I thought you were dead."_  
  
Jump. Flat.  
  
_"Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug."  
_  
"Again! Another amp of EPI!"  
  
_"Seriously. Don't explain."_  
  
"Clear!"  
  
_"Me too."  
_  
Jump. And then it started beeping.  
  
Vaughn's head jerked up to look at the monitor. There, he saw a steady pattern of spikes.  
  
"We got her back," Aly said, obviously relieved. The medic set down the paddles and proceeded to check Sydney's blood pressure. Aly looked up at Vaughn. "She's one hell of a fighter."  
  
Vaughn couldn't help but smile. "You have no idea."  
  
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They arrived at the hospital several minutes later and were quickly brought in through the emergency exit. They proceeded up to the third floor immediately, where the medic explained that Sydney would be put on a respirator and treated in isolation. Vaughn jogged to keep up with Aly and the medic as they pulled the gurney through the halls. He still clutched Sydney's hand and refused to take his eyes from her face. Finally he felt them slow down and come to a stop. He glanced up and noticed that they were a few feet in front of set of doors. Behind him, he noticed a waiting room. The look on Aly's face only served to confirm what he had already guessed.  
  
This was where he and Sydney had to part.  
  
"Jack and the others know to meet you up here. Once they arrive, you'll be taken to a private waiting room where you can talk freely. I'll observe Sydney's treatment and I'll come update you whenever I can. As soon as we know anything, you'll know," Aly assured him.  
  
Vaughn nodded. "Thank you." He turned his attention back to Sydney for what he knew might be the last time. He tried frantically to blink his tears back as he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. He backed away a little, brushing the hair away from her face. A single tear managed to escape from his eye and fall onto her skin. He quickly brushed it away with his fingers. "I'll see you soon," he whispered into her ear. "I love you."  
  
He backed away slowly and nodded at Aly. She gave him a sympathetic look and reached out to grasp his hand briefly. She then turned to the medic and nodded her permission. Together they pushed the gurney through the set of doors, which quickly swung shut behind them, leaving Vaughn alone.  
  
He took a deep breath and somehow staggered to the area of chairs to wait for the others.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Two hours later, they all sat in silence in the private waiting room. The atmosphere and mood in the room reminded Vaughn of the vigil that had, only hours ago, been set up by Sydney's bedside. They rarely spoke to each other, though Vaughn found himself meeting eyes with each person in the room every couple of minutes. He knew they were in as much agony right now as he was. He could never remember waiting being this difficult. Then again, there had never previously been a situation in his life where so much was at stake.  
  
He took a minute to look around at everyone in the room. Will and Francie now gripped each other's hands. Francie still had dried tear-tracks on her face, though her crying had subsided for the moment. She looked blankly at the ground. Will sat next to her, hunched over. His chin rested in his hand and his eyes were slightly red-rimmed. Vaughn suddenly realized how crazy it must have been for them to be thrown into this chaos so suddenly. Not long ago, they knew nothing of Sydney's life except that she was in hiding. They had every reason to hope that some time would pass and life would eventually return back to normal. They'd had no idea of what would come to them with Sydney's return. And now here they were, waiting in the silent agony that most of them had had months to grow accustomed to.  
  
Aly sat beside Will. She had rejoined them while the solution was being administered. Afterward, she explained that she would go back and forth to monitor Sydney's progress with the doctors. Her hands were clasped in her lap and she stared down at them now, hiding her face from the others. Like Will and Francie, she had been thrown very suddenly into their world. The difference was that she'd never previously known the woman that world revolved around. She'd never known Sydney as a strong, vibrant, and incredibly valuable double agent. From the moment she met Sydney, she had known that Sydney was dying. She hadn't dealt with the unbearable news the way the rest of them had. She had, nonetheless, become a part of their world. And there was no denying that she'd come to care for Sydney, for all of them. She'd been a true friend and confidante. Vaughn only prayed that she would soon have the chance to get to know Sydney the way the rest of them had come to know and love her.  
  
Beside Aly sat Weiss who sat far back in his chair, leaning against the wall behind him. His eyes were closed, but Vaughn knew he wasn't asleep. Every couple of minutes, Vaughn heard him take a deep breath and release the air in a sigh. Vaughn knew he was trying to calm his nerves. Beside him and Sydney, Weiss was the only one who'd been through the entire journey since they went into hiding. He'd experienced nearly everything that Vaughn had. Though Vaughn was aware that Weiss and Sydney hadn't been particularly close before the time the three of them spent in hiding, he also saw that they'd grown to become good friends. Weiss had confided in Vaughn that he cared very much for Sydney, even if it wasn't in the same way that Vaughn did. Seeing him now, the sweat beads that now formed on his forehead, Vaughn knew he'd been speaking the truth.  
  
Between Weiss and Vaughn sat Jack, who now stared upward at the clock on the opposite wall. His face was the emotionless mask that Vaughn had grown so used to over the past few years. His eyes gave him away, though. They were fearful and wary as they watched the seconds tick by on the plastic clock. His fingers were laced together tightly enough so that Vaughn could see the whiteness in his hands. Vaughn couldn't help but wonder if in some discreet and unique way, Jack were praying. Vaughn would never have pinned him for a religious man and still wouldn't, but he knew better than anyone the lengths that Jack would go for his daughter. After he'd run out of people to point a gun at and connections he could use, perhaps he would be desperate enough to turn to prayer. Maybe that really was the only thing that could save Sydney now. Maybe that was all any of them had left in them.  
  
And then Vaughn thought of himself, sitting and examining everyone else in the room. Dare he turn the inspection inward? He didn't think he could express the thousands of thoughts running through his mind even if he wanted to. This may very well be the most important day in his entire life. If the solution failed, Vaughn knew it would likely be the last day that he and Sydney would ever be together again. If it succeeded... it would be the beginning of the rest of their lives. Vaughn was completely aware that no matter the outcome, he would never meet another woman like Sydney during the course of his lifetime. No matter how many years he had left in his life, he knew that if Sydney passed away today, he would spend every day afterward looking back on the time he'd spent with the woman who was undoubtedly the love of his life.  
  
The door to their small waiting room opened suddenly. Everyone in the room looked up anxiously. A doctor stepped inside, and Vaughn assumed it was the same doctor Aly had said she met previously. This was the man in charge of Sydney's treatment now. This was the man who held so much in his hands. The expression on his face unreadable. Everyone remained silent, waiting for him to speak.  
  
"They'd administered the solution and they're monitoring her in isolation now. There's no change yet, but she's hanging in there. So for now, we're just going to wait," The doctor explained to them. He looked sympathetically and encouragingly at each of them before ducking back out of the room. Aly nodded at them before getting up and following the doctor out of the room.  
  
And then the room returned to silent anticipation.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Three hours crept by in silence. Three hours that every member of the room would only remember as a blur when they reflected back on it. But during those hours, every thought and memory was incredibly vivid for those six people. Vaughn felt as if he'd never been more present in his own life as he was in those painful hours. He wasn't even sure if he truly knew what that meant, but he was certain that it was the truth. And he had a feeling that everyone else was experiencing that same elusive feeling.  
  
After those three hours passed, Aly re-entered the room and received the identical reaction the other doctor had gotten previously. She told them that Sydney had just returned from x-rays and that they would have the results of those shortly. She told them she would be back to talk with them as soon as she knew anything.  
  
At 1:13 that afternoon, the results of the x-rays revealed that the tumors in Sydney's brain and back had shrunk.  
  
At 2:25, a bone marrow aspiration done on Sydney came back negative for the presence of cancerous cells.  
  
At 3:04, a repeat x-ray revealed that the tumor in Sydney's back had seemingly vanished, but that the one in her brain, although shrunken, still remained.  
  
At 5:09, Sydney's vital signs indicated that her coma had lifted, though she was kept sedated to allow the Rambaldi solution to run its course.  
  
At 6:19, Sydney was extubated to find that she was breathing well on her own.  
  
At 7:12, another x-ray was taken to show that the tumor in Sydney's brain remained.  
  
At 7:18, a cafeteria-worker arrived in the waiting room, informing them that he'd been asked to bring some food up for the six of them. He set down a tray of plastic-wrapped sandwiches, pre-made salads, and chips. They thanked him before he left. No one made a move to touch the food.  
  
At 8:09, Aly returned to the waiting room and told them painfully of the doctor's concern that there may not have been enough fluid. Every trace of cancer had disappeared except for the tumor in her brain. Basically, Aly explained that she was in the exact condition she was in over a year ago when she was diagnosed. She told them that if there were no further change, Sydney still wouldn't survive. If she endured the same treatments all over again, she would probably live another year. Basically, they would all be at square one as if none of this had ever happened. As much as Vaughn longed for even one more year with Sydney, he didn't think any of them had it in them to endure this all over again. Though it made him physically sick to do so, he prayed to God to take her rather than leave her to such painful fate.  
  
At 8:51, Aly explained that they were going to perform one more x-ray. If there were no change, her doctors had agreed that the best thing would be to perform surgery in order to explore her tumor to determine if it had the same properties as before. That way, everyone could be better informed to plan the next course of action.  
  
At 9:21, Aly returned, tears in her eyes. Vaughn's heart froze, waiting for her to speak. She took a deep breath before looking directly at Jack, then at him.  
  
"It's gone. The tumor's gone."  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
An hour after they'd discovered her tumor was gone, Sydney's doctors agreed to remove the order for sedatives. There was not a trace of cancer anywhere in her body. She was officially in remission. Everyone involved in the case would forever refer to it as a miracle. Everyone who knew Sydney wouldn't dare call it such a thing. Miracle or not, she would soon wake up to a world where she would be healthy again. To a world where she would be expected to live for a very long time.  
  
Her doctors had agreed to allow the six people who had waited nearly twelve hours the chance to finally see the woman they all cared about so much. As a precaution, though, only one person would be allowed in with her at a time. Again, Vaughn had assumed that Jack would want to be the one, as her only present family member. Again, Jack insisted that Sydney would want Vaughn to be the first one by her side. Vaughn shook his hand in thanks before turning to follow Aly to isolation.  
  
"Agent Vaughn," Jack called, halting them. Vaughn turned around. "Do me a favor."  
  
"Of course," Vaughn replied.  
  
"Stay with her until she's awake. Tell her the good news. Then come get us," Jack requested.  
  
Vaughn stared at Jack for a minute, surprised. He suddenly felt extreme empathy and gratitude toward the man in front of him. Together, in this waiting room, it became apparent how similar their interests really were- perhaps for the first time. Unable to speak, Vaughn simply nodded. Jack nodded back. Vaughn turned and, for the first time in nearly twelve hours, exited the small waiting room.  
  
Aly led him through the same set of doors that he'd had to part with Sydney at before... before, when he didn't know if he'd ever see her again. She led him down a hallway and then turned down another short hallway before reaching a large, metal door. She swiped a card through a small slot on the side and the door unlocked. She opened it and allowed Vaughn to enter first. Vaughn found himself in a fairly large room with a computer, several other medical devices, and a rack of various protective coverings to protect against germs. Across the room, he saw several doctors examining different x-rays on the lighted board. A few of them turned when they heard Vaughn and Aly enter.  
  
"This is Agent Vaughn. He'd like to go in and sit with Agent Bristow. Should he suit up or do we think she's out of the woods?" Aly asked, now standing beside Vaughn.  
  
"No, I think it'd be fine if he just went in as is," one of the doctors replied.  
  
"Okay, thanks," Aly replied. She motioned for Vaughn to follow her and she led him across the room, a few feet away from the doctors where he saw a set of automatic glass doors. Once he was close enough, Vaughn noticed that there was yet another set through the first. And through those, he saw Sydney.  
  
She was lying on her back on a bed in the middle of the small room. Her eyes were closed and a nasal canula sat under her nose, but Vaughn could already tell that she had some color back in her face. He couldn't believe how quickly this was all happening. He suddenly felt panicked, as if he needed to step back from the whole thing and take a deep breath, to assure himself that this wasn't simply a dream.  
  
Aly must have noticed. "Are you okay?" She questioned.  
  
"It just doesn't feel real," he replied softly.  
  
"I know. It's a lot to deal with in a short time. I bet it was the same when she told you she was sick. But you know what? This time it's good news," Aly assured him. "And it is very real."  
  
Vaughn nodded, realizing that she was right. He knew that as soon as he stepped into that room and resumed his familiar position at Sydney's side, it meant the end of this journey, this journey that he'd been on with Sydney for over a year... but it also meant the beginning of the rest of their lives. Their life together.  
  
"Ready?" Aly asked.  
  
Vaughn nodded. Aly reached over and pressed a button on the side of the door. The doors slid open and Vaughn proceeded into the small room between the two sets of doors. As soon as the first set slid shut behind him, the second opened, allowing him access to Sydney's room. He slowly made his way to the side of her bed, where a chair conveniently sat. He dropped into it, forcing himself to take deep breaths as he looked at Sydney. Only now did he realize how much he'd expected never to see her again. Now that she was here in front of him, breathing on her own, sleeping peacefully, he was certain he'd never see a more beautiful site in his entire life.  
  
He felt hot tears begin to stream down his face as he took her hand in his. With his other hand, he reached out to touch her face, running his fingers lightly across her forehead and then the side of her face. He soon took her hand in both of his and brought his forehead down to rest on their joined hands. His eyes slipped shut as he silently thanked whoever it was that had brought her back to him. He remained like that, repeating his silent prayer several times.  
  
"Vaughn."  
  
Vaughn's inhaled sharply, his eyes snapping open. The whisper had been so soft, he was afraid he'd imagined it. He took a deep breath before raising his head.  
  
Sydney was awake.  
  
She looked at him through heavy lids, her head now turned slightly to the side. Despite the tears still streaming down his cheeks, his face automatically lit up in a smile. He'd never been happier to see those beautiful brown eyes looking up at him.  
  
"Hey," Vaughn finally managed. Sydney looked up at him questioningly.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice soft and scratchy from being intubated earlier.  
  
Vaughn's smile grew as he looked down at her. "Nothing's wrong. Nothing at all," he replied with a short, disbelieving laugh.  
  
Sydney's eyes traveled the room suddenly, realizing for the first time that she wasn't in Malibu anymore. "Where are we?"  
  
"We're at the hospital, Syd. You've been out for a couple of days," Vaughn replied. Sydney's eyes abruptly stopped searching and she looked at him, shocked.  
  
"Coma?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah," he replied, still slightly choked up.  
  
"The solution," she whispered as she realized what had taken place. She took a shaky breath. "Did it work?"  
  
Vaughn nodded slowly. "It worked."  
  
Sydney closed her eyes and let out a breath, tears beginning to spill down her cheeks as well. "Oh my God," she whispered.  
  
Vaughn reached out, brushing her tears away with his fingers. She opened her eyes and looked at him. A million things passed between them in one instant. "The cancer's really gone?" She asked, needing the assurance.  
  
"You are 100% cancer-free and officially in remission," Vaughn replied.  
  
"It's over?" She asked as he laced her fingers through his.  
  
He shook his head. "It's not over... it's just beginning," he replied, smiling. She smiled back with as much energy as she had in her. He leaned down and kissed her softly, holding his lips to hers for a few seconds before moving up to brush his lips against her forehead. He then backed away so that he was only inches away from her face.  
  
She smiled at him, reaching up to brush the hair away from his forehead. "I love you," she whispered.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
They spent almost a full minute just looking at each other, taking everything in, before Sydney's hand fell back to her side, her body still weakened from her long battle. A battle she'd finally won.  
  
"Get some rest," he told her. "We'll have plenty of time to talk later."  
  
"All the time in the world," she whispered, still smiling.  
  
"All the time in the world," Vaughn repeated as her eyes slipped shut.  
  
And Vaughn would never take a single second of that time for granted again.  
  
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Sydney was released from the hospital a week later and was ordered to take it easy and allow her body to recover for the next several weeks. She moved back into her house with Will and Francie, who doted on her every second for the weeks that she was recovering. Vaughn also spent every night of those couple of weeks at Sydney's house, still reluctant to leave her side so soon after he'd gotten her back. The house became a flurry of visitors, everyone wanting to see for themselves that Sydney was really okay. One by one they came and shared in the celebration.  
  
Before they knew it, Sydney was fully recovered and eager to go back to work. Now that SD-6 was gone, she was to become a full-time field agent for the CIA. When she'd returned from the hospital, Vaughn had broken the news to her about Sloane's escape. He'd expected her to be angry for not telling her, but she told him that she understood. She told him that, given everything that had happened the last few weeks, she felt grateful that she'd even been allowed to live to pursue him. She assured him she was not going to dwell on the fact that he was on the loose. She'd been given a second chance at life. Vaughn knew she wasn't going to waste that chance obsessing over the past, over things she couldn't change. That wasn't Sydney. Instead, she was going to fight for what mattered. She was going to fight for her future.  
  
On the morning that Sydney was to return to work, Vaughn was surprised to wake up alone. He immediately began to panic, rushing into the living room to find Will and Francie sitting on the couch and drinking coffee. They immediately looked up and saw the frightened look on his face.  
  
"Calm down, she's okay. She just went for a run. She said she needed to clear her head. She said something about needing to see the bank, to convince herself that everything was real," Francie explained. Vaughn let out a deep breath, relieved, before nodding.  
  
"Thanks," he said, turning and heading back to Sydney's room. He quickly changed into a suit and gathered everything he needed for work. He said goodbye to Will and Francie and headed out to his car.  
  
He arrived at Credit Dauphine shortly and parked his car in the garage. The entire bank had been closed after the takedown, but there was a team still investigating the building, so his car wasn't the only one there. He proceeded to the front door, where he presented his badge to the guard. He was allowed entry and walked to the elevators, imagining Sydney walking this same path every day for nearly a decade. He reached the elevators and called one, pressing the down button. The door opened immediately and he stepped inside. The normally hidden buttons were now revealed, the panel that usually covered them having been removed after the takedown. He pressed the button for sub-level 6 and felt the elevator begin to descend. When the doors opened, he proceeded through the white room and through the doorway whose actual door had been removed.  
  
He found himself inside the nearly demolished offices of SD-6. He quickly took in the lights on the ground, the holes in the wall and the floor. He smiled to himself, realizing suddenly why Sydney had needed to come here today. Seeing it now, falling apart and filled with CIA agents, gave Vaughn a definite sense of closure. With Sydney so sick during the actual takedown, it had been hard to celebrate the fact that they'd achieved the goal they'd been working toward for years. Now, it was all too easy to celebrate it. There was only one thing missing.  
  
He searched the room, the groups of agents, until he saw her in the middle of the spacious room, facing away from him. She was wearing a red tank-top and track pants. Her hair was French-braid. Though Vaughn couldn't see her front, he could almost picture her, standing there with arms folded and her eyes searching the room in disbelief. He smiled to himself before taking a few steps toward her.  
  
"They told me you were here," he said, causing her to turn. She smiled brightly at him. His heart skipped a beat the way it always did lately, seeing her looking so beautiful... so healthy.  
  
"I couldn't sleep. I went for a run. I ended up here," she told him.  
  
"I was worried when you weren't there this morning."  
  
"I'm sorry-" she began, but he waved his hand, cutting her off.  
  
"Don't be. It'll just take some time to get used to," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I know," Sydney said, nodding in understanding. She looked at him for a moment, this amazing man standing in front of her. She suddenly felt like the luckiest woman in the world. In a way, she realized, she was. Not many people got a second chance at life once they were at death's door. And not many people had someone as amazing like this waiting for them when they came back.  
  
She smiled at him again. "I was thinking," she began, "I can actually go to the CIA through the front door."  
  
"And I can actually give you a ride."  
  
She nodded as they continued to smile at each other.  
  
And suddenly, Vaughn felt the world tip right back into place.  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: Okay, so if you didn't get it, everything picked right back up (with the few modifications I made) at "Double Agent." And that's what you'll need to know for, that's right, the sequel! I've been planning a sequel for several months now, but I didn't want to say anything until the story was over because I didn't want to give away that she was going to live. I hope that made most of you happy. I hope you were satisfied with the ending. But be warned, the sequel is going to be ten times angstier and more depressing hahaha. I'll hopefully get a chapter of that done soon and I'll send out PMs. And thank you EVERYONE for reading and sticking with this unbelievably long and crazy story. I really hope I didn't disappoint. And I hope you'll all stick around for the sequel! 


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